How To Spot A Super Show-off! - Nairaland / General - Nairaland
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / How To Spot A Super Show-off! (1800 Views)
How To Spot A Troll Nd A Guy Who Operates Under The Disguise Of A Female Moniker / How To Spot A S/he Nairalander(male Dudes Using Female Monickers) / How To Spot A Nigerian Girl Abroad (2) (3) (4)
| How To Spot A Super Show-off! by senbonzakurakageyoshi(m): 12:56am On Oct 11, 2013 |
Everybody hates a show off. Unfortunately, pretty much every one of us is a terrible, terrible show off (including yours truly). However, there are people that transcend the mundane world (sorry!!!) of plain show offs and cross over into the region of super show-offs. However, be thankful, because we’ve figured out exactly how to spot a super show-off. 1) They give totally irrelevant answers to simple questions just to draw attention to what they are showing off: Super show-offs like to make sure that you notice that N50,000 wristwatch they just purchased. But how can they do that when you are asking them about what happened in church last weekend? The conversation: You: Hey, can you remember the important announcement Pastor made last Sunday? Super show-off: I had to leave early because of the time (flexing wristwatch in your face). I was running late for an appointment and I was terribly behind time (flexing wristwatch which, at this point, you can’t avoid seeing). I eventually got there late because I took too much time (flexing wristwatch again, nearly clocking you in the face with wrist) You: (Now so pissed you want to purchase a hacksaw and lop off the hand with the wristwatch) FINE!!! I HAVE SEEN YOUR WRISTWATCH! NOW CAN YOU TELL ME IF YOU REMEMBER THE ANNOUNCEMENT OR NOT! 2) They give completely vague answers just so they can get a chance to blow your mind (and dignity) with what they want to show off: Try asking a super show-off a simple question like where they were last week or who you saw them with at a club. If you get a vague answer, your worst mistake would be to ask for more details…or say anything at all. Just say nothing and walk away. The conversation: You: Seems like you’ve not been around for a while. Where have you been? Super Show-Off: Well, here and there… You: Really? Super Show-Off: Well, actually, I traveled to the United States a few weeks ago for my younger brother’s wedding. You know, I sponsored the wedding so I had to be present there with the rest of the family. Cost a lot of money, you know how expensive all these flight tickets are! Then from there I crossed over into Canada to visit a few of my family members that have been living there for a long time and have just simply refused to come back to Nigeria; just imagine! I spent a few days there sha, travelling across Canada before I had to fly to Germany for a bit of serious work; you know I have a few business contacts there…. You: (Wanting to acquire a shotgun to either blast yourself dead or blow super show-off’s brains out) 3) They give waaaay too much detail to questions with really simple answers: It is never enough for a super show off to just give you the answer to the question you just asked. Because if they do, they won’t have any chance of showing you just how perfect their life is and how full of crap yours is. The conversation: You: Oh, hi! How have you been? Super Show-Off: Oh, I’m fine! I’ve… You: (Cutting SSO off because you know a long litany of all the wonderful things he/she has been up to that you will never do in your life is about to follow shortly) Oh and how is little Tola? Super Show-Off: Oh, wonderful! Do you know he came third in a quiz competition in school? He takes after me completely (apparently, you are as thick as two short planks), he is such a brilliant boy! (and your child is as thick as four). It was such a difficult quiz and most of the brilliant kids in his class weren’t even able to keep up (if your kid is in same class, things just got worse for him/her). This is the third time he is ranking in the top three in quizzes just this term alone. You: (At this point, the smile on your face is so plastic, it can be used to make takeout containers and you are stopping just shy of wishing that child brain cancer). Oh my child has…..won stuff too…. Super Show-Off: (Patronizingly) Oh, I’m sure he/she has! But Tola is such an amazing child…. 4) They always bring the topic back to what they are showing off: No matter how hard you try, a super show off always wants to show what they’ve got off. So they will always try to bring the conversation back to what they are showing off proving to you that whatever you have to talk about (that accident you were recently involved in/global warming/the size of our president’s shoes) it is totally unimportant compared to their awesome stuff. The conversation: You: So did you watch Arsenal’s match yesterday. Super Show-Off: Of course, tough match! The funny thing is that I watched the first leg of this match live! Yeah, when I travelled to London last month, I totally watched Arsenal play Sunderland at The Emirates! I even took a picture with Aaron Ramsey and I have a signed jersey from Olivier Giroud. And I got to shake Arsene Wenger’s… You: That match was tough sha. But Liverpool are now top of the table abi? Or second? Those guys look like they will play really good football this season. Super Show-Off: Abi? I even wanted to go watch a match at Anfield when I was in the UK last month, y’know, for the experience but I had to skip to France for a bit but that was like two days after watching the Gunners play at Emirates. Infact, lemme show you the picture I took with Ramsey…… (taking out phone while you stand there looking like a complete idiot). So in case you didn’t know, here’s the best way to deal with a super show-off, asides buying an assault rifle and blasting them to smithereens: WALK AWAY! (That doesn’t always work, though. Some of them will follow you, regaling you with tales of how they met The Queen at Buckingham Palace and had lunch with Fashola…..) http://zakuraweekly.com/how-to-spot-a-super-show-off/ You can subscribe to Zakura Weekly, the craziest weekly digimag by yours truly here: http://zakuraweekly.com/subscribe-to-zakura-weekly/. It won't take any of your time, trust me on that! 9 Likes |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by Nobody: 1:04am On Oct 11, 2013 |
Hahahahahahahahaha. LWKMD oo!!! This Senbon guy is something else.  Observer!1 Like |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by homesteady(m): 1:09am On Oct 11, 2013 |
I hate show-offs! I feel like plucking out all their eyebrows when they are gisting me! But I just use to wear a plastic smile, so that the person will think I'm enjoying the gist! Most times my chic's will start paining me because of how I'm forcing myself to smile! |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by albacete(m): 7:20am On Oct 11, 2013 |
kikikikikikiki |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by whitemosquito(f): 7:31am On Oct 11, 2013 |
Lolz. My neighbour is a huge show off. He just cant help himself. He has honed the iRRItating habit of injecting bits and pieces of his 'fabulous' life into every ordinary conversation. Eg, ME: OMG! Dia fighting in Plateau state again. HIM: oh yes i remember wen i was in unijos during the crisis. I barely escaped death. Dey burned my 3 bedroom flat down( totally unnecessary) with me inside(for real?). I rushed outside to discover a mob armed to the teeth with planks and machetes w8n for me(a mob,and u lived to tell the tale?). I got hold of one ak 47 and many men went down (ehen,because u be rambo). They ran away scared. Yadda yadda yadda..... And all the while Im like poor ppl being killed in plateau. Smh. 6 Likes |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by Nobody: 7:42am On Oct 11, 2013 |
Lols...we all are culprits at times 2 Likes |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by AbuMikey(m): 7:51am On Oct 11, 2013 |
Nice write-up, but it ain't funny. 1 Like |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by Vivly(f): 7:56am On Oct 11, 2013 |
Op, nice write up. So true. But I think most of them stick to this phrase 'If You've Got It, Flaunt It' |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by Nobody: 8:21am On Oct 11, 2013 |
white mosquito: Lolz. My neighbour is a huge show off. He just cant help himself. He has honed the iRRItating habit of injecting bits and pieces of his 'fabulous' life into every ordinary conversation.[b]LMAO! |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by Nobody: 8:22am On Oct 11, 2013 |
lolllzz Them Full Nairaland... Dem Know themself.. I wint call anybody name som live In Buckingham Palace.. Som av 3 European mothers.. Some av a degree in every University in 9ja n Abroad They Speak 11 Languages Zulu inclusive.. They Go shopping in London evryweek Choi wentin i never see 4 NL pesin dey use C1 dey Claim Say na Porsche.. Naija we hail thee 3 Likes |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by Vivly(f): 8:31am On Oct 11, 2013 |
^Na trouble you dey find oh. |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by homesteady(m): 8:36am On Oct 11, 2013 |
Nigellus_Hosan: lolllzz Them Full Nairaland... Who has 3 European Mothers? |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by albacete(m): 8:39am On Oct 11, 2013 |
Nigellus_Hosan: lolllzz Them Full Nairaland... Sum lives in Banana Iceland.. and in a big manshun complete with big swimming pull  Some want to sell off their outdated 2012 RR Evogue because 2014 RR Supercharged is out... and some want to swap their Galaxy Note3 for the Galaxy Round. Or swap d "old" iphone5 for iphone5s 1 Like |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by Emmyk(m): 8:55am On Oct 11, 2013 |
Too much of everything is bad. Showing off is quite good. For me a give them pseudo-listening. Just fake it that you are listening, you could be pressing ur phone then.....then burst out laughing suddenly, like you saw something funny on ur phone. alternatively, give them replies which does not correlate to questions they ask!  showoff: Emmyk, do you know that location I'm talking about?? Emmyk: sure. Sore throat too. |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by obayaya(m): 8:58am On Oct 11, 2013 |
white mosquito: Lolz. My neighbour is a huge show off. He just cant help himself. He has honed the iRRItating habit of injecting bits and pieces of his 'fabulous' life into every ordinary conversation. I just can't stop laughing.. |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by Nobody: 9:00am On Oct 11, 2013 |
albacete:lwkmd |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by obayaya(m): 9:00am On Oct 11, 2013 |
Emmyk: Too much of everything is bad. Showing off is quite good. Guy.. you badt!!! 1 Like |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by Nobody: 9:01am On Oct 11, 2013 |
albacete:lwkmd homesteady: lol no worry u go soon see them |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by Nobody: 9:29am On Oct 11, 2013 |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by Nobody: 10:29am On Oct 11, 2013 |
Nigellus Hosan White Mosquito lmao |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by senbonzakurakageyoshi(m): 1:46pm On Oct 11, 2013 |
Nonso23: This guy again... Sometimes i wonder if you are a spirit floating around and observing people's bad habits... This article is sooooo sooooo true o. lolz, na so o! 1 Like |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by Nobody: 4:42pm On Oct 11, 2013 |
Nigellus_Hosan: lolllzz Them Full Nairaland... LMAO this got me rolling The only person I know as a super show-off, on nairaland though, is Billyonaire. But then, I think he's got bragging rights, cos I sense all his bragging as true. |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by albacete(m): 5:11pm On Oct 11, 2013 |
Worabout Mr Cork that only date light skinned babes? Onila that is a virgin? As for yuzedo, we can always excuse him for obvious reasons.  3 Likes |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by Nobody: 5:16pm On Oct 11, 2013 |
masonkz: Then you need to watch him closely |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by Nobody: 6:15pm On Oct 11, 2013 |
joeydozzy: Why? |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by olenyi: 8:56pm On Oct 11, 2013 |
@All the above posters. Hmmm.... I believe you guys are looking for Yuzedo's trouble oooooo. Wouldn't be around when he'll send some of his security details from his banana iceland manshun to come pick you Peeps up. |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by adebayo201: 8:23am On Oct 12, 2013 |
olenyi: @All the above posters.iyam not thr oh! |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by s3nn2x(m): 6:42pm On Oct 12, 2013 |
Following.... |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by Nobody: 9:32pm On Oct 12, 2013 |
masonkz:lollz it might b untrue |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by Krasid(m): 10:06pm On Oct 12, 2013 |
Does it mean that all show-offs are arrogant? |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by Nobody: 1:38am On Oct 13, 2013 |
albacete: Worabout Mr Cork that only date light skinned babes?hehehe I wont be surprised when they claim to sleep in London and wake up in Dubai or claim to be working in Texas while living in Madrid |
| Re: How To Spot A Super Show-off! by albacete(m): 7:05am On Oct 13, 2013 |
| |
A Cursed Few In Our Generation / What Would You Do If You Saw This At Your Junction; Check Out This Guy's Reply / Must Read! Precious Things Are Hidden
(Go Up)
| Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 50 |