Sisikill:

You said anything you say to her was seen as an excuse to fight. If you don't mind my asking, what kind of things do you say to her that makes her flare up? The reason I ask is to make sure we're not labeling "normal female mood swings" as psychological issues brought on by her parents divorce.

And yeah. . . I just admited we do have mood swings. I suspect The Association of Women Everywhere will be presenting me with a horse head pillow tonight or worse by dawn tomorrow I will be sleeping with the fishes for revelaing that little detail.

*Sigh*

Absolutely not attaching a label to those ''normal" behaviors.

See one example - there was a time we sat together at a study hall and she abruptly got up and left, only to return 2.5 hours later.  I asked why she didn't tell me she would be gone for so long, told her I was worried and she was careless.  I could have easily left too and her belongings, including laptop and phone, would be up for grabs. . . . . Next thing you know she started yelling and crying blood.  "I don't have to tell you where I am, I can go where I want whenever I want. It's none of your damn business," she shouted.  It got so out of hand that we had to step outside and walk to a mountain top to have a talk.  I didn't think I was asking too much by saying I would like to know you would be gone for that long, at least let me know so I can safeguard your belongings.  When we got up there she revealed that her family has a history of what seems like patriachal opression. and she will fight to erase that from her life.  That includes putting up a fit at anything that may appear as being controlling and too masculine.

patrichial oppression exist in so called "stable homes" as well.

michelin89:

I said I know what I am talking about. Do I have to cry to show I am from a broken home? Damn! You are the ignorant who have stereotyped us. Sorry dude, but we don't go around killing, insulting or comitting any sort of atrocity against the male sex unlike you think. We can still live like cheerful people who want to be happy. We've got dreams and definitely do not nuture bitterness against men!

Yes you do.  You harbor such bitter feelings at men and you are a feminist.  Before you start attacking me recklessly, when did i accuse you of comitting a crime against the male sex?  This is not a gender-specific topic, don't turn it into one.  Richy Black was the one who used it as an example.

KarmaMod:

patrichial oppression exist in so called "stable homes" as well.

Not saying it doesn't now did I? I just didn't see it as sufficient reason for her to go on such pathetic tirade.  It was one of the worst encounters I have had in public - so embarassing and incriminating.  From that day onwards I knew her psychology was fuxxed up.


It's not saying her troubled home is the overall cause of her wrath, but I have strong reasons for believing it is.

CH3COO:

Yes you do. You harbor such bitter feelings at men and you are a feminist. Before you start attacking me recklessly, when did i accuse you of comitting a crime against the male sex? This is not a gender-specific topic, don't turn it into one. Richy Black was the one who used it as an example.

Oh well, this is left for my boyfriend to deal with. So I guess at this point you'll conclude that all feminists are from broken homes! Ahahahahaha! Goodness!

Not saying it doesn't now did I? I just didn't see it as sufficient reason for her to go on such pathetic tirade. It was one of the worst encounters I have had in public - so embarassing and incriminating. From that day onwards I knew her psychology was fuxxed up.

Well you were implying that it's cos of broken family that she acted that way. Just saying such oppression occurs in stable families as well so you are both blaming it on the wrong thing

michelin89:

Oh well, this is left for my boyfriend to deal with. So I guess at this point you'll conclude that all feminists are from broken homes! Ahahahahaha! Goodness!

Loooool! I didn't say that, woman.  It was you I accused.  Having read your posts they shows me enough.

KarmaMod:

Well you were implying that it's because of broken family that she acted that way. Just saying such oppression occurs in stable families as well so you are both blaming it on the wrong thing

I was implying that the effects are seeable. It was by her own admission. You thought I implied that it was as a result of her broken home. Children from broken homes are far more likely to react in that manner, in my honest opinion. Moreover, that's only one example; a good one i might add. What about the conducted studies which support my motion? So many of them on google. Are you willing to argue blindly against these facts?

CH3COO:

Loooool! I didn't say that, woman. It was you I accused. Having read your posts they shows me enough.

Feminists don't hate men. We just love ourselves too much!

I won't bother to read yours, unless they are addressed at me or I come across them accidentally.

Gosh! I can't believe I am exchaging words with a man! *severely punishes herself* Ahahahahaha! Sorry dude but as you know I am from a broken home, thus psychologically bleeped up! Ahahahahaha!

michelin89:

Feminists don't hate men. We just love ourselves too much!

I won't bother to read yours, unless they are addressed at me or I come across them accidentally.

Gosh! I can't believe I am exchaging words with a man! *severely punishes herself* Ahahahahaha! Sorry dude but as you know I am from a broken home, thus psychologically bleeped up! Ahahahahaha!

Lol see lousy exaggeration. Sarcasm is a bitch!

CH3COO:

I was implying that the effects are seeable. It was by her own admission. You thought I implied that it was as a result of her broken home. Children from broken homes are far more likely to react in that manner, in my honest opinion. Moreover, that's only one example; a good one i might add. What about the conducted studies which support my motion? So many of them on google. Are you willing to argue blindly against these facts?

Many books and research stating that caucaisans have better brain power than black people. Think about that

Either way Im not saying that divorce doesnt affect childrten in same way. It does. Same way parents who DONT divorce but have a messed up family dynamic aka domestic abuse, abusive father or mother, alcoholism, etc can also affect children. Infact even WORSE than those who are divorced.

You said

I was once around a girl who was so combative and destroyed by her broken home that anything I said to her was seen as an excuse to start a fight.

Like the way she behaved can only be contributed to that. What you described in her attack is stuff I've heard by girls with "stable homes", they just dont like people questioning them. It wouldnt surprise me if this "friend" of yours acted the same way even if her parents were together. If anything the patricihial oppression shouldnt have even affected her much had the parents actually separated.

KarmaMod:

Many books and research stating that caucaisans have better brain power than black people. Think about that

Either way I'm not saying that divorce doesnt affect childrten in same way. It does. Same way parents who DONT divorce but have a messed up family dynamic aka domestic abuse, abusive father or mother, alcoholism, etc can also affect children. Infact even WORSE than those who are divorced.

Well isn't that what we have been arguing. Am I saying it is the only thing that has this effect no?
As I have repeated times and times before, yes it does have an effect. And you clearly agree with this in your post above.

As far as I know, your coment on caucasians having better brain power than black people is very perspective. It varies from one individual to another, but if you look on average as the polls included in the book would likely suggest, you will find that it's to an extent true. But i reserve further comment until you highlight exactly what the book explains.

i dont tink it shld but i knw of a lady that is so scared of goin into relationships or even commiting to one cos she comes frm a broken home

Gamine:

I don't believe its just Excuses.

it could be but then again people have Real problems with this

We all have issues over one thing or the other. The degree by which we let it affect our everyday life is based on how far we can get away with it.

Think about it, a child misbehaves. . . a normal thing with ALL children but because he is from a broken home, people around him look at him and say "Aww, he is acting up because his parents are divorced" so he doesn't get punished or not as severly as he should have been. He thinks to himself "Hmm, I am acting out because my parents are divorced". What does he do? Misbehaves some more but this time with the assurance of someone who now believes he has a reason to misbehave. Now flip it over to a kid who comes from an unbroken home, he misbehaves and before he can say Jack Robinson, he is punished and told that kinda of behavior is unacceptable. Do you think he'll do it again? of course he will, he is a kid after all BUT this time on the sly, peeking over his shoulder to make sure he doesn't get caught and punished again.

We have been programmed to expect certain things from certain people in certain situations. . . everyone is must fit nicely into a prepackaged box. I have this image of people with their life stats stamped on them, standing on a conveyor belt like they do in assembly lines, ready to be packaged.

Female, Middle Child of Divorced Parents - Okay, into "The Be mistrustful of Men" box for you.

NEXT.

Male, Only Child of Single mother - Alright, into "The Acting out because you lack a father figure" box.

NEXT

Male, only Child of unbroken home - Oh look at you! Lucky guy. Into the "You will sail through life without an problem" box

Now, Now people, you must act according to the boxes you are put in. If you don't you won't be considered normal.

Like I said, into a nice little box.

KarmaMod:

Like the way she behaved can only be contributed to that. What you described in her attack is stuff I've heard by girls with "stable homes", they just don't like people questioning them. It wouldnt surprise me if this "friend" of yours acted the same way even if her parents were together. If anything the patricihial oppression shouldnt have even affected her much had the parents actually separated.

I know what I said, I gave you proof of it, can you explain why you disagree with the opinion I formed regarding that girl?  You can live in broken home even without having a divorce, i have said that before. Wouldn't your life be somehow affected if you wake up to constant bickers and abusive language occuring between your parents, endless threats, abuse, maybe even marital rape?  All arguments favor the direction that it is most likely to afffect your life and the way you see things.  We are products of our environment.

Sisikill:


Male, only Child of unbroken home - Oh look at you! Lucky guy. Into the "You will sail through life without an problem" box

More like The Spoilt Brat box

CH3COO:

I know what I said, I gave you proof of it, can you explain why you disagree with the opinion I formed regarding that girl? Wouldn't your life be somehow affected if you wake up to constant bickers and abusive language occuring between your parents, endless threats, abuse, maybe even marital rape? All arguments favor the direction that it is most likely to afffect your life and the way you see things. We are products of our environment.

My problem is such horrible situations can happen in BOTH broken and un"broken" homes. Most likely the cause of the broken home sefso my question is who do you think will have abetter mentality

The one who was raised in that situation but was able to escape it when the parents separated or the one whose parents stayed together despite that rubbish? Who will likely be more messed up in the future?

KarmaMod:

My problem is such horrible situations can happen in BOTH broken and un"broken" homes. Most likely the cause of the broken home sefso my question is who do you think will have abetter mentality

The one who was raised in that situation but was able to escape it when the parents separated or the one whose parents stayed together despite that rubbish? Who will likely be more messed up in the future?

It's a coin flip. Both will be messed up.

The latter continues a tumultous cycle of living in a neagative family and thinks it's normal, the former too has his/her share of concerns. Would you like me to start posting testimonies of people that it happened to?

CH3COO:

It's a coin flip. Both will be messed up.

The latter continues a tumultous cycle of living in a neagative family and thinks it's normal, the former too has his/her share of concerns. Would you like me to start posting testimonies of people that it happened to?

Dont care for testimonies. My point is people that like to look down on kids of "broken homes", for all these outsiders know, the kid's probably way better off. He/sh is obviously affected by the separation but not as much as one who didnt get the chance to escape such horrible situations.

Coming from a broken home may or may not affect future romance.
Many factors play important roles in determining the outcome.
The biological make up, neurological make, psychological make up and the environmental factor.
A divorce or broken home can serve as a distal, contributory and sometimes sufficient factor.
Using Becks theory,
A negative experience such as A divorce
leads to the formulation of a dysfunctional belief system ( romance always ends up bad), ( this belief system most times lie in the unconscious state if not trigger)
Now as the child is growing up, he/she might go through a romantic breakup or witness a nasty romantic brake up
this serves as the stressor( stressful event) and this activates the dysfunctional belief system in the unconscious state.
the individual now becomes afraid or uncertain about romance, 
this is just a simple case and other things place important roles like
If the divorce was peaceful and both parents acted like parents
or if the child lived or witnessed people who loved peacefully or watever. this could serve as a reinenforcement for the child that romance is not always bad.
Like I have stated earlier various factors play various roles. But in many cases, divorce tends to affect a child's life in one way or the other.

So , karmamod, yes it does affect and it's not just some destructive conspiracy theory.


_{your username is striking, i created a thread earlier on karma}

LASIEFAIRE:

Coming from a broken home may or may not affect future romance.
Many factors play importants roles in determining the outcome.
The biological make up, neurological make, psychological make up and the environmental factor.
A divorce or broken home can serve as a distal, contributory and sometimes sufficient factor.
Using Becks theory,
A negative experience such as A divorce
leads to the formulation of a dysfunctional belief system ( romance always ends up bad), ( this belief system most times lie in the unconscious state if not trigger)
Now as the child is growing up, he/she might go through a romantic breakup or witness a nasty romantic brake up
this serves as the stressor( stressful event) and this activates the dysfunctional belief system in the unconscious state.
the individual now becomes afraid or uncertain about romance,
this is just a simple case and other things place important roles like
If the divorce was peaceful and both parents acted like parents
or if the child lived or witnessed people who loved peacefully or watever. this could serve as a reinenforcement for the child that romance is not always bad.
Like I have stated earlier various factors play various roles. But in many cases, divorce tends to affect a child's life in one way or the other.

thoughtful.

@ post

well I can only speak for myself and I say it does have an affect on me partly good and partly bad. But what surpasses that is how I choose to live my life and I don't let the bad aspects determine my future. Period

yes, simple as that

Yes it makes you smarter!

LadyT:

Yes it makes you smarter!

seconded

Re: Can You Marry From A Polygamous Family?  

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-149642.0.html



I'm From A Broken Home, How Am I Different?

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-37476.0.html



On other forums: foreign ladies complain all Naija men are cheaters, players and unreliable, based on their experiences with their Naija lovers,




@ topic: regardless which kind of home you're from (broken, unbroken or whatever), when you're messed up you're messed up.

Trying to blackmail someone emotionally just because they're from a broken home, is very narrowminded and totally uncalled for.



Richyblack, and Ch3Co, take note.

blackmail? [td] [/td]

KarmaMod:

blackmail? [td] [/td]

Don't mind him. He was obviously not following the discussion.

Depend on the mind set

Which mind set.

Yea, coming from a broken home do have some funny effect on romance, my bf is from a broken home, when I met him he was unnecessarily defensive, highly secretive, very wary and skeptical…but with time he overcame that. (we’v been together for almost 5 years now) he is now so sweet, trusting, caring, loving, tells me everything.
So the other party has to be patient, tender and understanding, un-pressuring etc

of course fine, there are disparities in our up-bringing, but we’v identified that and we talk about how we will bring up our kids (when we get married), also he had a lot of emotional baggage, but I guess 2 a large extent iv helped him carry them and I can say he has healed in a lot of ways…, and he is not really d same person he was during the earlier days….at least emotionally