[color=#770077][/color] HELLO VIEWERS AM AN UPCOMING POET. PLS. CAN SOME ONE READ MY POEM AND COMMENT ON IT. WILL BE GLAD TO GET YOUR HONEST RESPONSES.
Am lost, don’t know what to do, I lost my job for no good reason,
I am dejected and I blame God for everything, taking a walk on the railway track in a cool lonely area,

Thinking of all the promises of God to guide and love us, my mind is roaming far, unaware of my surroundings, oh my God a train behind me! Its horns blaring, I can’t hear or see it,

That is the end of my suffering on earth, I shall go and see my Father and ask him why he brought so much suffering to me, the train comes nearer and I suddenly come to reality, tool late! Suddenly, someone pushes me off the rail track, I fall unhurt and safe, the train passes and I am unhurt, who is it? I look back and front and see nobody, I did not hear nor see the train coming, why all this?

Suddenly I remember a passage in the bible, “FOR HE SHALL SEND HIS ANGELS TO TAKE CHARGE OF YOU, ONE BY YOUR RIGHT THE OTHER BY YOUR LEFT AND YOUR FEET SHALL NOT STRIKE THE STONE”,

it must have been an Angel, why? I lost my job and have no more hope, suddenly I realize that God loves me and though I have no job and have lost hope he still cares and loves me,

I suddenly smile because all hopes are not yet lost , I know He has something in store for me, you who are at loss and don’t know what to do put your faith in God, HE IS THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA THE BEGINNING AND THE END, THE AUTHOR AND THE FINISHER, you out there who has lost hope smile because things will change for the better.

hello
i would say it's a lot amateurish but if u could sit down and go through it,u'll see lines that doesnt fit with the whole poem,like u said u heard the train coming and in ur last lines u said u never heard it coming.hope u didnt lose ur job for real.step ahead u tried.
best of lucks, nonso

Its not a very good attempt, it actually like a prose. But dont feel bad.

I suggest you try breaking the lines, and use image conveying words instead of long sentences.


For instance
Am lost, don’t know what to do, I lost my job for no good reason, am dejected and I blame God for everything, taking a walk on the railway track in a cool lonely area,

could be written as

Jobless and saddened
wandering, and pondering
I chance upon a rail track ,


Not the best of line, but use powerful words (not necessarily big words)

See you at the top.

i honestly agree with what has been said

Well, you had a good thought behind the poems but they aint well aranged. Still you can do better. Check out www.yinkolu.4t.com. I have something for you there. C ya!

From my perception,it does not entail the features of poetry rather it takes that of prose.It is prosaic.

But then,you can improve in that if you subject to thorough training and grooming.

I AM NOT A POET. BUT YOUR WORDS DON'T RHYME.
THE LINES ARE HEAVY. THEY COME ACROSS LIKE YOU ARE
WRITING A PROSE. BUT THE MESSAGE IS IMPORTANT. WHICH
IS SOMETHING GOOD ABOUT YOUR BEGINNING; HAVING A MESSAGE
TO TELL.

KEEP WORKING AT IT. READ OTHER POEMS AND YOU SHALL GROW
SOONER THAN LATER.

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