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Friendship Or Lovers - Family - Nairaland

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Friendship Or Lovers by Rainbow: 5:26am On Jun 08, 2006
I am going through a problem. 

I am a West Indian, who met a Nigerian man in December 2005.  I was interested in his culture and I constantly asked about different aspects of his Igbo culture. 

As time progressed we started talking more and more and I noticed he was becoming more interested.  I wasn't aware that he wanted a sexual relationship with me, until just recently, about two months.  The problem is that he is married, and his wife is pregnant (7 months).

The other problem is, although I have been asked out by other married men, I have always refused, but as the weeks go by, I am becoming weaker and wish to be with this man, even though I know it is wrong.  He is the most persistant man I have ever met, and even though I am trying he is breaking me down.  I have even started having feelings for him (which of course, I will not reveal to him).

Is it a cultural thing for Nigerian men to cheat on their wives, esp when they are pregnant and in their final trimester? 

Can u please reassure me that what I am doing is right, that by avoiding him I will be doing what is best.  I need reassurance from u out there so as not to fall into a trap.
Re: Friendship Or Lovers by Hotstepper(f): 5:32am On Jun 08, 2006
my dear, as a woman, it is very wrong and put yourself in that man's shoe. if you continue to be with him and have sex with him if u have been doing or or planning on doing it, he himself can never change or see anything wrong with it. Not only am I a woman, I am an Igbo person. Although it is very hard for igbos to divorce cuz our culture does not preach that but alot of people are doing it esp. the ones abroad cuz of issues like this one. If the woman find out, you can be in serious trouble as the whole family might for you.

The man just needs someone to sleep with and not love. The ealier you back out and make him realize, the better for you and might safe you and him from embarassment. Thank you.
Re: Friendship Or Lovers by zionchic(f): 5:33am On Jun 08, 2006
hun what does your mind tell you? would it be a serious relationship for both of you if he is married with a baby on the way? i think your heart has told you what to do so follow your heart.

one last thing do you think cheating knows nationality? anyman can do whatever irrespective of his nationality or culture.
Re: Friendship Or Lovers by hotangel2(f): 6:34am On Jun 08, 2006
U are just over whelmed by his persistence. Don't date him. Tell him to go stay with his wife.

And No, it's not a 'cultural thing' for Nigerian men to cheat on their wives, especially when the wife is pregnant.

That guys is probably just attracted to you, or probably just wants to have sex with you.

My advice to u will be: Find a man of Ur own, and leave the husband of another woman. What ever you sow you shall reap. Tell that man to leave you.
Re: Friendship Or Lovers by Nosu(m): 10:09pm On Jun 15, 2006
this one is simply, u can't be in love with a married man , u are in lust. he also doesn't love u , he just want to get the better part of us and send u packing , just like sucking the nectar out of a flower.

if u are in his wife's shoe will u be happy for another woman to share ur husband. because what a man sow that what he/she will reap in multiple fold.

l believe there are a lot of better single man running after u is just that u don't want to acknowledge them. Flew from lust, it will cause u pain .
Re: Friendship Or Lovers by Shagari2(m): 5:00pm On Jun 16, 2006
Thats nothing to do with being Nigerian, men all over the world do that, particularly Caribbean men!, you know whats right rainbow, do what is right.
Re: Friendship Or Lovers by mamaput(f): 5:00pm On Jun 16, 2006
My god do you not pity the wife?
who will she feel if she finds out
Re: Friendship Or Lovers by acidrop(f): 6:08am On Oct 03, 2006
there is no 1 whoz gonna tell u that what u doin is right, because it is so wong, just take a second backflip and put urself in the wife's shoe undecided
Re: Friendship Or Lovers by manya(m): 1:04pm On Oct 14, 2006
My sister I have read your post.I have respect for other peoples' feeelings.It is normal for you to be dieing for him eventhough you know that you are wrong.you should back away from him; the earlier th better before he achieves what he wants to achieve with you and dumb you.You should be smart and know what guys are like and study them from far away.
If you make any mistske of giving yourself away, you will regret it- i am sure.
Take care.
Yours
Bash.
Re: Friendship Or Lovers by ell77(f): 3:01pm On Oct 14, 2006
If he really liked/loved you, he would have left his wife before even approaching you, because he would know there is no point in being in a marriage with someone he does not love enough to be faithfull to. He may still love his wife but just be selfish, in which case he is just using u, and you're nothing special to him, u may not even be the first or the last.

The only thing I can say about Nigerian men is they know how to charm and are almost too romantic, lol, (in my own personal experience), but they are no more unfathful in marriage than any other black men, I don't even see the relevance of that question - slightly offensive to my brother's to be honest; unless u were thinking, if you to started something and got married, as a Naija man would he cheat on u? The answer to that is as a man who cheated on his wife who was delivering his CHILD I am ALMOST CERTAIN he would cheat on u. Men often feel neglected by their wives in latter stages of pregnancy as the wives are in too much pain and discomfort to have sex (also women are often advised not to for health implications).  Or he may not find her as sexually alluring whilst his child is inside her or because she is looks fatter/bigger. If he was a sex-mad idiot he might go for whoever is close enough to fill this sexual void but if u become pregnant watch how u get dashed to side like a DAMN FOOL! My sister, tell him to f*@k off back to his wife who is putting her body through torture for their unborn child. He is a disgrace! He needs to work out his sexual problems with his wife (as I'm sure once she gives birth he will find her as alluring as she used to be). Hope this helps.

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