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Leaked Memo: Nigeria Police Force (NPF) Issues Arrest Guidelines For 2012/2013 - Jokes Etc - Nairaland

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Leaked Memo: Nigeria Police Force (NPF) Issues Arrest Guidelines For 2012/2013 by Chief06: 9:35pm On Dec 22, 2012

Force HQ,
Abuja, Nigeria

To simplify the arrest making process for officers and men of the Nigeria Police Force (NPF) for the year 2012/2013 here are general guidelines to go by:

Please be aware that those arrested need not be involved in the crime, they just have to be in the vicinity of the crime committed, vicinity in this case encompasses an area covering 20 Sq Kilometers.

The left column has the crime (C), the right has the corresponding number of ‘Suspects’ (S) to arrest.

Disorderly Conduct by Non-VIP | Arrest 3 – 7

Disorderly Conduct by VIP | Arrest No One

Theft from Non VIP | Arrest 5 – 10

Theft from VIP | Arrest 10-15 (Include all domestic staff)

Traffic Offense by Non VIP (Non Commercial) | Arrest everybody in the Vehicle

(C) Traffic Offense by Non VIP (Commercial) | Arrest everybody in the Vehicle

(C) Traffic offense by VIP | Except bigger VIP is there e.g. Governor, Arrest no one

(C) Armed Robbery against Non VIP | Arrest 12-15 (Parade them as an ‘Armed Robbery Gang’, display some random weapons on the ground as being found on them)

(C) Armed Robbery against VIP | Arrest 20-30 (Include all domestic staff and their extended families, parade them as an ’Armed Robbery Gang’ and their accomplices, display some random heavy duty weapons as being found on them)

(C) Kidnapping of Non VIP | Arrest 20 – 30

(C) Kidnapping of VIP | Arrest 30 – 75 (All adults in the nearest village, all domestic staff, all junior office staff, do not release them till victim has been released)

(C) Murder of Non VIP | Arrest 10 – 15

(C) Murder of VIP | Arrest 150 – 250 (Including all living human beings and animals that came in contact with the victim in the last 6 months to 2 years, as a bonus arrest all those who claim to know those arrested).

Please be aware that if some of those to be arrested in any of the above categories are politicians or other VIPs they are automatically exempt from arrest, except orders come ‘above’

Signed IG

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