Almost by default, mothers spend more time with their children which almost automatically make the children stay glued to their mothers, a bond which is stronger than what exist between them and their father.

Having watched a friend, an American, who often upload pictures/video of his kids on facebook every blessed day, I must confess, I have NEVER seen a father who is so dotting on his kids like this guy. As a matter of fact, his children are all girls, about 4 of them and he is a 'single dad'.

He just got back on a vacation where he took all his kids have good times together, with series of pictures which he took and uploaded them for viewers. The guys is really a loving father and I wonder how he does it.

It is either he goes into their room, or listen to their talks, video his last daughter etc... He is always there for them every blessed day.

Seeing how he does it, I really want to be that kind of dad to my kids... And I don't care if they are all girls.

Anyways, his name is Jeremy and do we have a 'Jeremy' among our Nigerian dads?

How Much Time Do Nigerian Fathers Spend With Their Kids?

First 2 comment
most nigerian father don't av much tym 2 spend with their kid all because of work! work!! Nd itz only on sunday dt u wl c dem put deir kid inside car nd take dem 2 go nd catch fun..

Sadly a lot of Nigerian Men were trained with the believe that being a Dad is about just bringing money and being unemotionally available. However, so many are now bonding and spending time with their kids some even more than the mothers.
Some still selfishly believe that its the mothers job to do everything and theirs is just to show off well dressed well behaved kids as some kind of prize.

For a lot of Nigerian Family this is the weekly schedule:

1. Monday Morning: Woman wakes up at 5am or 4.30am, prays alone,cleans up, makes breakfast and packed lunch for husband, kids and if there is time for herself.
Wakes the kids up, bathes and dresses them, feeds them, prepares Ogas breakfast goes to hurriedly shower, hardly has time to look her best rushes out and if its one car, waits for oga to wake up and drop them or she even takes a bus to drop the kids off at scholl before struggling to get to work.
Depending on where she works, closes, gets home, checks up kids homework, Baths then feeds them, prepares dinner, cleans their mess then she manages to struggle into bed at 10pm and just shuts down, however the days when Oga is gracious enough to be home early she must forget her drained tired back and put on a 5 star performance in bed, however if he is a late night keeper she will have to wake up when he gets home and make sure his dinner is hot.

Husband: sleeps and snores till 7am, sometimes wakes up early but watches news, facebooks, continues the gist he was doing with BB "friends", manages to bath, Shouts at wifey to come and get him a clean shirt, dresses up, goes to the dinning table, complains about "cold" food, eats, bealches and drives to work, where depending on how busy the day is, spends his time arguing on the weekends premier league matches, facebooking and tweeting.
If he manages to pick the school off during lunch, ah it goes on his cv as "helping out.
After work, he can hang out with the boys or go and see that girlfriend in whose place he won't hear the noise of his own kids and an over worked wife.
Gets home with alcohol breadth or female perfume, Wakes madam up and gets pampered before he snores loudly all night.

Weekends: Saturday, wife is up early, general cleaning scrubbing, washing, taking care of the kids.
Husband: wakes up 9, wears his canvas to go and play football because he is getting to fat, if he did some more things around the house he wouldn't be so fat.
Plays ball, comes showers, watches TV, heads out at night, while he is watching tv screams at busy wife, come and carry these kids from here they are so loud. She carries them and looks for an activity to engage them in before she resumes sweating it out, she rounds up goes to the market, screams and haggles, gets home and starts preparing weekly soup.
Husband gets home late from hanging out, tells her she doesn't even take care of herself because she was too busy to make her hair and nails to be like that burdenless babe he is now seeing.
Sundays: go to church propably an elder, plays happy family man, comes back sleeps and watches football, While madam, cooks, cleans and arranges items for the week.

There you have it. The happy Home.

debrief08: Sadly a lot of Nigerian Men were trained with the believe that being a Dad is about just bringing money and being unemotionally available. However, so many are now bonding and spending time with their kids some even more than the mothers.
Some still selfishly believe that its the mothers job to do everything and theirs is just to show off well dressed well behaved kids as some kind of prize.

For a lot of Nigerian Family this is the weekly schedule:

1. Monday Morning: Woman wakes up at 5am or 4.30am, prays alone,cleans up, makes breakfast and packed lunch for husband, kids and if there is time for herself.
Wakes the kids up, bathes and dresses them, feeds them, prepares Ogas breakfast goes to hurriedly shower, hardly has time to look her best rushes out and if its one car, waits for oga to wake up and drop them or she even takes a bus to drop the kids off at scholl before struggling to get to work.
Depending on where she works, closes, gets home, checks up kids homework, Baths then feeds them, prepares dinner, cleans their mess then she manages to struggle into bed at 10pm and just shuts down, however the days when Oga is gracious enough to be home early she must forget her drained tired back and put on a 5 star performance in bed, however if he is a late night keeper she will have to wake up when he gets home and make sure his dinner is hot.

Husband: sleeps and snores till 7am, sometimes wakes up early but watches news, facebooks, continues the gist he was doing with BB "friends", manages to bath, Shouts at wifey to come and get him a clean shirt, dresses up, goes to the dinning table, complains about "cold" food, eats, bealches and drives to work, where depending on how busy the day is, spends his time arguing on the weekends premier league matches, facebooking and tweeting.
If he manages to pick the school off during lunch, ah it goes on his cv as "helping out.
After work, he can hang out with the boys or go and see that girlfriend in whose place he won't hear the noise of his own kids and an over worked wife.
Gets home with alcohol breadth or female perfume, Wakes madam up and gets pampered before he snores loudly all night.

Weekends: Saturday, wife is up early, general cleaning scrubbing, washing, taking care of the kids.
Husband: wakes up 9, wears his canvas to go and play football because he is getting to fat, if he did some more things around the house he wouldn't be so fat.
Plays ball, comes showers, watches TV, heads out at night, while he is watching tv screams at busy wife, come and carry these kids from here they are so loud. She carries them and looks for an activity to engage them in before she resumes sweating it out, she rounds up goes to the market, screams and haggles, gets home and starts preparing weekly soup.
Husband gets home late from hanging out, tells her she doesn't even take care of herself because she was too busy to make her hair and nails to be like that burdenless babe he is now seeing.
Sundays: go to church propably an elder, plays happy family man, comes back sleeps and watches football, While madam, cooks, cleans and arranges items for the week.

There you have it. The happy Home.

Lol!

You are one of the posters in this section I really admire.

My regards to your family this break.

A happy home indeed!

@OP:

There is something I call retraining and that's what you have just displayed. I admire the fact that you saw something good and decided to emulate instead og saying out culture this, our culture that. I know some fathers like that but they are rare.

In pursuing your dream, please ensure you marry the right wife who together you can create a loving atmosphere as you will be surprised the views some women have. God forbid you marry one that thinks that it's only molesters that play with their kids.

People might laugh at you but you have to define what you want in life and stick to it in spite of it's popularity or otherwise.

I pray God helps you in your dream.

It's well

debrief08: Sadly a lot of Nigerian Men were trained with the believe that being a Dad is about just bringing money and being unemotionally available. However, so many are now bonding and spending time with their kids some even more than the mothers.
Some still selfishly believe that its the mothers job to do everything and theirs is just to show off well dressed well behaved kids as some kind of prize.

For a lot of Nigerian Family this is the weekly schedule:

1. Monday Morning: Woman wakes up at 5am or 4.30am, prays alone,cleans up, makes breakfast and packed lunch for husband, kids and if there is time for herself.
Wakes the kids up, bathes and dresses them, feeds them, prepares Ogas breakfast goes to hurriedly shower, hardly has time to look her best rushes out and if its one car, waits for oga to wake up and drop them or she even takes a bus to drop the kids off at scholl before struggling to get to work.
Depending on where she works, closes, gets home, checks up kids homework, Baths then feeds them, prepares dinner, cleans their mess then she manages to struggle into bed at 10pm and just shuts down, however the days when Oga is gracious enough to be home early she must forget her drained tired back and put on a 5 star performance in bed, however if he is a late night keeper she will have to wake up when he gets home and make sure his dinner is hot.

Husband: sleeps and snores till 7am, sometimes wakes up early but watches news, facebooks, continues the gist he was doing with BB "friends", manages to bath, Shouts at wifey to come and get him a clean shirt, dresses up, goes to the dinning table, complains about "cold" food, eats, bealches and drives to work, where depending on how busy the day is, spends his time arguing on the weekends premier league matches, facebooking and tweeting.
If he manages to pick the school off during lunch, ah it goes on his cv as "helping out.
After work, he can hang out with the boys or go and see that girlfriend in whose place he won't hear the noise of his own kids and an over worked wife.
Gets home with alcohol breadth or female perfume, Wakes madam up and gets pampered before he snores loudly all night.

Weekends: Saturday, wife is up early, general cleaning scrubbing, washing, taking care of the kids.
Husband: wakes up 9, wears his canvas to go and play football because he is getting to fat, if he did some more things around the house he wouldn't be so fat.
Plays ball, comes showers, watches TV, heads out at night, while he is watching tv screams at busy wife, come and carry these kids from here they are so loud. She carries them and looks for an activity to engage them in before she resumes sweating it out, she rounds up goes to the market, screams and haggles, gets home and starts preparing weekly soup.
Husband gets home late from hanging out, tells her she doesn't even take care of herself because she was too busy to make her hair and nails to be like that burdenless babe he is now seeing.
Sundays: go to church propably an elder, plays happy family man, comes back sleeps and watches football, While madam, cooks, cleans and arranges items for the week.

There you have it. The happy Home.

Madam debrief u eh .This might be a scenario that plays out in some homes but some Nigerian families have domestic help naa. .

And for some the scenario up there is half( or even more sef ) the work of the poor house help cos some people make their teenage or pre adolescent house helps wash heavy clothes to save money.These house helps have no leave, no lunch break nothing.

I agree though that Nigerian men need to bond more emotionally with their kids.Its not necessarily tied to doing house chores though. I bonded with my dad on a very deep level but he was useless at house chores.

Damiso, If the woman carry older help come them go say she dey "tempt " oga, and when he sleeps with the help he is justified.
The little girl may still be molested, so some women after so much wahala kukuma remove helps from the equation.

I didn't say doing chores is a must for bonding.
Like I said in my opening most Nigerian Men are now getting closer to their kids.

They wake up early, while wifey is cleaning they bath, dress and feed the kids. And instead of doing couch potato and shouting on healthy young men on screen running after a football, he can run around with his kids and keep them occupied. He can also play with them out side.
Instead of being out with the boys every free time he gets he can be out pinicning with his family, or romancing madam kissing like teenagers in a movie hall.
He can't be totally useless at house work how was he surviving before he married her?
Like you said relearning is important. I was also of the school of thought that a womans glory is to keep a spic span clean house till I was well educated that no one remembers their mother or wife for keeping the house spotless what they remember her for is the time they spent together, laughs they had and lovely memories.

I fix the weekends for my wife and kid, I take them out to wherever they wish. Weekdays, he goes to school while I go for business. But weekend is his right to be with me. It was a signed agreement .

Only 10% of the time!
The reMAINDER 90% na to carEY "MkpoGEDE - MkpoGEDE' about!!!

@Post

Most Nigerian men are more or less sp*er*m donors. My cousin and I were just talking about this topic. She has lived in England for a greater part of her life. She lives in Nigeria at the moment and noticed that most Nigerians hardly bond with their children. It seems most Nigerians just give birth so as to check it off as one of the accomplished things on their to do list. The average Nigerian man especially the polygamous ones with many children are just good at breeding children like rabbits but they hardly spend quality time with them. They leave all the work for the woman. Its very sad.

debrief08: Sadly a lot of Nigerian Men were trained with the believe that being a Dad is about just bringing money and being unemotionally available. However, so many are now bonding and spending time with their kids some even more than the mothers.
Some still selfishly believe that its the mothers job to do everything and theirs is just to show off well dressed well behaved kids as some kind of prize.

For a lot of Nigerian Family this is the weekly schedule:

1. Monday Morning: Woman wakes up at 5am or 4.30am, prays alone,cleans up, makes breakfast and packed lunch for husband, kids and if there is time for herself.
Wakes the kids up, bathes and dresses them, feeds them, prepares Ogas breakfast goes to hurriedly shower, hardly has time to look her best rushes out and if its one car, waits for oga to wake up and drop them or she even takes a bus to drop the kids off at scholl before struggling to get to work.
Depending on where she works, closes, gets home, checks up kids homework, Baths then feeds them, prepares dinner, cleans their mess then she manages to struggle into bed at 10pm and just shuts down, however the days when Oga is gracious enough to be home early she must forget her drained tired back and put on a 5 star performance in bed, however if he is a late night keeper she will have to wake up when he gets home and make sure his dinner is hot.

Husband: sleeps and snores till 7am, sometimes wakes up early but watches news, facebooks, continues the gist he was doing with BB "friends", manages to bath, Shouts at wifey to come and get him a clean shirt, dresses up, goes to the dinning table, complains about "cold" food, eats, bealches and drives to work, where depending on how busy the day is, spends his time arguing on the weekends premier league matches, facebooking and tweeting.
If he manages to pick the school off during lunch, ah it goes on his cv as "helping out.
After work, he can hang out with the boys or go and see that girlfriend in whose place he won't hear the noise of his own kids and an over worked wife.
Gets home with alcohol breadth or female perfume, Wakes madam up and gets pampered before he snores loudly all night.

Weekends: Saturday, wife is up early, general cleaning scrubbing, washing, taking care of the kids.
Husband: wakes up 9, wears his canvas to go and play football because he is getting to fat, if he did some more things around the house he wouldn't be so fat.
Plays ball, comes showers, watches TV, heads out at night, while he is watching tv screams at busy wife, come and carry these kids from here they are so loud. She carries them and looks for an activity to engage them in before she resumes sweating it out, she rounds up goes to the market, screams and haggles, gets home and starts preparing weekly soup.
Husband gets home late from hanging out, tells her she doesn't even take care of herself because she was too busy to make her hair and nails to be like that burdenless babe he is now seeing.
Sundays: go to church propably an elder, plays happy family man, comes back sleeps and watches football, While madam, cooks, cleans and arranges items for the week.

There you have it. The happy Home.

You have spoken well.

Nigerian marriages!

-

staceyo: Hmm,am going through the same and l Just have to let it out. My LO is Just 2weeks old,l dont disburb DH during weekdays cos l understand the fact that he has to go to work.DH woke up yesterday to play ball and didnt come home until 4pm,happy he was back home,by 6pm,he was out again and gave back by 11pm. Doesn't spend time with his family,when l was pregnant he would leave me at home to go hang out with friends.now l dnt think l would have more kids for him.Am crying on my bed,am so sorry,just had to vent

So sorry sweetheart, I wish I could give you a hug now.
Don't you have anyone who can stay with you for a while? Friends or family? You shouldn't be alone now.
As for hubby, can you speak with him? Or is he set in his ways?

Eyah... So sorry ma'am. It is well.


I would say you should just find love in your kids. Let them be your pride.

staceyo: Hmm,am going through the same and l Just have to let it out. My LO is Just 2weeks old,l dont disburb DH during weekdays cos l understand the fact that he has to go to work.DH woke up yesterday to play ball and didnt come home until 4pm,happy he was back home,by 6pm,he was out again and gave back by 11pm. Doesn't spend time with his family,when l was pregnant he would leave me at home to go hang out with friends.now l dnt think l would have more kids for him.Am crying on my bed,am so sorry,just had to vent

Thank you ma'am. I will and with God's help, it shall come to pass.

bukatyne: @OP:

There is something I call retraining and that's what you have just displayed. I admire the fact that you saw something good and decided to emulate instead og saying out culture this, our culture that. I know some fathers like that but they are rare.

In pursuing your dream, please ensure you marry the right wife who together you can create a loving atmosphere as you will be surprised the views some women have. God forbid you marry one that thinks that it's only molesters that play with their kids.

People might laugh at you but you have to define what you want in life and stick to it in spite of it's popularity or otherwise.

I pray God helps you in your dream.

It's well

Sir Xynerise, I hail oh. Yeah, this is one man whom I have respect for due to the way he carries his family.

Nothing like a loving home as it helps children to be a better person in the society.

xynerise: I fix the weekends for my wife and kid, I take them out to wherever they wish. Weekdays, he goes to school while I go for business. But weekend is his right to be with me. It was a signed agreement .

staceyo: Hmm,am going through the same and l Just have to let it out. My LO is Just 2weeks old,l dont disburb DH during weekdays cos l understand the fact that he has to go to work.DH woke up yesterday to play ball and didnt come home until 4pm,happy he was back home,by 6pm,he was out again and gave back by 11pm. Doesn't spend time with his family,when l was pregnant he would leave me at home to go hang out with friends.now l dnt think l would have more kids for him.Am crying on my bed,am so sorry,just had to vent

E-hugs luv .Just two weeks old means you recently had a baby and the pregnancy hormones are still ravaging your body.Phewww I dont normally like insulting other people's husbands but he really is being a tad insensitive here.Even with all the support, its a sensitive time esp for a first time mum, post natal depression aint no joke.I had a mild form of it even with a husband that was with me ALL the time for almost 8 weeks after my baby was born (he took all his annual leave and paternity leave).

As debrief said look for someone who can come help you out a bit.Even if they cant spend the night.I also know there is this unspoken tradition that a new mum must remain indoors with the baby for 40 days, but if you can go outside for walks.Fresh air helps to clear the head.I dont know where you are based(its harder to defy tradition in Nigeria, I know I went to the shops without the baby my daughter was just 8 days old) but please don't listen to people who might try to discourage you.Sometimes all the emotions are just overwhelming, esp when you have a crying baby and you are not sleeping well,so 20 to 30 mins away is a sort of tonic for you.


Its very easy to say face your child but the truth is you are not married to your child.You need his support. So speak to him, in a non confrontational way.Most guys like that like the idea of saying I am married but still living like a bachelor. He is no longer one, he has a wife and baby that need him.Not saying he should not hang out with his 'boys' but that is not a priority now.

It is well with you love,cheer up.That gift God gave you is indeed a pleasure to watch grow.

Nice... That's how it should be... Your daughter is lucky too.

I remember a Yoruba man who played with his children as if they were age mate. That was my first glimse of a caring Nigerian father and aside that, I don't think I have had the opportunity of seeing it elsewhere.

chaircover: Its very important that dads spend quality time with their kids especially the girls. Dad is the best one to teach his boys how to be decent men and the girls what to expect from their own men.

I wont lie, sometimes I feel a little jealous when father and daughter start their lovey dovey, but I know that it is for good reason and its the love that exists between them. Imagine a daughter pinging her dad in Nigeria that she is hungry, when I am in the next room with her in the UK.

Yesterday, he was sleeping on the bed beside me and I was on the laptop, and she just walked into the bedroom and said "daaaaaaaad" in a loud voice. He jumped. I then asked her what she wanted, she laughed and but didnt say anything! I said why did you wake your dad up? and she said "I was just looking for him!" was he lost?

His car is always full of junk and the kids socks, toys, books etc because he is the one always taking them one place or the other. I know that the man that will marry my daughter has his work cut out and I am sure that it is my husband who will be wiping his tears the day she gets married.

We peddle the word self esteem a lot, but one of the best doses of self esteem in girls stems from a good and solid relationship with their dads. They look as their dads as supermen & God's deputy, who can do all things and they will expect that in any man that they meet and any man who falls short of that wont be good enough for them.

I implore all dads to please please please find time to spend with their children. Time waits for no one and you will def reap what you sow when it comes to your children. Its not easy I know, especially with the need to make money and crazy lagos traffic but if things are adjusted slightly, you can still squeeze out some quality tine to spend with your kids.

chaircover: Its very important that dads spend quality time with their kids especially the girls. Dad is the best one to teach his boys how to be decent men and the girls what to expect from their own men.

I wont lie, sometimes I feel a little jealous when father and daughter start their lovey dovey, but I know that it is for good reason and its the love that exists between them. Imagine a daughter pinging her dad in Nigeria that she is hungry, when I am in the next room with her in the UK.

Yesterday, he was sleeping on the bed beside me and I was on the laptop, and she just walked into the bedroom and said "daaaaaaaad" in a loud voice. He jumped. I then asked her what she wanted, she laughed and but didnt say anything! I said why did you wake your dad up? and she said "I was just looking for him!" was he lost?

His car is always full of junk and the kids socks, toys, books etc because he is the one always taking them one place or the other. I know that the man that will marry my daughter has his work cut out and I am sure that it is my husband who will be wiping his tears the day she gets married.

We peddle the word self esteem a lot, but one of the best doses of self esteem in girls stems from a good and solid relationship with their dads. They look as their dads as supermen & God's deputy, who can do all things and they will expect that in any man that they meet and any man who falls short of that wont be good enough for them.

I implore all dads to please please please find time to spend with their children. Time waits for no one and you will def reap what you sow when it comes to your children. Its not easy I know, especially with the need to make money and crazy lagos traffic but if things are adjusted slightly, you can still squeeze out some quality tine to spend with your kids.

Spot on as usual CC.
My guy friends in Naija always use VI traffic aa an excuse.They say ehn, I live in Shangisha so I just chill out on the island, take one or two bottles then start the journey home like 9 so I would have missed most of the traffic.Saturday I need to meet up with the 'boys' to mingle and network, sunday for the Christian s church then getting ready for work on monday.

I tell them I get it, but still no excuse not to hang out with your kids.I kinda get debrief's point about the helping with personal stuff being a time to bond in this instances.But going further, I say you can hang out with the kids while still doing your networking with the boys.I remember going with my dad to Eko club, eko le meridien then to negotiate big contracts. In short it was a sought after treat to go out with daddy, cos you would get money and so many treats .

My dad died quite early, but believe me the best memories I had of him were not necessarily the fact that he provided my school fees and shelter but those times we spent together.I have tears in my eyes as I am typing this but I really miss him alot.

Damiso please don't get me wrong I did not say helping out or doing house work be bonding time, in a way it is, in a way it is also a means to an end.
When there is less to do, there is more time for bonding and other activities outside the home.
What I am saying is that in a lot of homes, the women are overworked while the men are living like bachelors not adjusting to the reality on ground.

Marriage is a big responsibility bigger than a lot of people are aware of, it is not by force to marry but if you do there is no half half, it is 2 people working together to achieve one goal, not one person being over worked and doing the work for 2 people.

The role of a father and a husband is very key, He is the head, if he leads well the family will go well, if he doesn't toh. It is him God will ask to give account.
For years we have peddled and reinforced the perception that all men need to do is to marry and carry on doing their own things no questions asked, in fact women were and are still encouraged to reward bad behavior, "don't complain, don't ask questions, pet him more" while we ignored her pain, feelings and when she did one tenth of what he did we don't even give her a fair trial just the boot.
Now we are seeing the results in divorce and seperation yet we still refuse to address the fundamental issue.

So many men need to relearn the real essence of marriage, many women need to learn that marriage is not just for a woman to build, we have to understand the roles and responsibilities and take them seriously.
A woman with a good father and a man whose father respected, loved and cared for his mother is likely to do the same.
We need to readjust and give our kids a better picture of family life.
If a girl has a father who loves her unconditionally she won't go searching and taking any and everything that seems like love. She will be confident and able to discern what is love and what is opportunistic and abusive.

There is no middle ground, you are either ready to marry and be a husband or you are not.
If you are not please don't jump in because others are doing it and your mom is nagging you to marry.
Then when you marry if you can't commit to being a dad please don't bring kids into the world. Kids need a lot of time, energy and attention, just because everyone is having one doesn't mean you should too. The herd mentality is just horrible.
People doing what everyone is doing not knowing why they are doing it.
Too many broken kids around already. Let's not raise anymore abeg

debrief08: Damiso please don't get me wrong I did not say helping out or doing house work be bonding time, in a way it is, in a way it is also a means to an end.
When there is less to do, there is more time for bonding and other activities outside the home.
What I am saying is that in a lot of homes, the women are overworked while the men are living like bachelors not adjusting to the reality on ground.

Marriage is a big responsibility bigger than a lot of people are aware of, it is not by force to marry but if you do there is no half half, it is 2 people working together to achieve one goal, not one person being over worked and doing the work for 2 people.

The role of a father and a husband is very key, He is the head, if he leads well the family will go well, if he doesn't toh. It is him God will ask to give account.
For years we have peddled and reinforced the perception that all men need to do is to marry and carry on doing their own things no questions asked, in fact women were and are still encouraged to reward bad behavior, "don't complain, don't ask questions, pet him more" while we ignored her pain, feelings and when she did one tenth of what he did we don't even give her a fair trial just the boot.
Now we are seeing the results in divorce and seperation yet we still refuse to address the fundamental issue.

So many men need to relearn the real essence of marriage, many women need to learn that marriage is not just for a woman to build, we have to understand the roles and responsibilities and take them seriously.
A woman with a good father and a man whose father respected, loved and cared for his mother is likely to do the same.
We need to readjust and give our kids a better picture of family life.
If a girl has a father who loves her unconditionally she won't go searching and taking any and everything that seems like love. She will be confident and able to discern what is love and what is opportunistic and abusive.

There is no middle ground, you are either ready to marry and be a husband or you are not.
If you are not please don't jump in because others are doing it and your mom is nagging you to marry.
Then when you marry if you can't commit to being a dad please don't bring kids into the world. Kids need a lot of time, energy and attention, just because everyone is having one doesn't mean you should too. The herd mentality is just horrible.
People doing what everyone is doing not knowing why they are doing it.
Too many broken kids around already. Let's not raise anymore abeg

I agree with you debrief.You are very right about the herd mentality of everyone is getting married I must marry amongst some young men.I have male friends or colleagues (when I worked in naija) who liked saying My wife, my son but in reality still lived like bachelors.

I only brought up your intial scenario about housework cos I felt bonding time need not be affected by doing housechores or not.In that your scenario sef mummy ain't bonding nothing .She is probably as cranky as hell (I know I would be) so will just be snapping at the kids.Just joking .

2s£xy:
Sir Xynerise, I hail oh. Yeah, this is one man whom I have respect for due to the way he carries his family.

Nothing like a loving home as it helps children to be a better person in the society.

I am loyal Sir

-

Quick to anger?
Over what?
What exactly did he imagine signing up for as a husband?
Is there some figure he respects who can speak with him?
I am not comfortable with the phrase "quick to anger".
Good your mom is there.

I don't know what to say anymore but stay strong and don't blame your self for who he is, he makes his own choices, it s not your fault that he gets angry quickly. It is wise to avoid it. However these are issues that counseling if available should help you guys resolve.

chaircover: Its very important that dads spend quality time with their kids especially the girls. Dad is the best one to teach his boys how to be decent men and the girls what to expect from their own men.

I wont lie, sometimes I feel a little jealous when father and daughter start their lovey dovey, but I know that it is for good reason and its the love that exists between them. Imagine a daughter pinging her dad in Nigeria that she is hungry, when I am in the next room with her in the UK.

Yesterday, he was sleeping on the bed beside me and I was on the laptop, and she just walked into the bedroom and said "daaaaaaaad" in a loud voice. He jumped. I then asked her what she wanted, she laughed and but didnt say anything! I said why did you wake your dad up? and she said "I was just looking for him!" was he lost?

His car is always full of junk and the kids socks, toys, books etc because he is the one always taking them one place or the other. I know that the man that will marry my daughter has his work cut out and I am sure that it is my husband who will be wiping his tears the day she gets married.

We peddle the word self esteem a lot, but one of the best doses of self esteem in girls stems from a good and solid relationship with their dads. They look as their dads as supermen & God's deputy, who can do all things and they will expect that in any man that they meet and any man who falls short of that wont be good enough for them.

I implore all dads to please please please find time to spend with their children. Time waits for no one and you will def reap what you sow when it comes to your children. Its not easy I know, especially with the need to make money and crazy lagos traffic but if things are adjusted slightly, you can still squeeze out some quality tine to spend with your kids.

Thanks for sharing a good example. It seems some people on this forum can never see anything good about Nigerian men and Nigerian families. Some posts described earlier do NOT reflect most middle class and upper middle class Nigerian families. May be that is what happens in their own families but definitely not most. I am a Nigerian dad and I have two girls and my wife can tell you they are both much closer to me than her inspite of my much more busy schedule.

Some posts earlier basically suggest that Nigerian men treat their wives like househelps. May be we should all just share personal experiences rather than give harsh generalisations of other families. With the current situation in Nigeria, most parents (both dad and mum) do not spend enough time with their families and kids are brought up by househelps. Both men and women complain, cos if you live in Lagos and it takes you two hours to get home, you will be so drained its just food and sleep left. And for fathers that get home after 9pm (alot do), it means seeing the kids only on weekends.

Most people know the right thing to do, however, circumstances usually are beyond their control and it might be tough working around it. But I completely disagree with some posts that suggest Nigerian men are animals who treat the wives like slaves. There may be some who still do that but certainly not most!

Madam CC, I am not one to watch reality shows but I have read most of the things going on with that lady.
I don't get easily emotional but I cry and cry when I think of some of what she says.
What hurts me most is that instead of seeing it for what it is ; a cry for help, people are more concerned with getting her to shut up and bottle it up like we always do here.

I cry because even though I have been through a lot, it is NOTHING compared to what she has gone through is still going through and will go through when she gets out.
I had my family, she has NO ONE, she has had to do unimaginable things to survive, its easy to stand and judge but when we are in a situation no one knows what we would really do.
I can't do somethings because I always had parents to guide me and show me right and wrong, but how do you know or stand by right and wrong when you have a druggy mother and are faced with hungry sibblings?
I really feel like just sheilding her and hugging her and telling her it will be okay.
Her young soul is in a place where if help is God doesn't step in I shudder.

I am really emotional over her issue, I don't know why. Where does one start from?

Nashville:


Thanks for sharing a good example. It seems some people on this forum can never see anything good about Nigerian men and Nigerian families. Some posts described earlier do NOT reflect most middle class and upper middle class Nigerian families. May be that is what happens in their own families but definitely not most. I am a Nigerian dad and I have two girls and my wife can tell you they are both much closer to me than her inspite of my much more busy schedule.

Some posts earlier basically suggest that Nigerian men treat their wives like househelps. May be we should all just share personal experiences rather than give harsh generalisations of other families. With the current situation in Nigeria, most parents (both dad and mum) do not spend enough time with their families and kids are brought up by househelps. Both men and women complain, cos if you live in Lagos and it takes you two hours to get home, you will be so drained its just food and sleep left. And for fathers that get home after 9pm (alot do), it means seeing the kids only on weekends.

Most people know the right thing to do, however, circumstances usually are beyond their control and it might be tough working around it. But I completely disagree with some posts that suggest Nigerian men are animals who treat the wives like slaves. There may be some who still do that but certainly not most!

Nashville, my very first paragraph stated that most Nigerian Men have departed from that mentality of wife do it all and are more proactive and bond with their kids.
I have in the past writen a post in appreciation of New generation dads.
https://www.nairaland.com/1155008/celebrating-new-generation-hands-fathers

Please understand that I will never join any blind gender bashing, what I say is what I see, I have celebrated great fathers and celebrate them everyday, but it is not rosy for ALL Nigerian women, some got lucky, some are not, as bad as the picture above is that is reality to some families, sugar coating it won't help. If some men can see it in black and white it will probably touch their hearts.
Its different when you see some things in black and white, solving a problem starts from admitting it and the need to do something differently, that was the aim and not to bash anyone.

debrief08:

Nashville, my very first paragraph stated that most Nigerian Men have departed from that mentality of wife do it all and are more proactive and bond with their kids.
I have in the past writen a post in appreciation of New generation dads.
https://www.nairaland.com/1155008/celebrating-new-generation-hands-fathers

Please understand that I will never join any blind gender bashing, what I say is what I see, I have celebrated great fathers and celebrate them everyday, but it is not rosy for ALL Nigerian women, some got lucky, some are not, as bad as the picture above is that is reality to some families, sugar coating it won't help. If some men can see it in black and white it will probably touch their hearts.
Its different when you see some things in black and white, solving a problem starts from admitting it and the need to do something differently, that was the aim and not to bash anyone.

Thanks for sharing. I think something better to share would be how you related/bonded with your own dad when you were a child and how your husband bonds with your own children. Again, giving harsh generalisations based on some bad experiences just makes it all sound too negative and appear this is another gender bashing thread.

Do Nigerian men have alot of work to do? Absolutely, but I have friends and family members that spend quality time with their children. Others the nature of their work just does not and they are yet to find another. If a man works in a Nigeria bank, it simply means they will see their kids on weekends and special days. Even working mothers complain about the same thing so lets not make it seem its only men. But the message is very clear, men should take more interest in the development of their children.

Nashville:

Thanks for sharing. I think something better to share would be how you related/bonded with your own dad when you were a child and how your husband bonds with your own children. Again, giving harsh generalisations based on some bad experiences just makes it all sound too negative and appear this is another gender bashing thread.

Do Nigerian men have alot of work to do? Absolutely, but I have friends and family members that spend quality time with their children. Others the nature of their work just does not and they are yet to find another. If a man works in a Nigeria bank, it simply means they will see their kids on weekends and special days. Even working mothers complain about the same thing so lets not make it seem its only men. But the message is very clear, men should take more interest in the development of their children.

I think I shared all that on the thread I posted. Like I said, my reality is far from the reality of many families, painting a picture hits people in the face, they may not understand the consequencies of their actions till they are faced with a picture as real as this one.
My interest is the overall growth of the family and not gender bashing.
As you said so many people both men and women need to wake up and understand the reality of marriage and family, making adjustment and prioritising.
Sometimes we can present a sweet picture, other times it pays to present the stark reality.
Different methods work for different circumstances.

I daily applaud good parents and spouses and when things are not done right we should call it out.

Please go through my posts, NONE is a gender bashing one, every case has its merits and de- merits.