Fellow NLs,
I am in a mess and wish to seek for your advice and possible solution.
I got married last 2 years and wedded last year. I have a son who is a year and one month old.
My problem is my wife and her ways.
Often times, she tells me lies after sometime she will come back and tell me the truth. She owns a business outfit in Owerri. She takes her business as number one in the family affairs and as far as I am concerned, that her business has not added any value to my family.
I reside and work in Aba. My nature of work is 8am to 6pm. One day, she told me that she wants to travel to PH to survey how good is UNIPORT so that she can set upa branch of her business there. I told her not to go especially due to the fact that the person that will be leading her is a man that I don't know. She disobeyed me, went to PH and came back very late to Owerri. This is somebody that finds it difficult to discuss what she does or her plans with me.
Two days ago, she called me to tell me that a female friend of hers will be taking her to Lagos to introduce her to another business and as she said, they are going to meet a man who is an importer. I told her not to go but she did and told me lie that she did not go. Later, I discovered that the so called female friend who was supposed to lead her did not travel with her. When she discover that I know that she actually travelled, she sent me a message asking for me forgiveness that the business she is doing is for the good of the family.
Early the this year, I ran out of cash and requested that she send me money which I planned to repay her, she told me that I am pestering her and about two weeks later she told that she lend someone 4times the amount that I requested and that the person has refused to pay her.
Since yesterday, I have been boiling inside thinking of what to do.
I am a practising catholic and we catholics don't believe in divorce and so I don't want to divorce her but I wish to reprimand her so, NLs what do I do? I would appreciate your sincere advice.
Thanks.


Hello friends,
the truth now is that since the day before this, I have not heard from the said woman. If she is in Lagos or somewhere else, I don't know Whether she is dead or alive, I cannot tell. What if anything happens to her and my son, what do I tell people?
Someone said that I don't have monopoly over her but the person did not say anything about her safety in embarking on such journey.
I am more confused now.

Phew! How come divorce is always the next option for issues in marriage nowadays
Why do you keep telling her not to do the things that she wants to do to improve her business?
I think we should start from there.

Though as d husband, u dnt hv full monopoly over her. But u do to a great extent.
My cent- i believe she's got somfin up her sleeve- n by d time she gain all she want, she may definitely leave u.

But dez re d danger of living separately.
U need to stay close to her maybe in dat way, der may be som fear(respect) for which may curb taking laws into her hands.
And above all my dear- PRAY UR HOLY ROSARY for ur rising family.
Women can go any length weneva dey re determined.

Besides divorce is NOT a better option n shudn't come to mind first...

Though as d husband, u dnt hv full monopoly over her. But u do to a great extent.
My cent- i believe she's got somfin up her sleeve- n by d time she gain all she want, she may definitely leave u.

But dez re d danger of living separately.
U need to stay close to her maybe in dat way, der may be som fear(respect) for u which may curb taking laws into her hands.
And above all my dear- PRAY UR HOLY ROSARY for ur rising family.
Women can go any length weneva dey re determined.

Besides divorce is NOT a better option n shudn't come to mind first...

Are you sure you're the husband, or a sugar boy?

hmmmm Shey bobo yi fe alagbere ni. Iyawo e ni eni ton ba jade now, abi? hmmm. OP, i have no advice to give you.

nigerian marriages can be brain rattling...

what kind of money is she looking for that she wants to set up branches in PH, lagos, owerri and perhaps chad republic?

you gave her too much freedom and she's taken full advantage. she's grown wings already so you are going to work twice as hard to bring her back.......

you should break words with her parents concerning her attitude! this one is no longer a wife, she's your boss!!!

Law-confessor:
Though as d husband, u dnt hv full monopoly over her. But u do to a great extent.
My cent- i believe she's got somfin up her sleeve- n by d time she gain all she want, she may definitely leave u.

But dez re d danger of living separately.
U need to stay close to her maybe in dat way, der may be som fear(respect) for which may curb taking laws into her hands.
And above all my dear- PRAY UR HOLY ROSARY for ur rising family.
Women can go any length weneva dey re determined.

Besides divorce is NOT a better option n shudn't come to mind first...

Thanks but I applied and got approval and has been transferred to Aba to stay with her. So I will resuming in her base on tuesday.

@ coogar

Some of your posts remind me of one of my brothers. He could breathe fire and talk women dis, women dat, before he got married. We even thought he would have an ironclad pre-nup before marrying anyone. Dude was just so alpha male about this marriage/Naija women thingy.
After he got married, I was surprised at how he mellowed, not even a pre-nup. The only thing he's refused to do is joint accounts with his wife
I want to believe you are not married yet, thus the sometimes draconian views. Once you fall in love, dis shakara go get level

coogar: nigerian marriages can be brain rattling...

what kind of money is she looking for that she wants to set up branches in PH, lagos, owerri and perhaps chad republic?

you gave her too much freedom and she's taken full advantage. she's grown wings already so you are going to work twice as hard to bring her back.......

you should break words with her parents concerning her attitude! this one is no longer a wife, she's your boss!!!

This woman has neither respect nor regard for you.
It seems you are a soft man and she is taking advantage of that. Afterall all she needs to do is apologise and all will be well again.
She needs a surprise. Something she's not used to seeing with you. Start sounding stern with your " do nots".
Threats perhaps too. Tell her that the next time she goes on some trip or whatever nonsense you don't consent to,she shouldn't bother coming back and say it like you mean it. Maybe if she sees your eyes blaring while saying those words,she'd rethink.
Take the charge back from her!

I only hope she's not cheating already though..

Poster,

Well you need to take charge of your family. Truth be told, your wife does not really respect you and that may be because she earns more than you (I guess). My first advice is that you be more stern with her. She says she is going for business but the truth is that you are not sure, in fact she may be doing very dangerous stuff for all you know. All you can see is that she is bringing money home and sorry, it seems you are also encouraging her by enjoying the money too.

My advice is stop taking money from her, even if you run out of cash. She is enticing you with the cash. She has done it at least twice, if she tells you she is traveling for "business" next time and your find out she travelled with some dodgy guy, tell her not to come back to your house (if it is your house that is). My point is that you really need to let her know in no light terms you wouldn't condone her nonsense!

MMotimo: @ coogar

Some of your posts remind me of one of my brothers. He could breathe fire and talk women dis, women dat, before he got married. We even thought he would have an ironclad pre-nup before marrying anyone. Dude was just so alpha male about this marriage/Naija women thingy.
After he got married, I was surprised at how he mellowed, not even a pre-nup. The only thing he's refused to do is joint accounts with his wife
I want to believe you are not married yet, thus the sometimes draconian views. Once you fall in love, dis shakara go get level

he mellowed down because he finally met a woman of his dreams. a woman that gives him little or no palava - his soulmate! it's not like these gems are extinct - it's just that they are very few. congrats to your brother!!!

Acidosis: Are you sure you're the husband, or a sugar boy?

I expected something better than this from you.
You have not told me anything yet.

Nashville: Poster,

Well you need to take charge of your family. Truth be told, your wife does not really respect you and that may be because she earns more than you (I guess). My first advice is that you be more stern with her. She says she is going for business but the truth is that you are not sure, in fact she may be doing very dangerous stuff for all you know. All you can see is that she is bringing money home and sorry, it seems you are also encouraging her by enjoying the money too.

My advice is stop taking money from her, even if you run out of cash. She is enticing you with the cash. She has done it at least twice, if she tells you she is traveling for "business" next time and your find out she travelled with some dodgy guy, tell her not to come back to your house (if it is your house that is). My point is that you really need to let her know in no light terms you wouldn't condone her nonsense!

Thanks for the advice but I have never collected money from her.
I did ask her anyway and that she turned down.

Again, she is staying in one room apartment and I gave her money to rent a flat and she used that money to buy goods and told me that she will rent the flat later this month.

OP,

Everyone here knows something but no one wants to hit the nail on the head

Use your tongue to count your teeth. Dazz all

And as a guy man. Hope you dey use condom sha because some thing dey town nowadays make you no catch something

@op,who is the man in that marriage

Cool! So I won't take all your comments seriously then. . . . and yes, gems are few but they exist, all you need is patience.


.

coogar:

he mellowed down because he finally met a woman of his dreams. a woman that gives him little or no palava - his soulmate! it's not like these gems are extinct - it's just that they are very few. congrats to your brother!!!

@ OP

I assume you know your wife well (after all, you married her), what do you think is going on?

Engineer, is that how she normally disobeyed you before marrying her? The fact that she appologize after erring means she still love wants you to be with her (so, dont even think of divorce). I am sure you guyz dated for sometime (maybe a year or more) before marrying...,then you should be able to figure out what is behind her new behaviours, this could be her new friends,enviroment et al. My 2 kobo, sit your wife down and talk some sense to her brain! And be serious*as in very serious* when you are doing that.

Personally, i will suggest you sit her down and have a meaningful and effective communication with her, she might not be promiscus,IMO, she might be an industrious and money loving woman(there are some people like that, who love money more than their family), so, enlighten and educate her on the importance of one's family to her, she might be telling lies to you as regards where shes going because of the fear that you wont allow her, and she knows that you love her, that, even, if she dare you, once she apologise, you will forgive her, and truth be told, she also love you, otherwise, she wont be begging (apologise)you after she disobey you, so, the two of you need to have a heart-to heart discussion on what you want in your marriage and what/how you want her to go about her business in such a way that, it will not have adverse effect on the family.
Also, good that you have decided to be closer to her, your distance to/with her might be one of her reasons of her audacity.
May God give you the wisdom to do this aright, and i prophesy a new and better beggining in your marriage IJN.
SHALOM.

A woman who acts that way to her husband has absolutely no regard and respect for him. My goodness, how can you travel and galivante as you wish against the wishes of your husband. @Op, you are not her owner neither you you try to chain her to your side permanently, but there should be a level of respect where you are concerned. I hate to break it to you dear, but your wife is having her nice and damp path cleared by some other male. Warn her sternly, and make it clear you will not be blown off like a kid by her. And who says you can not borrow money from your wife? Why then is she your wife? All this archaic reasoning bothers me. Seems we take two steps forward and eight steps back. Man up oh and set your wife straight before you tie wrapper and gele in that house.

slymm: And who says you can not borrow money from your wife? Why then is she your wife? All this archaic reasoning bothers me. Seems we take two steps forward and eight steps back. Man up oh and set your wife straight before you tie wrapper and gele in that house.

No one is saying a man cannot borrow from his wife. But in this case, where the source of the money is very suspicious, it will be better for him not to take money from her. You have already suggested she is cheating, how sure are you all that money is not from her "male friends". The wife is enjoying her self and making money out of it, collecting money from such a woman not only encourages her but also endorses it. If he complains about her "business" and sources of income, he cannot be living off that income too. He is trying to pass across a message here.

@Nashville, you are right, my brain did not even put two and two together like that. Wow, imagine that! A paid w.h.o.r.e as a wife..I mean a man can not get any worse.

The foundation of this marriage is faulty and your wife's attitude sounds more like that of a runs woman than a business woman.Its time to step up your game and be a man.

byvan: The foundation of this marriage is faulty and your wife's attitude sounds more like that of a runs woman than a business woman.Its time to step up your game and be a man.

If I may ask, how does one step his game to a possibly runz woman

biolabee:
If I may ask, how does one step his game to a possibly runz woman

tie a grenade to her nether region

coogar:

tie a grenade to her nether region

Haha I'm sure that's not wat she had in mind

coogar: nigerian marriages can be brain rattling...

what kind of money is she looking for that she wants to set up branches in PH, lagos, owerri and perhaps chad republic?

you gave her too much freedom and she's taken full advantage. she's grown wings already so you are going to work twice as hard to bring her back.......

you should break words with her parents concerning her attitude! this one is no longer a wife, she's your boss!!!

My thought exactly, the youngman is not against her progressing, but doing that at the detriment of her family and home is very bad and her moves are very suspicious.

@Biola,coogar has a point too . There are many ways to punish an unrepentant woman,try sending her back to wherever she came from next time she goes establishing her so called business branches without your consent.Just do something,try not caring and see if that ll work.The woman no get regard for OP at all,i wonder how he lost his manly groove.She really acts as if you can't do sh*t about it,why don't you surprise her?

byvan: @Biola,coogar has a point too . There are many ways to punish an unrepentant woman,try sending her back to wherever she came from next time she goes establishing her so called business branches without your consent.Just do something,try not caring and see if that ll work.The woman no get regard for OP at all,i wonder how he lost his manly groove.She really acts as if you can't do sh*t about it,why don't you surprise her?

For a woman who may potentially be stepping, there is nothing short of leaving the house or she leaving in my opinion
Am looking for less drastic suggestions though

Tell me why a man won't hit a woman like thisMy guy as far as I'm concerned she is sleeping around and needs a reset with a few jabs here and there

slymm: @Nashville, you are right, my brain did not even put two and two together like that. Wow, imagine that! A paid w.h.o.r.e as a wife..I mean a man can not get any worse.

Thanks friend.
I appreciate your responses.