E get one particular
restaurant wey akpors dey
chop 4
GRA.
E get one oyibo wey dey
always come chop there
too...
Any time dis oyibo chop
finish he go shout ''
Hey'', so akpors dey wonder wetin
dey make am shout, he come
decide to chop wetin d
oyibo dey always chop
so
maybe him self go shout
too. . . when akpors reach d
restaurant last week
friday, he order wetin d
oyibo man
dey chop. . .
Dem tell am say na
chicken & red wine, so he
chop
am,
but he no shout, he collect
xtra plate, but he stil no
shout. . . na then he just
vex ask 4 for his bill. D
waiter tell am say one
plate
of chicken & red
wine na #75,000 and the
xtra plate na another
#75,000. . .
na then akpors shout HEY HEY HEY HEY. . . he still dey shout
till now..
Lwkmd

I was in the public
toilets
and had just sat down,
a voice
from the next cubicle
said “Hi !,
how are you ?”
Embarrassed, I
said, “I’m doing fine”.
The
voice said “So what are
you up
to ?”. I said, “Just doing
the
same as you, sitting
here !”.
From next door, “Can I
come
over?”. Annoyed, I said ”
rather busy right now”.
The
voice said, “Listen, i will
have to
call you back, there’s an
idiot
next door answering all
my
questions".

Kul jokes

AKPOS VACANCY!!!
Are U 18 yrs & above?
Do U hav a valid ID card?
Can U speak English
&any other language?
Are U lookin 4 an 9am -
3pm job wit a
monthly salary of
#800,000 and a weekly
allowance
of#900,000?
No working during
weekends & U only hav
2
work half-day on
Fridays?
If U're interested in this
Job, Pls contact Me
wit Ur full details SO
THAT WE CAN LOOK FOR
IT TOGETHER COS ME
SEF DEY FIND AM BADLY.

Lolz. Great jokez.

lil jboy: Akpos, uche and
ikpeba were lost in a
forest.
For weeks, they lived
there.
One day they find a
magic lamp.
They rub it, and sure
enough, out comes a
genie.
The genie says; Since I
can only give out 3
wishes, you may each
have one.
So uche goes first; I
have been stuck here
for too long, I miss my
family and my friends
and my life. I just want
to go home. POOF!!!, he is
gone.
Then ikpeba makes his
wish; I thought i was
going to die here. I am
tired of this place o!
Oga please, me too, I
want to go home. and
POOF!!! he is gone.
Then Akpos starts
crying uncontrollably;
Eeya. Mmmmm, chai oooooo
yekpa! ahhhh! I am
missing them already.
The genie asks, What
is the problem?
Akpos replies: I wish
my friends were here with me again.

Chei!!! I swear ds Akpos need deliverance 4rm stupidity o. Lwkmd.

Akpors fell into a well and was screaming for
help.
His wife Ekaete came with a rope to help:
AKPORS: How much did you buythe rope?
EKAETTE: NGN 1000
AKPORS(Still inside the well about to drown,
shouted): What! Return it now now, go to
papa Ochuko at the fourth street he sells it for
NGN 250.00 Hurry up before I die here oh!
.
One word for Akpors

[b]In other news: Top Best Love Quotes[/b]

Akpos wanted to
poison the rats in his
house.
He went to a man
selling rat poison and
said; I want to buy rat
poison.
The man said;
Customer you are
welcome.
Akpos asked; Is your
rat poison working
perfectly?.
The man replied; Yes it
is working perfectly.
Akpos asked; Are you
sure?.
The man said; Okay
come and taste it to
confirm weather it is
working or not.
Akpos said; Okay give
me a little.
Akpos tasted it and......

A woman and her 7
years old son were
inside a Taxi. It was
raining and all the
twilight girls were
standing by the
roadside. The Boy
asked; “Mummy, what
are all those women
doing?.” His Mother
replied; “They are
waiting for their
husbands to come back
from work.” The Taxi
driver turned around
and said; “Why don’t
you tell him the truth?.
Little boy, they are
prostitutes, they sleep
with men for money.”
The Boy’s eyes got
wide and asked;
“Mummy is that true?”
His mother, glaring hard
at the driver replied;
“Yes.!!” After a few
minutes, the boy
asked; “Mummy, what
happens to the babies
those women have?.”
She replied; “Most of
them become Taxi
drivers.

Akpors first time
with a condom. . . Akpors was
16 or so, he went in to
buy a packet of
condom at the
pharmacy. There was
this beautiful woman
assistant behind the
counter, and she could
see that he was new at
it. She handed akpors the
package and asked if he
knew how to wear one.
Akpors honestly answered,
'No, this is my first
time.' So she unwrapped
the package, took one
out and slipped it over
her thumb. She
cautioned him to make
sure it was on tight and
secure. Akpors apparently still
looked confused. So she
looked all around the
store to see if it was
empty. It was empty.
'Just a minute,' she said,
and walked to the door,
and locked it. Taking him by the hand, she led him into
the back room,
unbuttoned her blouse
and removed it. She
unhooked her bra and
laid it aside. 'Do these
excite you?' She asked.
Well, akpors was so dumb-
struck that all he could do
was nod his head. She
then said it was time to slip the condom on. As he was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.
'Well, come on', she said,
'We don't have much
time.' So akpors climbed on her. It was so
wonderful,that
unfortunately, he could no longer hold back and
KAPOW, he was done
within a few minutes.
She looked at him with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on?' she asked. Akpors said, 'I sure did,' and held up his thumb to show her.

Akpos is a varsity
student. The Lecturer
ordered him to write an
apology letter showing
why he didn’t submit an
assignment.
Dear Lecturer,
I’m sorry I could not do
the homework on time
because I was tired
after watching
television.
Thank you..
The Lecturer warns him
to write a formal letter
with formal English or
reflective of a varsity
student lest
he be punished.
This is what Akpos
wrote…
Dear knowledge conduit,
My sovereign persona is
thoroughly apologetic
for my sordid academic
behavioural inactivity or
academic hibernation as
regards the assignment.
Unfortunately, our
smart Samsung HDTV
was visually
competitive in relation
to the assignment,
prompting me to fall
prey to its seduction to
the detriment of the
assignment.
Ultimately, my
exhaustion directed my
nocturnally loyal body to
my bed thereby
rendering me half dead
albeit still breathing in
the process.
Best Regards.
Akpos
What do you think of
him?
Good

dat is 1ndaful

A Man Akpos walked
into a hotel and ordered
Jollof rice and meat.
He finished eating his
food and
was eating his meat
when he suddenly
shouted and called for
the manager.
Manager: Sir, what's
the problem?.
Akpos: The meat you
people gave me is very
hard.
Manager: But sir our
meats are well cooked.
There is no way it will
be hard.
Akpos: Okay. Eat it
yourself and tell me
how it is.
Manager: [Eating the
meat] But sir this meat
is very soft. I don't
know why you are
complaining.
Akpos: Why won't it be
soft? Do you know
how long I have been
chewing it?.

Akpos had only 400
Naira in his pocket.
He went to the most
expensive hotel in
town and made an
order of the most
expensive meal they
had available with the
most expensive wine
included.
After the meals, the
drinks and champagne,
Akpos bill was N45,000.
He told the waiter he
had no money.
The hotel manager
was called.
They handed Akpos to
the police.
On the way to the
station Akpos gave
200 Naira to the Police
and he was set free.
This is what we call;
Financial management.

A Young Man Akpos
was lost wandering in
a forest, when he
came upon a small
house.
He knocked on the door
and was greeted
by an ancient Chinese
man with a long,
grey beard.
"I'm lost," said Akpos.
"Can you put me up
for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese
man said, "but on
one condition. If you so
much as lay a
finger on my daughter,
I will inflict upon
you the 3 worst
Chinese tortures
known to
man."
"Ok," said Akpos,
thinking that the
daughter must be
pretty old as well, and
entered the house.
Before dinner, the
daughter came down
the stairs. She was
young, beautiful, and
had a fantastic figure.
She was obviously
attracted to Akpos
since
she couldn't keep her
eyes off him during
the meal.
Remembering the old
man's warning, he
ignored her and went
up to bed alone.
But during the night, he
could bear it no
longer, and sneaked
into her room for a
night of passion.
He was careful to keep
everything quiet so
the old man wouldn't
hear.
Near dawn he crept
back to his room,
exhausted, but happy.
He woke up in the
morning with the feel
of
pressure on his chest.
Opening his eyes he
saw a large rock on
his chest with a note
on
it that read, "Chinese
Torture 1: Large rock
on chest."
"Well, that's pretty
crappy," he thought. "If
that's the best the old
man can do then I
don't have much to
worry about."
He picked the rock up,
walked over to the
window and threw the
rock out.
As he did so he noticed
another note on it
that read:
"Chinese Torture 2:
Rock tied to left
testicle."
In a panic he glanced
down and saw the
rope that was already
getting close to the
end.
Figuring that a few
broken bones was
better than castration,
he jumped out of
the window after the
rock.
As he plummeted
downward he saw a
large sign on the
ground that read,
"Chinese Torture 3:
Right testicle tied to
bedpost."

An Arab Man stops a
taxi, entered it and
said
"Please turn off the
radio for in the time of
the
prophet, there was no
radio and my religion
decreed that I should
not listen to it
especially the
western music.This is
because they sing of
their
infidelity and all."
Akpors the Taxi Driver turned
off the radio, came
down
and opened the door
for the man and said,
"In the time of the
prophets, there was
no car. So
please come down and
wait for a camel."

Son: Dad, what do I
give my
girlfriend as a
Christmas gift?
Akpos: How does she
look?
Son: She looks sweet,
pretty, fun to be with,
and even tall and also
fair in completion.
Akpos: Give her my
number.

Nice collection

Teacher: Akpors, what
is a Period?
Akpors: I don't know
the meaning Sir. But I
am very sure it is very
dangerous.
Teacher: Why
Akpors?
Akpors: because when my
sister said that she
didn’t see her period
for 5months, my mum
fainted,
my dad got a heart
attack and our driver
ran away…. So I don’t
think Period is a good
thing

AKPORS
DOING EXAMS
Q: Why are condoms
transparent?
A: So that sperms can
at least enjoy the
scene even if their
entry is Restricted!
Q: What is the new
AIDS awareness
slogan?
A: Try different
positions withthe
same woman instead
of same position with
different women.
Q: What will happen if
earth rotates 30times
faster?
A: Men will get their
salary everyday and
women will bleed to
death.
Q: Why do 90% girls
have left asses bigger
than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are
right handed.
Q: What is the
difference between a
PANTY & a STAGE
CURTAIN?
A: When you pull down
the STAGE CURTAIN,
the show is over, but
when you pull down
the PANTY.. it is
SHOWTIME!
Q: what does a
Signboard outside a
prostitute's house say
A: Married MEN not
allowed. We serve the
needy, not the greedy
Give akpos a score
over hundred

Akpors who has been absent from school for two days, Monday and Tuesday, attended school on Wednesday.

Mrs Maheeda, his class teacher, while teaching, sighted Akpors and the following heated discussion ensued.



Mrs Maheeda: Akpors why didn't you come to school on Monday?

Akpors: I washed my underpants on Sunday but it couldn't dry before Monday so I couldn't come to school.

Mrs. Maheeda: Ok. What about on Tuesday? Was your pant still wet?

Akpors: Nooooooo!. I started for school, Miss, and as I passed your house I saw your
under pants drying on the line, so I thought you would not be going to school.”

Maheeda, fell down and rolled on the floor laughing

For more unique jokes see http://..com/

In a literature class,the teacher asked,"who can tell
us a
TOUCHING STORY"??
Akpos stood up and said madam,one day a boy and
a girl were
inside a room,The boy looked at the girl and
touched her,the girl
touched him back.
After 2minutes,the boy touched the girl twice,the girl
touched
him back thrice.
Later on,the boy stood up and touched the girl,the
girl smiled
and touched him back..
At last the boy moved closer to the girl,GUESS
WHAT!!??
Teacher: what's that ??
Akpos: they started touching each other.....!!
Ma,isn't that a TOUCHING STORY?!!!
Teacher fainted....

liljboy:
In a literature class,the teacher asked,"who can tell
us a
TOUCHING STORY"??
Akpos stood up and said madam,one day a boy and
a girl were
inside a room,The boy looked at the girl and
touched her,the girl
touched him back.
After 2minutes,the boy touched the girl twice,the girl
touched
him back thrice.
Later on,the boy stood up and touched the girl,the
girl smiled
and touched him back..
At last the boy moved closer to the girl,GUESS
WHAT!!??
Teacher: what's that ??
Akpos: they started touching each other.....!!
Ma,isn't that a TOUCHING STORY?!!!
Teacher fainted....

So long I enjoyed your jokes, liljboy. Still got it I see

PrettySpicey:


So long I enjoyed your jokes, liljboy. Still got it I see

lol..... how are you

liljboy:
lol..... how are you

I'm good. Hope you are too

PrettySpicey:


I'm good. Hope you are too

yea yea yea..... just holding on

Once many professors were called and asked to sit
in an airplane.
After they sat. They were informed that the plane is
made by their students.
All of them ran and got out of plane except one - prof akpors.
People asked him the reason
Akpors said,"If it's made by my students it will not even
start."

TEACHER: you call your Mother as
MUM. What will you call your
Mother’s Younger Sister & Elder
Sister?
Akpor: So simple, i’ll call them
MINIMUM & MAXIMUM

Akpos’s wife was busy singing in the bedroom. The
following conversation ensued: Akpos: You know my dear,
when you sing like that I just wish you were on a radio.
Wife: (smiling) wow honey. Am I that good? Akpos: No,
at least on a radio I can change the station…

The following conversation ensued between Akpos and his
father: Father: Akpos, how was your exams today?
Akpos: It was very difficult so I didn’t even go to the
exams center. Father: Ah! If you didn’t go there, how do
you know that it was difficult? Akpos: I saw the
questions yesterday.

AKPORS THE BREAD WINNER
Journalist: Mr. Akpors, first of all, is it true that you are
the bread winner in your family.
Akpors : I am not hearing that allegation for the first
time, I have been hearing it for some time, I know this
allegation is coming from my political enemies who want
to tarnish my image.
I want to tell you that I have never been in any
competition to win bread.
Ask them where I won that bread. If anyone saw me
entering a competition to win bread, then they must
provide the evidence otherwise I will start suing anyone
saying I am a bread winner, yes including you reporters
and your newspapers...

Akpos came late to school and his teacher asked, "Akpos,
why are u late to school?" He replied, "My papa dey find
his money for house." The teacher asked again, "Are u
helping him to find it?" Akpos answered, "No, I was
standing on it till he comot for house." Hahahahahahaha.