I had the ill-fortune of making a cutting comment a few weeks back for which I'm still paying penance. I still wonder who that myopic fellow (obviously a guy) was who thought up such blatant falsehoods as "weaker vessels", "gentler sex" and "fairer sex". With no prejudice to the efforts of all the fanatical feminists (may God continue to bless you for making dating cheaper!), we men have never really been deceived.

I'm sorry, I digress.

There is a crisis fermenting in the underground subculture created by social media and glossy celebrity magazines. It is the gravest of all conflicts: an identity crisis.

In the past, make-up was a dash of lipstick, a dab of rouge and a few other touches meant to augment a woman's beauty. What obtains now is a range of prototypical doll's faces a lady can choose from and voila, instant plastic surgery. Did I say "instant"? More like six hours of Mandarin-like facial immobility. For those in need of fast fixes, Photoshop (apologies, Adobe) can turn your inner duckling into a black swan. These make-up (makeover) artistes have gone thermonuclear.

Imagine going to a wedding ceremony and being unable to identify the bride beneath layers of red, green, blue and nameless other hues. Thank God that the chastity of our brides still entitles them to the traditional white gown. Otherwise, bridegrooms (typical bumbling males) would be forgiven for not recognising their "better halves".

Another looming disaster is the potential failure of the national databases. Think of the cost involved in setting up the National Identity commission's database, Driver's Licence database, Immigration database, federal and state payroll databases among other myriad white-elephant duplications. These make-up artists and their digital Photoshop siblings are a bigger threat to National Security than that poor, misguided Snowden fellow. Imagine the multiple profile photos Nigerian women have uploaded to these databases with the potential for chaos they portend. Little wonder Britain has asked us to deposit £3000 for the logjam our women have created in their efficient processes.

The worst case is if, God forbid, a client should fall prey to our kidnapping kindred or the ritualistic vivisectionists. How, in Heaven's name, is our gallant police force expected to know who they seek when each photo shows a different avatar?

On a more personal note, I fear for the repentant bachelor who wakes after the bridal night to find a really homely woman in his bed. Homely, in the American sense, of course (we are all victims of Americanisms, inevitably).

The dissonance between a woman's mental self-image and the multiple different visual images (following prolonged make-up sessions) may be responsible for the psychological problems in our modern society. Our psychologists need to research this.

Let us all speak up against the chaos posed by this fundamental identity crisis.

"A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction." - Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

PS: For those who may allege sexism in this matter, I agree with you fervently. I am a rabid feminist.

My brother u be "Word Assassin"

E dey pain you?

pri3stess: E dey pain you?

E dey pain me wellu-wellu oh! Gaga oh!

Make I pass sharp sharp.

There are more important things in the society to be banned/concerned with, make-up artists are not even in the top 100

why did i even comment self

stalemate

I don't see how make-up is such a big problem. If no one can recognize them, its their problem not mine.

i no even read the story finish.... No mb

dude take it easy mehn...

PLEASE SOMEONE SHOULD SUMMARIZE THAT TIN FOR ME

Please what is the meaning of this composition you put up there Mr. OP

So no better news from naija today ? Then let me turn to CNN.

Ban dem 4 wat na?shey na illegal biznes ni?abi dem force u 2 do make-up?if u dont like it stay away frm it! shikena

Bros ontop wetin na??:..

Calm down abeg

U guys should tackle more important issues affecting this country rather than talking about makeups.Make up is not a must do thing so I don't see the reason why it shud be ur problem.

2legit2qwt: There are more important things in the society to be banned/concerned with, make-up artists are not even in the top 100

1trillion like

2legit2qwt: There are more important things in the society to be banned/concerned with, make-up artists are not even in the top 100

My thought exactly!! Like WTF ! Why not ban make-up entirely and Adobe photoshop-- Even North Korea of all places haven't banned make-up yet--why Nigeria-- one of the reasons why Africa is backward-- concentrating on the trivials

And the aim of opening this thread is to get pple to support the ban of make up artiste?

Moves against women are not usually advisable. It could end careers.

2legit2qwt: There are more important things in the society to be banned/concerned with, make-up artists are not even in the top 100

Top 1000.

@OP How did you get front page?

make i go next thread.

please what are u saying...lame thread and it made front page..mods make sence o...InPARTICULAULARICAL THREAD

@op, you should be banned from nairaland.

The writer made no point!!!

This is a Satire. Y'all are taking it too serious. Laugh and move on

@OP: Going by your logic, plastic surgeons are a menace to world at large.

Do dey make cool cash?
U b bad belle4 u think dat direction.

Op,ur choice of words,grammar and lexicon are all impressive.however,if u string too many "big" words and terms together,it doesn't really allow for a smooth read! I had to struggle thru dis article(and I'm no dullard)...each time I got to d end of a sentence,I'd hav forgotten what was written at d beginning,so I had to start all over again,in order to join both halves of d sentence together and see how they relate to each other! Very stressful! U're no doubt,a good writer,but u hav to find a way to make ur readers sail smoothly thru ur pieces,witout compromising grammatical dynamics.