It can be hard to admit to feelings of loneliness, but one in 10 Britons is lonely. It's not just an issue for the elderly - loneliness is rising among the young. So are we all destined to be lonely?

"No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main," wrote the poet John Donne in the 17th Century.

Some people seek isolation, but few choose to be lonely.

Loneliness not only makes us unhappy, but it is bad for us. It can lead to a lack of confidence and mental health problems like depression, stress and anxiety.

Studies have consistently shown that one in 10 of us is lonely, but a report by the Mental Health Foundation suggests loneliness among young people is increasing.

At the same time, social changes such as the rise of the solo dweller and the surge in social networks, combined with an ageing population, are changing the way people interact with each other.

So is modern life making us lonely?

People feel lonely for different reasons, says Michelle Mitchell, charity director general of Age UK, but it tends to be triggered by a big life event.


Befriending services can transform lives
"It can be poor health, illness, money, children moving away, feeling cut off from family and friends and the community, friends dying, a lack of access to transport, redundancy or career problems or divorce. Often it's when people lose a sense of purpose and contribution.

"Bereavement is also a big issue - losing your husband or wife can have a really detrimental impact on how people feel about the world," she says.

It is a feeling that Pam, whose husband Peter died four years ago, identifies with.

"You meet other men, who are on their own. That's not what I'm looking for. What am I looking for? I'm looking for my husband aren't I, and I'm never going to find him," she says.

But while bereavement and ill health may be inevitable, there's a sense modern society is exacerbating other triggers of loneliness.

Dr Andrew McCulloch, chief executive of the Mental Health Foundation, argues although there is no hard historic data to show loneliness - which is arguably subjective - is getting worse, there is some sociological evidence.

"We have data that suggests people's social networks have got smaller and families are not providing the same level of social context they may have done 50 years ago.

"It's not because they are bad or uncaring families, but it's to do with geographical distance, marriage breakdown, multiple caring responsibilities and longer working hours," he says.

The lonely old lady is probably the most obvious stereotype. Fifty years ago, people tended to live closer to their elderly parents, but travel and work opportunities have led more people to move further afield.

Last year, charity WRVS warned more than 360,000 older people felt lonely because their children were too far away and "too busy to see them".

It was a feeling Alice, 94, from Yorkshire, was familiar with until she joined a befriending service. She says her daughter and granddaughter are always "very busy working" and she felt incredibly isolated until Andrew, 44, started taking her out to the shops once a week.

"He makes me feel wanted and I don't just say that. He's worth a fortune, I would be lost without him, and I mean lost," she says.

The impact isn't just emotional. Studies suggest social isolation is associated with a higher rate of death in older people and loneliness is the "hidden killer" of the elderly.


Does social networking help people stay in touch - or just the opposite?
But McCulloch says loneliness transcends "all ages and all classes". It could just as easily affect a young person going from school to college struggling to make friends, isolated single parents or someone not in education or employment.

For Lucy, who is in her 30s and from Birmingham, divorce - which is four times the rate it was 50 years ago - was the catalyst.

"Even though I was surrounded by people, nobody I knew was going through the same experience," she says.

Going to a support group enabled her to rebuild her life, but she says she still feels empty when her daughter's father picks her up at the weekend.

"My life is very busy juggling work and having this lovely five-year-old around me. It's a big shock to the system when I'm suddenly on my own again. I find negative thoughts coming into my head and need to distract myself from becoming anxious and worrying about loneliness," she says.

The rise of the solo dweller is also thought to have had an impact.

The proportion of adults living alone in England and Wales almost doubled between 1973 and 2011, from 9% to 16%, according to the ONS.

Of the 16%, 28% are aged between 35-54 years old, but one study suggests people of working age who live alone increase their risk of depression by up to 80% compared with people living in families.

Social networking websites have also come under fire for reducing face-to-face contact and making people more isolated, although Mitchell says they can also some people stay in touch.

But if modern society is making us more lonely, what can be done to counter it?

Mitchell says there needs to be more investment in social help such as befriending schemes - which relies on volunteers - and community outreach programmes, as being part of a social network such as a walking club or local church can help alleviate loneliness.


But she says we also have a responsibility to "think more openly and creatively about how to deal with one of the greatest social problems of our time".

"In the Isle of Wight a community has set up a time bank which is working really well. People share skills and assets.

"There's a huge market in peer-to-peer marketing, on websites such as eBay, and people are swapping houses for a week as part of their holidays. There has got to be something along those lines we can do," she says.

McCulloch agrees innovation is key. "Instead of living alone, people could club together to buy houses - a friend is doing that in his old age, it's mini commercial enterprise," he says.

But he says there needs to be a cultural shift so that people are more concerned about the welfare of those in their communities.

"There is a philosophical issue that arguably society is too materialistic and individualistic.

"Just a basic level of social behaviour, such as saying hello, or asking if people are OK, can have an impact," he says.

There is also still a stigma around loneliness which needs to be changed, and psychological therapy will help, he adds.

Mitchell believes a tipping point is around the corner.

"I think we'll look back and think 'how did we allow that to happen?' It's like looking back at the issue of children going to work at 12 - there's something so fundamentally wrong with what's happening," she says.
http://m.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-22012957

Hmm, quite a lengthy read I must confess but what really caught my attention in this article was where the correlation was made between social networking and loneliness.

Does social networking help people stay in touch - or just the opposite?

Personally, I feel social networks makes people stay closer in touch with each other more than any other medium and most importantly with folks in diaspora.
To me, it is also the best , cheapest and fastest way to reach family and friends @ the snap of one's fingers.

Secondly, we were also informed[in the article] that social networking has reduced face-face interaction drastically making people more isolated.. And again, I find that statement hard to accept cos technology has also made it possible for people to interact with each other face-face via webcam, skype and it's likes so how can one be more isolated given these advancements in technology?

So let's hear from y'all your take on this..
Does social networking makes you feel isolated?
Cos to me, this doesn't hold..

^^depends on how you define loneliness and I think its subjective.Yes,we have taken consolation in social media and all other telecommunication media and have milked the advantages that come with it as much as it allows.
For some people,its just enough to know that their loved ones are okay so the question of loneliness does not arise and the others that value presence more are the ones this article is speaking for.

slimyem: ^^depends on how you define loneliness and I think its subjective

Loneliness: feeling sad and alone
And please elaborate on it's "subjective meaning" contextually..

Yes,we have taken consolation in social media and all other telecommunication media and have milked the advantages that come with it as much as it allows.

Agreed and why not? I personally do not see anything wrong with that attitude, besides the pros far outweighs the cons so it's welcomed.

For some people,its just enough to know that their loved ones are okay so the question of loneliness does not arise and the others that value presence more are the ones this article is speaking for.

Hmm, there is some truth in that text.

cowgurl:
Loneliness: feeling sad and alone
And please elaborate on it's "subjective meaning" contextually..

that what I explained in the following and last paragraph of that post.
You might think not being around my people make me lonely while it might just be what's perfect for me and then there are certainly other factors responsible for loneliness outside interactive media and/or mordern life.

Yes, modern life is making us lonely especially for those who prefer isolated life.

Man, f*ck this sh*t! Social Networking has gotten me [size=18pt]PUNNY![/size]

... Therefore i am not complaining.

Thank you very much.

Is modern life making us lonely? hmmn! ask google.

9th 2 post dancing azonnto

maybe not lonely.. Def. Not lonely, social networking has definitely reduced solitude, i.e our capacity for deep thoughts, or happy loneliness if you will.. Check this blog out there's an article about it
Diaryofbomiehimony..com

Really really lonely. Thats why I always visit my village to interact with my villagers.

Many people here are waiting for me to shout OTU-OCHA...!!!!

How can you assert that "modern life" is making "us" lonely by just using social networking(which is an aspect of it) for your flawed assertion?? Brits have always been loners and this has nothing to do with modern life!!

I don't know how you can be sociable in this unpredictable and crap weather... Heck, some would argue that social networking has made the Brits more sociable!

BBC needs to stop wasting tax payers' money on irrelevant crap!

It should be : Is Modern life making us dumb or smart ? Cause a dumb person puts his/her wants over their needs. But a smart fellow does the opposite.

Simplify X.

I agree, one aspect of modern day life is that we are losing the direct interraction with people and instead using digital means.

New researches have proven that the new media (social network), plus hi-tech gadgets like ipad, iphone, blackberries etc have replaced real social relationship, intimacy and friendships. Now, everybody can sit behind a laptop or type from their hi-tech gadgets and chat with thousands of their e-friends on facebook, twitter, nairaland; but at same not having the benefit of the soul and essence of friendship. Look around you & u'll see practically everyone either face-down on a computer, blackberry or ears shut with an earphone listening to music.

In this modern times, aside your immediate family members and relations, everyone is shut off from the rest of the world and their lives circulate around e-friends; whose personality or xter you cannot really assess because on social networks ppl put up a public face (mostly nice-guy but unreal personality).

A quick check: when was the last time you had a nice social outing with your group of friends? Or how many of your e-friends are your REAL friends you've interacted wit physically?

SUMMARY: Wit modernity and the new media, MORE E-FRIENDS, BUT LESS REAL FRIENDS. MORE ACTIVITY &BUZZ ON LAPTOP AND HI-TECH GADGETS, BUT LESS ACTIVITY & LONELINESS IN REAL LIFE

Wit modernity and the new media, MORE E-FRIENDS, BUT LESS REAL FRIENDS. MORE ACTIVITY &BUZZ ON LAPTOP AND HI-TECH GADGETS, BUT LESS ACTIVITY & LONELINESS IN REAL LIFE
(Modify) (Quote) (Report)

Not in Nigeria & for someone like me who has a compound family.
No dull moment for me.

I knew it, why won't it be UK complaining? They cause it for themselves. What do they expect? They don't consider it important to just meet you in the street and say a genuine "hi", with their fake smiles that dissappear as quick as a blink. Meet someone, say hi, don't be scared of saying how you really feel even though you might want to be guarded with your feelings. Your neighbor will never come to your house to just exchange pleasantries and have a little chit- chat say maybe on a weekend. Just be ready to live there for 20 years and seeing your next door neighbor just 10 times. Very individualistic and self absorbed people. I have to say that the average Briton has a feeling of being more important than people of other nationalities. They can go ahead and shrink in their loneliness. Rubbish. Africans should at least thank their stars for that sense of community that comes naturally to them, you don't know what you've got till it's gone.

OmoEziokwu: I knew it, why won't it be UK complaining? They cause it for themselves. What do they expect? They don't consider it important to just meet you in the street and say a genuine "hi", with their fake smiles that dissappear as quick as a blink. Meet someone, say hi, don't be scared of saying how you really feel even though you might want to be guarded with your feelings. Your neighbor will never come to your house to just exchange pleasantries and have a little chit- chat say maybe on a weekend. Just be ready to live there for 20 years and seeing your next door neighbor just 10 times. Very individualistic and self absorbed people. I have to say that the average Briton has a feeling of being more important than people of other nationalities. They can go ahead and shrink in their loneliness. Rubbish. Africans should at least thank their stars for that sense of community that comes naturally to them, you don't know what you've got till it's gone.

Bros THANKS, you nailed it. As a matter of fact I've been in this gadem place called Uk for 4 yrs now and I doubt if solitary confinement is not better. NO neighbour visits, nobody cares about the next person. I cant wait to finish mystudies and leave this CENTRE OF BOREDOM and LONELINESS. if this is what being abroad is all about, I'm not interested. I can't wait to get back to my busy Lasgidi. UK is so so boring and these snobbish whites with long nose and fake smiles are the most snobbish creatures on earth. did I hear you say 10 times in a year? I wish o! 10 times is an exaggeration. I don't even know their names and they don't know mine. Sometimes you cant even recognise a neighbour you've lived over 3yrs with because you guys hardly ever see each other. social life is ZERO! i was asking myself this morning ...at least people in prisons see themselves ? this capital loneliness is worse than incarceration.

Yes.. Don't know why i always feel lonely. . . But i know its not normal sha

the demands of modern life is taking away d soul of living.it is viewd more as a competition...a viscious food chain.u better not b looking up i SWEAR u beta nt be.geniune friends hardly exists anymore.i miss those days with them guys realy.this life hard

sometimes modernity can make someone lonely,but when am on nairaland i forget loneliness.

Now I give up. Nigerians complaining about the solitude nature of brits can be excused considering the warm climate and family oriented environment they migrated from, but what i find disbelieving is having to hear brits who migrated to Sweden complaining about the individualistic life here, maybe loneliness is relative and cannot be exclusively tagged as a country's social formation.

If you have allowed social networking and forums like nairaland take over real life physical interactions with people, then you are lonely.

cowgurl: Hmm, quite a lengthy read I must confess but what really caught my attention in this article was where the correlation was made between social networking and loneliness.

Does social networking help people stay in touch - or just the opposite?

Personally, I feel social networks makes people stay closer in touch with each other more than any other medium and most importantly with folks in diaspora.
To me, it is also the best , cheapest and fastest way to reach family and friends @ the snap of one's fingers.

Secondly, we were also informed[in the article] that social networking has reduced face-face interaction drastically making people more isolated.. And again, I find that statement hard to accept cos technology has also made it possible for people to interact with each other face-face via webcam, skype and it's likes so how can one be more isolated given these advancements in technology?

So let's hear from y'all your take on this..
Does social networking makes you feel isolated?
Cos to me, this doesn't hold..

As much as the advancement in technology isgreat andhas made things easier,the need for people to meet has reduced which has made people to stay away and be in there comfort zones.This trend has increase the level of mistrust and kill the spirit of adventurism.In Nigeria is getting worse due to insecurity.

ola_boy: Now I give up. Nigerians complaining about the solitude nature of brits can be excused considering the warm climate and family oriented environment they migrated from, but what i find disbelieving is having to hear brits who migrated to Sweden complaining about the individualistic life here, maybe loneliness is relative and cannot be exclusively tagged as a country's social formation.

it cuts across both dimensions and contexts. i.e it's both a subjective construct and a social construct. our social structure/culture in Africa is largely communal. No matter how hard you try to live a recluse life, the communal structure will most definitely compel you to socialise with others. People often start a friendly conversation in Public places despite not being acquaintances. even telephone conversations begin with mutual exchanges of pleasantries. Weekend social events without restrictions to attendance abound and often, you need no formal invite to visit a relation. that's the cultural and environmental side to it. British culture (from my perspective) is grossly devoid of these social tenets. so what do you expect if the social formation dos not encourage these informal intricacies of socialisation and communal living. ....the answer is simple: BOREDOM, ISOLATION, EXCLUSION, LONELINESS.

I totally agree with this assertion. Not only are we becoming lonelier, but our social skills seem to be on the decline to my perspective. Babeswill confirm that these days guys just cannot smooth talk like they used to.

Also I would like everyone over 25 to honestly assess the number of friends you had in five years ago to the ones you have today and see if we truly are becoming more isolated.

pato405:

Bros THANKS, you nailed it. As a matter of fact I've been in this gadem place called Uk for 4 yrs now and I doubt if solitary confinement is not better. NO neighbour visits, nobody cares about the next person. I cant wait to finish mystudies and leave this CENTRE OF BOREDOM and LONELINESS. if this is what being abroad is all about, I'm not interested. I can't wait to get back to my busy Lasgidi. UK is so so boring and these snobbish whites with long nose and fake smiles are the most snobbish creatures on earth. did I hear you say 10 times in a year? I wish o! 10 times is an exaggeration. I don't even know their names and they don't know mine. Sometimes you cant even recognise a neighbour you've lived over 3yrs with because you guys hardly ever see each other. social life is ZERO! i was asking myself this morning ...at least people in prisons see themselves ? this capital loneliness is worse than incarceration.

dammnn, man. All these diasporans come on NL to tell us how much of a sh1t hole naija is but from what you wrote up there, UK is the biggest hell holes of all. What a sad life out there.

Even here in Nigeria, neigbours don't interact like they used to. It's noz everyone to their solitary self. Even those that you're supposede to be discussing with are either pinging, facebooking, tweeting or have something attached to their ear.