Facebook is the voice of people. So most of
the times Facebook status updates reflects the
actual mood of the person. Sometimes you
have to post something delicious to keep up
with all kind of audience you have. It can be
hilarious, shocking or just a spread-the-word-
topic. However, if you posted something
funny it will makes others happy, it also helps
to brighten your social networking
community’s day. Check out some of the funniest i have seen.




I’ve had a horribly busy day converting oxygen
into carbon dioxide.

Some people should have multiple Facebook
accounts to go along with their multiple
personalities.

At least mosquitos are attracted to me.

Laughing at your own texts before you send
them because you are so damn funny.

I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance
out my 5 minutes of studying.

It is a sad fact that 20% of marriages in this
country end in divorce. But hey, the remaining
end in death. You could be one of the lucky
ones.

When a bird hits your window have you ever
wondered if God is playing angry birds with
you?

Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari,
the alarm woke me up.

Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as
HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as
COLD as your own.

My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody
at work has ever mentioned it.

If you love someone, set them free. If they
come back, nobody else wanted them either

I am not addicted to Facebook. I only use it
when I have time . . . . . . . . . lunch time,
break time, bed time, this time, that time, any
time, all the time.

Todays Relationships: You can touch each other
but not each others phones.

I am sure I have a defective iphone, I keep
pressing the home button and I’m still at work.

Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an
overgrown male child who can not be handled
by his parents anymore.

The most powerful words other than I LOVE
YOU is “Salary is Credited”

Is there anything more awkward than when you
are singing along to a song on youtube and the
music stops loading.

Years of education, solving tough problems,
handling complex issues, yet we take a while
standing before glass doors thinking whether
to Push or Pull.

Flirtationship: More than a friendship and less
than a relationship.

I'll be back in five minutes. If
I'm not, read this again

I always hated weddings
because old people would
come over and poke me saying
“You’re next.”. They stopped
when I started doing it to
them at funerals.

U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3
come back to life. How many
fish do you have? Stop
counting smart one. Fish cant
Drown

I am wondering if one can
grow marijuana on Farmville
then sell it on Mafia Wars?

Have you noticed that the “lol”
symbol looks like a drowning
guy? I bet hes not laughing
out loud!

I’m thinkin about takin my
own life, I might as well.
Except they might not sell
weed in hell

I sometimes think that
Facebook should change the
status question from “What’s
on your mind?” to “What’s
your problem today?”

When people are singing
Happy Birthday to me, I have
no idea where to look.

Phases of love. 1) xoxo. 2)
Bleep. 3) ex.

Worrying works! 90% of the
things I worry about never
happen.

Artificial intelligence is no
match for natural stupidity.

Why does Sea World have a
seafood restaurant?? I’m
halfway through my fish
burger and I realize, Oh
man….I could be eating a slow
learner.

Without ME, it’s just AWESO.

I went to see my doctor.
“Doctor, every morning when I
get up and look in the mirror,
I feel like throwing up. What’s
wrong with me?” He said “I
don’t know but your eyesight
is perfect.”

I would rather try to carry 10
plastic grocery bags in each
hand than take 2 trips to bring
my groceries in.

Women should not have
children after 35. Really… 35
children are enough.

If you think nobody cares if
you’re alive, try missing a
couple of payments.

The quickest way to double
your money is to fold it over
and put it back in your
pocket.

The only mystery in life is why
the kamikaze pilots wore
helmets.

A friend is someone who will
bail you out of jail. A best
friend is the one sitting next
to you saying ‘boy was that
fun.

We live in a society where
pizza gets to your house
before the police.

My opinions may have
changed, but not the fact that
I am right.

URGENT WARNING! Facebook
now automatically scans your
brain through your monitor.
To block, go to kitchen, get
aluminum foil, and wrap it
around your head. Stay calm,
and breathe through your left
nostril ONLY. This is a serious
problem and has been
confirmed by a friend's
cousin's girlfriend's
neighbour's son's baby's mama
and her pet chihuahua.

Life’s a bitch, if it were easy
it’d be a slut.I’d call you a
tool, but even THEY serve a
purpose.

Death is life’s way of telling
you that you’ve been fired.
Suicide is your way to tell life,
“you can’t fire me, I Quit!”

I swear my pillow could be a
hairstylist I always wake up
with the wierdest hairdos.

FACEBOOK STORY: Add as
friend – Approve -> Write
something on wall -Intro –
Everyday chatting – Ask
number phone – Messaging –
Calling – Meeting – Express
love – Make relationship status
– Hangout – Misunderstanding
– Fight – Break up – Unfriend
– Block !THE END

My mate changed his
Facebook status to “suicidal,
standing on the edge of a
clifft” So i poked him…

I have to exercise early in the
morning before my brain
figures out what I’m doing.

Weird discovery of the day. If
you
type a word in Facebook (in a
comment, status, etc.) that
happens
to be the same as your
password,
after you click "Share",
Facebook
automatically converts it to
asterisks
to protect your security. Allow
me to
demonstrate. My password is
*******.

Lol (actually that was a lie, i smiled )

Very funny

To tell u the truth I enjoy facebook more than Fb, why because the level of interaction on NL is good compared to that of FB. On NL U are talking to professionals regardless of whther they are ur friends or not

Woman Love Logic:
When A Woman loves you, you are a HUSBAND.
When A Few Women love you, you area MAN.
When Many Women love you, you are a LOVER.
When Hundreds of Women love you, you are an IDOL.
When Thousands of Women love you, you are a LEADER.
But, When All the Women in the worldlove you, you are not human… You are a diamond, gold, a pound, a dollar,a euro, or a yen.