A friend of mine has this problem, being a christian ,he had always tresured celibacy till marriage ,alongside his girlfriend/fiancee then he went for NYSC and he met with lots of girls and guys , who were having sex freely and casually, he then succumbed to the temptation one day with a very beautiful girl and he lost his virginity@24, upon coming back home ,feeling guilty, he confesssed to his girlfriend ,who also went to serve and kept her own virginity,she afterwards called the whole relationship  of almost two years off, he came to me for advise to get her back but i couldn't seem to tell him anything, the lady in question said they can only be friends for old time sake but things would never be the same again. PLs advise my friend?

Shuo! All these holier than thou sef! Mehn! Tell ur dude to move on

move on without her? he loves her, i can bet my life on that, the only one he has ever loved.

Hmm,if a man dies because of a woman,Thousands of Thousands of women would step on his grave. If after begging the babe and she still insists on break-up,tell ur friend to move on. It's not the end of the world! Such ladies dont deserve faithful boyfriends.lol

The lady will find it very hard to see a faithful guy,tell the guy to move on.

nana:

Shuo! All these holier than thou sef! Mehn! Tell your dude to move on

i agree with this post above!

though its painful for the girl ( c o s of the infidelity )

but erhmmmmmmmmm 2 years is no joke oh

wait oh ! i thought they're both xtians ?

what happened to the law of forgiveness and forgetting?

ikamefa:

i agree with this post above!

though its painful for the girl ( c o s of the infidelity )

but erhmmmmmmmmm 2 years is no joke oh

wait oh ! i thought they're both xtians ?

what happened to the law of forgiveness and forgetting?

I wonder o

Only two years?

Abeg jo!

Im on the girls side, End of Relationship

FullStop!

It shows the state of mind of the two love birds
Both are immature esp the girl.
So I understand. (She could also be the jealous type fretting that other gals enjoyed her Bobo)
She does not even have forgiving-spirit and yet calls herself christian.

They should both put the r/lshp on hold (prob. indefinitely) until both are more mature.

well i agree with the girl in question, if he couldn't keep it in his pants, wat makes you think he will in the future. she has forgiven him thats why she wants to be friends,

@Poster and all,

I wonder why everybody is castigating the lady for being chaste.  She is hurt and greatly disappointed in her fiance of two years and rightly so!  The truth is, she is not alone.  His Lord is greatly disappointed too.

What do you expect of someone that chose to loiter at the street of temptation?  No doubt he will eventually get to the house of sin! This is what happened to the guy.  Remember bad association corrupts good manners.

Maybe we should flip this around.  Assuming it's the girl that chose to go into fornication, what would have been your responses to the guy?  Definitely, most here wouldn't waste time in advising him to leave her.

It seems the guy is more interested in getting her back than in restoring his peace and salvation with his Lord.  I think this should be his main concern.  It is godly sorrow that works repentance.  Let him show the fruit of that and the Holy Spirit knows how to take it up from there and restore the relationship.

Meanwhile, allow her to express her annoyance and disappointment.  Give her time and space, while working on yourself.  She deserves a man who she can vouch for, a man that shows integrity and self-control even in the midst of temptation, a man she can trust.

All the best.

Analytical:

@Poster and all,

I wonder why everybody is castigating the lady for being chaste. She is hurt and greatly disappointed in her fiance of two years and rightly so! The truth is, she is not alone. His Lord is greatly disappointed too.

What do you expect of someone that chose to loiter at the street of temptation? No doubt he will eventually get to the house of sin! This is what happened to the guy. Remember bad association corrupts good manners.

Maybe we should flip this around. Assuming it's the girl that chose to go into fornication, what would have been your responses to the guy? Definitely, most here wouldn't waste time in advising him to leave her.

It seems the guy is more interested in getting her back than in restoring his peace and salvation with his Lord. I think this should be his main concern. It is godly sorrow that works repentance. Let him show the fruit of that and the Holy Spirit knows how to take it up from there and restore the relationship.

Meanwhile, allow her to express her annoyance and disappointment. Give her time and space, while working on yourself. She deserves a man who she can vouch for, a man that shows integrity and self-control even in the midst of temptation, a man she can trust.

All the best.

All you self-righteous people amuse me to no end.
You constantly keep praying to God for forgiveness, yet when you're offended you cannot bring yourself to forgive and forget unconditionally.

The guy succumbed to temptation, so what? Was Paul always a good person? Did Peter not deny Jesus? Even with david's flirtation with bethsheba, did God remove the blessings from him?

The bible says cut off the hand that leads you to sin. It does not say cut off the hand that had sinned in the past.


The act of being God like is far more important than 'trophies'. If he has lost his virginity, yet put his soul back on the path to heaven, what then is the issue?

Let her go and find another virgin if she wants, jo. Good luck finding many more post-NYSC virgins in Nigeria.

ima1:

well i agree with the girl in question, if he couldn't keep it in his pants, what makes you think he will in the future. she has forgiven him thats why she wants to be friends,

Then again, what makes you think he will not?
remorse and guilt are very strong things indeed. What do you think made Judas cast away 30 pieces of silver and go hang himself instead of heading for the nearest brothel?

texazzpete:

Then again, what makes you think he will not?
remorse and guilt are very strong things indeed. What do you think made Judas cast away 30 pieces of silver and go hang himself instead of heading for the nearest brothel?

Then again, what makes you think he's as remorseful as Judas?

Texazzpete,

This is not about self-righteousness.  My point of view is because these two are christians who are in courtship, engaged to be married.  The guy backslided and betrayed the Lord and his fiancee.  He went to confess to his fiancee, which is good.  But I expected him to reconcile with his Saviour and Lord, first and foremost.  Maybe that was done but we were not told.

So, if the lady is disappointed in what he did, I don't think it's out of place.  Don't forget she is also human.  That doesn't mean she hasn't forgiven him.  If the guy reconciles with God and shows true repentance he can win back the love and trust of his fiancee.

You mentioned David as if you didn't know even though David repented and was forgiven, he still faced the consequence of his action. Judas never repented, but Peter did. The robber that was killed on the cross was forgiven, but that didn't stop him from dying anyway. I am not apportioning blames but only admonishing the guy to seek peace with God before trying to seek peace with his fiancee.

Cheers.

Analytical:

This is not about self-righteousness. My point of view is because these two are christians who are in courtship, engaged to be married. The guy backslided and betrayed the Lord and his fiancee. He went to confess to his fiancee, which is good. But I expected him to reconcile with his Saviour and Lord, first and foremost. Maybe that was done but we were not told.
So, if the lady is disappointed in what he did, I don't think it's out of place. Don't forget she is also human. That doesn't mean she hasn't forgiven him. If the guy reconciles with God and shows true repentance he can win back the love and trust of his fiancee.
Cheers.

Respect ur point
and even if he cant win her back at least he would know he has been forgiven, he tried but things couldnt just get back to how they were. But a least he would be free of any guilt.
@poster tell ur friend, as much as he loves her if she has said things cant go back to the way they were, then he should hold his head up high and walk away. painful it might be but better than staying back hurting himself the more.
if eventually they ever come back, the thoughts would always be with her and the trust might never be there. if she really loves him (human as she may be) it wont take a long time for her to forgive an allow them move on (trust me it happened to me)

Analytical:

But I expected him to reconcile with his Saviour and Lord, first and foremost. Maybe that was done but we were not told.

Do you actually NEED to be told this?

What made him confess to his Girlfriend if his conscience wasn't already torturing him?

His babe is not forgiving him because she feels cheated. But if the God she worships can forgive her, why can't she forgive him? Must everything be covenant abi na oath?

texazzpete:

Do you actually NEED to be told this?

What made him confess to his Girlfriend if his conscience wasn't already torturing him?

His babe is not forgiving him because she feels cheated. But if the God she worships can forgive her, why can't she forgive him? Must everything be covenant abi na oath?

i hope someone isn't doing a little sumpn sumpn on the side . . .

texazzpete:

Do you actually NEED to be told this?

What made him confess to his Girlfriend if his conscience wasn't already torturing him?

His babe is not forgiving him because she feels cheated. But if the God she worships can forgive her, why can't she forgive him? Must everything be covenant abi na oath?

Texazzpete, this guy needed help and advice. I have just given mine. In proferring solutions to problems, you need to know such details so as to give wise counsels.

Excuse me sir, confessing to his fiancee because his conscience was torturing him and repenting of his wrong/reconciling with God are just not the same thing. One can do the former without the latter.

Also, how are you so sure she hasn't forgiven him? Forgiveness and relationship are also not the same thing. The lady simply needs time to heal of the emotional wound. This takes time. The guy should exercise patience with her. Patience is a christian virtue. While at it, he should use the time to work on himself and his relationship with God.

I tell you, when she heals, she will warm up to him if she truly loves him.

i'm so glad i'm getting honest views from you all, ihave also asked my friend to read all your posts, but let me make some things clear,she said she has forgiven him but that is not even important, forgiveness from God is more important, but being a very down to earth andsensitive person, she said the main purpose of him confessing to her is to shift his guilt to her as pain,he has stopped feeling the guilt and she would start feeling the pain and the betrayal of trust which is not easy to get back.

because she loves him,they would still be friends but she insists on nothing extra, no dates, no calls, no strolls, no excessive birthday gifts and visits as he had tried all this, she just manitains a smile whenever they meet and say hello, how are you?, then she says bye.

but she is a good girl, a good wife material,she is pretty,intelligent,hardworking,independent, business minded, spritual although i'm not saying she is a saint. but she's good. hard to find, that's the bitter truth.

It's funny you guys are castigating the girl. There is a similar thread on the romance board, but in this case the girl happens to be the unfaithful one. And you know what? No one spoke of forgiveness. in fact everyone were suggesting the guy banged the hell out of her and later dumped her like trash.

What a world.

The world seek perfection that never was.

Reminds me of APPLE in the Bible

Bro don chop apple oh

this days the girl,is always listening to rihanna's take a bow, " and the award of the best liar goes to you for making me believe that you could be faithful to me", i bet that would be her favourite part of the song, she has it as her ringtone in all her three phones, it is definately not a coincedence, nothing seems to spell hope for this relationship!

efosanice:

this days the girl,is always listening to rihanna's take a bow, " and the award of the best liar goes to you for making me believe that you could be faithful to me", i bet that would be her favourite part of the song, she has it as her ringtone in all her three phones, it is definately not a coincedence, nothing seems to spell hope for this relationship!

Them dey chop phone?

michelin89:

Them dey chop phone?

u go fear MTN,GLO & CELTEL

things are really getting intersting,my friend aftareading most of your post has decided to move on, but he still claims that he loves her but her mind is made. but now he is now moving around with the girl's very close friend, which is causing a lot of trouble with the lady and her friend, my guy is insisting that he has the right to love again irrespective of who it is, i really don't know what to tell who,especially the lady who has starting acting cold towards me thinking that the whole thing is to spite her, pls comment.

@Poster

Tell your friend to commit suicide!!

If the gurl doesnt wants dem to remain friend, itz his choice to accept or decline. She is hurt and maybe needs time 2 recover and who knows, they can get 2geda. Itz a one time thing in a camp datz over. Men, love is hard ooooooo

efosanice:

things are really getting intersting,my friend aftareading most of your post has decided to move on, but he still claims that he loves her but her mind is made. but now he is now moving around with the girl's very close friend, which is causing a lot of trouble with the lady and her friend, my guy is insisting that he has the right to love again irrespective of who it is, i really don't know what to tell who,especially the lady who has starting acting cold towards me thinking that the whole thing is to spite her, please comment.

Now he is not playing fair. He should under no circumstances be dating or trying to date any of her friends.

He is hurt and instead of dealing with the hurt, being single and getting right with God he is out to hurt her. Was there love ever in his heart for this girl? Did he really love her? Because love does not act this way.

Ezinwannem:

If the girl doesnt wants them to remain friend, itz his choice to accept or decline. She is hurt and maybe needs time 2 recover and who knows, they can get 2geda. Itz a one time thing in a camp datz over. Men, love is hard ooooooo

guy the tori don pass that level

So what later happened in this story now. Its been sometime now nd we've not heard wat happened. Did they get together or wat. Give us gist now.