SERIOUSLY? WHY?

Why on earth do you people think that women will keel over and die if they don't get married?
Why do you think women are just dying to get married or get you hooked?

Day after day on Nairaland I see posts by men that talk about how some female celebrity is approaching her 30's and is not married or how some other ladies will never get married because of one reason or another as if these women told you that their lives cannot continue without marriage.

Why on earth do you people think Nigerian women are desperate to get married to you?
See eh, the reason why majority of women seek marriage is because of societal pressure from people that cannot mind their business and because they want to have kids that will not be called bastards so you better understand that fact.

Marriage hardly benefits women (except the very few lucky ones that married considerate men) so why do you think they are dying for it?
Husbands come home from work and expect a hot/good meal which the wife is supposed to have prepared; it is hardly ever the other way round and it is very rare for a woman to come home and meet that her husband has prepared something for her to eat yet this is something men enjoy all the time.
Men just stay by the side and watch while their wives whine in pregnancy pains and face the pains of being pregnant for months; imagine the struggles of getting the kids ready for school while fighting early morning sickness.

She works to assist you and must still submit to your whims because society expects her to, and you still expect sexxual gratification when you come home not considering that she is probably exhausted.
Also, after marriage the husband clearly enjoys his life and freedom more than the woman. he can close from work and 'hang out with the boys' instead of going home and nobody queries him, but his wife can never try such, she goes home straight to take care of children, does the cooking and cleaning and what not. She even has to take a break from work sometimes to pick the kids from school and drop them at home then go back to work before finally returning home at the end of the day to carry house work solely on her head because the majority of Nigerian men are lazy asses that think that helping their wives at home is an abomination.

After all the stress of doing housework on her own and taking care of children on her own she starts to look old and tired and her husband complains that she is now too old and unattractive and without thinking twice, he begins to look outside at younger women because his wife is no longer attractive to him.
The worst part is that the children the women is taking care of, the children that she got so stressed for and losses her beauty after birthing are bearing the man's name. The children bear his name and not hers and yet the men will have the effrontery to say that their wife is no longer attractive after bearing these kids so they want to chase other women.

What do women even gain from marriages for heavens sake?
People expects them give up your identity and start bearing their husbands' name, the kids you spend your life taking care of bear his name and claim his home town when they are asked where they come from, the man is very very likely to cheat on his wife and maybe infect her with some STD or another and he will more likely than not, turn her into his slave by refusing to assist with house work while expecting her to contribute financially to the upkeep of the house.
In fact, if not that religions make childbearing outside marriage a sin and society(mostly men) treat unmarried girls like outcasts, I'm sure many women will not get married, who in their right senses will want to marry an overbearing, unhelpful, slave driving no-good lazy ass; which majority of men are, when they can just have their kids in peace and not have to worry about taking care of him?

All of you can relax, eh kwa?
Women are not in any hurry to become your slaves.
Enough of the marriage this and marriage talk you keep disturbing our ears with.


Lastly, I know that not all married men think that women are on earth to be their slaves, I know that some kind and thoughtful men still exist there so this message does not apply to them.
Kudos to the 2% of Nigerian men that still have respect for women and consider their feelings after marriage.
I salute you.

If your papa no marry your mama,u for get chance come dis world come dey post this nonsense for nairaland?stay reach 50yrs bfor u marry u hear.@OP

sheedy407: If your papa no marry your mama,u for get chance come dis world come dey post this nonsense for nairaland?stay reach 50yrs bfor u marry u hear.@OP

Women can have children without marriage, they only get married to do so because their bible or quran tells them to. Put religion aside and no women will marry your lazy over bearing asses.

Ask the WOMEN THEMSELVES, the pressure to get married comes mostly from the womenfolks in the same society you're complaining about

Dis Guy: Ask the WOMEN THEMSELVES, the pressure to get married comes mostly from the womenfolks in the same society your complaining about

Lies.

Look at Nairaland for instance, do you see women making noise about how other women are not getting married?
There is even an idiotic thread on front page that was started by a man that talks about how some women will never get married unless they change like say na by force to marry.

[CHocolaTE:
]
Kudos to the 2% of Nigerian men that still have respect for women and consider their feelings after marriage.
I salute you.

On what basis did you quantify responsible men as 2%

Also do you actually believe that marriage was instituted by religion solely and that over the ages, marriage has not been found to be a social construct that ensures continuity of community

[CHocolaTE:
]

Lies.

Look at Nairaland for instance, do you see women making noise about how other women are not getting married?
There is even an idiotic thread on front page that was started by a man that talks about how some women will never get married unless they change like say na by force to marry.

you look at Nairaland? I say look at the society...words on the street holds more truth than nairaland IMO

check a thread on the NYSC section, something about what their plans will be going into NYSC or just after it, vast majority were looking to snag a man or get married afterwards! what happened to getting a job? starting a business or living their own life??

Dis Guy: Ask the WOMEN THEMSELVES, the pressure to get married comes mostly from the womenfolks in the same society your complaining about

True.
Very in fact!!

biolabee:

On what basis did you quantify responsible men as 2%

the two percent was figurative and I wrote it to show that the numbers are very few

Also do you actually believe that marriage was instituted by religion solely and that over the ages, marriage has not been found to be a social construct that ensures continuity of community

Good.
Fine.
I am not saying nobody should get married or that marriage should be abolished, I am just asking why majority of men think women are just dying to marry them when they have such shitty attitudes after marriages and don't even have respect for their wives enough to help them at home.

Dis Guy:
check a thread on the NYSC section, something about what their plans will be going into NYSC or just after it, vast majority were looking to snag a man or get married afterwards! what happened to getting a job? starting a business or living their own life??

Soceital pressure, people telling them that age is not on their sides and so on.

slimyem: True.
Very in fact!!

Not in the area I live.

Now this is so wrong!

Yes men sometimes or usually spite a woman who is not yet married.

But more often than not, it is even women to women who spite themselves the most!

For example: when two ladies are fighting on this forum; it has become the norm, to use their various marital issues/problems has an insulting attribute to buttress their anger.

The pressure for marriage on a woman mostly does not even come from a man. It is mostly derived from several ladies the woman sees around her that are married and supposedly living a happily married life.

the op must be living under a rock...

women are the first to throw up marriage issues. some would not even go out on a date with a man if he is not planning a long term relationship. how many times have we heard women throwing warning shots that they don't want boyfriends but husbands?

[CHocolaTE:
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the two percent was figurative and I wrote it to show that the numbers are very few


Good.
Fine.
I am not saying nobody should get married or that marriage should be abolished, I am just asking why majority of men think women are just dying to marry them when they have such shitty attitudes after marriages and don't even have respect for their wives enough to help them at home.

ok fair enough...

Now i will take the post one by one

Marriage hardly benefits women

It benefits women by providing a social platform and prestige. also economically it has benefitted women from time immemorial

Men just stay by the side and watch

If your grouse are with the traditional roles of male/female relationships in contemporary times - then lets discuss that. these roles are still in flux due to modernisation

he begins to look outside at younger women because his wife is no longer attractive to him.

this is as a result of the transition from the african 'polygamy' to white man 'monogamy'. with time this wil be perfected


In some cultures, child outside wedlock is not that frowned upon
It is men who want to raise their kids in a social structure so that the norms of the people will be passed through


I now have a queestion for you also

What do you think is a plausible solution

Pataki: Now this is so wrong!
Yes men sometimes or usually spite a woman who is not yet married.
But more often than not, it is even women to women who spite themselves the most!
For example: when two ladies are fighting on this forum; it has become the norm, to use their various marital issues/problems has an insulting attribute to buttress their anger.

@bold, 'Marital issues'. meaning they are married abi?
What have such women got to do with this topic?

The pressure for marriage on a woman mostly does not even come from a man. It is mostly derived from several ladies the woman sees around her that are married and supposedly living a happily married life.

Yes, she sees these ladies and realizes that she is going to be regarded as an outcast if she doesn't do as they've done, if she is still the only one unmarried after her friends get married,and this brings the whole thing down to the societal pressure I spoke of.

coogar:
women are the first to throw up marriage issues. some would not even go out on a date with a man if he is not planning a long term relationship. how many times have we heard women throwing warning shots that they don't want boyfriends but husbands?

Why won't they throw up marriage issues when every body is on their neck about how a women must be married for her to be a normal human being?
Are you people even reading the OP before replying?

[CHocolaTE:


Why won't they throw up marriage issues when every body is on their neck about how a women must be married for her to be a normal human being?
Are you people even reading the OP before replying?

and it's men's fault that the society wants her married? your title is flawed, change it and you would get a more balanced view. men are not the reason women are pressured into marriage. more often than not, men just want sex!

biolabee:
a social platform and prestige. also economically it has benefitted women from time immemorial

It did benefit them economically in the past when men were sole bread winners and women were full time house wives.
Nowadays, women work and earn money and can get by on their own with their salaries.
The prestige thing is as a result of society believing that women who are not married are going against established norms and should be treated like outcasts; this is why married women are accorded more prestige than unmarried ones.

If your grouse are with the traditional roles of male/female relationships in contemporary times - then lets discuss that. these roles are still in flux due to modernisation

The roles are still in flux but no because of modernization. Arrogance and over bloated egos is what makes men act like women are their slaves. Modernization is not responsible for it.

this is as a result of the transition from the african 'polygamy' to white man 'monogamy'. with time this wil be perfected

I hope so.

I now have a queestion for you also
What do you think is a plausible solution

Husbands should love their wives abeg, they should consider women and help them out.
If you love your wife, you won't have to worry about submission. A woman that receives love from her husband will not hesitate to do his will and make him happy. All this unnecessary display of arrogance and superiority is not the answer.

coogar:
and it's men's fault that the society wants her married? your title is flawed, change it and you would get a more balanced view. men are not the reason women are pressured into marriage. more often than not, men just want sex!

I hear.

So why is the topic on front page about how many ladies will never get married receiving so much support from men?

Why are there many guys there supporting the OP of that thread and asking women to take his advice if they really do not give a shyt?

[CHocolaTE:

I hear.
So why is the topic on front page about how many ladies will never get married receiving so much support from men?

Why are there many guys there supporting the OP of that thread and asking women to take his advice if they really do not give a shyt?

they are just giving their opinion based on what the society dictates. it's more likely that a woman like you would insult your marital status before any man would do. men just want sex and women use what they have to get what they want. "if you want sex, you must marry me" mantra.

[CHocolaTE:
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Yes, she sees these ladies and realizes that she is going to be regarded as an outcast if she doesn't do as they've done, if she is still the only one unmarried after her friends get married,and this brings the whole thing down to the societal pressure I spoke of.

Societal pressure dictated by whom - men? This is where I find your topic misleading.

This societal pressure is not dictated by the men. Rather it is dictated by what the woman sees of her female friends who are engaged or married and even worse more, those married with kids.

[CHocolaTE:
]

The roles are still in flux but no because of modernization. Arrogance and over bloated egos is what makes men act like women are their slaves. Modernization is not responsible for it.

Conflicts are mainly as a result of modernisation where men's traditional role as a breadwinner have been taken over by women who still have to combine that with domestic issues

[CHocolaTE:
]
Husbands should love their wives abeg, they should consider women and help them out.
If you love your wife, you won't have to worry about submission. A woman that receives love from her husband will not hesitate to do his will and make him happy. All this unnecessary display of arrogance and superiority is not the answer.

Majority of men help and love their wives so i dont see where your grouse is

coogar:
they are just giving their opinion based on what the society dictates.

Even if society dictates it,can they not use their senses to reason on their own and realize that many people do not desire marriage and that life can go on without marriage? Society dictates that unmarried women should be ridiculed and they join in ridiculing them and pressuring them without thinking first that marriage is not for everybody.

it's more likely that a woman like you would insult your marital status before any man would do.

Lol, wtf? Let's not get personal good sir, I don't want an emotional discussion, I want a rational one.

men just want sex and women use what they have to get what they want. "if you want sex, you must marry me" mantra.

*Sigh*
This repetition is tiring.....
Yes,
women want marriage (and so do men)
but many only get married cos of pressure/religion, considering the way many men treat their wives after marriage.

biolabee:
Conflicts are mainly as a result of modernisation where men's traditional role as a breadwinner have been taken over by women who still have to combine that with domestic issues

True.
Since men are now getting assistance from women when it comes to bread winning then it is only logical that they should help women when it comes to housework.

Majority of men help and love their wives so i dont see where your grouse is

Majority kwa? Which majority?
You must not be living in Nigeria for you to have made this statement.

[CHocolaTE:
]
Even if society dictates it,can they not use their senses to reason on their own and realize that many people do not desire marriage and that life can go on without marriage? Society dictates that unmarried women should be ridiculed and they join in ridiculing them and pressuring them without thinking first that marriage is not for everybody.

this is pure naivety.
that some nigerian women don't desire marriage is a myth. who doesn't want a husband, beautiful kids in a big house radiating with love. it's only after some have failed at it that they condemn the institution of marriage.

Lol, wtf? Let's not get personal good sir, I don't want an emotional discussion, I want a rational one.

then you are not conversant with your own society and it's a pity!

*Sigh*
This repetition is tiring.....
Yes,
women want marriage (and so do men)
but many only get married cos of pressure/religion, considering the way many men treat their wives after marriage.

women want marriage more than men - men would readily put a woman in the house and make babies with her minus the ceremonies that come with wedding or traditional marriage. in nigeria, this is the fact!

[CHocolaTE:
]
True.
Since men are now getting assistance from women when it comes to bread winning then it is only logical that they should help women when it comes to housework.


Majority kwa? Which majority?
You must not be living in Nigeria for you to have made this statement.

I have said that countlessly here but I will say it one more time

Men have always viewed house work as the responsibility of the women
Times have changed
Men will take time to change
It will TAKE TIME

On the majority of men loving their wives, that is my experience of the males in my family and my friends
If you don't accept it no problem

[CHocolaTE:
]
Not in the area I live.

...except you are not talking about women and men in Nigeria..
Is it the friends who cut u off their league as soon as they get the status or the ones who encourage you to just say yes to any man so they can come and tie gele very soon or the mothers who won't let the girl rest and who themselves won't relent on vigils and prayers?
My dear,women are the champions and engineers and catalysts in this case and of this cause.Men don't make women feel worthless about being single like their female counterparts do.
I live in the society.I know.
Get real.

coogar:
this is pure naivety.
that some nigerian women don't desire marriage is a myth. who doesn't want a husband, beautiful kids in a big house radiating with love. it's only after some have failed at it that they condemn the institution of marriage.

Ewo!
Chineke meh o!
Uncle coogar, I have to congratulate you on your successfully going round the country and confirming from all the women in Nigeria that they want marriage.
Congrats, it must have been a difficult task

then you are not conversant with your own society and it's a pity!

What has this got to do with you saying I am likely to insult my marital status?

women want marriage more than men - men would readily put a woman in the house and make babies with her minus the ceremonies that come with wedding or traditional marriage. in nigeria, this is the fact!

Yes, majority of women want marriage more than men because they are under more pressure to get married than men, not because they desire it or will die without it.

Sighs.....op don't allow issues of men dissing singles sisters about not getting married affect you..when u see posts of men talking bad abt women or talking about how to get married, u simply overlook such posts, and read better ones that has to do with enlightenment.. I don't bother myself reading such posts anyways .... Am in my early thirties, am comfortable and beginning to enjoy the different flavours of life.. When I was in my twenties, due to my flashy look, I cut out certain normal things that would. Ordinarily make a lady happy, due to mindset of most nija.. Examples, don't wear lovely earrings o, don't look fly in your dressing, even though u dressed responsibly, the word is dress like a girl suffering, then a suitor will come ... And also If u can afford a car, don't buy o, oresle no man will marry u. ... I have good paying job, which could buy me a small car but most of my frnds and family kicked against it... Ha! Don't buy a car o... Always trek to work or take bus, or climb bikes, so that a man will want to marry u... I trek taya . Run after moving buses , climb okadas, it's by the grace of God , my legs are not broken. As I began to expand in biz, I surely need a car for easy mobility and keep to appointments.. No be person , tell me twice to go and buy a car. Enough of undue suffering to please a man, cause of marriage, which has more responsibilities that one can even imagine..
It's takes the grace of God, Selflessness of both husband and wife and great conscience involved to create and sustain a happy home... But how many homes , can boast of bliss after marriage... Just few...
Society , people can talk from today till tomorrow, the issue is no more suffering myself anymore for men.. If u can't accept my personality...the let me be...the period to enjoy my hard labour is hear... No dulling o... Just mix with like minded pple... That's sees yur vision.. U can't please everybody.. Follow yur heart , serve and leave the rest to God.
I repeat, don't bother yur eyes or brain reading and digesting posts of men dissing women.. Just close yur eyes on those posts and move on..... It's no use.. U can't stop them.. That's my simple advice .

biolabee:
I have said that countlessly here but I will say it one more time
Men have always viewed house work as the responsibility of the women
Times have changed
Men will take time to change
It will TAKE TIME

Why the heck is it taking so much time? Is it so difficult to understand that you live in a house and should help in running that house whether you are male or female? Is it so difficult to understand that wives assisting their husbands with finance should also be assisted with housework?
Why is it TAKING TIME? For pete's sake?

On the majority of men loving their wives, that is my experience of the males in my family and my friends
If you don't accept it no problem

You should have been more specific the first time. Mad respect to your family and friends for being good guys

Amelian: Sighs.....op don't allow issues of men dissing singles sisters about not getting married affect you..when u see posts of men talking bad abt women or talking about how to get married, u simply overlook such posts, and read better ones that has to do with enlightenment.. I don't bother myself reading such posts anyways .... Am in my early thirties, am comfortable and beginning to enjoy the different flavours of life.. When I was in my twenties, due to my flashy look, I cut out certain normal things that would. Ordinarily make a lady happy, due to mindset of most nija.. Examples, don't wear lovely earrings o, don't look fly in your dressing, even though u dressed responsibly, the word is dress like a girl suffering, then a suitor will come ... And also If u can afford a car, don't buy o, oresle no man will marry u. ... I have good paying job, which could buy me a small car but most of my frnds and family kicked against it... Ha! Don't buy a car o... Always trek to work or take bus, or climb bikes, so that a man will want to marry u... I trek taya . Run after moving buses , climb okadas, it's by the grace of God , my legs are not broken.

Good to hear that you are still happy and getting by despite being single.
Keep your head up and remain proud.
I wish you the best

Time takes time - permit my statement

You can't expect men who have always been traditional in outlook to jump to neo modern men in one generation

I don't think it's only people around me. A lot of women I know are happy in their homes and even when I travel to the West, men help their wives do groceries, medical appointments etc

So be hopeful

Amelian I feel you jare
A lot of advice but at times those things are helpful in some Cases

In our part of the world, we tend to be conservative and view upwardly mobile young women as rebellious. Times are also changing too