Where is berem?

peggykorol: Once a man starts abusing the wife physically,he won't stop.it goes on and on.thats how mine started and I thought it would be the last.i know some people on NL feel am not real or I caused my problem myself but you are free to feel or think however you want
As am typing this now,I have some wounds on my back and hands.thats the recent beating I got from someone who claims to luv me very much.for every time I question his fidelity,I get beaten up seriously like a thief who stole in the market square.he sleeps with girls anywhere.ranging from his car to our matrimonial home to motels,
Now ask me how I knew all this

U know what, seriously I hate reading thru this kind of thread! Am a man and what I hate in this world is "wives beaten or gf battered"....a man beating u in this century and u say u still in the relationship or marriage...damn it! Geeez!!! I go mad hearing such as a man! Bullshit!! I can't say no more

Quit3 sad. I am finding it difficult to reconcile all these with how married people try to talk single people into it as if they are having the best of life.

To the abused: Don't let emotions cloud your judgement, know when to let go with your life and sanity intact. No one would ever understand what you are going through, you know what is best for you and do it. It may cost you the so called security he may be providing you, but of what use is the so called security when you live in pains and tethered around by sadness?

Life is but once, thereafter is something no one is sure of, be wise and life a fulfilled life.

Is there no NGO or government agency that can be used to help this women out? For instance there is legal aid but the scope of their operations may not cover such matters.

swag queen...your story is touching.but I'm surprised you're a lawyer....and all this has happened.well just to remind you of "human rights" I guess you should know about the rights of women...sorry about this.please go practice and know necessary step.take care

swag queen:
[b]One elder brother and a younger brother. I've never told them any of these things.[/b]His brothers beat up his sister's husband and even locked him up for beating their sister.he was away in America else he would have taught the man a lesson.

like seriously Can't they help you financially?? So you prefer money to your life?? Who told you that you can't money @nothing but just 30?? And you said you read law?? Sweetie, please leave that marriage..

Abused wife in a marriage is heard of. But an abused girlfriend? Like seriously. You are not married to a man and he beats you black and blue, yet you remain in the so-called relationship? That's the height of insanity!

swag queen: His sister keeps saying that if i leave,I'll be the one to lose.(which is true in a sense) but cuming from a divorcee whose husband battered until she ran for her life,i wonder what this world's turning into. She says many women want to be married to him and that as I'm the "lucky one",i should stay and still show him love. Till the day i die?

I'm pained,I'm crying,my heart is heavy but no one understands my pain. He's gone for a week now and my daughter keeps asking when daddy is coming back. I'm at my lowest ebb emotionally and all people can say is stay for the sake of the children.

I have no more self-esteem. He has abused,battered and violated me. He tells me things that make me feel I'm worth nothing. I'm tired!

This touched me deeply. Do you guys talk at all? As in, real talk.

I hope he don't get to read this
I just hope so
Cos I can't imagine what he wld do

Bludeville: p.s it's really annoying when I type s*e-x.u* a l abuse only to see intimate abuse, they do not denote the same thing, neither does molestation adequately represent r*a*p"e, for f^ck's sake!!!

Thanks a million. Seun should do something about it, we're not kids here. The other day, i wrote s`exual intimacy and it was translated into 'intimacy intimacy' in my opinion that's just lame and tautological.

Bludeville: p.s it's really annoying when I type s*e-x.u* a l abuse only to see intimate abuse, they do not denote the same thing, neither does molestation adequately represent r*a*p"e, for f^ck's sake!!!

i feel you jor.the words filters on nairaland are just terrible.whoever put those terrible words/phrases as substitutes isn't very educated im afraid.

as a practicing counsellor and a psychotherapist, one of the aims of the counsellor is creating a condusive atmosphere that will conceal the secrets of ur clients...
CONFIDENTIALITY IS OUR WATCH WORD (unless it endangers the life of your client)
you should'nt be suprised for the low turn outs

I just don't get how someone who claims to love can you beat you mercilessly, it just doesn't make sense.

swag queen: His sister keeps saying that if i leave,I'll be the one to lose.(which is true in a sense) but cuming from a divorcee whose husband battered until she ran for her life,i wonder what this world's turning into. She says many women want to be married to him and that as I'm the "lucky one",i should stay and still show him love. Till the day i die?

I'm pained,I'm crying,my heart is heavy but no one understands my pain. He's gone for a week now and my daughter keeps asking when daddy is coming back. I'm at my lowest ebb emotionally and all people can say is stay for the sake of the children.

I have no more self-esteem. He has abused,battered and violated me. He tells me things that make me feel I'm worth nothing. I'm tired!

You have lost your self esteem because u want to loose it. imagine this scenario something happens he beats you mistakenly get hit on the head and slumps. He settles police after some time gets another wife who beats your kids. Then you have lost.

Get out of the marriage no marriage is worth your life and dignity. Think of your children take them and run get a job make something of your life let the fighter in you come out. fight and make something of your life raise your kids. If he does not come for you get a divorce and move on. You are entitled to some happiness fight for it

peeping and passing...

@ swag queen,
You have been given practical advise especially by debrief.
As a professional, I need to advise you to quickly and seriously do something with your career before your skillset becomes outdated.
Your Husband is keeping you in bondage because you are financially handicapped and except you can live this way for the REST of your life (assuming he doesn't kill you in your prime like Titi Arowolo), the time to act is now.
If you are just 4 years into marriage and have little experience in Corporate Law, then you are still very much employable.
Can you cope with the way things are for the rest of your life? if yes, then enjoy a lengthy thread and e-sympathies.
If you cant cope, you need to polish your CV and start job hunting ASAP[b]. I can find a way of providing you an email of someone who can at least notify you of job openings that suits your competencies.[/b]
Get a job, move out and live with someone pending when you can get your own place and raise your kids.
Beg your mum to take care of your kids till you are able to start providing for them. If something bad happens to you, your hubby will still force the kids on her and remarry.
I am all for trying to make things work in a marriage but not with repeated physical assault! haba, its not the end of the world nah!
A divorced colleague of mine just finalised her wedding plans to re-marry and I almost cried for joy when I met the guy, you wont believe if I give you the stats.
Im not saying you should get a divorce now but it is only when you are alive and doing well that you can attempt reconciliation or re-marriage.
Get a job, get out, get a life and take it from there.

swag queen:

One elder brother and a younger brother. I've never told them any of these things. His brothers beat up his sister's husband and even locked him up for beating their sister.he was away in America else he would have taught the man a lesson.

If I get you correctly, his family cannot tolerate a man beating their sister but it is ok to beat you as his mother said. So why are you not telling your own brothers?

@swagqueen

I read thru all u are going thru from ur comments, its sad but u need to take some actions now.

1) U need to start devising a strategy to leave him. Do not deceive urself, the solution to this problem is to leave that man. If u were my sister, u would have left since last year, not even now. Do not lose ur life to an angry man, we read this on news on a regular basis and we would ask where were her family when all the abuse was going on? Pls ur life is more important than any other thing that might be keeping u in his house right now.

2) Ur exit strategy might be long term or short term If u have family member that can help u a bit with shelter and food at least, leave that marriage on a short term but if u have to fend for urself, u can start looking for some financial means and leave as soon as u get it. I mean job.

3) Stop thinking that ur life would be empty without him Oh yea it might seem so in the beginning but u will get over it.

4) Never be bothered that some haters will laugh at u if u leave him. It would be a ridiculous situation if such flimsy reason will lock u down in bondage and pain. I guarantee u, the after stress will only take a few month and every thing will come back to normal.

5) How do u even know that someone that will really love u is not outside there waiting to meet u when u are single again? It is not impossible but u will never meet such person when u are still married to a man that beats u for fun.

He is not in love with u hence the reason why he has enslaved u. Do u know the meaning of slavery? A situation where by u reduce someone to the lowest state of existence, u debar him/her access to any form of empowerment or independence, ur husband ensures that u have no freedom so u can be subject to his whims and caprices. He knows that it will be difficult for u to go anywhere if u have nothing. So his decision to prevent u from working was not in good faith.

Good luck to u!

Why does the society favour females than males? Now another thread in favour of women. Who will speak for abused husbands/boyfriends? The other day, a thread was open and guys were asked how often they change thier boxers and to commensurate with the female folks based on the thread, i opened a similar thread today asking girls how often they change thier pants and instead of the thread to hit front page like the guys' own did, rather just all of the sudden the thread was removed by only God knows who. Who says we men dont have our yielding cries over inflictions we receive from female folks? Why women always? Time shall tell!

@Swag queen, it takes a lot to come out on a public forum to talk about abuse. I applaud you for that. I understand your fears. Millions of women go through the same fears you are going through, but you have got to realize that life is too short to be unhappy. You have family that loves and support you. You need to take advantage of that. More importantly, your father is on your side and that's all you need. My husband told me recently that my father had told him before the marriage that if he was to beat me, he(my father) would come to Bahrain and break his legs. Now, that was a pleasant surprise because my father is a very quiet guy, so to hear that he threatened my bros like a proper Italian mafia always makes me smile. My point- your father has your back. Utilize it.
Forget your mother. No right thinking mother should ask her daughter to stay and continue to be battered. As for money, you are not getting any now anyways, so your situation wont be any different. Move out Now!

My girlfriend abuses me she beats me everyday with her bills...

Only slapped my sister once and that was like 11yrs ago.I was small anyway.she felt dizzy and i was filled with remorse.
since then,I have never beaten any woman and will never do!..But advising the abused to leave their marriage isn't the best.
If you are a Christian,talk to your pastor and he will tell you that it is not prudent to leave your marriage because,even if you get married to another,that first man is still your true husband.forget all these things we are learning from the white.

I'll advice that you pray harder to GOD over this.there is nothing impossible to him

Sometimes I blame the women on this. You get married to someone out of pity, out of poverty, without love, because you are pregnant for him, because you think you are getting old, because your friends are getting married or because he is rich, without knowing him too well.

swag queen: His sister keeps saying that if i leave,I'll be the one to lose.(which is true in a sense) but cuming from a divorcee whose husband battered until she ran for her life,i wonder what this world's turning into. She says many women want to be married to him and that as I'm the "lucky one",i should stay and still show him love. Till the day i die?

I'm pained,I'm crying,my heart is heavy but no one understands my pain. He's gone for a week now and my daughter keeps asking when daddy is coming back. I'm at my lowest ebb emotionally and all people can say is stay for the sake of the children.

I have no more self-esteem. He has abused,battered and violated me. He tells me things that make me feel I'm worth nothing. I'm tired!

As touching as your story may be, its obviously one sided. ( I'm not justifying your beating )

It will be nice if we can get your husband's side of the story, because you can't tell us you are a saint. You've been met with so much sympathy on this thread, but in the interest of fairness, your husband side of the story must be heard, to avoid jumping hastily into conclusion.

Nobody beats a saint, even Nebuchadnezzar so please do tell us your wrongdoings as well.

swag queen:
His sister keeps saying that if i leave,I'll be the one to lose.(which is true in a sense) but cuming from a divorcee whose husband battered until she ran for her life,i wonder what this world's turning into. She says many women want to be married to him and that as I'm the "lucky one",i should stay and still show him love. Till the day i die?

swag queen, it is better you lose and come out with your life. Than you gain and die when it is not your time and another will still take over and be the "Lucky One"

God bless all of you!

@Nashville,I'll send my c.v asap.

Thanks a million everyone.

I have this to share with anyone going through abuse; physical or emotional (yeah there is emotional abuse)! At the end of the day, it's all within us. I found this poem quite inspiring yet liberating. Its often wrongly attributed to Nelson Mandela as he used it as part of his inaugural speech.


Our Deepest Fear
By Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us;
It's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

i will advice you to carefully make videos and picture evidence and safe not on your laptop or phone,save it you dont know when it will come handy,i have a friend who was dealth with like that by the son of Tor tiv,thats chief of the Tivs she had a child for him but had to leave nobody believed her when she said he beats her only her mum n few of us,no matter the money make an evidence for future in case you made a decision...