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Chuck Norris Facts. - Jokes Etc - Nairaland

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Chuck Norris Of All Phones / SHOCKING FACTS You Never Knew About Chuck Norris / Top 10 Funniest Chuck Norris Facts 2013 (2) (3) (4)

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Chuck Norris Facts. by druid06(m): 10:12pm On Sep 11, 2013
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.



Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.



Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris’ PC will crash.



Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.



Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.



Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.



Chuck Norris can drown a fish.



Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano



When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.



Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.



When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.



Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.



The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.



Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.



Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.



A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.



Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris.



If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Chuck Norris?” It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”



Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.



Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.



When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.



Chuck Norris doesn’t have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.



Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.



Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.



Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.



There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.



Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.



Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.



It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.



Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”



In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.



Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.



Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.



Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.



With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.



The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.



When you say no one's perfect, Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult

2 Likes

Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by texanomaly(f): 10:13pm On Sep 11, 2013
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...I love Chuck Noris Facts
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by druid06(m): 10:20pm On Sep 11, 2013
texanomaly: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...I love Chuck Noris Facts

Me too... grin grin grin
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by valicious1(m): 10:36pm On Sep 11, 2013
So chuck norris is now God?
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by Nobody: 10:42pm On Sep 11, 2013
chuck Norris wakes up from both sides of his bed

chuck Norris is already dead but the death is too afraid to tell him .
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by druid06(m): 10:50pm On Sep 11, 2013
^^ Nice one!
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by toideve(m): 10:57pm On Sep 11, 2013
Me three cheesy
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by druid06(m): 11:03pm On Sep 11, 2013
Chuck Norris can sneak into a room with 4 people and make eye contact with all of them and sneak out again without being detected.

Chuck Norris voice doesn't have an echo - No one talks back at Chuck Norriis.

Chuck Norris is so fast that he can leave work at 4:30 pm and arrive home at 3:30 am on the same day

When you Google Chuck Norris, there are no results found .... you dont find Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris finds you.

Chuck Norris doesn't need twitter. He snatches humming birds from the sky and gives them 24 hrs to relay his message or die

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris dosen't have a bad hair day...hair has a bad Chuck Norris

If Chuck Norris was a woman"- He would still be THE MAN

Batman is scarred of the dark because of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.

Chuck Norris went to a Killers concert and was disappointed that everyone was allowed to live

During WWII, they didn't drop the bomb on hiroshima, they dropped Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't believed in theory of evolution, he is the missing link.

Chuck Norris once scored two goals in a soccer game. It was considered a hat-trick.

Chuck Norris can lift up air
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by Fitzy4real(m): 11:38pm On Sep 11, 2013
Hahahahahaha.....








Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife.
With butter.
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by Fitzy4real(m): 11:44pm On Sep 11, 2013
Chuck Norris and Hulk once fought. He round-house kicked Hulk so hard that Hulk fled into the bush.

He is now known as Shrek...
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by druid06(m): 11:46pm On Sep 11, 2013
^^ Hehehe...
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by texanomaly(f): 11:48pm On Sep 11, 2013
grin grin grin
This could go on forever. There are a ton of these.
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by Fitzy4real(m): 11:50pm On Sep 11, 2013
Chuck Norris and Superman once made a bet on an arm wrestling match between themselves.


The loser was to wear his underwear over his trousers...

1 Like

Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by druid06(m): 11:50pm On Sep 11, 2013
texanomaly: grin grin grin
This could go on forever. There are a ton of these.

That's my intended purpose. No harm in enjoying a good laugh.

1 Like

Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by texanomaly(f): 11:52pm On Sep 11, 2013
druid06:

That's my intended purpose. No harm in enjoying a good laugh.
grin grin grin
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by druid06(m): 12:00am On Sep 12, 2013
If Chuck Norris needed an operation he'd perform it on himself and tell the surgeons to gather round and learn something.

Chuck Norris does not need a stove to boil water, he just growls at it.

Iron Man got the idea for his armoured suit from Chuck Norris' underwear.

Chuck Norris cheated on his English test..................with a calculator

Chuck Norris once vacationed in Atlantis and didn't have a good time. The lost continent has yet to be found.

MC Hammer can't touch this but Chuck Norris can.

Chuck Norris will cry only on his death.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from Chuck Norris.

1 Like

Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by Fitzy4real(m): 12:15am On Sep 12, 2013
Whean Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by Nobody: 12:21am On Sep 12, 2013
Fitzy4real: Whean Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
ah ah
druid keep them coming
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by Fitzy4real(m): 12:21am On Sep 12, 2013
The Original title for the movie Alien vs Predator was Alien & Predator vs Chuck Norris.


The film was cancelled shortly after going into pre-production because no one would pay $10 to see a movie that was 14 seconds long
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by Fitzy4real(m): 12:25am On Sep 12, 2013
Chuck Norris can make Orange juice with lemons...
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by druid06(m): 12:58am On Sep 12, 2013
The only word in the english language that rhymes with 'orange' is Chuck Norris

There's no blood in Chuck Norris' veins. It's just one long strand of tobacco spit.

Chuck Norris is what makes the Central Nervous System nervous.

Chuck Norris met an exclamation point (!)and punched it in the face. We now have question mark(?)

Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.

Chuck Norris doesn't have a license...his beard does.

When he enters his living room, the television turns on to watch Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris came before both the chicken AND the egg

When Chuck Norris tried out for American Idol, Simon cried.

When Chuck Norris goes to job interviews, employers give him their resumés.

The day Chuck Norris was born was the day WWII ended.

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

Chuck Norris watches Saturday Night Live on Friday.

I know how to defeat Chuck Norris but he would kil.....Arrrgh

Korea once sent an army......... America sent Chuck Norris with a bb gun

Lee Harvey Oswald did not kill JFK! Chuck Norris accidentally shot a spit-wad out of the book depository building striking JFK in the head.

Chuck Norris gives the boggeyman nightmares.

1 Like

Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by texanomaly(f): 1:11am On Sep 12, 2013
Fitzy4real: Whean Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
nice!

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by druid06(m): 1:12am On Sep 12, 2013
Hey Texas, I'm up for chat on YM if you are...
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by texanomaly(f): 1:18am On Sep 12, 2013
druid06: Hey Texas, I'm up for chat on YM if you are...
Lolz. You bored? Sure. Come on in. I'll send you email.
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by druid06(m): 1:23am On Sep 12, 2013
texanomaly:
Lolz. You bored? Sure. Come on in. I'll send you email.

Yeah, extremely bored!..lol..

so what's your yahoo I.D?
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by texanomaly(f): 1:27am On Sep 12, 2013
druid06:

Yeah, extremely bored!..lol..

so what's your yahoo I.D?
I sent you an email you didn't get it?
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by druid06(m): 1:28am On Sep 12, 2013
texanomaly:
I sent you an email you didn't get it?

Checking....
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by ChuckNorris007(m): 3:29pm On Sep 13, 2013
cool the ice age didn't make dinousaurs extinct, i did. cool
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by texanomaly(f): 10:39pm On Sep 13, 2013
Chuck_Norris007: cool the ice age didn't make dinousaurs extinct, i did. cool
cheesy
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by largie(f): 12:49am On Sep 15, 2013
Chuck Norris know the number of people that turned a door knob before him.
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by butterflyy(f): 9:11am On Sep 15, 2013
This is so ice age. The in thing is Jack baurs fact.
www.jackbauerfacts.com
Re: Chuck Norris Facts. by lanaVello1(m): 11:57am On Sep 15, 2013
butterflyy: This is so ice age. The in thing is Jack baurs fact.
www.jackbauerfacts.com
jack bauer's own is dry joorh. went thru d list,i prefer chuck norris

1 Like

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