loswhite: totally agree wit u

i feel honoured!

thanks.

loswhite: i like ur post. To poster their is joy in giving. It is not ur position to start defining want and need cos wat u feel is a want might mean a need to d other person so if u can give if u can't I don't have. It is very simple

A banker who start asking you for financial because he/she has seen a 7digit figure in your account is in need? He lives in his mother's house(without rent), I still pay my rents. He receives about 60K/month, but once he noticed the amount in my account he recalled he had no good tires in his car. Meanwhile, I still use public transport to run around. The other colleague of his asked money for her daughter's school fees. Are these needs?

loswhite: sorry 4 using d word spoil brat. I was adding ur point wit op post together so my point was there is noting wrong with teaching ur kids to b contended and discipline I support dat and also they should respond politely to other kids that ask or beg them 4 sumtin not d way ur kid responded dats wat I was trying to point out.

I agree. The response of her kids was in poor taste. If i were the parent of the other kid i would never let those kids near my kids ever again. Encouraging your kids to be rude to others all in the name of "self esteem" was what got me doing a double take on her post.

Curious_city:

A banker who start asking you for financial because he/she has seen a 7digit figure in your account is in need? He lives in his mother's house(without rent), I still pay my rents. He receives about 60K/month, but once he noticed the amount in my account he recalled he had no good tires in his car. Meanwhile, I still use public transport to run around. The other colleague of his asked money for her daughter's school fees. Are these needs?

no. all u hav mentioned r not need but u can't define all of them cos wat u pointed r very obvious . They r some cases that are complex dats y I said give if u can but if u can't politely say no

nigeria is a poor country.

if you cant give, then dont.

if you can, then do.

tpia1: nigeria is a poor country.

if you cant give, then dont.

if you can, then do.

You saying Nigeria is a poor country is a very wrong assertion.

davidylan:

I agree. The response of her kids was in poor taste. If i were the parent of the other kid i would never let those kids near my kids ever again. Encouraging your kids to be rude to others all in the name of "self esteem" was what got me doing a double take on her post.

Yeah it was really poor dats y I had to apologize . U knw it is very little tins like dis dat brings unnecessary hatred in family .

chaircover:

Thats easy!!! most kids learn by watching you their parents. If you dont beg or keep on asking for favours from people all the time and you keep on drumming it into them the importance of hard work and being self sufficient, then they will get into the habit of being content with what they have no matter how little.

Gbam. Leading by example and teaching your kids that they should learn to have shame (or pride as some would call it) is the best way.

Leffe2010: what about condirion of poverty pls lets pray to god to provide for everyone thanks

amen.

chaircover: Just develop a thick skin. If you stop talking to me because I didn't give you money you need to buy frivolous items that you ask for, I just jejely delete you from my BBM and facebook I wont even argue. I dont live beyond my means and make do with what I can afford. I cant disgrace myself because I want to live up with the joneses.

3 Gbosa for you, real man talks

searchcorp:

You see, there are different classes of people in Nigeria, its not my fault if the op is surrounded by people who beg (whichever class they belong to), me and my friends in Nigeria are hardworking set of people, as a matter of fact, i have invited white friends i meet abroad in conferences to come over and have some fun in nigeria, i am an ibo boy and i have relatives who didnt go to school, they all have businesses they do, they dont go around begging people for money.

We are a people of great self worth! i sincerely dont understand what the op is saying.... Plus, if the op is smart enough then she doesnt need nairalanders to teach her how to raise her kids. (well, maybe her kids are already showing beggarly symptoms)

My friend must u boast and brag about who you are to get your point accross on a small issue like this? People who have it like Dangote and Adenuga cannot be on Nairaland by 1:57am posting comments...Kind of very childish! Absolute turnoff!... Mcheeeeww!!!

I dont get why some people must turn this into a location based argument .Its not about where you live.Heck someone who lives in Lagos might be taking advantage of the kindness of one who lives in Abuja simply because he believes the other is doing better.Or vice versa.

Each to his own sha My last word on this is, May we all learn to live within our means while we aspire,pray and work hard to be better.

I think you should ask my mum. Don't know how she did it but till today I'd rather work for what I want than ask for stuff, even when its legit to ask, and now they say its arrogance.
We never had too much growing up but those values along with some I cultivated growing up have made me who I am today, and would make me the greater person I'd be tomorrow.

tpia1: nigeria is a poor country.

if you cant give, then dont.

if you can, then do.

We are richer than so many developed nations. If you do your research, its just a case of money miss road

Teach them to be happy with whatever they have.

If you investigate people who beg, there is no sense of contentment. They don't bliv what they have is enough.

I have had reasons to transfer money to people just to stumble on their statement of account and discover that they actually had more than me as at the time they begged for the money.

Check out ladies too. You have 9 bags, 15 pair of shoes., several clothes both in the name of aso ebi nd stuffs and she stil wants to die begging from a guy. when asked what the money is meant for , you will hear "i don't have clothes" and i kept wondering, the ones u get na for burial?.

If u av are satisfied with what u have, u will likely not see any reason to beg anybody for extra things.

Everyone begs in some way or the other. For example.

1. You are travelling along the road and immediately your tire blew oor your engine suddely stopped working right in the middle of the road, you will have to solicit for help by the people around to help you push the car by the road side, That's Begging or soliciting for help.

2. You went to buy something in the market and you were told N5,000 and you were bargaining till a time you might say, Oga abeg make I pay 4500. The abeg there na begging. So no one is above begging.

3. At your work place, you couldn't make it to work and you begged a fellow worker to cover for you, check the tone you will use: *Ify please I can't make it to the office because am sick, can you please cover for me, ify will say NO and you will be like, ify please na abeg*. You will use every terms available to convince her. Is that not begging?

The best way to prevent your child from begging is to try your best to provide all that child needs and teach them to be content, never let them say to other kids, "gee, how i wish my parents can give me what yours do".

@Topic,If you don't show off,live like you own the world,no one would beg-beg you unnecessarily. This is just for those saying their fbk,bbm,and all social sites friends bug them.Keyword is unnecessarily eg asking for BB,weave-on,etc.If you go on social networks to pose you are encouraging and attracting beggars.IMO

Kids would always be kids and won't stop wanting a piece of what their mates have even when they have something bigger and better.I don't know how anyone would talk about self-esteem for a lad of 3 years who just want a piece biscuit from his playmate

In one thread,we agreed its OK as mothers to go down the road to ask our neighbors for oil,salt,crayfish ati iru and today,we are all self sufficient islanders.Not surprised,na nld be dis .

I just give my boys what they need,tell them to ask me or their teacher/nanny if they want any other thing and to share with their mates.Shikena.I'll rather have kids that asked/begged than one who steal because he is too proud to ask

We should watch it,lest we raise non-compassionate kids all in the name of self esteem bla bla.Beggars have always been here and would always be here.

so if i need something and someone else has it, i should not beg to be assisted? no wonder we have too many armed robbers.....since they know that u would possibly not give if they beg ask

By giving them to beggars to bring them up for you

@ poster. You seem to me a very arrogant and self serving character even at your choice of heading. Why not HOW I RAISE KIDS THAT GIVE!!!
Also the word BEG is condescending.
Ask is a better word.
Giving and receiving makes the world go round.
You got all you have by begging via going to school, getting a job etc.
Ask to receive its a principle proven by fact.
Play your role if you have to give or play your role if you have to take.
Be cheerful about.
Go on raise kids that give!!!

davidylan:
Last but not the least... let kids be kids... at their age they will still want to ask for something from their peers... it is normal.

This.

I dont understand how any sensible person, most especially a mother will frown at kids doing what kids should be doing.

Sharing is a virtue that is specifically taught in my kids' nursery, school and after school club.

pappilo:

This.

I dont understand how any sensible person, most especially a mother will frown at kids doing what kids should be doing.

Sharing is a virtue that is specifically taught in my kids' nursery, school and after school club.

Are you sure you don't want kids that have self esteem even when they're hungry and they're friends are munching on gala?

ifyalways: @Topic,If you don't show off,live like you own the world,no one would beg-beg you unnecessarily. This is just for those saying their fbk,bbm,and all social sites friends bug them.Keyword is unnecessarily eg asking for BB,weave-on,etc.If you go on social networks to pose you are encouraging and attracting beggars.IMO

Kids would always be kids and won't stop wanting a piece of what their mates have even when they have something bigger and better.I don't know how anyone would talk about self-esteem for a lad of 3 years who just want a piece biscuit from his playmate

In one thread,we agreed its OK as mothers to go down the road to ask our neighbors for oil,salt,crayfish ati iru and today,we are all self sufficient islanders.Not surprised,na nld be dis .

I just give my boys what they need,tell them to ask me or their teacher/nanny if they want any other thing and to share with their mates.Shikena.I'll rather have kids that asked/begged than one who steal because he is too proud to ask

We should watch it,lest we raise non-compassionate kids all in the name of self esteem bla bla.Beggars have always been here and would always be here.

how do we like this post 10 times?

dont give them when the beg as children and spunk them when they try begging even in public, but most importantly, give them what they deserve, draw them closer to your self and atime drop love aside and teach them discipline..

Na una get time dey answer anybody wey beg. If because I no give u wetin u beg for una refuse to greet me,FINE. The tin dey annoy me too. If ur old schoolmate see u dey ride one hickety piketty car, d next tin be o boy make we go joint nah. If dem see ur face dey shine for fbk, na so so beg beg go follow. O ti su mi self.
As to bring up pikins wey no go beg, jos make dem realise say E NO GOOD to dey beg say if person dey beg, he go dey lose him respect and pride be dat oo. When Lam Adesina no get money dey beg for garri for Ibadan pipu dey look buh wen he dcome governor finish, con see as pipu dey yeye am say see person wey dey beg for garri last year as he dey do YANGA now.

Of course kids have to learn how to share.My daughter still got punished yesterday for refusing to share her toys with a friends kids who came over( to be fair to her they were slightly older boys who wanted to break her dolls head).As lil as she is when u say its what to share?she says its kind/ nice to share.Her school is a faith sch and they encourage it too.Vals was more about being kind to others.

Maybe my interpretation of OP post is diff BUT in as much i will teach my kids to be a giver(i am a giver at heart) i will teach them not to expect favours cos they gave.Still live within your means.I know people who help so that in the future they can Lord it over you and say i made you who you are today so where is the Car of appreciation(not advocating for ungratefulness either).Just give and let go.And be content with what you have.

When my my girls were growing up I even told them not to wear each other's clothes that one should be contented with what you have. As for taking from neighbours it was and still is forbidden in my household I made it clear to my kids that if there is no maggI at home it means the soup does not require maggi. Then they see neighbours coming to beg for almost everything from us they complain I made it clear to them it's because the are inferior and a self respecting person would not do that. The truth is that if you want people around you to respect you don't go borrowing and begging from neighbours and friends.

tpia1: nigeria is a poor country.

if you cant give, then dont.

if you can, then do.

You sound like a beggar with that mentality. You are only poor when you believe you are. God forbid my Nigeria can never be poor.

Lakayana: When my my girls were growing up I even told them not to wear each other's clothes that one should be contented with what you have. As for taking from neighbours it was and still is forbidden in my household I made it clear to my kids that if there is no maggI at home it means the soup does not require maggi. Then they see neighbours coming to beg for almost everything from us they complain I made it clear to them it's because the are inferior and a self respecting person would not do that. The truth is that if you want people around you to respect you don't go borrowing and begging from neighbours and friends.

Aww how shallow. What a way to raise narcissists. Its easy to not have to borrow maggi from the neighbors since God has blessed you with more than enough... why dont we just let the neighbours starve since self respecting people NEVER get into situations where they need to depend on friends, families or neighbours. I hope you never have a flat tire on a highway and have to beg from help from passing motorists... of course as a superior self respecting person... i believe you would prefer to trek to the nearest vulcanizer's shop rather than "beg".

Lakayana: You sound like a beggar with that mentality. You are only poor when you believe you are. God forbid my Nigeria can never be poor.

This is a very silly post.

1. Having the compassion to give to those less fortunate is NOT beggar mentality. It is just being a kind, warm individual.

2. You are poor if you cannot afford to eat... it doesnt matter what you believe.

3. more than 70% of nigerians are poor. FACT

There is a difference between sharing and begging.
I encourage my son to share oh and also to accept shared items from friends.
One of his best friends lives in an orphanage and he goes for play dates and sleep overs. Now they tell me my son eats a lot there while at home he struggles to eat and finish his meal but when he goes to see his friend he eats and asks for more am sure because he sees other kids eating.
Let us be honest as mothers kids prefer to eat out than eat at home, you can give them swiss chocolate but it is the 10naira sweet their friends eat that will sweet them pass.
I agree that the begging and expectation factor here can be something else but I also see people in so much lack all around while we wind up our windows so we wouldn't deal with the rot in our society.
I understand the greed people talk about and I actually prefer to give when you don't ask me like the cashiers in shops and attendants at parking lots, but I try to give and I am not to proud to receive.
We are all in this boat together and we have to open our minds, life is beyond us and our families, if this country sinks we sink together.
Apart from picking local charities to support we also try to support kids in schools and my husband has a weak spot for widows even though some of them can lie sha. But along the way we learn how to screen and smoke out the lies.
He has mentored a lot of them in growing their small businesses.

Let's look beyond the greedy ones and identify the real people in need and see how we can help.
We are not rich, we barely manage sometimes but we deny ourselves some luxuries our "mates" have so we can share with others.
I am happy I married someone who feels strongly as I do about sharing.
Truth is sometimes I wonder how we get so comfortable riding the worlds flashiest cars and gadgets in the midst of so much lack in our society.
We tell ourselves we have earned it and so should enjoy these things but I always remember the words of God "whatsoever you do to the least of my brethren you do to me"
And "He who gives to the Poor lends to the Lord"
I have watched so many people die and at that moment, their cars and jewleries and all the things we seem so crazy about are a distant memory.
The gap between the rich and dirt poor is scandalous and we term success as money, cars, phones and houses, yet some go to bed hungry and barely have clothes to cover their unclothedness in the same society where private jets are now the latest gadgets