The following article was originally written by Laide O on her blog, Ex School Nerd. Laide is a 19 year old student of the University of Lagos (UNILAG). Edited and reproduced with permission.

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Women, their own enemies ...
Don't we ever get tired of the bickering, the [I]bitching[/I], the pettiness? Where does it end with women? Yes, [I]we[/I] women, including you reading and giving me the eye. You know you do it, me included.

I used to be a mean girl - bad mouthing, [I]bitching[/I], basically just hating girls for no damn reason. I later found out it was because I was so insecure and threatened by these girls. I had to bring them down to sort of feel better. Pathetic, right?

And so I decided it was time to put off the [I]bitching[/I], because really where does it get you? It really doesn't make you feel better; it just makes you a bitter bitter person.

I decided to put all that energy into something more positive. Nowadays you hardly see me [I]cussing out[/I] some other chick - a total waste of time - but that's what we girls do. We hate each other most of the time for "no damn reason". That's what I call '[size=13pt]uneccessary beef[/size]'.

A typical example: Me and two of my friends, Amaka and Nora, who hate each other with a passion. Anytime I ask them "why?" it is always the same response: "I don't know, I just don't like her!"

Ok, we are waiting for the lift with a bunch of boys from our class, and then Nora asks Amaka, "Amaka are you wearing anything underneath your pants?" (yes, I know, that kind of question is not called for). Amaka gives her this devilish look. The boys laugh a little. Obviously Amaka is hurt, thinking Nora was trying to make fun of her. The hatred goes deeper from there.

And you know what I hate the most? I'm always the middleman (or woman). I am always the one who gets to hear all the spiteful things about the other. Amaka would come to me, "God I hate that Nora girl! She thinks she's fly ... the bow-legged [I]bitch[/I]. Later Nora comes over, "God I knew Amaka was a slut, but she's taking it to another level!"

The worst thing you could ever do is partake in the [I]bitching[/I]. Oh no, don't even think about it. Because one day when you fall out with one of them (and oh yes you will, girls will be girls) the next day you'd see them holding hands ... they've suddenly become bossom buddies, and they both have one thing in common: they hate your guts with a passion! I've tried my best to call a truce between them, but the battle line has been drawn and there's no going back.

There's also what I call the [size=13pt]show of shame[/size]. Recently two women on my estate had this public brawl. These women used to be quite inseperable, as I gathered. They've known each other for quite a while. So recently, they had a tiff, and it got so bad that they were actually fighting: pulling hair, scratching, kicking.

Then it was time to wash their dirty linen in public. One was like "You, you this LovePeddler! How many abortions have you had? You this prostitute. Now you're married you think you are better than me." And this said woman's husband was trying to separate them. of course, he had this confused look on his face because he had no idea whatsoever.

Why do that to your friend? Why bring back her past and expose it in front of everyone? This is probably something she told you in confidence, but because of the little tiff you felt the need to bring it all out.

That's why I like guys. Yes, I know, we call them the 'scum of the earth', 'good for nothing' (which of course they, some of them, are). But one thing with guys, they always have the back of their own. No matter how heated they are, they will never air their friends' past in public. It's like they have this code of silence which all of the follow, which is why their friendships last longer.

Two dudes could fight and in a couple of days they are back together. Easy going set of people. But we women, no way. What has she gained exposing her friend? I know for sure that even if they reconcile, there is no way the other woman would forgive her friend, let alone trust her. I know I wouldn't, a fight isn't the end of the friendship. Remember that, it's just a part of it.

Look at the many female musical groups that have split up: TLC, 3lw, Destiny's child, Spice Girls, SWV, All Saints, Sugar Babes. If you actually take the pains to find out the cause of their split, you'd find out it was probably some senseless thing. And they felt the need to throw away what they had because they were too proud to get off their high horse and apologise.

We see it with black girls. Talking with their neck, making their fingers snap, saying “oh no you didn't” Even white chicks, it’s the same with all girls. We all got attitude, hating the next girl.

She’s dressed to kill, she’s going to a party. At the party she’s most definitely the hottest thing around, she thinks she’s Ms. Thang. Till she arrives … the other girl ... she's drop dead gorgeous! Everyone’s eyeing her now … then the green eyed monster is let loose.

She starts looking for a fault with her “Oh my God, she think she cute. You'd never catch me dead in that!” Yeah right. You know she’s fly, everyone knows she’s fly, it wouldn't hurt to admit it and get over it. Hey, you can't always be the one in the spotlight. She’s fine, get over it and have fun!

Then their's the [size=13pt]guy fight[/size]. You catch your guy with some other chick, and you start your own rendition of “The Boy is Mine” by Brandy and Monica with her. You call her names, promise to beat her up, cuss at her, then you leave with your boyfriend, saying she tried to seduce him!

That’s nonsense, you need to set his trifling ass straight! For all you know, he might have told her he didn’t have a girlfriend. But you prefer to be in denial. Wake up my dear! When I see two girls fighting over a guy, its just so pathetic.

Fighting, kicking, scratching. [I]Haba![/I] If he’s stupid enough to cheat on you, he’s not worth you. Walk away. Do not disgrace yourself. I tell you, the guy wouldnt do the same for you, ever! When last did you see two guys publicly fighting over a girl. Yeah right! Even if they did, they’d settle in two days.

And guys use this to their advantage. They know how much hatred we have for each other, so they use it to set us against each other.

Ladies, where is the love? Let's learn to love more and hate less. Stop perceiving bad vibes from the next girl when she's not giving you any bad vibes. Stop giving each other attitude. It leads us no where. And let's be less emotional about stuff.

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(Editor: '[I]bitching[/I]' is slang for 'complaining'. It is often used in reference to unfair complains made by women. I couldn't find a non-slang synonym.)

What do you think? Original Entry

[s]seun it's very wrooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong to repost all the contents of somebody's blog post on a forum. it's like piracy. u should have just redirected people to the post's url.[/s]

Ok ok my bad, I just saw the with permission stuff now. Anyway, I sure wouldn't want my blog's content duplicated a-to-z on a forum.

Men, that stuff is so true [I]sha[/I]! But me be no-wahala girl. I don't like too much drama in my life jare ...

Unfortunately, too true.. I think women have to be encouraged to pursue greater heights in biz, politics, etc..... It would give them concrete issues to be bothered with.....They need role models too....the Ndi Okereke's of the potentially great but shamefully retarded nation.Wakeup, Nigeria!!!!!!

I just think that sometimes(I did say sometimes, I don't want to be lynched)it has a lot to do with insecurity or envy. Insecurity in the sense that there's something you envy or you admire some way or another in that person.
I just think we should be unified especially us. We have two/three strikes against us from birth.
1) We're black(If you're not I APOLOGISE)
2)We're female
And the third we're in a foreign land.(Also optional)
These things are always going to hit us in the face, sticking together and striving for success in every aspect of our lives is what we should focus and concentrate on instead of unnecessary and stupid squabbles.
GO!GIRL POWER!!!

This is absolutely An amazing piece. Laide will forever be "my heroine". She's amazing with her writings.

YES YES, Girls are EVIL! I keep saying it, we are evil!. In fact, that thing is just so true that i dunno wat to say.

But hey, i know sumthing i can say, This is one of the reasons why i probably don't have so many "girlfriends". They are drama!

soso true,but I would never fight over a guy.Any guy who dates me,and still cheats on me,sure is a fool so I wouldn't demean myself to fight over a guy.

Big ups to Laide...

You peeps get time to read that long thing eeh?

Laide O said it all. And thank God she is female and spills the hot beans on the heads of her fellow ladies.
Most of them are bitches in the heat of summer.

She made a whole lotta sense. Kudos to her!

I think the problems with most of them is inferiotity complex.When you know your worth you will value yourself.You will not find it hard to love when you add the fear of God to it.

eina:

You peeps get time to read that long thing eeh?

I tire ooh