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How Open Should One Be In Marriage? - Family - Nairaland

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How Open Should One Be In Marriage? / What's A Woman's Duty In Marriage? / How to Ask Your Girlfriend's Parents For Her Hand in Marriage? (2) (3) (4)

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How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by uche13: 11:34am On Jul 31, 2013
I am going to start by saying that I am a christian who believes in the principle of "two becoming one" in marriage. But I have been asking myself of late on the necessity to be very open in a relationship and marriage. So I am asking for matured inputs and advice please.

I was raised up in a home where my parents are very open to each other. I mean 100 percent open. Same applies to my partner who reminds me so much of my dad in this regard embarassed. While it could take a lot of whining to get me to talk, he is very open. He hides nothing and I have the passwords to his email, access to his phone et al. His principle is that anything anyone does not want my wife to know, do not bother telling me because I believe in oneness (we are still engaged though).

My issue is this, there are somethings that I believe should not be revealed or in its entirety for the sake of preserving relationships. For example, before my parents gave their consent to our union, they voiced some concerns which were normal. I could not go on and tell him everything because the truth is that I know it may affect his relationship with them in the future even though from my point of view and that of my siblings, it is not easy giving out your last child without reservations. But now they have wholeheartedly accepted him.

I remember when my brother was getting married, his wife too who believes in "I must tell my husband everything" was always telling him all what her parents were saying. Even during the wedding preparations which we know always causes a percentage of friction between the two families, she told him everything eg "mummy said I should not always discuss everything with you, I should have a secret account, how can she say a thing like that" etc. Everyone was praising her in my family that the girl knows how to marry, she adores my brother and tells him everything but at the long run, I have noticed the way my brother has changed towards his inlaws unlike how it was initially. This is natural with or without his planning it. But her relationship with her parents is still intact.

The truth is that blood is thick and no matter what my mum says or does to me that is seemingly so hurting, by the next day or two, I would have forgotten but this does not apply to people who do not have a blood relationship.

This is just an example though, so I am asking, are there times when one is supposed to shut up and filter information from ones spouse or should it be a case of 100 percent openness and honesty?

6 Likes

Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by benedicta0(f): 1:51pm On Jul 31, 2013
Some things are better left unsaid for the sake of peace to reign.Somethings can be labeled unnecessary because telling your partner will only anger him/her like the example you gave.

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Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by buklan4realyah(f): 4:04pm On Jul 31, 2013
Hmmmm! my own understanding, i will say EVERYTHING

cos, wot happend today might reflect tomorrw. so, it is d best thing to let he/she b aware
of d present situation.

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Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by esmeralda1(f): 4:12pm On Jul 31, 2013
My dear, it is better to be as open as can be in marriage no matter wot one has done in d past or has not done,
Ur fiance is a straightforward person he does not want hanky-panky thats why he tells u everything, it is a very good thing in marriage believe me u will be grateful to God that u both r open to eachother. nothing should seem odd for u to tell him.
i told my then fiance everything my parents said b4 our wedding both good n not too good, today they r very close they cant speak with me without talking with him as well.

1 Like

Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by EveryLadY(f): 4:21pm On Jul 31, 2013
When it comes being open to ur spouse,pls be very and totally open about urself.Wisdom demands that u protect ur loved ones from some information that will not make any positive contribution to their lives.So why tell him/her what mummy said since am not going to implement it?sounds childish to me.

16 Likes

Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by MrAboki: 4:54pm On Jul 31, 2013
totally!!
Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by Nobody: 4:56pm On Jul 31, 2013
LIIKE DSTV FIRST TO COMMENT
Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by imperiouxx(m): 4:57pm On Jul 31, 2013
I've been pounding over something similar to this nice thread.

Having some minor secrets (for self defense) or no secret in marriage? If you're open, how will you know (s)he doesn't have some tactics undecided

Some will say you shouldn't tell her everything because she could capitalize on it and you look stup!d at the end..... Regretting your action. Bible says you should be truthful in everything.

Everything is just a mixture of confusions undecided
Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by yuzedo: 4:58pm On Jul 31, 2013
Swerry, i wish to coment, but i dint have a patner esept my left hand. cry angry if u can hooooook me up wit punny wit a sweet baby i promiss to give u feed bark. wink

meanwile my tread on how i lose my varchinity have update, very hot sumtin, truss me! wink (go to page 2) kiss

4 Likes

Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by Venchy: 5:01pm On Jul 31, 2013
Been OPEN is one of the key to successful marriage but depends on your partner, there's no point staying in a relationship that some Nigerians practice.

Couple leaving abroad but doing things differently e.g Husband is building his house at BENIN and wife also sending money to her parent to build at ABEOKUTA...Believe it or not that's leaving like a bf & gf not a matriage.

Doing things together is very important but dont be a MUMU for any idiot who is not ready to work with you.

4 Likes

Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by OkikiOluwa1(m): 5:02pm On Jul 31, 2013
As much as you can.
Last Bullet:
But always open up what's necessary. Be sensitive so that you ll not to hurt your partner.

2 Likes

Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by Agent8706(m): 5:04pm On Jul 31, 2013
the number one threat in relationships is when one party start keeping things to his/herself, especially when been hurt and they refuse to spill it out, I believe parties in relationships should must be as open as open can ever be
Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by Nobody: 5:04pm On Jul 31, 2013
Very open

Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by AnOlAd: 5:05pm On Jul 31, 2013
As open as u will want your partner to be...

1 Like

Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by seedord247(m): 5:05pm On Jul 31, 2013
Men are always the victim. Its not good to be open to your wife, let it be 40% truth and 60% lies cuz I dont trust any woman. Anyway, I hardly believe any sh1t a woman tells me. undecided

My Ugly Opinion Thou. wink

3 Likes

Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by Ijiego: 5:06pm On Jul 31, 2013
u can say other tins but not wht ur family said or do. It can be used against u in future.

4 Likes

Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by hakku: 5:06pm On Jul 31, 2013
i tink 1 shuld b open depending on d kind of luv dats existing.
Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by kokoye(m): 5:06pm On Jul 31, 2013
Well, I have realised it is best to have a 'no secret' policy.

My better half doesnt take it lightly with me when she finds out something happened that she didnt know about....not because of what I did but because I didnt tell her about it.

But because of feminine emotions, at times I'll do something first and THEN tell her. Of course I must have thought it over that it's in the family's best interest before doing such. She'll still get pissed but she'll calm down.

A major advantage of this it that it keeps you in check - you dont want to do something that wont want her to know whenever.
Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by frabel: 5:07pm On Jul 31, 2013
As open as a person confessing his or her sin to a reverend Father. Anything you hide makes all others invalid.

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Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by Nobody: 5:10pm On Jul 31, 2013

1 Like

Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by bigv(m): 5:11pm On Jul 31, 2013
The Question of being open shouldn't even come up at all. If he's your spouse. Then He/ She should know every damn tinny little thing about you!
Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by Nobody: 5:19pm On Jul 31, 2013
it shud b as open as d old national tv , (open b4 u watch)






But each odas privacy shud b properly observed
Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by Afrocatalyst: 5:20pm On Jul 31, 2013
Entirely.
Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by sinmisolaoluwa: 5:22pm On Jul 31, 2013
VEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY OPEN! LIKE SATELITE DISH,IF U WANNA ENJOY YR MARRIAGE AND DNT WNT TO DIE YOUNG undecided undecided undecided undecided undecided undecided undecided undecided undecided[color=#990000][/color][b][/b]
Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by mzkanye(f): 5:23pm On Jul 31, 2013
Y will I say evrytin wen I no be mumu..d tin is I tell him tinz dat is imp en he shld know, I can't even stoop so low to telling him bou mi girl fwends talk..he shld understnad dere r limits to wot he shld even know bou mi talk with mi siblings!!

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Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by seedord247(m): 5:25pm On Jul 31, 2013
mz kanye: Y will I say evrytin wen I no be mumu..d tin is I tell him tinz dat is imp en he shld know, I can't even stoop so low to telling him bou mi girl fwends talk..he shld understnad dere r limits to wot he shld even know bou mi talk with mi siblings!!

What are you trying to say maybe i can help you to summarize it.

2 Likes

Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by HezronLorraine(m): 5:25pm On Jul 31, 2013
I may not have any experience when it comes to relationships,I've learnt from others.

First,every relationship must be based on sincerity of the heart and commited dedication to make the relationship stand strong. both partners must adhere not only the the calling of their union but also to faithfulness of their heart.
All these in place.every couple must know each other beyond their bedroom romance.they have to form a bond that only those have such can see it.
Bond in what way?every partners must live to feel the feelings of their spouse,they must have the urge to share in the burdens of their lovers.

Only the principle of trust can allow this bond.the possibilty of doubt is far removed.

To being open.No relationship can be sustained without the above concepts.If all these is in place.There should be no iota of fear in either partners to sharing whatever they face,or making their lovers their solid refuge on any given issue.
Even in cases where one partner cannot comprehend the situation or withdraws from you cause they can't cope with the matter at hand.it would be on record that at that particular moment you didn't make it a secret.

A free-mind is best for a relationship to last long.The day you put your heart at it to get serious with your boyfriend/girlfriend.just know that you are now co-pilots of everything that rocks either of your worlds.there would be semsitive cases,that your partner doesn't necessarily have to know.well u may keep them personal,but if it comes to light,and you've had an open policy in the past,he or she will forgive you.if they don't find out.after a while,if you found solution.you may hint them about it.

Hope this helps.
Cheers!

2 Likes

Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by dayokanu(m): 5:29pm On Jul 31, 2013
kokoye: Well, I have realised it is best to have a 'no secret' policy.

My better half doesnt take it lightly with me when she finds out something happened that she didnt know about....not because of what I did but because I didnt tell her about it.

But because of feminine emotions, at times I'll do something first and THEN tell her. Of course I must have thought it over that it's in the family's best interest before doing such. She'll still get pissed but she'll calm down.

A major advantage of this it that it keeps you in check - you dont want to do something that wont want her to know whenever.

In the example the Op gave about her parents reservation to the groom would it be good to tell that type?

I believe wisdom should be applied in every situation. Tell whatever needs to be told

7 Likes

Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by Temismith: 5:30pm On Jul 31, 2013
As open as d ears
Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by dayokanu(m): 5:32pm On Jul 31, 2013
If you find out her friends husband is cheating I dont think its something I would go tell her

1 Like

Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by kreamidiva(f): 5:40pm On Jul 31, 2013
Hmmmm....IMO not everything should be divulged. Some men will use it against you at the end of the day. So in all be careful what u tell him especially about your family and friends.hoo haa! undecided

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Re: How Open Should One Be In Marriage? by bonetalk(m): 5:41pm On Jul 31, 2013
to me, it's not a must, coz I have little to do with her past!

1 Like

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