am a girl of 24 very much in love with this cute guy. but the problem is that he still sees his ex that he dated for 5yrs and then brooke up. i talked to him about it he said they re just friends, but he sees her too often. i heard from a realible source that they are no longer dating that even the girl has a new boyfriend which my own boyfriend is aware of. But am really having this nitemare that they came back together, what do i do? please nairalanders let me hear your view for am at the edge of breaking the whole thing up but would it be wise to do such, ?

don't give yourself headaches over nothing.
Acting on dreams and nightmares?

headaches over nothing? i really love this guy and i feel i will loose him if makes up with his ex. u know its easier to mend a broken relationship than building a fresh one. or am i wrong?

You sound insecure of yourself.
No man can give you what you don't already have.
If he decides to leave you today,are you going to kill yourself ?
Is he the giver and maintainer of your life?
weren't you a complete human being before you met him
what makes you think the world will collapse if he decides to move on.

If he notices how insecure you are,that's more likely to make him leave you.
I don't think anyone wants to be around "needy" people.

thanks i ll give it a tot.

didiomos:

am a girl of 24 very much in love with this cute guy. but the problem is that he still sees his ex that he dated for 5yrs and then brooke up. i talked to him about it he said they re just friends, but he sees her too often. i heard from a realible source that they are no longer dating that even the girl has a new boyfriend which my own boyfriend is aware of. But am really having this nitemare that they came back together, what do i do? please nairalanders let me hear your view for am at the edge of breaking the whole thing up but would it be wise to do such, ?

No, it won't be nice to do such.

Some people are good at staying friends with their exes, depending on how they broke up. I also understand that you could feel insecure by their closeness.

If you should act on anything, it should be your feelings, not your nightmares. And when i say "feelings", i mean genuine ones. You could try talking it over with him again, make him understand your worries, I'm sure you guys could come to a compromise, and if you still bear some doubts, and don't feel you can live with whatever agreement both of you reach, then you could weigh your options, but please do think things over thoroughly before you take decisions.  Sometimes your worst fears and thoughts could come back to haunt you at night all in the name of "nightmares"

oh my gosh! . cute-ass, where the hell av u been?? u been kinda M.I.A. lately. hope ur good. (back to the thread)[pre][/pre]

dearie, rest your little head. what u feel is only natural as your guy mite be having just a friendship with his ex while she is nusring a comeback. but with love, trust and good communication, there's nothing u cant overcome.

2dye4:

oh my gosh! . cute-ass, where the hell av u been?? u been kind of M.I.A. lately. hope your good. (back to the thread)

Dear, i can't really say where i've been Cos i've been asking myself the same question lol, guess i just needed a break. Thanks for the shout out sha, hope you had yourself a good easter celebration?


@ topic

Like he said, take it easy. You'll be fine!

i dont blame her.
it drives me crazy when people keep seeing their exes under the guise of just friends. i mean absolutely crazy!  . just friends my crusty feet.
if they were such bam friends they should have stayed together and married, had kids and the whole picket fence.
If he is chocorising with his ex, i suggest you chocorise with yours. sometimes people dont get the message until its fed to them in the bowl of retaliation.

cute-ass:

Dear, i can't really say where i've been Cos i've been asking myself the same question lol, guess i just needed a break. Thanks for the shout out sha, hope you had yourself a good easter celebration?


@ topic

Like he said, take it easy. You'll be fine!

i guess atimes its good to get some fresh air, far far away frm this land.


@spoilt: i really feel your point. atimes its a lame excuse used to justify clandestine intentions. but while good mite not be good enouf, evil can never make you even. serving him the same grill makes u no different from him.

@ spoilt

Long time no see! Well i don't agree with you on the "retaliation" thingy. That could even cause more damages than she bargained for. Secondly, people who aren't compartible as lovers, could make great friendships. I'm not defendng her boyfriend though.

In as much as I agree to the fact that some hide behind the banner of "just friends", some are sincerely innocent. She mentioned somewhere that a reliable source gave her some informations about the ex in question, so they could actually be "just friends".
I honestly don't think "retaliation" is the best way out in this, i think "communication" would go a longer way to help solve the problem. Besides if she can't bring herself to trust him, then she should rather leave with dignity than the "do-me-i-do-you" mind-game. She might end up hurting herself. Besides at the end, she might loose everything, including her personality.

2dye4:

i guess atimes its good to get some fresh air, far far away frm this land.

Fresh air is refreshing

@spoilt: i really feel your point. atimes its a lame excuse used to justify clandestine intentions. but while good mite not be good enouf, evil can never make you even. serving him the same grill makes u no different from him.

Exactly my 2cents.

who would want to lose a cute guy? however, don't don't fret over her, if you really trust your boyfriend and feel that he feels nothing for his ex. You're only having nightmares because you're scared and worried that he still feels for her. Get over your nightmare and enjoy that sexy piece of a man. Don't lose your man over a nightmare.



my opinion

No one says its an offence punishable by death to talk to an ex. This exchange should be kept to its barest minimum in my opinion. When an ex starts blowing up your phone and showing up at every turn it should give your significant other cause for concern.
i believe in letting go . It was fun while it lasted. we'll meet in the streets, say our his and byes and move on.

spoilt:

No one says its an offence punishable by death to talk to an ex. This exchange should be kept to its barest minimum in my opinion. When an ex starts blowing up your phone and showing up at every turn it should give your significant other cause for concern.
i believe in letting go . It was fun while it lasted. we'll meet in the streets, say our his and byes and move on.

well said. moderation is the key.

spoilt:

No one says its an offence punishable by death to talk to an ex. This exchange should be kept to its barest minimum in my opinion. When an ex starts blowing up your phone and showing up at every turn it should give your significant other cause for concern.
i believe in letting go . It was fun while it lasted. we'll meet in the streets, say our his and byes and move on.

I totally agree to this point of view too. Life is too short to be in a relationship and be miserable, dying in silence. A relatioship should be fun for both parties, and when the reverse is the case, its either time to make ammendments or call it a day.

To be honest, I won't accept my hubby being around his ex 24/7, though i trust him, i don't trust her. That doesnt mean i'll demand him to be enemies with her either. A balance should be met to suit parties, and yes, the nboyfriend should be considerate enough to put her feelings into consideration.

i have tried all the communication i can but he keeps saying, breaking up after 5 years is not easy to let go. there was even a time he with her till late, then he passed the nite at her place. but someone told me i should not get too worked up that he will get over her when the time comes,

didiomos:

i have tried all the communication i can but he keeps saying, breaking up after 5 years is not easy to let go. there was even a time he with her till late, then he passed the night at her place. but someone told me i should not get too worked up that he will get over her when the time comes,

if it ain't easy to let go, then why the break up in the first place. from what u just said, it seems they are so hung up on each other. are u supposed to be the second fiddle in your relationship? hell no! i think what he needs his an ultimatum. its either he keeps chasing the love he once lost or stick with the new love he has found (you). love is not crazy, human are!

My dear ho says its easier t buid a broken relationship than to start a fresh one, Young nigerian girls will lead themselves to the grave taking all sorts of trash from relationships and manage manage till they marry and keep managing till they finally die from high blood pressure or some STI the guy brings home. I always say a relationship is a two way effort if you are the one putting all the efforts and making excuses for ur spouse in effciencies then you are better off being single. Anyway, enough ith the lectures.
@Poster, in this case, there is absolutely no need to have nightmares, simply tell your boyfriend you are not comfortable with his closeness with his ex, ifhe loves you, he will respect how you feel, if he doesnt he will damn your feelings and go on ith his ex, that is if she is his ex. You have a right to be happy in a relationship, it pains me when women in relationships behave as if its either that or their life is ended, women are meant to be loved and pampered, and respected, please stop eating crumbs.

didiomos:

i have tried all the communication i can but he keeps saying, breaking up after 5 years is not easy to let go. there was even a time he with her till late, then he passed the night at her place. but someone told me i should not get too worked up that he will get over her when the time comes,

He slept in her house ! And u are saying bla bla bla ! If he cant let go of her now, he wont let go later ! Ultimatum is good ooooo. He has to choose now. You cant afford to be a second fiddle in a relationship thats supposed to be filled with love ! shine ur eyes, weigh your options and take your decision.

I wish u the very best of luck.

aisha2:

My dear ho says its easier t buid a broken relationship than to start a fresh one, Young nigerian girls will lead themselves to the grave taking all sorts of trash from relationships and manage manage till they marry and keep managing till they finally die from high blood pressure or some STI the guy brings home. I always say a relationship is a two way effort if you are the one putting all the efforts and making excuses for your spouse in effciencies then you are better off being single. Anyway, enough ith the lectures.
@Poster, in this case, there is absolutely no need to have nightmares, simply tell your boyfriend you are not comfortable with his closeness with his ex, ifhe loves you, he will respect how you feel, if he doesnt he will damn your feelings and go on ith his ex, that is if she is his ex. You have a right to be happy in a relationship, it pains me when women in relationships behave as if its either that or their life is ended, women are meant to be loved and pampered, and respected, please stop eating crumbs.

U make sense omoge aisha ! na the koko u yan so. _{[sub] How are u doing today??}[/sub]cheers

2dye4:

if it ain't easy to let go, then why the break up in the first place. from what u just said, it seems they are so hung up on each other. are u supposed to be the second fiddle in your relationship? hell no! i think what he needs his an ultimatum. its either he keeps chasing the love he once lost or stick with the new love he has found (you). love is not crazy, human are!

Well said! Preach it, bro'. . . . .prea-aa-ach!!  Remember Okafor's law??! Why can't people set boundaries in their friendships for crying out loud?

spoilt:

i don't blame her.
it drives me crazy when people keep seeing their exes under the guise of just friends. i mean absolutely crazy!  . just friends my crusty feet.
if they were such bam friends they should have stayed together and married, had kids and the whole picket fence.
If he is chocorising with his ex, i suggest you chocorise with yours. sometimes people don't get the message until its fed to them in the bowl of retaliation.

My sista you don talk am well!! What kind of silly in-your-face friendship is that? Didiomos, if you were so close to your own ex-boyfriend, would your guy still feel comfortable? For her to feel comfortable hanging around him, it means she still has strong feelings for him. So anything can happen. Period.

By the way, does your guy have any respect for you at all?  Because if he did, he would be considerate and take your feelings into account, and keep his interaction with his ex-babe to the barest minimum. Why can't he speak to her right in your presence, or take you on outings instead of hanging around with her? If he makes it clear that any time they are to meet you have to come along, then she would take a hint and carry her two left legs elsewhere!  Why can't she hang out with her own guy? 5 years ko, 10 centuries, ni.

Some women no get shame, sef. Bobo don leave you, go meet another babe, you still dey do 'follow-follow' dey waka with am all about town. . . . . .na wetin im forget for yah body or inside yah house? *Hiss. .*

@ didiomos
i wonder what he will have to say if you pass the night in the place of your ex. All hell will probably be let loose. Didnt i tell you to do him back so he can get it?

@Sam

seconded

Just a nightmare ?
Na wa for you o !

i really appriciate your reponses towards this issue. i think i will just let him go and then try and get hold of my life. if he truly loves me he will come back but if he and his ex were meant to be then i dont think i would want to come in between them. its possible he used me to get over her when they brooke up, but now that its not working then i should just let them be.

pele dear, u seem to be the pun in this whole mess. i admire your courage.

Didomos,

Sorry o! May another guy not take you for granted again.

Can I get an 'Amen' from somebody??

didiomos:

i really appriciate your reponses towards this issue. i think i will just let him go and then try and get hold of my life. if he truly loves me he will come back but if he and his ex were meant to be then i don't think i would want to come in between them. its possible he used me to get over her when they brooke up, but now that its not working then i should just let them be.

Wait o. . . .don't you feel he must still have been dating his -ex, right from the start when he started dating you? He never broke up with her, despite all the fake stories that he told you! Shine yah eye, girl.

Big deal! Very easy to hook up all the time with your ex. Not a pleasant feelin for the 3rd party but shit happens. It happens even this very moment.

You'll be shocked how far guys can go to still 'be' with their ex and vice versa. Who cares anyway? Life sucks most times. . .

are u sure they broke up properly

to me e be like say dem still dey chyke demself

@Radiant

wats good