After graduating from the University of Nigeria Nsuka since 2008, I have not been able to secure a well-paid job so I do menial jobs while searching for a good one. God so kind, I got a call from my uncle in Abuja who after asking me to send him my C.V which I did, called me saying he has gotten a well-paid job for me and that I should  come to Abuja next week and submit my documents formally.

In my joy I fantasized working in a big company with my own desk and computer, and didn’t know when I slept off.
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I was feeling something scratching my heels but I thought it was my little cousin but the scratching turned to biting and the pain felt deeper.  I opened my eyes and behold it was a baby rat eating my heels. In my sleepy mode I hushed it away but it wouldn’t move. I felt insulted. How can a 6ft human like I frighten this little creature yet it wouldn’t move. “Haa!! Shuu!!” I shouted yet it wouldn’t leave my leg alone. i got up and threw my shoe at it and it gave a painful scream and ran into the cupboard.

I was still sleepy so as I made to lie down to continue my sleep the baby rat came out, this time with 2 other rats that looked like its parents.

“Why did you throw your smelly shoe at my son” a tiny voice said.  I opened my ears and bent down, not believing what I just heard, and again the voice said “ I said why did you throw that smelly shoe at my son” this time I was sure. The voice was that of one of the rats. “if you had food in this house he would not have eaten your leg” the other rat whom I conclude to be the father of the baby rat said.  “so rats can talk?’ I said my mouth wide open. “ of course, only stupid people can hear us, and you happen to be one of the  privileged stupid people in this world”  the father said.

I was surprised, yes, but angry. How dare this dirty little creature call me stupid. I wanted to insult it too. “if you gave your son food it won’t come to eat my leg, and I wouldn’t have chased him away” I said. “kikikikiki” the 3 rats laughed “you are not only stupid but foolish. In case you don’t know we rats are parasites and survive on humans, but you have failed in your duty to provide for our survival that’s why we sent him to eat your heel. You make us surfer. In the former house we were in, before they relocated, we used to eat very well and grew fat, but since we came to this your poverty stricken home we have all become thin ”  the rats lamented.

All these seemed crazy! I mean, if I write this down no one would ever believe I talked with rats, they would call me mad! But here I was, conversing with 3 dirty thin rats. “so you are the rats that ate my dinner last week”  “yes of course and you are the one that used the money you are supposed to use and eat to buy rat poison to kill us. Your plan won’t work.  Better go and buy food stuffs in this house before hunger kills someone here” the baby rat said.

The insult was too much so I took my cutlass from under my bed and chased the 3 rats.  They ran in 3 different directions. I chased the mum but she was too fast so I pursued the dad who made me fall and hurt my ankle. In my pain I chased after the baby rat since I couldn’t run much but he played with me exactly the way Jerry does to Tom cat in the cartoon “Tom and Jerry”.

“kikikikikikiki” the 3 rats laughed at me because I was the floor due to the hurt in my ankle.  “catch us if you can, are you not the human here? The baby rat said coming close to me. “ki ki ki ki “ stand up boy”  the baby rat said not realizing how close he was to me. In one swing I dived and grabbed the baby mouse. “drop him down now!, the rats yelled but It was my turn to laugh. “ I got you. Now I will burn you alive” I said giving a wicked laugh. “no no please drop him down, please we will never disturb you again, promise’  “yes you won’t after I catch and  burn the 3 of you” I said.

I took a keg full of kerosene and a match stick and was about setting the baby rat ablaze when the mother of the rat said “stop or I eat your documents” I looked up and behold, the two of them were eating my credentials which I was supposed to send to my uncle in Abuja with regards to the job he promised me.  “ I was just joking, how can I burn this innocent little rat? Please stop eating those documents and I will give you your baby” I said scared to my marrow. “No! drop him and we will give you your documents”.
What choice do I have? How can I place the value of this rat to my life long documents? “you promise?” I asked. “yes”  immediately I dropped the rat it ran to its parents and when I demanded for my document they laughed at me “kikikikiki foolish human.so you think we care about this smelly papers? Mtcheew “ and in my very eyes they ate and tore my documents to pieces.  “Noooooooooooooo…..”
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“NOOOooooooOOo” I was still screaming it when I woke up. Damn, I must have malaria in my blood because this dream was foolish yet scary.

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Umeh Oma at Tuesday,

Share ke!!! You must be joking

Smh

@Op: I found that incredibly funny. You just made my day. Haven't laughed so hard in a while.

This story should ave been at d front page.too hiarious

Now this is what I call good humour on a peaceful Sunday!

Belongs to the Jokes Section though. Nonetheless, nice one and thanks for sharing

Looovl, you should get a good job writing this hilarious story. Will connect you with my son who writes about rats and cockroaches. The rats in your dream must belong to thesame colony as the ones in my son's RNN stories

Nice!