In the hospital premises she net three of her departmental friends. Lillian:- Hey! Sandra, chika, amanda Chika:- How are you doing? Lillian:- Am fine Sandra:- what are you doing here in the hospital Lillian:- Oh! My sister just gave birth, so am here with her Sandra:- Thank God for her, but we cannot go with you to see her now maybe some other times. Lillian:- why nah Amanda:- we want to go and see a friend in the other ward, she is very sick. Lillian:- Ok, see you gals later in school. As they farewell, lillian was going back to the ward her sister is, as she was going back there, she noticed something was wrong as everybody was running out of the ward, she wanted to run but she remember that her sister was there, so she had to run and see what was happenning inside. As she is getting nearer, she saw two nurse praying to God to interven. Lillian:- What is happening here? No response. She shouts " Can someone tell me what is going on here. Nurse1:- something like fire appeared in front of your sister bed and was spraying somethings , lillian rush inside the hospital, touch her sister but her body was cold, only the baby was crying, lillian carried the baby outside, and stand on one corner of the hospital and was crying bitterly. A doctor from the hospital was passing and saw her crying, the doctor called her name to ask why she was crying, and she wake up to find it was only just a dream. PLEASE PALS COMMENT ON MY STORY WHAT IS NOT RIGHT IN IT. AM WAITING FOR YOUR REPLY, THIS IS JUST THE FIRST PAGE OF MY STORY.

Try spacing it, good story though

Erm..... Each person's turn to talk should be on separate lines like

Lilian said: "hey what's up"
And Sandra replied: "I am cool"

Tnks guys for your corrections, i will soon paste the page two

waiting..

After morning prayer and greetings Lillian:- sister! Aunlika:- (lillian elder sister) yes, what is it Lillian:- Did you notice i was crying last nite while sleeping Aunlika:- No, any probs Lillian:- mtcheww.. I knw you wont notice, only to sleep and forget yourself, anywhere i had a very terrible dream last night Aunlika:- ok o, i dnt have time for that now am last for school Lillian:- i knw u wnt have tym to hear me Aunlika:- look i dnt have time for your trouble now till wen am back Lillian:- Bye Jane: -(lillian younger sister) sister lilllian am off to school Lillian:- i dnt hear, if you like dirty your cloth and you will wash it yourself. Lillian bath, dressup and left school ( After school time, jane was coming out from school with her friend) Nnenne:- let buy chin chin martha:- with which money, you forgot so soon, that you told me in class, that you dnt have money jane:- eh, am not ready to run, d last tym you steal from that shop down gina street, i run tire Nnenne did as if she was going to buy the woman chin chin, but took some and ran away with gina but unforunately for jane, she was caught by the womans son named darlinton that was watching them Darlinton:- so you think you can run Jane:- sorry uncle, its my friends plan Darlinton:- but you follow them Jane:- yes but i didnt took the chin chin pls Darlinton:- am going to lock you up in the toilet and your parent will look for you Jane:- Ah! I will never or think of coming here again. Darlinton later spare her and she went home disgraced. When she got home her brother daniel was in the sister room Daniel:- Why is your face flaw Jane:- Nothing( with rude tone) Daniel- Ehh, your food is in the kitchen use your flaw face to eat it Jane:- What did they cook (rude tone) Daniel:- is like you want to cry this afternoon, will you go to kitchen and see what is there before asking me. She went and took her food and ate...... STORY CONTINUES NEXT TIME

first of all, u hav to decide whether u ar writing a play or a short story. Then u look out for ur use of English, sorry to say but d whole thing looks like a joke but i believe u can do better than this.

Tnks evagolden for ur correction, its just that am using a small phone to type, its a play nt a short story