Welcome, Guest: Join Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 2,799,534 members, 6,690,404 topics. Date: Monday, 24 January 2022 at 08:24 PM

I Knew The Day We Met - Poems For Review - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / Poems For Review / I Knew The Day We Met (2718 Views)

The girl I knew / Rap Poetry: The Girl I Met In The Church / One Day We Will Live Together As One. (2) (3) (4)

(1) (Reply) (Go Down)

I Knew The Day We Met by wharlzywee(m): 7:36pm On Oct 09, 2013
I knew the day we met
That we were meant to be
I knew our fate was set
That you were the one for me
I didn't even know you
I only knew your name
I wasn't sure what to do
I didn't know who to blame
I knew I thought you attractive
I could tell that you were nice
The butterflies were so active
That I couldn't think twice
Everything I did that day
Didn't show you who I am
Every time you came my way
My heart began to ram
My actions weren't natural
My reactions weren't real
I felt so very terrible
But my heart I did not wield
And when the group said
goodbye to me
My eyes were fixed on you
I knew I was trying to see
If you felt the same way too
I liked you when I saw your face
But maybe it was the touch
My heart had begun to race
I already liked you too much
I knew the day we met
That we were meant to be
I knew our fate was set
As friends, as lovers, as enemies
Re: I Knew The Day We Met by enix2dmix: 10:56pm On Oct 09, 2013
Stick wit wot u r tryn to say.....' Enemies' is confusn d message, very nice poem tho
Re: I Knew The Day We Met by wharlzywee(m): 7:19am On Oct 10, 2013
tanx i really appreciate
Re: I Knew The Day We Met by ayd91(m): 9:09pm On Nov 11, 2013
Wow 33lines? That's in my view too long. It would have been nice to see it divide into stanzas or made shorter.
Your punctuation need work too.
Your ending (my opinion) is what I enjoyed the most.

"I knew our fate was set
As friends, as lovers, as enemies"
its like saying, she is a stranger, who will become your friend, then you'll get closer to become lovers, in which you know you'll break her heart (or cause some form of hatred) and become enemies. But either way you'll do it all the same.
You should also try to be consistent with your message. In line 4: "That you were the one for me" so if she is the one for you, why would you become enemies?
Line 3: "I knew our fate was set"
line 32: "I knew our fate was set". Which fate should we uphold? One can only have one fate.

Nice write up though.
Re: I Knew The Day We Met by wharlzywee(m): 3:54pm On Nov 12, 2013
Tanx 4 d correction
Re: I Knew The Day We Met by ayd91(m): 7:09pm On Nov 12, 2013
Thanks man. Its my pleasure.
Re: I Knew The Day We Met by liljboy(m): 12:08pm On Nov 26, 2013

(1) (Reply)

Poetry And Rap-Similarities? / A Slave To The Arse / Man's Rib: Beautiful Woman

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2022 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 42
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.