I work in the same organisation with this guy but we're not in the same office. We got to know each other at a church function and started emailing, very casual stuff in the beginning. I know his wife and kid. The thing now is no day passes without either seeing or calling or emailing or YIMing. It used to be only Monday to Friday but now, even weekends, we exchange quite a lot of emails, usually general stuff, jokes, current issues etc etc. I enjoy talking to him and his friendship means a lot to me. He advises me a lot about relationships and is quite protective of me, more like a big brother.

In this day of technology, when do you know when you have crossed the line from casual friendship into a full blown affair even though you've not been intimate with the other person. (I mean, there's never been any kissing, inappropriate touching apart from the ocassional hug, no overt 'I love yous' etc etc).

Please help me out here. Have we crossed the line already?

If you are this worried about it. . .you may have already crossed the line

what is this about 'overt' I love yous? Are you saying you've said it in a covert manner?

This amount of contact with a 'friend' who happens to be married (and you are not) is a little dangerous, it may/may not lead to anything further, but I do think you should step back a bit and reduce the frequency of communication.

I assume you DON'T want to cross that line so please do not escalate things any further - reduce communication/contact.

debosky:

This amount of contact with a 'friend' who happens to be married (and you are not) is a little dangerous, it may/may not lead to anything further, but I do think you should step back a bit and reduce the frequency of communication.

I assume you DON'T want to cross that line so please do not escalate things any further - reduce communication/contact.

Touche.

I Couldn't have said it any better.

So far from reading your post, it's sounds like a platonic relationship. Just friend and friend. I know there is the general belief that men and women can't be friends because it always leads to romance but there is an exception to every rule. My cousin has been friends with a really cool African guy for a long time even hanging out at his house too when he was single. It was strictly platonic. Two people with the same type of humour and ideas just hanging out. I used to chill with them from time to time. She went to his moslem wedding when he got married and she is getting married in Church this December and he'll be there with his now pregnant wife. They've kept in touch. The wife gets along with my cousin even though there are some jokes my cousin and the guy will share that the wife is like, "wetin them dey talk about"? It happens. It's if you start feeling anything more than just friends or he starts to show you unwelcome attention then you may want to step back---quick!

Good luck with your friendship! Guys can make really cool friends!

@debosky, thanks. I think technology kind of lulls you into thinking that it's harmless when you say I miss you over a YIM or an email. I need to re-evaluate the depth of our interaction which may well mean that I am already involved with this person without actually having any kind of physical intimacy. I'll just have to work out how to cut back if that's the case here.

annamaria:


In this day of technology, when do you know when you have crossed the line from casual friendship into a full blown affair even though you've not been intimate with the other person. (I mean, there's never been any kissing, inappropriate touching apart from the ocassional hug, no overt 'I love yous' etc etc).

Please help me out here. Have we crossed the line already?

Yes, u have crossed the line.

Remedies:

Cut the communication.
Avoid long talks on the fone, chats or sms.
Use your idle time well. . . . U can start gym classes, swimming or knitting.

You are playing with hot fire be careful, i wonder if his wife knows about this everyday romance, please do not let his wife come and pour hot soup on you in the office. BACK OFF WHILE YOU CAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!A WORD IS A ENOUGH FOR THE WISE

Also is this man happy with his wife?

Knitting ha ha

@ op

He's married, that's enough reason to reduce the amount of communication you have with him. It's just too much, I mean the YIM etc

Dodnextris:

Also is this man happy with his wife?

That's not for me to answer really, cos she doesn't come up much in our conversations. Like I said, we talk more general stuff, politics, sports and such like. He's a good conversationalist and we get on quite well, mostly at work. We've not been on any social outings together, we've never even discussed that.

stillwater:

Knitting ha ha

@ op

He's married, that's enough reason to reduce the amount of communication you have with him. It's just too much, I mean the YIM etc

Whats wrong with knitting?

@poster

dis closeness is too much,d guy is married,and its obvious u r already inlove wt d guy,so back out and dont put asunder in his marriage

@anna- well, technically u avnt crossed the line yet, but are u begining to get funny ideas in your head? if u are, then u need to withdraw frm the excess attention and communication and adopt the "KISS" approach (Keep It Short & Simple). also, remember u can only speak 4urself, only heaven knows whats goin on in the guys brain or pants probably

The dude is married. . .how would you feel if you were in his wife's position and some hussy is just being intimate friend with your husband?

good question rampant

jennykadry:

good question rampant

Whats good about that? They are not dating yet and thet are not intimate. . . .
They only do casual talks just like u and SLY.
Now, how would ur hubby feel if he knows u and SLY are this close?

atleast ive not created a thread on that ive i?which means watever conversation i have wt sly is on d friendship level,but for her to create such a thread,is d answer not obvious?is it not obvious that shes inlove wt d guy

the question is does he have this much time for his own wife?

Xerxes.:

Whats good about that? They are not dating yet and thet are not intimate. . . .
They only do casual talks just like u and SLY.
Now, how would your hubby feel if he knows u and SLY are this close?

"The thing now is no day passes without either seeing or "calling or emailing or YIMing."
SLy and Jenny, is this going on between you too?

And when I meant intimate, I meant real "close" friends. . . dnt get it twisted.

jennykadry:

atleast ive not created a thread on that ive i?which means watever conversation i have wt sly is on d friendship level,but for her to create such a thread,is d answer not obvious?is it not obvious that shes inlove wt d guy

Thank you. . . .this one with the poster pass friendship

4 Him:

the question is does he have this much time for his own wife?

David, I left a message on the health sec jo

Welcome back jare. . .

Thanks, omoovie, and all my brothers who have replied to this thread dispassionately. To my sisters, I think the day should come when we do not try to give a dog a bad name just to hang it. Maybe I'm actually thinking about the other woman that's why I'm putting it out here because I don't want to be seen to be getting into another woman's home. It was never my intention to be this close to the guy. It started off innocently enough, like these things normally do. Besides, he should be the one taking the necessary precautions, not me, because he's the one that has responsibilities. I'm asking the question here because the guy in question has no qualms about it. I've had friendships with guys in the past which have been close and platonic. The only reason this concerns me is that the guy is married. I'm open to advise, so please ladies, let's not reduce it to the market women bitching, name calling level.

"The thing now is no day passes without either seeing or "calling or emailing or YIMing."
SLy and Jenny, is this going on between you too?

ooooo,tell him ojare,y should i be emailing sly everyday ,wat for,abeg d poster is inlove wt dis married man,its as simple as dat

annamaria:

That's not for me to answer really, because she doesn't come up much in our conversations. Like I said, we talk more general stuff, politics, sports and such like. He's a good conversationalist and we get on quite well, mostly at work. We've not been on any social outings together, we've never even discussed that.

Red flag.

A man who is into his wife cant help himself, he'll mention her very often especially for someone he lives with.

jennykadry:

[b]atleast ive not created a thread on that ive i?[/b]which means watever conversation i have wt sly is on d friendship level,but for her to create such a thread,is d answer not obvious?is it not obvious that shes inlove wt d guy

How do we know u haven't?
U coulda used a new username to create one of these weird threads. . .  

annamaria:

Thanks, omoovie, and all my brothers who have replied to this thread dispassionately. To my sisters, I think the day should come when we do not try to give a dog a bad name just to hang it. Maybe I'm actually thinking about the other woman that's why I'm putting it out here because I don't want to be seen to be getting into another woman's home. It was never my intention to be this close to the guy. It started off innocently enough, like these things normally do. Besides, he should be the one taking the necessary precautions, not me, because he's the one that has responsibilities. I'm asking the question here because the guy in question has no qualms about it. I've had friendships with guys in the past which have been close and platonic. The only reason this concerns me is that the guy is married. I'm open to advise, so please ladies, let's not reduce it to the market women bitching, name calling level.

Touche.  
I couldn't have spewed that better. Majority of em are worse!!!!!
Buncha pretenders.

jennykadry:

ooooo,tell him ojare,y should i be emailing sly everyday ,what for,abeg d poster is inlove wt this married man,its as simple as that

abi o. . .


@xerxes
you're part of the majority, you know

How do we know u haven't?
You coulda used a new username to create one of these weird threads. . .

wait until i tell u

RampantT:

David, I left a message on the health sec jo

Welcome back jare. . .

my very own fiery lioness . . . thanks.  

jennykadry:

wait until i tell u

hehehe. . . loved the way you said or typed that

4 Him:

my very own fiery lioness . . . thanks.

yea yea. . yw
but am still waiting for my souvenir^{a lexus, i hope}

jennykadry:

ooooo,tell him ojare,y should i be emailing sly everyday ,what for,abeg d poster is inlove wt this married man,its as simple as that

So emailing everyday = LOVE?

RampantT:

yea yea. . yw
but am still waiting for my souvenir^{a lexus, i hope}

there's a nice tshirt for u. at least i don over try.  

Xerxes.:

So emailing everyday = LOVE?

Its not love, yet, but you wait . . . it wont be long before you begin to look forward to those emails and to more intimate contact with the person at the end of them.

Xerxes.:

So emailing everyday = LOVE?

read the whole story or sharrap jare

try to analyze the poster's feelings, can you not tell she's in love with this guy by what she wrote and how she's describing the situation?