My wife and I have been married for about two years now with a son, we reside in Calabar and I work at Eket. I spend some weeks at work due to the nature of my work. We dated for more than a yr before we married but knew and dated when we were in the university for few months. When we were dating, she was nice, respectful, understanding, caring and tolerating.

Things changed when we married, she became hot tempered, impatient, stonehearted, unforgiving, isolates my friends and rants angrily if things are not done her way. She complains whenever I present a gift to her either is too expensive or too cheap (fake). She cannot be pleased or satisfied; its either what I did is too much or not enough. She has issues with neighbours and the previous places we have resided.

She has issues with almost all her siblings, she don't trust anybody not even me, and she suspects anybody when negative incident occurs and thinks everybody around her is diabolic. She is very economical and complains when I spend money on my people but wants me to be spending money on her people and on her. She told me that she don't have feelings for me again which shows in her.

Things became worst when her mother came for child birth visit, she became more aggressive in everything, she nags a lot and would keep on talking for hours even if I decide to ignore her, in-short, the more I ignore her, the more she talks. During any argument between us when I’m at work, she cuts the phone on me and does not answer my calls nor call me for days or weeks until I come back home.

Previously we resolve our differences within a day but this had changed. She wants to do all the talking while I just sit and listen to her, when I speak, she would want to raise her voice on me and as I resist her, she would wear a stony face, snub me and start crying moments later, the snubbing will continue for days.

I need advice from this house on what to do, I can't continue like this. I don't know how my child is; I don't know what is going on in my house as I'm in Off Shore. My wife has changed into what I cannot explain, she want to have the final say in my house and control me but I've refused. What do I do cos, I must confess, it disturbing at work and I don't know the future of our marriage.

Take a deep breath, then follow this few steps.
Take time off work, then prepare a vacation of two(2) days exclusive for you and her. Make sure the place is a place she wuld have loved to be. Take along with you things that could bring back the memories of the past when you were courting or when the marriage was sweet. After the fun of the day, try open a table for discussion and speak ur mind. Try understand if are response are selfish meaning she doesn't care about you- meaning the marriage has hit d rock(then inform her to go have a rethink of ur marriage) or concerened and scared she might loose you,then u'll have to reassure her. But u know her best so act accordingly and man up. Also have at the back of ur mind that women like to have their way and can be capable of even what you don't know.

#WishUluck

Na wa o.Dis marriage tin sef.
Thy wil tel u both parties shd court,undrstnd each othr by knwn who ur gona spnd d rst of ur life wit cos mariage is serious buz bla bla bla bla&am sure as u statd in ur writeup,u did al dt2an xtent.
Anywy,ur spouse hs her issues2deal wit seriously bt i sugest2stil kip ur cool&spk2her abt her atitude on a continous basis witout relentn cos i knw ur nature of ur off shore job wer uv limited tym@hom.
Pray4ur spouse&abt ur challenges in ur hom.
God hlp u

Thanks for your concern and contributions.

Oko, bro, is your badonkey of a minuscule proportion??

op, you need to stoop to conquer. Obviously she loved you enough to sign the dotted line, and proclaim for better or worse.
For the time being, allow her to have her way. Then after sometime, call her and talk to her. Ask her if she is ready to wear the trouser in the marriage for the rest of your lives together?
If she was what you described before the marriage, I bet you she will have a rethink of the path she is towing. Most women I have met hate to be held responsible when things go wrong. That is why they will never voluntarily take up the leadership in a relationship.

She threatened divorce not long ago. I think she is fed up with our marriage cos she is not having her way as she wants. There is always quarrel whenever things are not done her way cos she want to be in control.

Okon.akpan:
She threatened divorce not long ago. I think she is fed up with our marriage cos she is not having her way as she wants. There is always quarrel whenever things are not done her way cos she want to be in control.

My dear, no woman really want a divorce. Like I said above, you need to stoop to conquer. Allow her have her way for sometime, then have a heart to heart talk with her. Once you point out the rolee reversal she is clamouring for, she will most likely come to her senses.
Makee it look likee she is the one voluntarily giving you authority over the marriage. Also try and find out, if there is no outsider feeding her with rubbish opinion about marriage.

@op you married a very BAD market . Sometimes in life u have to learn to manage what u use your hand to buy divorce is not an option anyways sorry for ur predicament manage her like that and bear whatever your eye see with her it is all part of being married enjoy . Godspeed to u .

@op you married a very BAD market . Sometimes in life u have to learn to manage what u use your hand to buy divorce is not an option anyways sorry for ur predicament manage her like that and bear whatever your eye see with her it is all part of being married enjoy . Godspeed to u .

eagle,eye:


My dear, no woman really want a divorce. Like I said above, you need to stoop to conquer. Allow her have her way for sometime, then have a heart to heart talk with her. Once you point out the rolee reversal she is clamouring for, she will most likely come to her senses.
Makee it look likee she is the one voluntarily giving you authority over the marriage. Also try and find out, if there is no outsider feeding her with rubbish opinion about marriage.

Thanks for your concern and advice. Things got out of hand when her mother came for child birth visit. I think the nher mother have been influencing her but her mother has gone.

And remember some people are who they are they can never and will never change even after marriage only if God touches their heart then u will see changes this is my conclusion on this your matter op

Doncolio: Take a deep breath, then follow this few steps.
Take time off work, then prepare a vacation of two(2) days exclusive for you and her. Make sure the place is a place she wuld have loved to be. Take along with you things that could bring back the memories of the past when you were courting or when the marriage was sweet. After the fun of the day, try open a table for discussion and speak ur mind. Try understand if are response are selfish meaning she doesn't care about you- meaning the marriage has hit d rock(then inform her to go have a rethink of ur marriage) or concerened and scared she might loose you,then u'll have to reassure her. But u know her best so act accordingly and man up. Also have at the back of ur mind that women like to have their way and can be capable of even what you don't know.

#WishUluck

Nice one..


This marriage palava all over the place now scares the shit out of me in getting married. God help us

Easy bros. Sit her down for a long talk telling her your mind.

Brother,there is something your wife has been telling you that you are not heeding to this has led to her scatter it all attitude. She is hurting and expressing it in the only way she knows will get your attention.

Don't assume you know everything talk to her.

I like don coolio's advice

Thanks all for your contribution. I think she does not want opposition in anything she wants. Things must go her way all time which is practically impossible.

Dear Mr. Akpan.

I suggest you consult a native doctor! And I highly recommend Okija_juju the best native doctor of our time..

Okon.akpan:
She threatened divorce not long ago. I think she is fed up with our marriage cos she is not having her way as she wants. There is always quarrel whenever things are not done her way cos she want to be in control.

then why are you pussyfooting. give her what she wants

I SUGGEST YOU GET A SECOND WIFE

To be frank she's possessed by evil spirit, take her for deliverance. I recommend synagogue.

how did you not notice this before marriage? Did you never pay attention when you were around her and her family?

Lesson to the yet-marry-folks!

Learn from peoples mistake and be careful about whom you intend to marry

iamswizz: I SUGGEST YOU GET A SECOND WIFE

from fryin pan 2 fire u mean?

My dear OP, you have a little issue to deal with here, first how much of your wife's past did you know? Have you ever sat her down and make her see things in your own way? Gradually she is becoming the goat while you are becoming the sheep, in no time you will have to fear her actions, thoughts and words to every issue in the family. Kindly find her high and happy moment even if it involves extra cost from you and discuss the progress of things as it affects the two of you. You will be shocked when she reveals her fear and worries to you. Above all take it to God in prayer. Wishing you the best.

Thats all....

I would assume u spoilt her with gifts and enough caring when u were dating her for ONE year and u just didn't give her the opportunity to developed deep natural affections for you.
If u are an oil worker which I think u are , u are not alone. Many always have this complain after marriage.
What I found out was that the girls behave well as soon as they know they will soon hit and when they are in, they want to be in control especially when u are away from home.
U ve to keep ur stand as the man of the house without being arrogant and insensitive.

@ op, thiink very well if by any chance u ve done something wrong to her. I think she's hurting seriously and doesn't really know how to express herself. Am actually talking from experience. If per adventure u ve been unfaithful in any way and she has found out but doesn't know how to come out and tell u or table the matter. It could result to this. Plan a vacation for two and beg for her forgiveness and make things right. Goodluck.

You deserve to be happy. A week vacation will be good 4 two of you.just play to her demand during the vacation. Then ask her a night before the last day if she still love u as you still love her very much.

Ask her what she desire from this marriage. That will give u an insight of who and what she wants.

Lastly, the struggle of power between couple goes on for abt 3yrs before they settle for who they are. That is the phase your marriage is in.

Now, last last, do you think your sexx life is ok? Women could be furious if they ain't satisfied esp with the nature of ur work.

Hmm... Women! They are appealing to the eyes but troubles the mind often. At op! I guess she's wicked in nature & that she only pretended to be nice in order to get married, that's how most of them are. I don't really think she'll change, cos the day can't turn to night. The fact that she has successfully separated you from your friends shows how bad she is, sorry! To say this about your wife. You are gonna need friends & families so bad someday, don't let her destroy that essential part of you. However, on the other hand, try & sincerely find out why she changed over night? Most importantly, pray seriously about the marriage. Remember! He who cares the least, hold the keys to the relationship. Also checkout your sex life, do you always ask if she's enjoyed it after any round of sex? Be fine. NEVER EVER STOOP LOW NO MATTER WHAT, IT DESTROYS MEN. DON'T EVEN THINK IT.

Sadly what I have come to realise is that when women want to get married they fit into your "standard" of "wife material"
They will cook, clean, wash, scrub, maid service and supply s3x on demand, oncce you are hooked they unleash the real them.
I have told my cousins to accept women whose faults they caan live with so they don't end up with pretenders who unlesh terror after wards.
It is better to stay with a lady whose flaws are obvious and you know you can manage than that perfect "wife material"
I have seen it severally. Men set crazy standards, they want all the great qualities yet they refuse to be a great boyfriend, maake the lady go through hell and most will hold on just to get the ring and world war 3 starts since they haave achieved their aim.

I have one now who while dating pretended to accept and manage her now husbands cheating ways and arrogance, then I told her to be honest about her feelings and if he didn't feel she was good enough to stay faithful to let her move on and get someone who will.
She refused, she "accepted" his cheating, will ignore it when she saw nud3 pictures on his phone, walked in on him with another lady and smiled and pretended it was okay. Silly man thought he had an angel who would let him be married and do as he wants.
Today their home is hell, he is like a prisioner because she behaves the way the OP described.
When he begs me to speak with her she will tell me to ignore him, shebi he wanted a mumu he don enter one chance, she tells me after all they are married now, if he wants let him divorce because she knows he wouldn't.

Poster, sadly you married a woman who pretended to be what you wanted her to be then because she had her target, like someone said, try to salvage what is left of this.
If you can take time off and go somewhere alone no kids, no accusations no fighting, just the way forward, now both of you know the real person behind the facade, decide on how you can work together and around the issues.
Deal with issues not personal accusations and tantrums.
Ask her what she feels is the way forward, also listen and write down key points, infact both of you should write down expectations and exchange, its better than talking because fight will always enter.
When you have both read each others clearly outlined expectations, together you write down realistic points of compromise and each try to stick to it.

I am sorry for what you are going through, best of luck in working to make it better

eagle,eye:


My dear, no woman really want a divorce. Like I said above, you need to stoop to conquer. Allow her have her way for sometime, then have a heart to heart talk with her. Once you point out the rolee reversal she is clamouring for, she will most likely come to her senses.
Makee it look likee she is the one voluntarily giving you authority over the marriage. Also try and find out, if there is no outsider feeding her with rubbish opinion about marriage.

Abeg jare stoop ke, please do not stoop lower than sitting her down and asking her what is wrong or talking to somebody she respects in her family or her Pastor. If respects no one then you know 'say you don buy bad market'

Acting the fool does not mean she will change, instead you would have set a faulty foundation and foundations are hard to fix. She has probably been testing her boundaries and out of love you may have been shifting ground unknowinly.

Listen to what her parents have to say concerning the matter, see if they want her to change or wether they are behind her.

Time to pull your pants up and be a man, make no mistakes about it, she can kill you, stories abound everywhere even on nairaland.

Talk to people older than you or marriage counselors.

If you stoop low, you will live the rest of your life miserably.