andromida:

And this is the mentality that has brought the poster hurt and pain. Same thinking that made your ex hurt you. .

How can you say it was this thinking that made my ex hurt me ?

No am far from it ,your mum probably is.

byvan: No am far from it ,your mum probably is.

That's true. So what next?

You tell me

byvan: You tell me

Your username is a ben 10 alien. Now i know why it sounds familiar..

WackyJ1:
How can you say it was this thinking that made my ex hurt me ?

She hurt you because you were maybe a back up until the real deal showed up.

andromida:

She hurt you because you were maybe a back up until the real deal showed up.

hahaha nah

This so called "back up" thing I 've never believed in it...just like andromida asked, what happens when d beloved behaves?
I believe d worst thing dat can happen to someone in a relationship is being used as back up cos when d beloved misbehave and u eventually end up d back up u would still be longing for d beloved.
I think I shouldb be considering a back up in dis situation, one never knows.

^^ I wouldn't choose WackyJ1's path if I were you. There's a strong possibility this girl's down for you. But if you're too scared to trust her, do her a favor and let her go.

benefitzte: This so called "back up" thing I 've never believed in it...just like andromida asked, what happens when d beloved behaves?
I believe d worst thing dat can happen to someone in a relationship is being used as back up cos when d beloved misbehave and u eventually end up d back up u would still be longing for d beloved.
I think I shouldb be considering a back up in dis situation, one never knows.

The girls we had when you were 20 are different from the girls now.

Ihedinobi: ^^ I wouldn't choose WackyJ1's path if I were you. There's a strong possibility this girl's down for you. But if you're too scared to trust her, do her a favor and let her go.

Strong Possibility *scoffs*. But i'm also down for letting her go

I strongly appreciate your opinions, I haven't taken any action yet, she is still here and whatever I finally decide to do I would let d house know.
Taking my time so that whatever decision I take I would live with it.

WackyJ1:
The girls we had when you were 20 are different from the girls now.

Strong Possibility *scoffs*. But i'm also down for letting her go

It's neither fair nor nice to spread your pain and injury on everyone. That one girl hurt you is no reason to try to hurt a guy trying to make sense of his own relationship or to try to hurt a girl you've never even met and are judging as though she were the very same girl that hurt you.

WackyJ1:
My Guy leave the relationship. From what the girl is saying it's obvious she is smart and she is defending herself in a way i myself will Have defended myself if i were in such a situation. She is trying to put up a smoke screen by drawing your attention from the only sign you saw by showing you other signs you were supposed to see but didn't... The fact that you don't have other signs does not mean that you should ignore one sign or believe she is telling the truth. It's reverse psychology. Since i could have deleted it but i didn't means it's innocent. Na lie..
Add long distance on top and anything could be happening..
Girls are so clever in covering their tracks that you should thank God if you saw even 1 sign... I'd leave her if i were you. Don't have time to be looking for other signs.
Did she become angry that you checked her texts?

kudos. @op..me thinks wacky is on point here. In all fairness, I think she's lying t u. U in doubt abi? Pick d next time d call comes in..

Ihedinobi:

It's neither fair nor nice to spread your pain and injury on everyone. That one girl hurt you is no reason to try to hurt a guy trying to make sense of his own relationship or to try to hurt a girl you've never even met and are judging as though she were the very same girl that hurt you.

Ha. You judge my intentions based on what i shared here.
Look around man, the stories of women cheating are everywhere, in clever ways, ways you'd never believe was possible from girls you'd never believe could do it . And it's good guys like the poster that end up getting hurt..
The words you will tell him well it is actually revealed that the girl was in fact keeping another guy will not ease the pain in his heart from discovering he is being taking for a fool...
Don't know what to say again.

@ all that suggest i just let go....i wish its that easy,
yesterday i tried resolving issues with her expecting to see the change i so desire only for her to later sneak out of the house to receive a call so i asked her to leave this morning she did not alter a word, as i type this she is getting ready and am just waiting to see if she would ask me for anything.
Yesterday when i thought we were working our issues out i still took her out and did a little shopping for her.
Now am not sure i can let her leave...I can guess what most of you would be thinking but i wish i had the kind of heart that most guys have.
When it comes to these issues i get completely helpless.
I wish i could just close my eyes and everything would go back to normal...i guess all i can do now is keep wishing as i watch events unfold.

WackyJ1:
Ha. You judge my intentions based on what i shared here.
Look around man, the stories of women cheating are everywhere, in clever ways, ways you'd never believe was possible from girls you'd never believe could do it . And it's good guys like the poster that end up getting hurt..
The words you will tell him well it is actually revealed that the girl was in fact keeping another guy will not ease the pain in his heart from discovering he is being taking for a fool...
Don't know what to say again.

How very funny! And stories do not abound about how men are cheating on women and destroying their lives with their unfaithfulness and wicked parasitism?

All I have advised you to do and which you've every right to refuse to heed is that you quit projecting your hurt on the world around you. I've been hurt before and it hurt enough for me to live the life of a player for a bit. But I know that suspicion kills the best relationships and because of that I advise the choice to trust when you've seen reason to and hold on to that choice until you have seen for yourself that it has been broken.

Any other way is a surefire method to ruin the best thing that could happen to anyone.

benefitzte: @ all that suggest i just let go....i wish its that easy,
yesterday i tried resolving issues with her expecting to see the change i so desire only for her to later sneak out of the house to receive a call so i asked her to leave this morning she did not alter a word, as i type this she is getting ready and am just waiting to see if she would ask me for anything.
Yesterday when i thought we were working our issues out i still took her out and did a little shopping for her.
Now am not sure i can let her leave...I can guess what most of you would be thinking but i wish i had the kind of heart that most guys have.
When it comes to these issues i get completely helpless.
I wish i could just close my eyes and everything would go back to normal...i guess all i can do now is keep wishing as i watch events unfold.

Sorry I just saw this. I hope you gave her what she needed to leave with. Now, just try to focus your thoughts on something else. As I have said, she may not be cheating on you even when she's taking calls hiding from you, but she may also be.

Actually, my ex was a bit like that. She just was not going to kill herself to make me believe her when I asked questions and she explained. It was my choice to do so or not. But everything she did, consciously and not, suggested that she didn't consider herself anyone else's. She kept herself as open a book as reasonably possible. I used to read her sms's because I was a naturally curious son of a gun that did that with people close to me. Had to learn to stop it.

And I assure you, men were after her, but she stayed mine. I just doubted her because of my own insecurity. But we didn't bbreak up because of the suspicion that I let in. We did because the next step was marriage and I wasn't ready.

I wish you well, bro.

benefitzte: @ all that suggest i just let go....i wish its that easy,
yesterday i tried resolving issues with her expecting to see the change i so desire only for her to later sneak out of the house to receive a call so i asked her to leave this morning she did not alter a word, as i type this she is getting ready and am just waiting to see if she would ask me for anything.
Yesterday when i thought we were working our issues out i still took her out and did a little shopping for her.
Now am not sure i can let her leave...I can guess what most of you would be thinking but i wish i had the kind of heart that most guys have.
When it comes to these issues i get completely helpless.
I wish i could just close my eyes and everything would go back to normal...i guess all i can do now is keep wishing as i watch events unfold.

You better forget all the guys that are telling you to treat her like crap. They probably worship their women but that aside you cannot trust her you really have to let her go. You cant keep watching her read a text and doing high jumps. No kill yourself. Give her what she needs and set her free and set yourself free too. If she cant respect that you have concerns and behave accordingly let her go. Why is she receiving secret conversations when you just explained your fears and concerns to her, she is not very serious with you. Go rest and enjoy your life, work on being very secured and you will attract the best.

jr101: BroS, itz clear that you love dis babe, I wunt advise you to break up with her now, but try n talk sense into her and make her See reason why she has to be faithful, but if it proves abortive, then show her the exit door. That means A leopard cannot change its skin

.
If he does that, she only be more careful with her cheating habit... And might be difficult for him to find out again. Cheats don't change. He should just kick her out.... Simple,

@ OP, I beg Ʊ †̥ give ♈̷̴̩‎υr gurl another chance pls.If afta dat she stil misbehaves and Ʊ can ₪ø longer trust her in ♈̷̴̩‎υr heart of hearts, den Ʊ can lay her off.I Ǻ♍ in a long distance relationship too and for once ve neva tot of givin anoda guy a chance, datz y i avoid †̥ giv ♍Ɣ numba or pin out, maybe ♈̷̴̩‎υr gurl shud ve done same .
Once again, pls create room for a second chance.

@ all, I think today your contributions has been the most meaningful...it maybe because of my state of mind today.
Like a friend would say "just hear me out and advice me but don't expect me to yield to your advice cos doing dat or not depends on my state of mind"
She wanted to leave this morning but I stopped her, we did work it out.
I 've decided to be d fool for love, this afternoon I overheard her introducing herself as my wife to an aged woman when we where at my mechanic.
I 've decided to give her another chance but this time I may not give in completely and totally so as to avoid being hurt, I think she's more to lose.
I have chosen to be happy.
Thank you all.

benefitzte: @ all, I think today your contributions has been the most meaningful...it maybe because of my state of mind today.
Like a friend would say "just hear me out and advice me but don't expect me to yield to your advice cos doing dat or not depends on my state of mind"
She wanted to leave this morning but I stopped her, we did work it out.
I 've decided to be d fool for love, this afternoon I overheard her introducing herself as my wife to an aged woman when we where at my mechanic.
I 've decided to give her another chance but this time I may not give in completely and totally so as to avoid being hurt, I think she's more to lose.
I have chosen to be happy.
Thank you all.

All the best.

benefitzte: @ all, I think today your contributions has been the most meaningful...it maybe because of my state of mind today.
Like a friend would say "just hear me out and advice me but don't expect me to yield to your advice cos doing dat or not depends on my state of mind"
She wanted to leave this morning but I stopped her, we did work it out.
I 've decided to be d fool for love, this afternoon I overheard her introducing herself as my wife to an aged woman when we where at my mechanic.
I 've decided to give her another chance but this time I may not give in completely and totally so as to avoid being hurt, I think she's more to lose.
I have chosen to be happy.
Thank you all.

Please don't play that game of not giving your best. Whatever you choose to invest in emotionally,financially and physically deserves your better effort. Have faith in your relationship and if it does not work out as planned you won't think back to all the times you held back instead you will know you did your best but life happened. This does not mean you should be a fool though. Goodluck and be happpy

andromida:

Please don't play that game of not giving your best. Whatever you choose to invest in emotionally,financially and physically deserves your better effort. Have faith in your relationship and if it does not work out as planned you won't think back to all the times you held back instead you will know you did your best but life happened. This does not mean you should be a fool though. Goodluck and be happpy

Thanks,
I would try and act in a way that if it doesn't work out I would only regret d time I wasted.
I don't think anyone gave me dis kind of adviceh here but it's obvious that am in love with dis girl and when you are in love you hardly plan your actions, u just flow as love leads.
@ all, All the best too cos we all deserve to be happy.

Rooneyboy: Ignore her and act like u've forgiven her, chop her well to ur satisfaction then u give her a surprise package one day with a lady and introduce her as ur wife to be.

Women are nothing but rags and not to be taken seriously as far as I'm concerned.

This mentality is only laying the foundation for a broken home, if you see women as rags and then you get married to one of them , then what does that make you? In answering , you have to ask yourself, which kind of people wear rags on the street?

@ poster.

You are simply loving the unlovable, and it is clear there are a lot of loopholes in this relationship.

1. It is clear you desire her and feel you would simply take her over by providing for her needs when her heart belongs to another.
2. She clearly doesn't love you or want to be with you but is too greedy and foolish enough to know what exactly she wants.

3. You need to grow a pair and call off the relationship, it would hurt you but you would thank yourself later. You don't have to be angry with her, or descend to the animalistic nature of hitting her( in that case, you would not be different from the man who made front page for bathing his girlfriend with acid).

4. You need to learn emotional maturiry and build your relationships the right way, allowing space for the other partner to have a stake in the relationship without you controlling everything and unconsciously forcing her into it.

5. Don't let this issue sway you, there are lots and lots of women out there that would love you for who you are and not cheat on you , you just have to make yourself the right person.

6. Now sit her down and tell her, " i don't think this relationship is working, you are obviously with someone else and i just can't have it anymore. It's over ".

http://www.elijahforce..com/2013/04/how-to-get-over-your-ex.html

benefitzte:
Thanks,
I would try and act in a way that if it doesn't work out I would only regret d time I wasted.
I don't think anyone gave me dis kind of adviceh here but it's obvious that am in love with dis girl and when you are in love you hardly plan your actions, u just flow as love leads.
@ all, All the best too cos we all deserve to be happy.

Guy, you go die oh? either you let her go or you put yourself fully into the love and as i was saying once you're already in love with the girl there is no way that you can put only a bit inside the relationship becasue subconsciously you will still be putting in your all and then when you see another sign like the one you have seen, it would be a very big blow.

Turns out my ex is dating someone, barely two weeks after the breakup, she just wanted to get rid of me

benefitzte:
Thanks,
I would try and act in a way that if it doesn't work out I would only regret d time I wasted.
I don't think anyone gave me dis kind of adviceh here but it's obvious that am in love with dis girl and when you are in love you hardly plan your actions, u just flow as love leads.
@ all, All the best too cos we all deserve to be happy.

You are entering into this relationship with the wrong mentality why are you talking of regrets when you are still in the relationship. STOP and be positive.

@ ochallo & wacky1, we can't draw hasty conclusions, what if u had to listen to her side of d story and kinda get a bit convinced?
@ ochallo, u made mention of emotional maturity and I believe to some extent am not there yet, would need to work more on that not just for her but also for myself.
@andromida.....Am being +'ve here, thanks for your concern.
Thank you all.