Interviewer: Tell me the opposite of Good
Akpors: Bad
Interviewer: Come
Akpors: Go
Interviewer: Ugly
Akpors: Fine
Interviewer: You are wrong!
Akpors: you are right!
Interviewer: Shut up!
Akpors: Keep talking!
Interviewer: Ok,now stop all that.
Akpors: Ok,now carry on all that.
Interviewer: Get out!
Akpors: Come in!
Interviewer: Oh,my God!
Akpors: Oh,my Devil!
Interviewer: You are Rejected!
Akpors: I’m selected!

Great Akpos

Nice one

Akpos who was an aeroplane
cleaner was cleaning the pilot's
cockpit and saw a book entitled,
“How to fly an aeroplane for
beginners, Vol. 1 ". He opened the
first page which said; "To start
the engine, press the red button".
He did so and the airplane engine
started!
He was pleased and opened the
next page, "To set airplane
moving, press blue button". He
did so and the plane started
moving at an amazing speed!
He wanted to fly, he opened the
3rd page which said; "To let
airplane fly, please press the
green button". He did so and the
plane started flying!!!
He was so happy After 20
minutes of flying, he was satisfied
and wanted to land. He opened to
the 4th page. The 4th page said,
"To learn how to land a plane,
please watch out for Volume
2." !!!

Akpors in Court.

Judge: You are been charged for having an affair with another man's wife, how do you plead?

Akpors: Not Guilty, My lord
Judge: But here are video and picture evidence with me, how come you're not guilty?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Akpors: Because Love is not a crime my Lord.

Akpos' First day in a new
Secondary
School.
Teacher: There will be an
elementary
science test
next week. Contrary to his nature,
Akpos reads his book from cover
to cover like no man's
business.
On test day, teacher lines up
about 5
birds,
covering each with a piece of
cloth so
only their legs are visible.
Question 1: Looking at the leg of a
bird
write down
its' common name, species, family,
zoological
name, habitat etc. After about
20mins of frustration and
not writing
down anything, Akpos storms to
the
teacher's
desk and slams his blank sheet in
front
of the teacher.
'Sir, this test makes no sense! I am
going
home!'
Teacher: What a rude boy! Come
back
here. What
is your name?
Akpos raises his
trouser and points to
his leg: 'Oya
u too, look my leg na, tell me my
name,
my
surname, where I dey live, which
tribe I
come from

I read all your jokes until this point and it made my day!!

Thanks Pal...

Akpos sits next to a girl
on a table in the hotel
Akpos: hello madam?
Lady : what is it?
Akpos : sorry madam ,
just wanted to ask what the time is on your watch?
Lady: ehee ...now you
think my watch is used as a public clock
huh?
Go away and stop
wasting my time
Akpos : but madam
Lady :shut up!!! *
Akpos takes out his
Apple glassy phone and makes a call.
Akpos :hello John, I just settled from Washington D.C.
Please can you please tell me what time it is right now so that i set
my clock to the local
time since it still reads American time?
*she listens*
ok thank you and today
don't forget to come for
the galaxy tablet that you
requested.
* she listens*
since my girl is still in America bring me
a beautiful girl to spend
my money with tonight?
Ok bye.
Lady : sir the time is ..
Akpos : shut up, we talking money here u talking, nonsense

HOW MANY LIKES and SHARE FOR AKPOS ?

Akpos went to USA and had a 1 on 1 meeting with OBAMA

OBAMA : I want to show you how much advanced we are.
Come with me, He takes him to a forest. OBAMA : Dig the ground. Akpos did it. OBAMA : More….More… More …
Akpos went up to 100 Feet.

OBAMA: So now, try to search for something.

Akpos : I got a Wire.
OBAMA: You know, it shows that even 100 years ago we
used to have telephones.

Akpos became frustrated. He invited OBAMA to Nigeria. That year, OBAMA visited Nigeria.

Akpos : I want to show you our advancement. He takes OBAMA to a forest.

Akpos : Dig it... obama does. Akpos: More….More… More…… OBAMA goes upto almost 400 feet.

Akpos :Try to find something. OBAMA tried. Akpos : Did you get anything?

OBAMA: No, there is nothing here.

Akpos: you know, it shows that even 400 years ago, we
used to have WIRELESS mobile.

AKPORS DICTIONARY DEFINITION
-Stupidity is when a man sleeps
with c0untless
Ladies with0ut c0nd0ms but still
carries his 0wn
clipper to the barber’s sh0p .
-RACISM is when a white BB Bold
6 cost more than a
black BBBold 6.
-NEMESIS is when you submit your
answer sheet
with your expo inside.
-A WITCH is that girl that eats
nkwobi, fish pepper
soup, shawama, suya, chicken,
smirnoff, fayrous &
when you take her home she says
sorry I’m on my
period.
-OVERSABI is when you are eating
salad with a girl &
she says ‘honey, this food no
done’.
-OLODO is when you are in a plane
with a guy & he
says ‘honey I’m hot, can you
please roll down the
glass’
-STINGYNESS is when you finish
reading this and you
refuse to like & share

Akpos: hello who dey call?
Jennifa: it's me Jennifa!
Akpos: Jenni Babe! U remember
my side today?
Jennifa: u know that I'm the
caring type but school wouldn't
allow me visit u. Where are u? And
what are u doing?
Akpos: I dey chill for town! I dey
on BB right now!
Jennifa: u are a bigger boy now
Oooooh!
Akpos: na the levels be that!
Always on BB level
Jennifa: Do u know what Today's
date is?
Akpos: not at all!
Jennifa: U are not caring at all!
U've forgotten thattoday is my
Birthday!
Akpos: I dey sorry Jenni! Na wetin
make u call me be that?
Jennifa: just want to invite u over
to my hostel to make my day!
Akpos: that one na small thing na!
Jennifa: Ehen! Get me something
special Oooh!
Akpos: like wetin?
Jennifa: I want to be on BB also!
Akpos: that one na small level for
me to arrange! AFTER 3 Hours
Akpos Arrived with a brown
paper bag with 4 corner shape!
Jennifa: JEZZZZ!!! I guess it's
Bold5!
Akpos: shey na becos of BB u dey
shout like this? She gave Akpos
everything he wanted! AFTER
EVERYTHING-
Akpos: Jenni Babe! I wan move!
Take ur BB
Jennifa: let me see u off fast, can't
wait to see my BB!
AFTER 10 Minutes Akpos Phone
Rings-
Clara: hello Mr Akpos, ur Gal friend
fainted just now after opening a
brown paper bag that contains
Bread and Beans
Akpos: Na still BB na!
Hit Like if u understand

;Dstill laughing.nice one bro,keep it up

My Man...diz is really hilarious...af laft awt ma nerves..thumb up bro..

Akpors visited his friend
johnny, he
met him and called his
wife to
serve them drinks,
when the wife
is done with the serving
she sat
down right opposite
Akpors with
her legs open, Akpors
could not
control himself so he
enjoyed the
show, when johnny
went inside
the house, johnny's
wife said to
Akpors, do you like
what you see ?
Akpors said YES, the
wife said , you
can have it,but it will
only cost you
N10,000, and Akpors
agreed,so they
Agreed to meet at
12pm the next day
when the husband will
be at
work, so the next day
akpors came
over at the exact time
and they
enjoyed themselves,and
he paid
her, when johnny came
back this
is what went on
JOHNNY: honey was
akpors here
today?
WIFE: [UNEASY] yes
JOHNNY : at 12pm right ?
WIFE : [ALMOST
FAINTING ] yes,
JOHNNY : OHH akpos my
good
friend always keeping
time ...
WIFE : Honey why do
you ask ?
JOHNNY : he came over
to my
office this morning and
borrowed
me N10,000 promising
to bring it
back to you at the
house by
12pm, so did he bring
it ?
The wife FAINTED

A Drunk 18yrs old boy
asked a married woman
out, d woman got
pissed, & told her
husband akpors d
scenario. Akpors told
d wife to invite d boy
over so that he could
beat the hell out of him,
he
would hide under d bed
and wait 4 the boy.
D
wife did as akpors
requested.
When d boy got
there he kissed d
woman & took off his
T-
shirt & his body was full
of scars
so d woman
asked "why so many
scars"
d boy replied"I like to
lay with married women
& usually I get caught
so
I kill their husbands,
If someone shows up
now he'll be No.20 on ma
murder
list"
the boy continued
kissing d woman & d
woman tried to reach
out to akpors
under d
bed & a small voice
came up and said
"If u tell him am
here, u'll see.
LWKMD

AKPORs APPLICATION
LETTER:
Dear sir, i hereby apply
for the post of
replacement of
manager, becos i'm
aware of his death and
everytime i went to any
company they will say
no vacancy including
your company but to
proof that their is
vacancy in your
company now i even
attended the man burial
so you have no excuse
this time around i have
caught you red handed.
Am expecting your
invitation letter soon.
Bye

Emeka: U be fool, u no
sabi nothing.
Akpos: Ahhh...hab guy
Emeka: Na so. I fit prove
am sef. If na night and
u see 2 light for road, na
wetin be dat?
Akpos: Na moto.
Emeka: Ehenh, but wish
kind? Benz? Peugeot? or
Lexus?
Akpos: I no know dat 1
oh
Emeka: U see am.
Anyway, second proof.
Na night, u see 1 light
for road. Na wetin be
dat?
Akpos: Na okada
Emake: Ehenh, wish
one? Suzuki? Yamaha?
or Kawasaki?
Akpos: Ahh....how I
suppose know?
Emeka: U see am? I don
show u say u be fool.
Akpos: Na wa 4 u o. Dis
ur question sef. Oya
make I axe u. If na night
u see woman for
roadside....miniskirt, big
breast, red lips, big
nyash,na wetin?
Emeka: Na ashawo
Akpos: Ehenh, but which
one? Ur mama, ur sister
or ur daughter?
Hit Like if u understand
And share For more if u

As Mr Akpors lost his
cheque booklet, He
decided to go
to the bank after 2
days to report. Here is
the conversation
between him
and the bank
manager.
Bank manager : But I
warned you to be
careful with
your cheque book
because anyone can
forge your signature.
Akpors: I am not a fool,
I have already signed all
the
cheques, so they won't
have space to forge my
signature!

In WAEC examination,
Akpos was
asked to complete the
following
1. He who fights and run
away?
Akpos: E don surrender
be dat
na, na fear catch am 2.
A rolling stone? Akpos:
No fit just
dey roll, na person push
am.
3. He who lives in a
glass house?
Akpos: Na rich politician
e go be.
4. A stitch in time?
Akpos: Dey
prevent further tear
tear.
5. Birds of the same
feather?
Akpos: Na the same
mama born
them.
6. One good turn?
Akpos: Na
correct power steering
fit do am.
7. A bird in hand? Akpos:
Wetin e
wan be again if nobe
barbeque.
Dem plenty
for chicken republic.
8. Half bread is better
than?
Akpos: Puff puff, buns
or garri
without sugar.
9. A journey of a
thousand miles?
Akpos: Na d person
wahala be
dat na, Why e no enter
car
or aeroplane jeje?
10. He who laughs last?
Akpos: Get brain
problem. Make
dem examine am, becos
na begining of madness
be dat.
11. A patient dog?
Akpos: Na hunger go kill
am.
12. All work and no play?
Akpors: Na bank job be
dat bros.
13. Once beaten?
Akpos: Na revenge go
follow be
dat.
14. A fool at forty?
Akpos: U
never see Naija own,
our own
starts 50

WHO IS AT FAULT?
Boss: Take this #
150,000, go to computer
village and buy me a
quality laptop with a big
RAM
Akpors: Okay sir!
Akpors didn't return
after two days, so his
boss decided to reach
him on phone.
Boss: Hello, Akpors,
what kept you long?
Akpors: The RAM
Boss: The RAM? How do
you mean? Where are
you now?
Akpors: I'm on my way
back from Kano sir.
Boss: Kano?
Akpors: Yes Kano. I
bought the Laptop at
Ikeja but I traveled to
Kano to buy the big
RAM.
Boss: Oh my God!
Akpors(got angry): Oh
my wetin? Oga, no tear
eye for meo. I be small
pickin? No be Laptop and
big ram you send me?

Great thread!

Akpos: Bar man! bring
everyone drink cos wen
am drinking, i want
everyone to drink enjoy.
(bar man obeys) Akpos:
bar man! bring everyone
goat meat cos wen am
chewing, i
want everyone to chew.
(bar man obeys. People
begin to chant and
celebrate him. Akpos!
Akpos! Akpos! Akpos!)
Akpos: Bar man! bring
everyone their bill cos
wen am paying, i
want everyone to pay..

Good job here . . .

Akpos won a 10 million
naira lottery, kept
the money inside a
'Ghana must go'
bag, went under a tree,
buried the money,
snapped the spot and
the tree with a camera
and decided to travel
to London. As he was
on a Plane helding to
London, he brought out
the picture from the
camera, stared at it and
was shocked to see
a guy on top of the tree
smiling.
If you where to be
Akpos, what would you
do

Akpos was arrested in
Lagos
by a group of Lastma
officials for driving on
the BRT Lane. His car
was fined N5,000. Upon
all the begging and
pleadings, the LASTMA
officials refused to
release the car. Akpos
asked; Okay, may i
know where you are
towing my car to?. One
of the LASTMA officials
replied; we are taking it
to Alausa. Ha Ha Ha
Ha Ha….. Akpos laughed.
All the
LASTMA officials were
surprised and paid
attention to him,
wanting to know why
he
was laughing.
Immediately, Akpos
brought out his phone
and started speaking;
“Abu Qaqa Ina
Kwana!” (Good morning
in
Hausa). ‘No sir!’ “Not
less than 30minutes
before it will explode!.
The car has been
arrested…..” “Only 20 out
of those new
bombs are inside the
car.” “They are taking
the car to the targeted
destination, “Alausa”.
I’m coming back to
Sokoto alive now.
“Thank
You Sir”. Greet other
faithfuls for me. He said
and rounded off his
imaginary call. He looked
around, no LASTMA
officials was in sight. He
entered his car and sped
off, saying; shege,
dan burouba shege.

Akpos: Happy Birthday
Sweetie
Girl: Thanks so much
baby...So what's my
birthday gift?
Akpos: (pointing) Can
you see that red BMW
parked over there?
Girl: Oh my God!....yes.... ­­
yes...yes...I can't believe
this...
Akpos: I bought you a
toothbrush of the same
colour...

Akpors walks into a city
bus and sits right behind
the driver and starts
yelling, "If my dad was
a bull and my mom a
cow I'd be a little bull."
The driver starts
getting mad at noisy
Akpors, who continues
with,
"If my dad was an
elephant and my mom a
girl elephant, I would be
a little elephant."
Akpors goes on with
several animals until the
bus driver gets angry
and yells at him,
"What if your dad was
gay and your mom was
a prostitute?!"
Akpors smiles and says,
"I would be a bus
driver!"
Please drop your
prayers for akpors
cause he is in a coma
right now

Check this my other page https://www.nairaland.com/1235046/girls-formings

Akpors and his wife
were in court for
devorce,the problem is
who gets custody for
the child!
The wife.... Jumps up nd
says, ur honour i
brought the child into
this world in pains and
labour,he should be in
my custody...
The judge turns to
Akpors and asked
what he has to say?
Akpors: (calmly) "Your
honour,if i put my ATM
card into ATM machine
and Cash comes out...
Whose cash is it?
THE MACHINE OR MINE?

Akpos died and went to
Heaven. As he
stood in front of the
Pearly Gates, he
saw a huge wall of
clocks behind him.
He asked, 'Why all the
clocks?'
St. Peter answered,
Those are Lie-
Clocks. Everyone who
has ever been
on earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time
you lie, the hands on
your clock move.
Oh, said akpos. 'Whose
clock is that?'
'That's Mother
Teresas', replied
St.Peter. 'The hands
have never
moved, indicating that
she never told a
lie.'
'Incredible', said akpos.
'And whose
clock is that one?
St. Peter responded,
'That's Abraham
Lincoln's clock. The
hands have
moved Twice, telling us
that Abraham
told only two lies in his
entire life.'
'Where's our politician's
clock?' asked
akpos.
St Peter replied, they r
in the office.
We're using them as
ceiling fans.'
Hit Like if u understand.

After reading very well for his exams, akpos ended up failing. When the techer confronted him, here is what ensued between them.
.
.
Techer: akpos why did you end up writing "two letter" words in all your scripts?
.
Akpos: madam it was not my fault, my parents said i should write "VERY WELL" if i wanted to pass.

At a Sunday School
Class one Sunday
morning,after an
interesting topic, the
teacher
asked,"Any Question?"
Akpos looking
puzzled,raised his hand..
Akpos: U said the
children of Israel
escaped
from Egypt?
Teacher: Yes
Akpos: U said the
children of Israel also
brought down the walls
of Jericho?
Teacher: Yes.
Akpos: U also said that
the children of Israel
also crossed the Red
Sea?
Teacher: Yes Akpos!
What exactly is your
question?
Akpos: When the
children of Israel were
doing all this, where
exactly were the adults
of
Israel?