Hi, I'm Simon Ivan Andal, 19 year-old Computer Science student at very posh school. I've also been a Nairalander since March 2011, and I believe I've contributed something to this forum; and of recent, made people laugh with my ILLUMATI trolls.

Many of you know me, many of you don't. For those that do, you know I'm gay; and for those that don't, you just found out. And while I'm not gonna make this post about my sexuality, I think it's important to make it known that I'm cool with it. I've come to terms with it, and I've achieved homeostasis with regards to my homosexuality. I'm also a Buddhist, so...yeah, not your average Nigerian.

As a Nigerian, a lot of things are expected of you. Things like growing up, getting an education/learning a trade/making money, getting married (heterosexual marriage), taking care of your parents, and churning out babies like a Johnson and Johnson baby machine just so your parents can see their grandchildren before they expire. Oh, and it's a prerequisite to believe in God, if your parents are Christians, or Allah, if Muslims. So quite naturally, there is no room for any deviant behaviour, like say...faggotry or atheism. Adultery is allowed. So also child marriages.

When you don't fulfil said expectations, when you deviate from the plan, you just might find yourself cut off from your family, if you're lucky, or have a spouse thrust upon you by your oh-so-well-meaning family, if you're on Santa's naughty list. If you're cursed, well...they wouldn't even bother with your input.

As a young boy, I was groomed in a Christian home, bred in the churches, and fattened with the bible. I was ripe for the taking. And I saw nothing wrong with that, afterall my parents knew what's best for me. I was encouraged to not question decisions, think outside of The Plan, and not associate with the neighbour kids that were different than us.

At age 8, I was the perfect robot, the prize child, the proper noblesse oblige. I knew all the "fancy texts" by heart. By fancy texts, I'm referring to those parts of the bible quoted to impress. Like Psalms 23, 1, 121, 91, John 3, Matthew 16, Genesis 1, etcetera. I was a "certified prayer warrior" (whatever that means), with "the ability to pray down the heavens", bla bla bla meh.

I'm not sure why I'm going off tangent or why I'm telling y'all this, but since this is gonna be my last post on Nairaland, I better make it worthwhile.

It will not be your last post on Nairaland, and you know it. Cut out the drama and let's talk about whatever is making you upset.

Seun: It will not be your last post on Nairaland, and you know it. Cut out the drama and let's talk about whatever is making you upset.

lol!


Simonandal, it would be sad to see you go!

Pls don't go...i like this particular thread.

I'm not sad or anything...maybe a bit, but it's not like I'm planning on suicide or anything (been there, done that).

Let's continue:

I've often been told I'm selfish. Well they're very correct. In fact, I take pride in my selfishness. I mean, not that I'm overtly wicked or something like that, but I tend to go out of my way to keep my stuff from people. I've been referred to as antisocial. Whatever.

Selfishness pays off at the end, it might not be in the way you expect, but it does. Now nobody asks me for foodstuffs anymore, or my earpiece, or my pc. That's nice. They've learnt. That might result in having fewer friends, but something I've realised (from experience) is that friends come and go, but you remain.

Another thing is what I call my "slut image". A lot of people think me the casanova, whatever. I think being a virgin's cool......but wait, how did I go from prim and proper Christian schoolboy to "slut image" and selfishness?

So down the line into primary three, I ran across this boy. Casmir. Feelings. Looking back, I suppose that's how a robot would feel when its code gets corrupt.

If you struggle with depression, you should get some medication for it. Some of the drugs they prescribe these days are awesome.

Seun: If you struggle with depression, you should get some medication for it. Some of the drugs they prescribe these days are awesome.

_
Again, not what I'm going for. Been there, done that.

My parents are ok, not great, but ok. A while ago I would have said great, awesome, even, but I know better now. Not that I'm not thankful or anything, but I could use fewer "queer"s and "faggöt"s. Whatever.

Like most kids my age (back in primary and early secondary school...and a bit into ss1), I had a little thingy with bullying. Nothing big, just a few knocked out teeth and some black eye. Some words. Whatever.

My dad's a real macho male, being in the army and all that, so I leant early that men "are not supposed to" be emotional. Like wtf Who gave that rule? Who wrote that book? Anyhoo.

So Casmir was a class above me, and so we never really had any cause to interact. But why would I want to interact with him in the first instance? I felt strangely drawn to him, nothing much, just some butterflies here and there....

[Checks time] I'm almost done, a couple hours more...|

Okiki_Oluwa: so what next? What's up with you? You sure there's no problem?

_
I'm cool. A lot sticky and sweaty from the heat, though. It's alright.

Seun: If you struggle with depression, you should get some medication for it. Some of the drugs they prescribe these days are awesome.

Okiki_Oluwa: so what next? What's up with you? You sure there's no problem?

Let him be.
Sometimes, people just need to talk; let it out. "Talking about it" can be amazingly liberating. Judging from the background he's from, there may be no one to talk to. A forum like this is a great avenue for that (or maybe not).

Simon, keep going.

Sometimes it's just good to slink quietly away into the background. Anonymity is the greatest gift anybody can have. Not having to second-guess your actions because of the consequences it'll have on your amebo relatives. Going through life without stress. My mum thinks the reason I stay so long in the loo or stay in my room with a closed door is because I'm masturbating.

I hate responsibility. Not that I'm lazy or anything...maybe I am. I do procrastinate a lot, though. And it seems that lately I've spent my time in front of the telly. Funny thing's I can't remember what happened in the last two movies I watched.

It got so bad that Casmir was my sole reason for going to school back then. I got really sad every time the bell rang for dismissal, and moody throughout the days he wasn't in school. We still hadn't spoken.

I attempted suicide in SS1. It was really painful. I had to have my stomach pumped and shit like that. I had another attempt three months later. My mum took me to mountain of fire for deliverance. From what, exactly?

I was reading a story on fanfiction one day on my mobile (I was 15, I think); it was gay-themed and quite explicit, and I slept off. I woke up later in the night to loud argument between my parents about it (my mum picked up the phone and saw it and took it to my dad). Anyway I managed to lie that a friend on myspace sent me the link as a prank. I still got 12 strokes for reading the content. Coulda been worse.

I finally mustered the courage to talk to Casmir and boy did I make a fool of myself. But we talked, I gave him my biscuits, bla bla.

I had a dream of bagging by B.Sc., getting the hell outta this country to do my masters, and not coming back again...whatever.

I really deviated from my original plot which was posting to say goodbye to a few people, then asking Seun to deactivate my account (or not), and then going to bed. Plans tend not to work out, maybe it's me.

nice diary....reading.

Nothing wrong with being gay by the way. If you have a very discreet and private partner.

G'bye mait..hehe,like really..

I think you had/have an unhappy home... But i really thought only broke people get depressed...but no matter what happens, being depressed/moody/suicidal doesnt solve a thing.

I will be following your story,seems like a novel to me.

However, i must say you been indoors for too long.

I remember last semester when i missed my exams, i always had this urge to jump off the top floor in school! But it woulda been stupid at best. I would suggest tho you see a psychologist.

Sounds like my own story...at least I knew there was a time I only looked forward to school, cos of one guy...memories..lol. Being a young Nigerian gay is really depressing I must say, so suicide thoughts may crop in once in a while. I've learnt to overcome that ever since my one good friend accepted me for who I am..and I got to share things with him.

Simon, find something that makes you happy and keep at it...and whenever you feel depressed, look back on those beautiful memories in the past (I know you have some)...and smile.

OP why don't you just take a break from Nairaland for sometime instead of deciding to leave completely? You might feel differently in future after having Seun deactivate your account.
I think you're just passing through a bad phase presently. Just be patient and hang in there, bad phases always come to an end.

SimonAndal:
_
I'm cool. A lot sticky and sweaty from the heat, though. It's alright.

alright. Take care.

Nkan nbe o

God! I now see who this guy was. I knew definitely that there was something wrong. Bro, pls calm down. Don't do any harm to yourself. Don't isolate yourself from nairaland, it the best place to be. If you feel people around you are not really happy with your life then you have to make some adjustments. Change is the only thing constant in nature. Everybody does it at one point or the other. You've got to make some changes. I know you may say that you have your own life to live, yes, that is true and you have some rights too but the problem is that life turning to make you an outcast in the society and this is where the problem is which is what you may be going through now. I believe there you can make a change. Just ask me how. I'll be waiting. Cheer up.

SimonAndal: Let's continue:

I've often been told I'm selfish. Well they're very correct. In fact, I take pride in my selfishness. I mean, not that I'm overtly wicked or something like that, but I tend to go out of my way to keep my stuff from people. I've been referred to as antisocial. Whatever.

Selfishness pays off at the end, it might not be in the way you expect, but it does. Now nobody asks me for foodstuffs anymore, or my earpiece, or my pc. That's nice. They've learnt. That might result in having fewer friends, but something I've realised (from experience) is that friends come and go, but you remain.

I really like this part, just like me. Not that I'm actually selfish but some people can be so useless and demanding expecting you to do things for them. There's this particular boy in my hostel that would never buy soap to wash his clothes, he would be chasing me up and down to give him from my big detergent pack. I used to give him bt later stopped because he had made it an habit and when I refused, u'll see him picking leftover soaps of people to use. This same boy would buy 30 naira bread 4 breakfasts he so much hates spending money and sometimes I begin if it's me that's selfish or him.

Bottom line is this; I stay away from people, our lives are two different entities.

SEXY SEUN'S ILLUMATI CREEP OVER THE E-RUBICON, CELESTIAL ESCTASY NLWIDE MADDENNING SIMONANDAL BEAUTIFULLY DEACTIVATED OF TROLLING METABOLISM DIGESTED AND ERA OF PLATEAU SEDUCES ALL....

Hehehehehehehe. You need to go and rest and come up with something else. #Goodluck

na wa

Where is OP? OP come and complete your story abeg, I dey take style enjoy the tori before.

So it actually turns out that many people including me like Simonandal.


If you are reading this, please dont go!

If you have no choice, I wish you goodluck in whatever you do!

Kkhdyr thheoc rhcfoorbvkksoamlld!!!!

Im Secret admirer... Lol! if you leave nairaland, i will embark on a hunger strike.