To have a married mans baby?
tried to end the affair , i told him we were officially over and was successful until he came around my home and harassed me for sex saying he loves me and wants to commit to three days a week at mine and the rest with his family at home (as he works night shifts). So I eventually gave in because I am weak with him and he wont stop until he gets what he wants. Over the 4 years of our sexual relationship we never used condoms because he never liked to wear them even when i ask him to , and in the beggining when i used to make him he even use to pretend they ripped just so he could satisfy himself . sometimes we would use withdrawal method and most of the time i would have to go to my doctor to get emergency contraception (the morning after pill) which is not good to be taking on a regular basis and my doctor always lectures me about it.

the last time we had sex i specifically told him not to ejaculate inside , as i don't want to take anymore contraception but he still went ahead and did it . i never had time to go to the clinic that week as i was working and he never offered to go get one for me which made me very angry.

surprise .. im pregnant . he keeps ringing me wanting to come around and knocking at my my door but i haven't been home I have stayed at my friends over the christmas period. at the moment i really hate him and i can see all the selfish things he has done . I know for a fact if i tell him he will be angry and tell me to get rid off it , my instincts are telling me even though he says he loves me and wants to move in he will completely cut me off and wont want anything to do with the child . he's already got 3 kids anyways.
so even if i tell him i have a strong feeling he will make me get rid of it . I've never really been mad at him like this before over anything , i never asked him for commitment it was him who asked if he could stay over at my house . i do love him but its like i can see his bad points now .

so ultimately this should be my decision to decide what i want to do. why should i have to feel bad ?

this is not a one night stand this is a four year relationship/ affair . i don't really care what he thinks if i decide to tell him then thats something hell have to deal with fed up of having to take responsibility all the time for what he does ,i will not expect him to be apart , i wont ask for money from him or support and wont tell anyone its his so i wont ruin his family . why should i make my decision based on him and what will be suitable and conducive to his life.

so in conclusion personally I'm not 100% sure what i will do about the pregnancy yet but i am leaning towards the decision of wanting to keep the child.

If i was to tell him I'm pregnant ..the most likely scenario that i see happening is him not wanting the kid and wanting me to get rid of it , if i got rid of it he would be wanting things to continue with us which quite frankly I've had enough of right now.

and if i still kept it even though he didn't want me to, he would cut me off and not want anything todo with me or the child. And i wouldn't make him be apart id just let him carry on with his life .

but i wouldn't be able to tell anyone who the father is because gossip would get around.

.... he'd know i was pregnant and if everything was succesful during the pregnancy he'd know it was his child , i think he's so strong minded he could deal with knowing that and not care he'd just deal with it even if he passed us on the street maybe i don't know
maybe id move away or vice versa . .. so if they are all the possible outcomes is there really any point of telling him ? as its just going to create issues in his life and stress in mine , giving him the chance to reject my child is not right.

i know lots of of people that are single parents , because of difference circumstances and feel i can do a good job . and when the child is old enough i can tell him or her the truth.
so on assuming that i am keeping the child , considering the possibble reactions from him they all result in the same outcome . so theres not really any point in telling him , if that is the way he is going to be about it?

and also he will most probably at some stage ,see me out and about or may be lingering around my area one day wanting to see me ( for sexual relations and pretending he loves me) and he will see i am pregnant or if i didn't see him whilst being pregnant news travels and he will hear I've had a baby . then the ball is in his court so to speak and it will be up to him wether he wants to know or not.

(basically i don't want him to influence my decision , I'm annoyed at myself for being in this situation but I'm angry at him as i always try to prevent this and he does nothing) i want to know what i want todo and i wont know what i want todo if he knows i am pregnant il just be thinking of him .

You've been fraternising with another woman's husband for 4 years. Doubt you'll get much sympathy tbh.

I'm not looking for sympathy . am just telling my story and problem on here anonymously to listen to peoples responses. as i cant really go around discussing with people openly.

i know I'm not innocent but I've always tried to end it with him.
funny how its always the womans fault

Do you agree its your fault? Atleast lets start from somewhere

Gboliwe: Do you agree its your fault? Atleast lets start from somewhere

i think that it is my fault for always letting him win me over. but i think its his fault im pregnant i wanted to be carful and he never cares and did nothing to help after.

femishosho@gmai:


i think that it is my fault for always letting him win me over. but i think its his fault im pregnant i wanted to be carful and he never cares and did nothing to help after.

lol at your reply. It is his fault he got you pregnant? Hold on. Another baby is coming after this and it will be your fault then

Gboliwe:
lol at your reply. It is his fault he got you pregnant? Hold on. Another baby is coming after this and it will be your fault then

not fault . choice

I highly doubt that any woman will call the child in her womb "bastard child" in order to get traffic to a thread on NL. Therefore, I have to ask. Which male regular poster are you?

ileobatojo: I highly doubt that any woman will call the child in her womb "bastard child" in order to get traffic to a thread on NL. Therefore, I have to ask. Which male regular poster are you?

honestly i live in UK .

It depends on ur age and job if u can take good care of d child why not have d child, nobody knows d child dt wil take care of one. If u feel d man wil object dont tell him until d preg has advanced. I wish u good luck in life.

ileobatojo: I highly doubt that any woman will call the child in her womb "bastard child" in order to get traffic to a thread on NL. Therefore, I have to ask. Which male regular poster are you?

Mental problem.

Wow, your own child is a "Bastard child", Wow, just wow

reasoning as to why I'm saying its his fault.
i told him we needed to be safe . as i was going to be unable to get to the clinic to get a pill and he agreed to have safe sex.
then he changes his mind and goes ahead without my permission.

so now i need a pill , and was at work the whole week morning to night.
i had no time that week to wait in a clinic and doctors rather you go to a clinic or "walk in" medical centre as doctors appointments with you GP are for more symptomatic problems .

the other option was to go to a pharmacy but the pill costs to get it from there . 34 pounds to be exact . and i didn't have any money hence working extra hours, so i asked him if he could lend me the money to get it and he just said he was busy and had no money like its not his problem .

which is a lie because he always has money , and its not really like him to act like that , now he's tryna contact me asking where i am like every things so normal . thats why I'm angry at him

debrief08: Wow, your own child is a "Bastard child", Wow, just wow

a bastard is a a name for a child born outside of a marriage .

am not using it as a cursing word .

This your story is boring.

Wrap it up and try to find something more interesting next time.

Eg why does the curtain shake when you close the door, or picture of 10 cows on one okada.

debrief08: Wow, your own child is a "Bastard child", Wow, just wow

the title : should i tell the married man I've been having an affair with for four years I'm pregnant with his baby or not ?

is a bit long don't you think?

The more you speak the more shocked I get.
I thought people who dated married men do so for financial benefits, this one can't even get you 34 pounds for birth control wow.
So what exactly is in it for you? Why make your self a source of cheap s3x? Do you have an iota of self respect or esteem?
A married man who keeps you around to pleasure himself, bullies you, goes against your wishes, exposes you to harm and his wife too.
I really don't understand. Do you have any bit of love or respect for yourself?

What is the point of the relationship?

Anyway, what's done is done. Get a home preganancy test, Know if you are pregnant first before I advice you further.

You need to work on yourself

ileobatojo: I highly doubt that any woman will call the child in her womb "bastard child" in order to get traffic to a thread on NL. Therefore, I have to ask. Which male regular poster are you?

the title : should i tell the married man I've been having an affair with for four years I'm pregnant with his baby or not ?

is a bit long don't you think?

debrief08: The more you speak the more shocked I get.
I thought people who dated married men do so for financial benefits, this one can't even get you 34 pounds for birth control wow.
So what exactly is in it for you? Why make your self a source of cheap s3x? Do you have an iota of self respect or esteem?
A married man who keeps you around to pleasure himself, bullies you, goes against your wishes, exposes you to harm and his wife too.
I really don't understand. Do you have any bit of love or respect for yourself?

What is the point of the relationship?

Anyway, what's done is done. Get a home preganancy test, Know if you are pregnant first before I advice you further.

You need to work on yourself

yes i do recognise that . i thought i loved him but now I'm starting to see he doesn't love me.

well i have been with him since i was 16 and when we first started dating he didn't tell me he had a wife or kids i found out a long while into being with him and by that time it was too late . he said he was going to leave her but now obviously i can see thats never going to happen . NOW i can see he isn't respecting me like he should be.
yes i have taken a test . and like i said it was out of character for him to be like that when i asked him for help .i was shocked as well

This "story" is too well thought out to be true.

Having said that, I'll generously give you a 3 out for 10 for the flat climax and a poor attempt at suspense / shock tactics.

You're a middle aged guy trying very hard to come across as a naive young girl or woman.

ileobatojo: I highly doubt that any woman will call the child in her womb "bastard child" in order to get traffic to a thread on NL. Therefore, I have to ask. Which male regular poster are you?

That's easy now. He no She sorry, Shim is none other than one of the anti-cabal guys. At least one of them was "good" enough to admit he adopts different personalities and genders just for laughs...

Or to give the benefit of doubt, an aspiring drama student / script writer...but most like an anti-cabalite male

Queendo: It depends on ur age and job if u can take good care of d child why not have d child, nobody knows d child dt wil take care of one. If u feel d man wil object dont tell him until d preg has advanced. I wish u good luck in life.

am 20 , i have my own flat and i have a family that i know will support me i don't need to depend on him. I'm trying to make it about me and the child not about him and his family issues.
i have no problem doing that its just if i do have the child i want to be able to tell him or her that its dad didn't want to know rather then your say your dad never knew you where born.

so my logic in thinking when he eventually finds out I'm pregnant hell know in his head that its his child and it will be up to him wether he wants to step forward or ignore it . i wont make him do anything that way i can be honest with the child .. but thats in the future but i just need a plan if i do keep it because i don't want to be upset and i don't want anyone finding out he's the dad either , its not like anyones is going to be nice to me about it when they find out

femishosho@gmai:



the title : should i tell the married man I've been having an affair with for four years I'm pregnant with his baby or not ?

is a bit long don't you think?

Ok I'll bite. How about 'Pregnant for a married man. Help."

Efemena_xy: This "story" is too well thought out to be true.

Having said that, I'll generously give you a 3 out for 10 for the flat climax and a poor attempt at suspense / shock tactics.

You're a middle aged guy trying very hard to come across as a naive young girl or woman.





That's easy now. He no She sorry, Shim is none other than one of the anti-cabal guys. At least one of them was "good" enough to admit he adopts different personalities and genders just for laughs...

Or to give the benefit of doubt, an aspiring drama student / script writer...but most like an anti-cabalite male

First day of 2013 for that matter! Don't people make new years resolutions to change anymore?

Efemena_xy: This "story" is too well thought out to be true.

Having said that, I'll generously give you a 3 out for 10 for the flat climax and a poor attempt at suspense / shock tactics.

You're a middle aged guy trying very hard to come across as a naive young girl or woman.


That's easy now. He no She sorry, Shim is none other than one of the anti-cabal guys. At least one of them was "good" enough to admit he adopts different personalities and genders just for laughs...
Or to give the benefit of doubt, an aspiring drama student / script writer...but most like an anti-cabalite male

lol ok dont really know what your talking about or why someone would lie to strangers as they wouldn't be gaining anything accept for a bunch of insults from married women calling you discussing ,I'm not really benifiting much from writing about this other then advice and opinions and maybe speaking to other people who have experienced the same sort of situation .

secondly I'm not even nigerian , I'm British and mixed race of cuban/jamaican decent. and the only reason i am on a nigerian website is because my '''''lover"''' is nigerian and i just wanted advice from nigerian people as i don't know a whole load about his culture and background before he came to the UK.


also since i met him wen i was 16 through the years we had planned to get married , have lived together and did other stuff then just sex and to me was more of a relationship hence why i said i loved him . wasn't just cheap one nights stands .

Awww, you are a baby, he is a sick opportunist.
You are not in love with him, he just has taken advantage of you and made you his s3x slave.
Where are your parents?

and to be honest . the intent of this post has been misunderstood and am not getting any useful quotes from any one . except for one person .

so is not much point being on a chat room to discuss a topic that know one is commenting about and just giving their opinion on irrelevant information.

I've tried to respond as much as i can to these rather weird accusations of being and actor or a cross gender middle aged man . so am not going to respond anymore to these stupid comments.

debrief08: Awww, you are a baby, he is a sick opportunist.
You are not in love with him, he just has taken advantage of you and made you his s3x slave.
Where are your parents?

im 20 years old now nearly 21. so you can allow the patronising comment.

i met him when i was 16 i am not 16 now . I've been with him for 4 and a half years.
the general gist of the post was do i tell him I'm pregnant ?even tho I'm pretty sure he will not want to know.

maybe a women is in the same situation as me?

maybe a male who has experienced something like this before has a comment to say .. either the child of an affair ? a father who now wishes they were involved in their kids life?

general opinions of that nature are what i was looking for.

seems you just go on nairaland for fun

femishosho@gmai:
and to be honest . the intent of this post has been misunderstood and am not getting any useful quotes from any one . except for one person .

so is not much point being on a chat room to discuss a topic that know one is commenting about and just giving their opinion on irrelevant information.

I've tried to respond as much as i can to these rather weird accusations of being and actor or a cross gender middle aged man . so am not going to respond anymore to these stupid comments.

femishosho@gmai:


im 20 years old now nearly 21. so you can allow the patronising comment.

Really?

~ If you're so "mature", then why are you so "confused", seeking the advice of strangers on an on-line forum?

~ Shouldn't your parents or family be your first port of call in a crisis situation?

~ Or you believe faceless strangers hold your best interests at heart, rather than your parents and immediately family??

Efemena_xy:





Really?

~ If you're so "mature", then why are you so "confused", seeking the advice of strangers on an on-line forum?

~ Shouldn't your parents or family be your first port of call in a crisis situation?

~ Or you believe faceless strangers hold your best interests at heart, rather than your parents and immediately family??

sometimes in personal situations such as these it is quite hard to confide in friends and family especially if they know the person and family of the person.

im not in a rush for his wife to find out and for gossip to travel . and would like to gain advice from people who have experienced similar situations rather then the advice from a loved one who will tell you what you would like to hear in the attempt of comfort and compassion.

LIKE I SAID the general gist of the post was do i tell him I'm pregnant ?even tho I'm pretty sure he will not want to know.

maybe a women is in the same situation as me?

maybe a male who has experienced something like this before has a comment to say .. either the child of an affair ? a father who now wishes they were involved in their kids life?

general opinions of that nature are what i was looking for.



i am logging out now . and wont be responding anymore as am wasting my time and you comments are useless . this could actually go on forever .. because it seems you do not understand and IF you do not understand the thread and you are confused as to why i am asking then YOU should not waste you time commenting.

and if that has not answered you question and the nature of mine . then you should seriously stop replying and so should i ... jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez

femishosho@gmai:


sometimes in personal situations such as these it is quite hard to confide in friends and family especially if they know the person and family of the person.

im not in a rush for his wife to find out and for gossip to travel . and would like to gain advice from people who have experienced similar situations rather then the advice from a loved one who will tell you what you would like to hear in the attempt of comfort and compassion.

LIKE I SAID the general gist of the post was do i tell him I'm pregnant ?even tho I'm pretty sure he will not want to know.

maybe a women is in the same situation as me?

So, effectively, you're telling us here that your parents simply gloss over serious issues as this in an attempt to provide you with comfort and compassion??!!

femishosho@gmai:
maybe a male who has experienced something like this before has a comment to say .. either the child of an affair ? a father who now wishes they were involved in their kids life?

general opinions of that nature are what i was looking for.



i am logging out now . and wont be responding anymore as am wasting my time and you comments are useless . this could actually go on forever .. because it seems you do not understand and IF you do not understand the thread and you are confused as to why i am asking then YOU should not waste you time commenting.

and if that has not answered you question and the nature of mine . then you should seriously stop replying and so should i ... jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez

I was just starting to take you seriously, until I got to the latter half of your epistle!

Re, the bolded bit: Viewing this topic: kishy53(f), kelz3264(m), femishosho@gmai(f), Floxxi(f) and 3 guest(s)

So people now want to fixate on cuban jamaican because a rich kid said she was cuban jamaican.

Nl i hail o.

Efemena_xy:

So, effectively, you're telling us here that your parents simply gloss over serious issues as this in an attempt to provide you with comfort and compassion??!!



I was just starting to take you seriously, until I got to the latter half of your epistle!

Re, the bolded bit: Viewing this topic: kishy53(f), kelz3264(m), femishosho@gmai(f), Floxxi(f) and 3 guest(s)

so you come only nairaland to analyse people threads for errors and my original post was about asking for advise not criticise what my parents may or may not advice me todo .
i created the thread so is should be no suprise that i am vewing it.