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3 Red Flags That You're Headed For A Breakup - Romance - Nairaland

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3 Red Flags That You're Headed For A Breakup by simplycute(m): 7:57am On Jul 03, 2008
When it comes to breaking up, hindsight is 20/20. But wouldn't it be nice if you could tell that you and your partner were headed for a falling out before it happened?

Fortunately, you can predict a break up. And with just a little bit of tweaking, you can get back on track and rescue your relationship before it hits the rocks.

Red Flag #1: Tuning Out
One of the most common reasons relationships fail is because one or both partners is tuning out. It might sound minor, but in actuality, few things are more hurtful than being ignored by your loved one, whether that is accompanied by emotional neglect or physical distance.

The Cure: Take Down the Wall
Tuning back in is easy. All you have to do is agree to listen to your partner's feedback and dedicate time and emotion to the relationship again. Start taking down the emotional wall, brick by brick. Look at your partner in the eye when he or she speaks (even if it is not what you want to hear), make physical contact daily (even if it is just holding hands), and re-commit to the relationship.

Red Flag #2: Fighting Fire with Fire
Couples who fight fire with fire can expect a relationship that is constantly up in flames. Name-calling, sarcasm, criticism, and violence (from throwing things, slamming doors, to actual physical abuse) result in emotional wounds that are hard to heal and relationships that are hard to rescue.

The Cure: Pour Water on the Flames
The next time you feel anger guiding you to say, or do, things you might regret, take time to cool off. If that's not possible, try framing your complaints as requests. For instance instead of, "Why did you forget our date?," you could say, "I feel sad that you forgot our date. How can we make sure this doesn't happen again?" If your partner is the one who is fanning the flames, don't engage in the vicious cycle of insults and tantrums. You can't fight fire with fire if the other person won't engage in the flame-throwing.

Red Flag #3: Refusing to Own Up
No one is perfect, so why is it that some of us refuse to take responsibility in our most important relationships? Passing the buck and playing the victim are surefire ways to put a relationship in jeopardy.

The Cure: Take Responsibility for Your Actions
The next time you forget an anniversary, or say something hurtful to your spouse, don't try to pass the buck and refuse to take responsibility. Instead, admit where you went wrong and try harder next time. Sounds simple, but it can save your relationship.

By making simple changes to the way you and your partner communicate, you can keep your relationship intact. All couples fight and argue, but it is how you fight and argue that determines whether your love can weather the storm.

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Culled From _____________Dr. Laura Berman's
Re: 3 Red Flags That You're Headed For A Breakup by TS3: 8:14am On Jul 03, 2008
nice one, but to add, if a relationship is headed for the rocks and it isn't meant to be, then no form of cure can save it!
Re: 3 Red Flags That You're Headed For A Breakup by simplycute(m): 8:29am On Jul 03, 2008
ye, ye you are right
Re: 3 Red Flags That You're Headed For A Breakup by ladybam(f): 11:21am On Jul 03, 2008
T.S.:

nice one, but to add, if a relationship is headed for the rocks and it isn't meant to be, then no form of cure can save it!

yeah sure,no cure at all,
Re: 3 Red Flags That You're Headed For A Breakup by francessby(f): 3:47pm On Jul 03, 2008
The only cure is for the partner to rethink, remember all you people have been through dats the only remedy
Re: 3 Red Flags That You're Headed For A Breakup by iice(f): 7:02pm On Jul 03, 2008
The tuning out is probably due to nagging.  So a good talk should set that straight that is if the person is willing to listen and change.
Re: 3 Red Flags That You're Headed For A Breakup by Aiyetunje: 11:09pm On Jul 03, 2008
u know u are headed for the rocks when ur partner starts acting "funny"
Re: 3 Red Flags That You're Headed For A Breakup by Eclairs: 7:10pm On Jul 04, 2008
Check your self when your partner start acting funny.

I don mean lookin at the mirror
Re: 3 Red Flags That You're Headed For A Breakup by topup: 3:45am On Jul 17, 2008
Well, I noticed the red flag, so I drove to his place to have a chat with him, I cracked some jokes, he laughed a bit but didn't really tell me why he was being so distant and tuning out. So I left him to think for a while, he contacted me a couple of days later and came over to chat, there I believe he finally worked up the balls to tell me what was wrong, and he told me he didn't think he could commit to me. Now tell me that there was something I could have done? In this case, it wasn't as simple as 'you're missing our dates' or 'you don't reply my texts' or 'i feel unloved' he was trying to break up with me. So I took what I had left of my dignity, and I told him there maybe no point to us continuing, he didn't argue or fight back so I told him to think about what he wanted from the relationship. That same day I called and I told him it would be better for us not to see each other, and he did not argue, not fight, not comment, he just took it, like a release or something. He came over the day later to talk, and I was civilized I layed it down clearly, I didn't want to be with someone who couldn't commit to me, I talked to him calmly but emotionless the whole way through, and he didn't fight it. I'm gonna stop with all the info there though. I'm not sure if I handled the next set of events so well. We're not on speaking terms despite me trying to message him. I don't want him back, I just don't like pretending that he doesn't exist.
Re: 3 Red Flags That You're Headed For A Breakup by topup: 3:54am On Jul 17, 2008
I actually cannot help myself I must say more!

After he came over to chat, he seemed desperate to find a way to regain my trust, since when we broke up I told him that I didn't think I could be friends with him since he'd broken my trust, he asked if there was anyway he could get it back and if we could be friends again and I told him maybe but I needed time. Immediately he cracked a joke and I lost myself and I laughed, when he left he kinda forced a hug which I regret accepting stiffly. About ten days later he messaged me online cracking a joke, and then saying 'its been a while since we talked' I just couldn't understand why he was being so casual, he'd just broken my heart. I ignored it until I was over the anger, when I was I sent him an email thinking we could now be friends, I sent him an email wishing him all the best in his future - we won't be seeing each other around at all next year (different locations). He didn't reply, then I messaged him telling him to read the email and he finally messaged back saying 'thanks' and that he's 'checked it, x' I was confused by the kiss. I waited for more response, but nothing so 3 days later I messaged him casually too, like nothing happened, telling him maybe we don't speak because he doesn't come online on messenger when I am ending the message with 'and that's how I break the ice' I thought we could start being friends again. But nothing, the next day he came on messenger I thought he was going to speak to me but when he didnt I started a conversation and I just said a casual hello and he didnt reply. I sent him a nudge and he didnt reply either, and thats how its been since (though I recently messaged him to say congratulations for finishing his degree),

I think I have tried my best, the man doesn't even wanna know me right now. If he doesn't reply my last message, I have decided to leave all efforts of a friendship behind because it is stressing me out!
Re: 3 Red Flags That You're Headed For A Breakup by Eclairs: 10:14am On Aug 05, 2008
topup:

I actually cannot help myself I must say more!

After he came over to chat, he seemed desperate to find a way to regain my trust, since when we broke up I told him that I didn't think I could be friends with him since he'd broken my trust, he asked if there was anyway he could get it back and if we could be friends again and I told him maybe but I needed time. Immediately he cracked a joke and I lost myself and I laughed, when he left he kind of forced a hug which I regret accepting stiffly. About ten days later he messaged me online cracking a joke, and then saying 'its been a while since we talked' I just couldn't understand why he was being so casual, he'd just broken my heart. I ignored it until I was over the anger, when I was I sent him an email thinking we could now be friends, I sent him an email wishing him all the best in his future - we won't be seeing each other around at all next year (different locations). He didn't reply, then I messaged him telling him to read the email and he finally messaged back saying 'thanks' and that he's 'checked it,  x' I was confused by the kiss. I waited for more response, but nothing so 3 days later I messaged him casually too, like nothing happened, telling him maybe we don't speak because he doesn't come online on messenger when I am ending the message with 'and that's how I break the ice' I thought we could start being friends again. But nothing, the next day he came on messenger I thought he was going to speak to me but when he didnt I started a conversation and I just said a casual hello and he didnt reply.  I sent him a nudge and he didnt reply either, and thats how its been since (though I recently messaged him to say congratulations for finishing his degree),

I think I have tried my best, the man doesn't even want to know me right now. If he doesn't reply my last message, I have decided to leave all efforts of a friendship behind because it is stressing me out!


You must have left something out. Breakups don't just happen. perhaps something you did that you ought not to have done or something you ought to have done that you didnt do or was it all about him? I see you'v got the looks so where did it all go wrong? Lets talk.
Re: 3 Red Flags That You're Headed For A Breakup by Eclairs: 10:19am On Aug 05, 2008
waitin to hear from u.

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