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My Husband Is Having Ex Issues! - Family - Nairaland

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My Husband Is Having Ex Issues! by Nobody: 12:24pm On Mar 13, 2013
It is a common phenomenon for a person to have had a long term relationship but what if the person doesnt get married to dat same partner later in life,and he still talks about her to d present partner ? Can u call that an obssession?
I discovered after 3 months of marriage,my hubby behaves somehow whenever he jst had a chat with his ex.he'll ignore talking to me,decide to sleep alone etc.is it that he's still in love wit ds lady?Fine...they were so much in love b4,d relationship lasted for 7 yrs but d lady had to move on since my hubby wasnt ready for marriage then due to financial constraints and she said she could not wait.She now has 2 kids from another man she's legally married too.what do u do in ds kinda situation?
Re: My Husband Is Having Ex Issues! by hardbody: 12:57pm On Mar 13, 2013
If you believe in prayers, just keep at it. Try not to aggravate him whenever he seems to have made those calls, let him be until he gets back to his senses. If you make an issue of it, you will be creating a greater chasm and that is the least room you want to give him.

Try and go out a lot with him, find out some of the things the other lady did and try to replicate those things while introducing new dimensions to it. At the end of the day, whether you get him completely out of that mould remains in your hands, all the best.

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Re: My Husband Is Having Ex Issues! by Nobody: 12:59pm On Mar 13, 2013
hardbody: If you believe in prayers, just keep at it. Try not to aggravate him whenever he seems to have made those calls, let him be until he gets back to his senses. If you make an issue of it, you will be creating a greater chasm and that is the least room you want to give him.

Try and go out a lot with him, find out some of the things the other lady did and try to replicate those things while introducing new dimensions to it. At the end of the day, whether you get him completely out of that mould remains in your hands, all the best.


Thanx,i rily appreciate this advice.
Re: My Husband Is Having Ex Issues! by Nobody: 1:09pm On Mar 13, 2013
I think this would be better in the family section. U need good, practical and serious advice, and you would get it there.
Re: My Husband Is Having Ex Issues! by DExplorer1: 1:21pm On Mar 13, 2013
*yawning and stretching*
Re: My Husband Is Having Ex Issues! by freecocoa(f): 2:03pm On Mar 13, 2013
I'm not married but from the way you sound, its like your husband is an authoritative person and doesn't really respect your feelings(unless you haven't talked to him about this issue)otherwise I don't see why he should keep doing something that hurts you.

I'd advice you have a heart to heart talk with him, like really make him understand how you feel and why is he still even keeping that much contact with a married ex?

P.S, this should be in the family section, you'd get more practical and useful advice there.
Re: My Husband Is Having Ex Issues! by Nobody: 2:08pm On Mar 13, 2013
Thank u so much all...i appreciate d advice and i'll shift it to d family section promptly!
Re: My Husband Is Having Ex Issues! by megareal: 3:03pm On Mar 13, 2013
OP, you are staring at a brewing adulterous situation. Your husband is still in love with his ex and I dare to presume he feels much less for you. Its a recipe for disaster. I fear when he talks with his ex, she is pretentiously bemoaning how terrible her current marriage is and wishing she hadn't left him. She may even be suggesting divorce and he sees himself in an impossible situation, wishing he hadn't met you, hence the brooding mood.You may talk with him, but if he's not really interested in your feelings, I fear you will be wasting your time and may incur his resentment. Sometimes, it takes competition to make people sit up. Two can play the game. Whatever you need to do to make your husband realise you are still very much desirable to the male folk, pls do. Right now he doesn't see you as good enough or even better than his ex. If he realises that other males see something good in you, he will have a rethink. Re-package or re-invent yourself and try to become more than his ex ever was. Then pray hard that he doesn't wake up one day and leave the marriage.

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Re: My Husband Is Having Ex Issues! by LoveAmaka88(f): 3:10pm On Mar 13, 2013
You husband should not be speaking to his ex. Period. If they don't have kids together, there is nothing else to talk about. What more do you have to say after 7 years? Out of respect for you, your marriage, and your household it needs to stop. You don't have to yell at him or forbid him, but you need to have a conversation about appropriate conduct in a marriage. As his wife, you are supposed to be his partner and his best friend. There should be no need for him to continue his relationship with her.

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Re: My Husband Is Having Ex Issues! by Nobody: 3:34pm On Mar 13, 2013
That man is still not ready for marriage. Apparently, finance wasn't the only constraint. The lady must've seen some other intolerable traits in him and used the finance issue as an excuse to remove herself from perpetual bondage. A wise woman.

A lot of men seem to draw pity with their poor financial state. That said, make a move and see a marriage counsellor; your marriage is at the brink of collapse.
Re: My Husband Is Having Ex Issues! by tpia5: 6:05pm On Mar 13, 2013
i wonder if all the exes of people need to get together over poundy and maltina, and thoroughly discuss their ex intoto.

maybe this will help them remove the rose coloured glasses [at least in the case of the women, dem sabi use mouth trash/finish somebody].

i saw something like that on tv albeit a fictional situation.

for example, say 20 to 38 ex girlfriends of orikinla or someone, meet up at some club and get him out of their systems over a few glasses of palmwine and local gin.

guys, how would you feel if you came across all your exes discussing you?
Re: My Husband Is Having Ex Issues! by FXKing2012(m): 9:51pm On Mar 13, 2013
tpia@:
i wonder if all the exes of people need to get together over poundy and maltina, and thoroughly discuss their ex intoto.

maybe this will help them remove the rose coloured glasses [at least in the case of the women, dem sabi use mouth trash/finish somebody].

i saw something like that on tv albeit a fictional situation.

for example, say 20 to 38 ex girlfriends of orikinla or someone, meet up at some club and get him out of their systems over a few glasses of palmwine and local gin.

guys, how would you feel if you came across all your exes discussing you?
You really need to pay up your debt before it's too late.
Re: My Husband Is Having Ex Issues! by spiritchild(f): 10:45pm On Mar 14, 2013
had the same issue when I got married. I confided in an older married friend, a man. His advice from a man's perspective was priceless and it worked! His advice? Let him feel there's competition, choose a partner in crime, a male, who would call u @ odd times especially when he's around. In my case I used a male cousin ma hubby had never met or heard about. It worked like magic cos he soon started policing my phone, demanding to know who called and even began snapping @ his ex when she calls. We have been together 7years now. I hope it works for u.

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Re: My Husband Is Having Ex Issues! by specialguest(f): 12:26pm On Mar 16, 2013
spiritchild: had the same issue when I got married. I confided in an older married friend, a man. His advice from a man's perspective was priceless and it worked! His advice? Let him feel there's competition, choose a partner in crime, a male, who would call u @ odd times especially when he's around. In my case I used a male cousin ma hubby had never met or heard about. It worked like magic cos he soon started policing my phone, demanding to know who called and even began snapping @ his ex when she calls. We have been together 7years now. I hope it works for u.



Exactly what i was going to suggest . Men dislike competion and the presence of it makes them to sit up. However what ever you plan on doing, remember to do it with moderation, have it at the back of your mind that you are working on your marriage and not trying to destroy it. Pick a harmless partner in crime like a cousin just like the poster above, Do Not go for an Ex boyfriend abeg because you will only cause more harm at the end.
Meanwhile continue to show him love and pray with him always.
Re: My Husband Is Having Ex Issues! by baby124: 2:35pm On Mar 16, 2013
spiritchild: had the same issue when I got married. I confided in an older married friend, a man. His advice from a man's perspective was priceless and it worked! His advice? Let him feel there's competition, choose a partner in crime, a male, who would call u @ odd times especially when he's around. In my case I used a male cousin ma hubby had never met or heard about. It worked like magic cos he soon started policing my phone, demanding to know who called and even began snapping @ his ex when she calls. We have been together 7years now. I hope it works for u.



You have not seen a man that will use that excuse to cheat and bring another woman in. Even if you swear up and down that it is your cousin, there is such a thing as incest. This maybe fine for a boyfriend but not husband. Some men will take full advantage and your full hell will begin. Don't start to put doubt in your mans mind or come down to his level OP,

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