I TOLD YOU SO

A woman complained to a friend,
"She told me that you told her the secret I told you not to tell her."
"Well," replied her friend in a hurt tone,
"I told her not to tell you I told her."
"Oh dear!" sighed the first women.
"Well, don't tell her I told you that she told me."

MARRIAGE ONE LINERS

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
, Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
, Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
, Milton Berle

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
, George Burns

What's a difference between a girlfriend and a wife? About 30 pounds.
, Cindy Garner

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the
carburetor."
I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."
, Henny Youngman

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
, Phyllis Diller

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
, Henny Youngman

People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a
quarter of a century for their secret for success.
Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I
forgave my husband for not being Pauyl Newman.
, Erma Bombeck

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your
wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
The other replied "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."
,

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I
married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
,

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge that to let him keep
her.
,

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
,

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two
girlfriends.
,


Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a
bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
,

But i told you to tell her not to tell you any of this.
So don't tell her that i told you, i'll tell her i told you not to tell her anything.

i told u that if u tell her she's going to tell it to the person that first told her

MEN VS. WOMEN


MEN AND WOMEN COMPARED NICKNAMES:
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for
lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne,
Debra and Rose. If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John
go out, they will affectionately refer to each other
as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

EATING OUT: When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie,
Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though
it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything
smaller, and none will actually admit they want
change back. When the girls get their bill, out
come the pocket calculators.

BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom:
a toothbrush, comb, shaving cream, razor, a bar of
soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average
number of items in the typical woman's bathroom
is 337. A man would not be able to identify most
of these items.

CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats,
but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

NATURAL: Men wake up as good-looking as they
went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during
the night.

That is why i specifically told her not to tell the person she told, because the first person she told has told another guy who just told his friend.

FIRST WIFE

A widow recently married a widower. Soon after the marriage she was
accosted by a friend who laughingly remarked - "I suppose, like all men
who have been married before, your husband sometimes talks about his first
wife?"

"Oh, not any more, he doesn't," the other replied.

"What stopped him?"

"I started talking about my next husband.

good one guy

TOP 10 SIGNS YOU'RE IN FOR A LONG SUNDAY SERMON

10. There's a case of bottled water beside the pulpit in a cooler.
9. The pews have camper hookups.
8. You overhear the pastor telling the sound man to have a few
(dozen!) extra tapes on hand to record today's sermon.
7. The preacher has brought a snack to the pulpit.
6. The preacher breaks for an intermission.
5. The bulletins have pizza delivery menus.
4. When the preacher asks the deacon to bring in his notes, he
rolls in a filing cabinet.
3. The choir loft is furnished with La-Z-Boys.
2. Instead of taking off his watch and laying it on the pulpit,
the preacher turns up a four-foot hour-glass.

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'RE IN FOR A LONG
SUNDAY SERMON

1. The minister says, "You'll be out in time to watch the
super bowl" but it's only July

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire
truck when he notices a little boy next door. The little boy
is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.
He is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog.

The fireman says "Hey little boy. What are you doing?"

The little boy says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this
is my fire truck!"

The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little boy that
sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says.

"Thanks mister", says the little boy.

The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little boy
has tied the dog to the wagon by its testicles. "Little boy",
says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your
fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the
dog's neck I think you could go faster."

The little boy says, "You're probably right mister, but then I
wouldn't have a siren!

@Delib
Thanks.

lol

cool ones gilgee

Thanks my brother. Where have you been?

he has been busy dancing awilo

my broda,

na ontop water i go find daily bread

Good ones Gil. More grease 2 ur 'engine'

Thanks oga mode ke ke