kambo: i read your post and sense discomfort from the artificiality expected of you. The insinuation you arent smart/sensitive enuff to adapt wtout rules. Its insulting. If he's giving you rules now, u bet more rules will follow and since you will hate being reigned in , friction will b inevitable in the long run. Think divorce no. 3!. Tell him to instead make his relations adjust to you. Your not marrying his mum or grand mum but him. You're not startg a family wt his relations. The bible says man and woman will leave parents (father n mother) to cleave together to become 1 (pardon this if u aint christian). I dont even know any verse that talks abt parental seal of approval 4 marraige. Compatibility shd b btween you and him,cuz that affects the survivability of your marraige. Every other party should conform to ur union not dictate it! Many wives are continually in a triad try to b all things to all groups of people apart from hussy:: mother-in-law, relations etc. If u have a loud mouth let him tell his relations this and let them prepare for this not the othrway round.

mondi_cheeks: you are over reacting, tell him how u feel about the do's and dont's...you are a grown woman and im sure u know how to behave in front of ur future husband's family

Princess1982: Its not just my mouth apparently there is a list of things and if its that serious he should go find a more appropriate girlfriend who fits in that box.

Princess1982: I guess my problem is how he brung it up to me. He basically said I have a list of things you will follow on your next visit. I guess I reacted the way I did because, of the tone don't tell me I will follow anything when you can easily talk to me and suggest a few things.I am not a puppy that needs to be trained. So anyway I finally returned his call after 17 voice mail and he's going to send text the list anyway he says what I don't like then don't change so if I see something to over the top I will definitely post them here. I love this man and I definitely don't want him to look bad in front of his family so I will compromise on somethings.

Princess1982: I guess my problem is how he brung it up to me. He basically said I have a list of things you will follow on your next visit. I guess I reacted the way I did because, of the tone don't tell me I will follow anything when you can easily talk to me and suggest a few things.I am not a puppy that needs to be trained. So anyway I finally returned his call after 17 voice mail and he's going to send text the list anyway he says what I don't like then don't change so if I see something to over the top I will definitely post them here. I love this man and I definitely don't want him to look bad in front of his family so I will compromise on somethings.

Now you are talking. . .

vizion:

how is she going to know how to behave if she does not know the do's and don't for her in-laws.

are you going to greet the 'Ooni of Ife', the same way you greet the 'Oba of Benin' or the same way you greet the 'Sultan of Sokoto', her mother in law did not give her do's and dont's in her American home, now she is coming to Nigeria, do you want her to shame her husband among his peers.

Princess1982: I guess my problem is how he brung it up to me. He basically said I have a list of things you will follow on your next visit. I guess I reacted the way I did because, of the tone don't tell me I will follow anything when you can easily talk to me and suggest a few things.I am not a puppy that needs to be trained. So anyway I finally returned his call after 17 voice mail and he's going to send text the list anyway he says what I don't like then don't change so if I see something to over the top I will definitely post them here. I love this man and I definitely don't want him to look bad in front of his family so I will compromise on somethings.

Princess1982: So I apologized for over reacting and explained to him that I have never been submissive and I don't like being told what to do, his response was you can be guided. WTF is that supposed to mean? Lol but that's another story!

Princess1982: So I apologized for over reacting and explained to him that I have never been submissive and I don't like being told what to do, his response was you can be guided. WTF is that supposed to mean? Lol but that's another story!

Afamdman: wow you have never been submissive, hmmm that explains the 2 divorces. Well my dear I hope you learn submission its your power over the man hopefully you learn and it don't lead to divorce number 3. Shaking my head for you. But I pity this your new husband him don jam rock. Either he is a sissy that likes women like you, or he will try to break you either way not good for him. Him no open him eyes look well and ask you why the other 2 divorces, might I be bold to ask why r u a 2 time divorcee what was wrong with the other men?

Princess1982: If he likes me the way I am then why wouldn't his family and I won't talk to him because, I always speak whats on my mind and that might not be good right now. As a matter of fact my last husband said the only mistake God made with me was giving me vocal cords to speak but since then I been working on it.

Princess1982: I guess the two most unreasonable things on the list is he don't want me to talk to much about my pass which is kind of understandable. I'm not ashamed of it however I'm not exactly proud of it but I'm willing to compromise and not say to much. Then the other he wants me to cook at least one meal from his culture on his house helps day off now that might be a problem because, I can't cook American dishes but he promised something simple and said his mother would be there to help. The other things on the list .are just a few tips so I don't feel out of place.

Princess1982: So I'm planning my second trip to Nigeria May 9th we will be saying in my boyfriends home state now I have already met his mother and she seems to be ok with me however on this trip I am suppose to meet his extended family being he is the oldest boy and his father is now deceased he took on the role as somewhat the provider of his family. So for some reason I am being told that everybody is going to be looking to point out every flaw in me and compare me to his first wife who everybody loved so much who is now deceased. Now I have delt with in laws before and always made a good impression but this is different he told me last night that him and his mother is going to put a list of do's and don'ts together for me to (FOLLOW) I am not a child. Teach me culture teach me customs and tradition but I am not a actress and I will not pretend I am something I am not. So I hung up haven't accepted or returned any of his calls am I wrong?

Princess1982: The mom could careless who he marry she just wants him to be happy. However I think his mom is worried about how her mother his Grandmother,aunts, ect. Will accept me and Im not proud that my words hurt I just always speak my mind and sometimes the truth hurts. I want his family to accept me but then again I don't really care if they don't. The man put a 17000 dollar trillion cut engagement ring on my finger and thats U.S. dollars so you would think he would let me be myself.

SAFO: .

For clarification purpose, does this mean you don't know how to cook or that you're just not allowed to cook an American meal for his family on that particular day.

....... Please say it's the latter :::prays::::

Princess1982: It means I don't cook and really can't cook not unless its simple.

SAFO:

Wow that man must really love you.

SAFO:

Wow that man must really love you.

P4VS20: this is beginning to sound like fiction. i berra bounce to another thread

AmBeautiful: But na wa sha oo!
In this day and age a full grown man would sit with his mother and give a full grown lady a list of do's and don'ts ?
Abeg op if I may ask, how old are you? Are u a teenager? Hmm..... Odikwa serious matter oo!
But wait oo! Is this guy in question an only son or an only child? Is he a teenager?


Well sha....
Try to discuss this issue over with him and let there be a compromise between both of you.If a compromise is reached, Also be ready for more interventions from this guys momma in the future.
But remember marriage is for better for worse....... If you know you really can't fit into the plan of him and his mum, its better he knows now. Please do not pretend.