yettey24: I need time off my marriage. I'm really tired. I have lived my life for this home. I need to be respected, I need to be appreciated. Enough is enough, I have tried n tried. I cant take it anymore. I have done n been through what alot of women wouldn't take. I want to leave, I really do (*crying*).

yettey24: After work I stay on feet till past 10pm taking care of the kids, n he thinks it's okay for him to come home at almost 1am, ok fine we fought over this for years now n he wont let me be, he disturbs my sleep with his knocks n his searching for things at that time of the night. Its after 3am and I can't sleep back- still awake, im nursing, im overworked, im stressed, so why is he adding more to my stress.

yettey24: I wish I had somewhere to go with my kids. I need a break.

yettey24: He has such a beautiful family, a wife who stood by him during his rough times, who supported him wholly, who contributed the most to who he is today.
All i asked for,is to come home at a decent time, to come home early. Why does he want to destroy his home.
I wish I had a place to move to with my kids. He almost beat me up- I need to leave. I don't know where to start from and where to go. I can't tell my parents, they will be heart broken- I'm just depressed now. He has threatened to beat me twice now. I'm scared, I can't cope oooo. This is really emotional for me.
Pls help me.

TV01:

That is patently untrue, unless you proceed without due care and are reckless in your approach. Please try not to put fear into people with ill-considered statements.

Gaggi:

I didn't generalize, I only brought out other reasons, learn to read.and comprehend. Sorry abt ur sis bad luck.

Efemena_xy: Yetty, this is a heartbreaking story to read and I can see you're very upset about this. My main concern NOW is your emotional well-being, not just for your sake but also, for that of your children too...so I'll start by giving you some sisterly advice to treat the immediate symptoms first, then later we can look for a solution to the root cause of your problem.



Pls Yetty, dry your eyes and listen to what I have to say...




Sleep, unbroken sleep is very necessary for your well being, moreso as you're a nursing mother with a baby that probably wakes up several times during the night at odd hours.

~ Make sure your husband always has a spare set of keys to the front door of your home and also to your bedroom. That way, even if he chooses to come home just before the c0ck crows at dawn, he won't have to wake you up with persistent knocking. He drives, so make sure both keys are attached to his car keys with a good key ring. That way, it's unlikely he'll lose his.

~ I'd like to believe you've got more than just one bedroom in your home. If so, then consider moving out into the spare room with your baby. Make sure that room is devoid of any of your husband's things. That way, he'll have no excuse to come a-crashing into your room looking for this or that in the wee hours of the morning.

~ Organize his personal belongings: Additionally, today being Saturday, if you can, find the strength to arrange and put his room in order. You might really have to roll up your sleeves on this one by hanging his suits, shirts, agbada, etc with hangers in his wardrobe. Go one step further by sorting them via their colours ranging from lightest (whites) to the darkest (black). That way, drunk or not, he'll be able to find what sort of clothes he wants. Fold his ties, socks and underwear (boxer shorts) in separate drawers. Separate drawers, babes, so even if he messes them up while rummaging through the drawers, at least he'll know exactly where each item of clothing is.

~ Do the same thing for his paper work. Be his secretary. Arrange his papers in neat files and stack them out of the children's reach. Do the same for his books. Keep a separate folder exclusively for his receipts. Get a holder or even an old mug / plastic cup to store his stationary (pens, pencils, erasers, sharpeners, rulers, file punches, paper clips, rubber bands, glue sticks, staplers, etc) Store them neatly in your table/desk drawers in his room and lock up, with the keys within reach for him.

~ Make absolutely sure his room is completely clear of any clutter. Sweep, mop and disinfect when you're through and then LOCK UP. Make sure your kids don't go in there to play. It should be a no-go zone. I know this might sound extreme but sometimes, even in marriages, couples do need their personal space. Remember, you're doing this for him and also for your peace of mind. When he sees that he's got his own personal area with his things neatly arranged, it'll help reduce the noise generated from him knocking about in at ungodly hours searching for lord knows what. It'll also give you peace of mind too. You'll also be saved the discomfort of breathing in his alcoholic breath too and he'll have the peace and quiet to sleep it off.

I know this might sound strange but remember, as a nursing mother (I'm assuming you're breastfeeding your baby?), the last thing you need is stress. To much stress can make your milk supply dry up and that's the last thing you or your baby need, trust me.



Then take a break girl. See if you can take some time off work. When you have, make arrangements with your mum/family members to look after the older kids for some time. Use that time to put your feet up. We all deserve to have some 'me time'. You need it to recharge your batteries AND to give you a break. Sometimes, just taking yourself out of a stressful situation for a while helps you view things with a fresher perspective. That would also give your husband some time to himself. Let see how long and how well he'll cope without you. But before you do that, make him aware that you plan on spending some time visiting your folks. Let him know calmly and do not tell him this in annoyance.



~ Like others have cautioned, do not let things degenerate between you both, to the point where he raises his hands against you. Avoid potentially explosive situations. You know your man best and should know what ticks him off. Make sure you don't then.

~ Re the bolded bit: I think you're going through Post Natal Depression (PND). How old is your baby? This is all the more reason why you need to talk to someone who will listen to you without giving you biased judgement. Bottling things up won't do you any good. I'm not asking you to tell them things that would set them against your husband. Talk to the mature, calm family members who you know will give you level headed advice. Avoid gra-gra stuff. It won't do you any favours. He is your man and at the end of the day, you and you only have to live with him, not the others.

Then for the future, you really need to look deep within you and your husband to find out what the root cause of his problems are. If there are no underlying issues like him doing what he's currently doing to avoid you and his home (quarells? arguments? nagging?) Then your hubby never ever really let go of his carefree bachelor days, is immature and yet to grow up.

Some people have the mentality of work hard, play hard...which seems to be what your husband is doing, meaning he might be a spend thrift. If that's the case, then you really need to look towards setting something aside for a rainy day...but that can be addressed later.

For now, follow the advice I've given you (i.e for treating the immediate symptoms). If you see any positive changes in him, then good on you. Take it from there and try finding a way to let him know (when he's in a good mood) the pains his actions are causing you and how you really, really want to make things work well between you both. Find someone whom your husband respects (preferably an unbiased, older person whose been married), and seek their council. They just might be able to get through to him.

I hope it works out well for you. Take heart and be strong.

honey86:
You too should learn to talk without being rude.

Gaggi:

Rude in what way? Ur 'saint' of a sister married a devil, dat to me is bad luck.
People should look before leaping. I told myself before marriage, if my wife ever changes, I'd blame myself for being fooled into thinking I married a saint. I wouldn't blame her. We enjoy blaming others but ourselves.

honey86:
I wasn't talking about that aspect of your statement. I was talking about the 'learn to read and comprehend' bit.

biolabee: Efe .. I appreciate your care for this woman

honey86: Not even an apology? and we wonder what is wrong with this country. smh.

honey86: Not even an apology? and we wonder what is wrong with this country. smh.

Gaggi:

An apology indeed, when I was thinking u would go dust up ur Pry school comprehension books.

honey86:
I know your type, you are no better than all those abusive men out there. I just hope you change before you make your future wife's life miserable. Mtchew. I'm out of here Biko, frustrated man flexing e-muscle.

alutacontinua: God bless Efe for that advice.
Some lil adjustments here and there and she'll be good to go, at least, the man has not started beating her yet, that's still a good part to the story.
op, i hope God sees you through this.

Chillisauce:

Efemena_xy:

Hot pepper.

You quoted all of that, just to tell me say you dey sleep for palour??

yettey24: Thank you everyone. He doesn't deserve this family and all the goods things that comes with it. I'm moving on.
Thank God he painted his true colours to my family himself. my family is now aware.
They asked me what a man with a very beautiful family does out that late. They are scared for me. They pray he doesn't bring diseases with no cure to the family. And I was warned on what I said- that, is that what he saw growing up? and he doesn't deserve all these good things God gave him. I'm going to take a break from this environment. I know that decision is going to shock my family.



Thank you for advices.
I'm moving on. Thank you all. May God bless your homes.

chaircover: Which fear

chaircover: Dont bad things happen to good people and vice versa. Are all people in bad marriages bad choosers and bad people?

chaircover: How come I got a good man? Did I go to baba alawo to get mine or was I on Mountain of Fire fasting and praying for a whole year?

chaircover:
Am I any better than any of the poor women going through hell at the hands of their men. Is it not the grace of God. Next you will tell me that they didnt pray enough before getting married!

chaircover:
Yes some of it is due diligence and some of it is pure hit and miss

chaircover:
and the Mr Right you choose 5 years ago can change to Mr Wrong.

chaircover:
Give some people some loose change in their pocket and see how they totally change. You can never fully know the person you live with . . NEVER!!! Why because we never really know ourselves until faces with certain situations.

chaircover:
Pls lets stop blaming people all the time when they find themselves in difficult situations.

chaircover:
I certainly didnt have those "before we get married 200 point project plan" meetings that so many people seem to endorse on this section and we are doing fine.

chaircover:
Most of us only matured in the marriage anyway. What did we know about life before we got married and started having responsibility ourselves and for other people?

chaircover: It is Grace . . and not because we were super clever

yettey24: Thank you everyone. He doesn't deserve this family and all the goods things that comes with it. I'm moving on.
Thank God he painted his true colours to my family himself. my family is now aware.
They asked me what a man with a very beautiful family does out that late. They are scared for me. They pray he doesn't bring diseases with no cure to the family. And I was warned on what I said- that, is that what he saw growing up? and he doesn't deserve all these good things God gave him. I'm going to take a break from this environment. I know that decision is going to shock my family.



Thank you for advices.
I'm moving on. Thank you all. May God bless your homes.