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Please Help Review this Cover Letter - Jobs/Vacancies - Nairaland

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Please Constructively Criticise This Cover Letter / Please Help In Evaluating This Cover Letter / Imagine This Cover Letter: Can It Work Here in Nigeria? (2) (3) (4)

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Please Help Review this Cover Letter by Nobody: 4:51pm On Jun 05, 2013
Hey guys a friend just sent me this cover letter to help edit. I have edited . Below is the Result. Pleas i want to know if its okay.


FULL NAMES, BSc.
1 ADDRESS ROAD ,
EKPOMA , EDO STATE
NIGERIA
G.S.M: (+234xxxxxxxxxx)
Email: xxxxxxx@ymail.com

6,5, 2013





The Human Resources Manager,

Access Bank Plc,

Lagos,

Nigeria



Dear Sir,



APPLICATION FOR GRADUATE TRAINEE



I hereby apply for a Graduate Trainee position in your organization in response to your advertisement 6th May, 2013. I am a promising, hardworking recent university graduate with a background in Accounting and Management. As a creative, energetic individual with excellent communications skills and a pleasant, accommodating manner, I believe I offer the right combination of skills to be just that person you require.



As you can see from my enclosed résumé, I recently graduated from the Ambrose Alli University, Ekpoma with a Bachelor’s degree in Accounting.


While in the University, I worked as the treasurer of management Science Students Association of Nigeria,(MASSAN) Falculty of Management Science , Ambrose Alli University, Ekpoma . In this, I quickly earned a reputation as a professional, conscientious worker with excellent personal -relations skills. In addition, I am known as someone who is driven to get things done. Among my other strengths, I have good research skills and IT Skills.

After My University , I worked Briefly as a contract staff with Polaris Digitech , Land Surveyors & GIS consultants as a systems operator, i have excellent knowledge of Arc Maps, Oracle 11g data base, Linus OS, Microsoft Excel, Powerpoint and Microsoft Word.



As a fast learner with a large capacity for growth and development, I am confident that, with these skills and traits to offer, I will prove to be an asset to your company.

I would be pleased to have the opportunity to discuss and look forward to speaking with you soon. Feel free to contact me at the address and phone number listed above.



Thank you.





Yours faithfully,





XXXXXXXX

1 Like

Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by Nobody: 7:36pm On Jun 05, 2013
Childish!

4 Likes

Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by Nobody: 8:59pm On Jun 05, 2013
donpere: Hey guys a friend just sent me this cover letter to help edit. I have edited . Below is the Result. Pleas i want to know if its okay.


FULL NAMES, BSc.
1 ADDRESS ROAD ,
EKPOMA , EDO STATE
NIGERIA
G.S.M: (+234xxxxxxxxxx)
Email: xxxxxxx@ymail.com

6,5, 2013





The Human Resources Manager,

Access Bank Plc,

Lagos,

Nigeria



Dear Sir,



APPLICATION FOR GRADUATE TRAINEE




I write in response to your advert on 6th May,2013,for a graduate trainee. I am a promising, hardworking recent university graduate with a background in Accounting and Management. As a creative, energetic individual with excellent communications skills and a pleasant, accommodating manner, I believe I offer the right combination of skills to be just that person you require.
Kindly state your career iobjectives here.



As you can see from my enclosed résumé, I recently graduated from the Ambrose Alli University, Ekpoma with a Bachelor’s degree in Accounting.
Irrelevant.


While in the University, I worked as the treasurer of management Science Students Association of Nigeria,(MASSAN) Falculty of Management Science , Ambrose Alli University, Ekpoma . In this, I quickly earned a reputation as a professional, conscientious worker with excellent personal -relations skills. In addition, I am known as someone who is driven to get things done. Among my other strengths, I have good research skills and IT Skills.

After My University , I worked Briefly as a contract staff with Polaris Digitech , Land Surveyors & GIS consultants as a systems operator, i have excellent knowledge of Arc Maps, Oracle 11g data base, Linus OS, Microsoft Excel, Powerpoint and Microsoft Word.
I am especially interested in working for ........because of your client commitment. I have
excelled in basic and intermediate level accounting courses, and feel confident in my
abilities as an accountant. I gained valuable experience working as my faculty's treasurer in the university,and also had a post graduate experience as a system operator in Plaris Digitech.( briefly state what you gained frm both exp)

My computer literacy level is quite good, as I have excellent knowledge of Arc Maps, Oracle 11g data base, Linus OS, Microsoft Excel, Powerpoint and Microsoft Word and a host of others. I believe this will also be useful for the position I intend to fill.

As a fast learner with a large capacity for growth and development, I am confident that, with these skills and traits to offer, I will prove to be an asset to your company.
In addition to my accounting skill, I have strong interpersonal skills, and maintain a mature, gracious, and professional manner when communicating with people.I strongly believe in my ability to bring a sense of purpose with me into any setting, my penchant for hard work is second to none.

I would be pleased to have the opportunity to discuss
I would appreciate the opportunity to discuss how my educational and working experience will be helpful to you and your organizatio and look forward to hearing from you soon. Feel free to contact me at the address and phone number listed above.
Kindly find enclosed my resume for your consideration.

or
I strongly believe that I have all the qualities you require for the mentioned post, and
can assure you that I possess all the abilities needed for the accounting sector. In conclusion I want
to state that I would be very grateful for a chance to prove myself, and look forward to meeting you
to discuss possible my application further.



Thank you.





Yours faithfully,





XXXXXXXX
Kindly check the above corrections.Sorry I cldnt do more, I'm not feeling well.
YEvery cover letter you write should be customized for the job you are applying for, clear and concise, grammatically correct, and error-free. in other words, u cant use one cover letter for all your job applications.

9 Likes

Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by Nobody: 10:38pm On Jun 05, 2013
ROSYL: Childish!
So wat do u suggest?

3 Likes

Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by lamide888: 11:12pm On Jun 05, 2013
I don't see anything childish, it just shows lack of work exp that's all

1 Like

Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by Nobody: 7:47am On Jun 06, 2013
ROSYL: Childish!
that's quite immature of you, it doesn't need such a silly coment. You would have just posted a better sample for him and that's all. Well OP your cover letter aint that bad. And point of correction, its a graduate trainee position, doesn't need much experience. Just don't stretch much on your qualification as its already in your CV, you could talk more on your achievements and how fit you're for that role, prolly stating your objectives, achievement and goals, work experience (that would show traits of success when exployed) etc. This is my little contribution

3 Likes

Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by Malubi(m): 7:54am On Jun 06, 2013
donpere: Hey guys a friend just sent me this cover letter to help edit. I have edited . Below is the Result. Pleas i want to know if its okay.


FULL NAMES, BSc.
1 ADDRESS ROAD ,
EKPOMA , EDO STATE
NIGERIA
G.S.M: (+234xxxxxxxxxx)
Email: xxxxxxx@ymail.com

6,5, 2013





The Human Resources Manager,

Access Bank Plc,

Lagos,

Nigeria



Dear Sir,



APPLICATION FOR GRADUATE TRAINEE



I hereby apply for a Graduate Trainee position in your organization in response to your advertisement 6th May, 2013. I am a promising, hardworking recent university graduate with a background in Accounting and Management. As a creative, energetic individual with excellent communications skills and a pleasant, accommodating manner, I believe I offer the right combination of skills to be just that person you require.



As you can see from my enclosed résumé, I recently graduated from the Ambrose Alli University, Ekpoma with a Bachelor’s degree in Accounting.


While in the University, I worked as the treasurer of management Science Students Association of Nigeria,(MASSAN) Falculty of Management Science , Ambrose Alli University, Ekpoma . In this, I quickly earned a reputation as a professional, conscientious worker with excellent personal -relations skills. In addition, I am known as someone who is driven to get things done. Among my other strengths, I have good research skills and IT Skills.

After My University , I worked Briefly as a contract staff with Polaris Digitech , Land Surveyors & GIS consultants as a systems operator, i have excellent knowledge of Arc Maps, Oracle 11g data base, Linus OS, Microsoft Excel, Powerpoint and Microsoft Word.



As a fast learner with a large capacity for growth and development, I am confident that, with these skills and traits to offer, I will prove to be an asset to your company.

I would be pleased to have the opportunity to discuss and look forward to speaking with you soon. Feel free to contact me at the address and phone number listed above.



Thank you.





Yours faithfully,





XXXXXXXX
Just make sure the later is short and snapy because HR Officers may not have time to read a lengthy laters. Thanks

2 Likes

Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by Nobody: 8:44am On Jun 06, 2013
Malubi: Just make sure the later is short and snapy because HR Officers may not have time to read a lengthy laters. Thanks
@op these guy is right, no time for lengthy letters

1 Like

Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by 1forall: 11:56am On Jun 06, 2013
OP highlight those aspects of your experience/qualifications which might be most relevant to the role and be sure to comment on the skills/qualities/abilities outlined in the job advert. Match the info about the candidate that is most relevant to the job, showing the employer that you are aware of the job requirements, your strengths and how they 'fit'.

It is essential that you use the cover letter to give information about your knowledge, evidence of your skills and statements about your quality as a candidate. You seem to have done so in the letter above but apply some structure to the general presentation as follows:

.......................................................} Introduction, expressing
.......................................................} your interest in the
.......................................................} vacancy.

.......................................................} a) 1 or 2 paragraphs
.......................................................} detailing the 'fit' between
.......................................................} you, the job, and the
.......................................................} organization.

.......................................................} b) Key selling points in
.......................................................} relation to specifics of
.......................................................} the job advert.

.......................................................}
.......................................................} Positive closure.
.......................................................}

The 2nd and 3rd sections above are the most important so take time to develop these. And yes they are related but the 3rd is more specific to the job itself than the 2nd.

Good luck!

6 Likes

Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by Kx: 12:08pm On Jun 06, 2013
A quick one:
An interviewer once told me "as u can see" is an indirect insult to the interviewer and does not sound professional.
Edit that aspect.

7 Likes

Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by proudlysports: 12:13pm On Jun 06, 2013
@ROSYL

Nice one.
I believe you've simplified OP's work.

OP, look at ROSYL's corrections

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by Skywalker5(m): 12:17pm On Jun 06, 2013
"as you can see" sounds like insult as kx said

He mentioned companies he worked but he failed to write what he did and which skills he used or gained during the time.e.g time management, project management, team work,e.t.c
Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by Nobody: 12:17pm On Jun 06, 2013
ROSYL: Childish!

You are the one who is being childlish here. You need to grow up kid.

4 Likes

Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by Nobody: 12:17pm On Jun 06, 2013
Your letter should be addressed : Dear Sir/Madam
Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by rapattorny: 12:19pm On Jun 06, 2013
proudlysports: @ROSYL

Nice one.
I believe you've simplified OP's work.


OP, look at ROSYL's corrections
Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by Nobody: 12:20pm On Jun 06, 2013
If it is a girl ,she doesn't need it . Let her go and spread her legs ,after all aren't we in naija?
Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by femi4: 12:22pm On Jun 06, 2013
AmBeautiful: Your letter should be addressed : Dear Sir/Madam
Dear Sir is right irrespective of the gender of hrm............its a man's world grin grin grin grin

Also, re-arrange your addy and date in this form and remove the Bsc, gsm no and emai addy. Bsc is not your surname

Full Name.
1 Address Road,
Ekpoma, Edo State.
Nigeria
6th May, 2013
Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by Beaf1: 12:23pm On Jun 06, 2013
I hereby apply for a Graduate Trainee position in your organization in response to your advertisement of 6th May, 2013. I am a promising...

^
My only observation. Sorry, not much.
Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by Castos(m): 12:27pm On Jun 06, 2013
CAMEROONPRIDE: If it is a girl ,she doesn't need it . Let her go and spread her legs ,after all aren't we in naija?
just the same way ur girlfriend did. Now u're enjoying the fruit of her punny, u still have the mouth to say THIS!

3 Likes

Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by Nobody: 12:31pm On Jun 06, 2013
Thank u all for your contributions. I'll edit the letter.
Happy now.
Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by 1forall: 12:34pm On Jun 06, 2013
Kx: A quick one:
An interviewer once told me "as u can see" is an indirect insult to the interviewer and does not sound professional.
Edit that aspect.

Well it can also be argued that the phrase encourages the employer to read more about the candidate in the accompanying CV because the intention is simply to highlight the candidate's attribute(s) while also offering evidence in the CV. The covering letter is typically the first thing an employer reads and its content can determine whether or not they bother look at the CV.

However, an unprofessional recruiter with an oversized measure of self-importance is likely to misinterpret the phrase and term is as "an insult" grin so OP apply your own judgement.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by euromoney(f): 12:34pm On Jun 06, 2013
CAMEROONPRIDE: If it is a girl ,she doesn't need it . Let her go and spread her legs ,after all aren't we in naija?
Someone is sick here?where are the pharmacist and the psychiatrist in the haoz..its urget pls!

1 Like

Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by babarazy: 12:35pm On Jun 06, 2013
ROSYL: Childish!
you are suffering from the malady of the gravest species.
Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by sureway1(m): 12:35pm On Jun 06, 2013
I'll suggest you make your research well to know the name of the c/o...instead of saying dear madam/sir..
it can be e.g dear mr Arikuyeri James,

1 Like

Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by overboard(m): 12:36pm On Jun 06, 2013
1forall: OP highlight those aspects of your experience/qualifications which might be most relevant to the role and be sure to comment on the skills/qualities/abilities outlined in the job advert. Match the info about the candidate that is most relevant to the job, showing the employer that you are aware of the job requirements, your strengths and how they 'fit'.

It is essential that you use the cover letter to give information about your knowledge, evidence of your skills and statements about your quality as a candidate. You seem to have done so in the letter above but apply some structure to the general presentation as follows:

.......................................................} Introduction, expressing
.......................................................} your interest in the
.......................................................} vacancy.

.......................................................} a) 1 or 2 paragraphs
.......................................................} detailing the 'fit' between
.......................................................} you, the job, and the
.......................................................} organization.

.......................................................} b) Key selling points in
.......................................................} relation to specifics of
.......................................................} the job advert.

.......................................................}
.......................................................} Positive closure.
.......................................................}

The 2nd and 3rd sections above are the most important so take time to develop these. And yes they are related but the 3rd is more specific to the job itself than the 2nd.

Good luck!

THIS SHOULD DO IT. EXPRESSIVE, TO THE POINT, DEVOID OF EMOTIONS & SHORT.
Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by femi4: 12:37pm On Jun 06, 2013
sure way: I'll suggest you make your research well to know the name of the c/o...instead of saying dear madam/sir..
it can be e.g dear mr Arikuyeri James,
Its a formal letter, that approach will be very wrong
Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by sureway1(m): 12:43pm On Jun 06, 2013
femi4: Its a formal letter, that approach will be very wrong
Yea l know!
but it work this days..
cos it gives you an edge and he'll be lmpress you've made ur research to even know his name..
Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by proudlysports: 12:44pm On Jun 06, 2013
femi4: Its a formal letter, that approach will be very wrong
Not really. I'ld also advice using the person's name (if you know it).
Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by yemmight(m): 12:46pm On Jun 06, 2013
@donpere

Your cover letter is not that bad but from HR's view, make your letter maximum of four paragraphs.

All the best.
Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by Nobody: 12:49pm On Jun 06, 2013
5
Malubi: Just make sure the later is short and snapy because HR Officers may not have time to read a lengthy laters. Thanks
donpere: Hey guys a friend just sent me this cover letter to help edit. I have edited . Below is the Result. Pleas i want to know if its okay.


FULL NAMES, BSc.
1 ADDRESS ROAD ,
EKPOMA , EDO STATE
NIGERIA
G.S.M: (+234xxxxxxxxxx)
Email: xxxxxxx@ymail.com

6,5, 2013





The Human Resources Manager,

Access Bank Plc,

Lagos,

Nigeria



Dear Sir,



APPLICATION FOR GRADUATE TRAINEE



I hereby apply for a Graduate Trainee position in your organization in response to your advertisement 6th May, 2013. I am a promising, hardworking recent university graduate with a background in Accounting and Management. As a creative, energetic individual with excellent communications skills and a pleasant, accommodating manner, I believe I offer the right combination of skills to be just that person you require.



As you can see from my enclosed résumé, I recently graduated from the Ambrose Alli University, Ekpoma with a Bachelor’s degree in Accounting.


While in the University, I worked as the treasurer of management Science Students Association of Nigeria,(MASSAN) Falculty of Management Science , Ambrose Alli University, Ekpoma . In this, I quickly earned a reputation as a professional, conscientious worker with excellent personal -relations skills. In addition, I am known as someone who is driven to get things done. Among my other strengths, I have good research skills and IT Skills.

After My University , I worked Briefly as a contract staff with Polaris Digitech , Land Surveyors & GIS consultants as a systems operator, i have excellent knowledge of Arc Maps, Oracle 11g data base, Linus OS, Microsoft Excel, Powerpoint and Microsoft Word.



As a fast learner with a large capacity for growth and development, I am confident that, with these skills and traits to offer, I will prove to be an asset to your company.

I would be pleased to have the opportunity to discuss and look forward to speaking with you soon. Feel free to contact me at the address and phone number listed above.



Thank you.





Yours faithfully,





XXXXXXXX
you have edited like this a formal letter must be detailed and straight to the point.
lots of error though:
1. the date's wrong, the month shd be spelt out - 6th May, 2013. reason's like this- 6,5, 2013 it cld mean 6th may 2013 and/or june 5th 2013.to be precise, spell the month
2. the phrase 'As you can see. . .' is inappropriate and rude.
3. the 2nd, 3rd and 4th paragraphs are not needed, all of those are in your resume, avoid unnecessary repetition
4. the phrase 'Feel free to contact me. . .' is also inappropriate. this is a formal later and those not allow for such familiarities.
5. after the salutation, you should have just three paragraphs afterwards(introduction, body and conclusion) then closing.

6 Likes

Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by femi4: 12:50pm On Jun 06, 2013
sure way:
Yea l know!
but it work this days..
cos it gives you an edge and he'll be lmpress you've made ur research to even know his name..
humm Naija factor grin grin grin
Re: Please Help Review this Cover Letter by femi4: 12:52pm On Jun 06, 2013
sure way:
Yea l know!
but it work this days..
cos it gives you an edge and he'll be lmpress you've made ur research to even know his name..
he can also see it as unnecessary familiarity...........its 50/50 sha

1 Like

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