This was written by a guy , it's pretty damn smart. Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.' I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!' So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear, 'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.' She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?' Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.' We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.' I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.' Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?' I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.' And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?' Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either, but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

Ok so this guy has a problem and goes to see a doctor. However, he told the doctor not to laugh at him no matter what he says or shows to him.

Patient: Doctor i have a problem

Doctor: Yes whats the problem?

Patient: Before i tell you i want you to promise not to laugh at me please

Doctor: You have nothing to worry about, i am a professional and i have seen different cases. i was trained to be nice to patients.

patient then unzips his trousers to reveal the tiniest privates the doctor has seen in all his years of practce as a doctor, so he couldnt help bursting into an annoying uncotrollable laugther. When he had finished laughing,

Doctor: i am so so sorry, just that i have never seen anything like that in all my career. i am sorry it will not happen again.
So what seems to be the problem?


Patient: Its swollen.

Hey why copy my jike withouth acknowledging the original poster? this is plagarism. aka copy and paste.

. . .too long,i didnt read it,
whoever that reads it can summarise it for me and i wud appreciate

@ify
dont stress urself mi'lady u must have read it a couple times b4.

sup mig

Cool dawg. Hw u duin?

hot :d

no burn nland oh. . . .

sup migz?

I'm gud guys. Wor'ks been keepin me'way 4rm ma "home"

the second one is funny.10x

ure not welcome

r_o_b_b_y:

Hey why copy my jike withouth acknowledging the original poster? this is plagarism. aka copy and paste.

sorry o robby, i haven't seen your copyrighted joke.

clemcykul:

ure not welcome

Don't mind clemcy, u are welcome