Okay. I am really sorry to bring all this up AGAIN (pele o). I now fully expect a torrent of abuse and put downs from the Nairaland community, because it is what I am used to. But please, I pray, if there is any helpful people out there with an insight into the Nigerian woman's mind, please reply with some advice. What does she mean? What is she thinking? Because I do not want anyone to get hurt, particularly this amazing Nigerian woman:

This post follows on from: https://www.nairaland.com/1313544/really-liked-naija-yoruba-girl

So I had decided it was not even worth me explaining my feelings for her. That I care about her deeply. That I do not want to ruin things and risk hurting myself...but especially HER. I kind of gave up any chance in my head and thought we would stay friends.

I haven't contacted her for a couple of weeks. She phoned me during the day, I did not answer. I returned a call later in the evening. She had just returned to her family home. I THINK that there were family members near by. We had a phone call.

ME: "I saw my grandparents at the weekend"
HER: "They are still alive? You must work hard in this new job and have a family to make them proud"
ME: "Yes but I am still looking for a wife"
HER: "You must find one now, there is no time to waste, you must ask someone you know" [Context: She has said this a lot to me, along with 'return to Nigeria']
ME: "Yes I will find a good wife, what about you? You have found a husband?"
HER: "No I am still a little girl (giggles)" [Context: She is actually late 20's and a few years older than me] "You will have a Yoruba wedding in Nigeria abi?"
ME: "Yes I would like that very much! A street wedding! But I do not think I would find a oyinbo woman that would want a Yoruba wedding"
HER: "Ahhhh, so you are going to marry an oyinbo woman?"
ME: "Skin does not matter. Oyinbo or black. As long as they are good in character. What about you? I remember you said that you would marry Yoruba"
HER: "Yes, I must marry Yoruba {begins to whisper and talk very quietly} because they speak the same language, I do not want my husbands parents talking about me in a different language" [Context: She had repeatedly asked to speak to my parents on the telephone and say 'hello', I thought this a little odd from my culture's perspective and she always talks about it and repeats that she doesn't understand why she cannot talk to them]
ME: "Ahhhhh. I see. But you are very good character. Why would they talk about you?"
HER: {Still whispering} "Yes, Yoruba have very good character. They do not like to see harm to others"
ME: "Ahhhh, they are peaceful abi?"
HER: "Yes"
ME: "I remember very nice things about the Yoruba. You are very friendly and open, 'we are one' abi?"
HER: "Yes, 'we are one', you did not call me back earlier in the day. Why was that? You were busy abi?"
ME: "Yes I was out"

Conversation continues a little longer:

HER: "Do not let me waste your recharge"
ME: "Okay"

We end the conversation, but she sounds sadder and more downcast than usual when we ended the conversation.

======================

Am I going crazy or was she trying to tell me something? Was this just a normal conversation. I am sure we both like each other at least a little, although it has never been said. I played it very cool because I thought we were friends. She did a lot more talking than usual.

A little confused? My main concern is that she does not get hurt...but I would like to know peoples views on this conversation.

Thank you people!

Lol that conversation was so technical
I felt like I was being dissected painfully

Unfortunately I can't tell you what was going on in that head of hers, but I will say this ( though I haven't read your other thread) just hit the nail on the head, you wanna, she wanna then do am!

End of. All this love wantin tin na for 1 purpose only.....

Singing ~Oruka ti do wo na, di Ololufe re mu ko seni to le ya yin titi lai ~


After reading the former thread ~ not as straight forward hmmm , u need to tell her how you feel and her response will determine where you both @.

TrickofTech: Okay. I am really sorry to bring all this up AGAIN (pele o). I now fully expect a torrent of abuse and put downs from the Nairaland community, because it is what I am used to. But please, I pray, if there is any helpful people out there with an insight into the Nigerian woman's mind, please reply with some advice. What does she mean? What is she thinking? Because I do not want anyone to get hurt, particularly this amazing Nigerian woman:

This post follows on from: https://www.nairaland.com/1313544/really-liked-naija-yoruba-girl

So I had decided it was not even worth me explaining my feelings for her. That I care about her deeply. That I do not want to ruin things and risk hurting myself...but especially HER. I kind of gave up any chance in my head and thought we would stay friends.

I haven't contacted her for a couple of weeks. She phoned me during the day, I did not answer. I returned a call later in the evening. She had just returned to her family home. I THINK that there were family members near by. We had a phone call.

ME: "I saw my grandparents at the weekend"
HER: "They are still alive? You must work hard in this new job and have a family to make them proud"
ME: "Yes but I am still looking for a wife"
HER: "You must find one now, there is no time to waste, you must ask someone you know" [Context: She has said this a lot to me, along with 'return to Nigeria']
ME: "Yes I will find a good wife, what about you? You have found a husband?"
HER: "No I am still a little girl (giggles)" [Context: She is actually late 20's and a few years older than me] "You will have a Yoruba wedding in Nigeria abi?"
ME: "Yes I would like that very much! A street wedding! But I do not think I would find a oyinbo woman that would want a Yoruba wedding"
HER: "Ahhhh, so you are going to marry an oyinbo woman?"
ME: "Skin does not matter. Oyinbo or black. As long as they are good in character. What about you? I remember you said that you would marry Yoruba"
HER: "Yes, I must marry Yoruba {begins to whisper and talk very quietly} because they speak the same language, I do not want my husbands parents talking about me in a different language" [Context: She had repeatedly asked to speak to my parents on the telephone and say 'hello', I thought this a little odd from my culture's perspective and she always talks about it and repeats that she doesn't understand why she cannot talk to them]
ME: "Ahhhhh. I see. But you are very good character. Why would they talk about you?"
HER: {Still whispering} "Yes, Yoruba have very good character. They do not like to see harm to others"
ME: "Ahhhh, they are peaceful abi?"
HER: "Yes"
ME: "I remember very nice things about the Yoruba. You are very friendly and open, 'we are one' abi?"
HER: "Yes, 'we are one', you did not call me back earlier in the day. Why was that? You were busy abi?"
ME: "Yes I was out"

Conversation continues a little longer:

HER: "Do not let me waste your recharge"
ME: "Okay"

We end the conversation, but she sounds sadder and more downcast than usual when we ended the conversation.

======================

Am I going crazy or was she trying to tell me something? Was this just a normal conversation. I am sure we both like each other at least a little, although it has never been said. I played it very cool because I thought we were friends. She did a lot more talking than usual.

A little confused? My main concern is that she does not get hurt...but I would like to know peoples views on this conversation.

Thank you people!

kip palyin along wif her. She MIGHT...

@op!ur conversation annoying!

@op ur tactical approach negative!

watch it!

op let me cut your long story short. You like her,she likes you. So go for it. But please change your approach.be direct.

I cannot do this anymore You guys seem to have no idea. I miss Naija a lot and the family. I was in a really bad way after returning. You are all going to dismiss this as 'weak' blah blah etc. But there was one thing I missed about it all and that was HER I cannot describe how low I felt for the months after returning in Spring. I just wanted to be around her. I regretted not expressing my feelings to her when I was there. In hindsight, she gave me opportunities. But it is not just about my feelings for her. She confided in me a lot. She is deeply unhappy with her situation in Nigeria. She wants to leave, she has told me this. She even said "who will save me" in conversation...and then waited for my answer.

Do you have any idea how much pressure this puts me under. YES, I care about her a lot. But why does she set out to play on my emotions like this. I felt so guilty that I was leaving this woman, that I couldn't say what she wanted to hear: "I will save you". I knew this would get her hopes up. Why would I want to get her hopes up only for them to be dashed if it was not possible. I CARE ABOUT HER.

You guys seem to think that I am some rich oyinbo who can just click his fingers and get a flight to Nigeria. That I can just magic up the perfect life for her. I am not! Even if I was, do I really want to be with someone who only sees THIS quality. There is more to someone than their skin, their background, the country they are from. It hurts so much that I want to help her. I really like her and I want to be with her...but what does she really see in me besides my skin color and nationality? Where does she expect us to go from there anyway?! She is literally thousands of miles away. We differ in religion, culture, primary language, background. What is she really expecting.

Yes I liked her. I missed her so much when I left. I was devastated. All I wanted was to be with her. But for the first few weeks, she played games with me over and over again. Now she is still expecting me to jump and express how much I want her. Well I am tired of playing games...and I think she is now too.

I cannot describe how painful it is to try and work all this out. I can tell she is becoming upset with my lack of action. I am becoming upset with my lack of action. But if any of you guys have listened to anything that I have written, it is not as easy as saying "I like you" and then everything is "happily ever after".

I have to do something. I told her I will call tomorrow. Express my feelings. Explain everything...how it is unlikely to work and then it will all be over.

So laugh at me. Post mugu comments. Call me weak. I don't care anymore.

.

This is going to hurt so much I pray she does not get upset. I sense she has been waiting for me to make a move I want her but it is just impossible. I was so stupid to let it get this far. If she does like me. This may ruin the friendship, with her and the family

I really hope I have got it wrong.

Omg! I feel so sad for you. I can almost feel your pain. You are not sure of the future you can give her and everything is just uncertain..I don't wish to be in your shoes but I love the way you care for her deeply. Its so touching...

OP, it is not difficult as you are painting it to be. It is quite simple, really.

Call her and talk with her. Tell her what and how you feel about her. Tell her your worries, your thoughts....let her know the way your mind works.
There are two things that can happen from this: she may spurn you or understand you, whichever it is, you get your heart unburdened and freed from the regret that gnaws.

However, what I would stress is that you tell her everything in your mind/heart....everything. Just in case, it does not get to work out,, your mind/heart is emptied for something new...but if you truly like each other, love has its own way.

poshdiva: Omg! I feel so sad for you. I can almost feel your pain. You are not sure of the future you can give her and everything is just uncertain..I don't wish to be in your shoes but I love the way you care for her deeply. Its so touching...

nl soldiers jump out of truck,al formation
"soldiers we av an enemy in the teritory open gunfire witout hesitation"

TrickofTech: I cannot do this anymore You guys seem to have no idea. I miss Naija a lot and the family. I was in a really bad way after returning. You are all going to dismiss this as 'weak' blah blah etc. But there was one thing I missed about it all and that was HER I cannot describe how low I felt for the months after returning in Spring. I just wanted to be around her. I regretted not expressing my feelings to her when I was there. In hindsight, she gave me opportunities. But it is not just about my feelings for her. She confided in me a lot. She is deeply unhappy with her situation in Nigeria. She wants to leave, she has told me this. She even said "who will save me" in conversation...and then waited for my answer.

Do you have any idea how much pressure this puts me under. YES, I care about her a lot. But why does she set out to play on my emotions like this. I felt so guilty that I was leaving this woman, that I couldn't say what she wanted to hear: "I will save you". I knew this would get her hopes up. Why would I want to get her hopes up only for them to be dashed if it was not possible. I CARE ABOUT HER.

You guys seem to think that I am some rich oyinbo who can just click his fingers and get a flight to Nigeria. That I can just magic up the perfect life for her. I am not! Even if I was, do I really want to be with someone who only sees THIS quality. There is more to someone than their skin, their background, the country they are from. It hurts so much that I want to help her. I really like her and I want to be with her...but what does she really see in me besides my skin color and nationality? Where does she expect us to go from there anyway?! She is literally thousands of miles away. We differ in religion, culture, primary language, background. What is she really expecting.

Yes I liked her. I missed her so much when I left. I was devastated. All I wanted was to be with her. But for the first few weeks, she played games with me over and over again. Now she is still expecting me to jump and express how much I want her. Well I am tired of playing games...and I think she is now too.

I cannot describe how painful it is to try and work all this out. I can tell she is becoming upset with my lack of action. I am becoming upset with my lack of action. But if any of you guys have listened to anything that I have written, it is not as easy as saying "I like you" and then everything is "happily ever after".

I have to do something. I told her I will call tomorrow. Express my feelings. Explain everything...how it is unlikely to work and then it will all be over.

So laugh at me. Post mugu comments. Call me weak. I don't care anymore.

eeeya!should i advice!

@OP!
WATEVER IT IS THAT U DRANK OR SMOKED AS 2 STOP RIT NW.
JST LOOK AT URSELF,A FUL GROWN MAN DROOPING.IF I WAS BY U,I 'L GIV A GUD SLAP!
NO,A GUD PUNCH ON UR FACE MHT DO U GUD!

Cut the tape and mov on!

Nobody wil get hurt!

Lwkmd,
You bottle up a lot in urself. Take the right steps to set urself free. She confided in you alot,why didn't u do the same?

@ Op, first of all prayer is the key... You need to really pray to severe any diabolic tie that might be between you and this girl... Sorry for this negative comment... Just that this world is so full of evil... So be careful... If I were you I wouldnt feel she has done some mind binding things to me though but it is worth considering especially because I dont know her but you know her... Can she?... Just pray first of all for God to reveal things to you... People are desperate because you talk as though you are destined to be her saviour but then you can help... Its not bad.


That being said... I do not mean to confuse you so...


First of all... You are confused about the relationship... You are not sure... That is the main problem... You do not know what you want... You are not sure if you should date her because you dont know if you love her... You have to make a decision first before you can move on in the relationship...


Love is a choice and so you have to decide whether you want her despite her flaws, challenges and age or all sorts. You have to know. When you know what you want out of this relationship then your problems is half solved...


What do you want from her?... forget all the "jangilova" emotions you are feeling about helping her, hurting her, talking to her, what she is thinking etc. So decide and we move on from there.


Dont bother much about whether she likes you or not... That is another thing for later but do you want her?.


If you are not sure then save yourself and her further trouble and remain friends... PERIOD!...

I have spoken to a Nigerian friend who knew us both at the time. He observed. His opinion that she "loved" me. His words.

I am going to tell her how I feel about her and how I have always felt about her tonight. I do not particularly want a reply. That is not important. If she reciprocates, I will need to know why EXACTLY she likes me. What she sees in me. I could tell her what I like about her at the drop of a hat. I will then need to think for a while to see if I am convinced. I need to know how "honest" her agenda is. How genuine her feelings are for me.

Some of the things she has said in the past left me wondering..."what is she really after?". This may be my own suspicious nature, that I have been hurt before, that she could not know how I would interpret those things, that she made an honest slip up.

I will need to decide if she is just telling me what she wants me to hear out of her own interest, or if she has genuine feelings.

She is either very genuine and a little stupid for mentioning these things, or very clever in manipulating and disguising her true intentions and has accidentally spilled what she wants.

Similarly, I am either very stupid for keeping my distance when she is genuine, or very clever and wise to avoid getting involved with someone who is only out for themselves.

We will see.

baralatie: @OP!
WATEVER IT IS THAT U DRANK OR SMOKED AS 2 STOP RIT NW.
JST LOOK AT URSELF,A FUL GROWN MAN DROOPING.IF I WAS BY U,I 'L GIV A GUD SLAP!
NO,A GUD PUNCH ON UR FACE MHT DO U GUD!

Cut the tape and mov on!

Nobody wil get hurt!

I wish I was as cool and strong as you! : P (I am being sarcastic). Clearly you do not have very deep emotions. I pity you.

Perhaps you are upset because I called you a MUGU.

Well,all u need to do is tell her ur mind nd also find out what she has in mind to.u sound very smart from the way reason so just tell her nd u guys can take it from there.

TrickofTech:

I wish I was as cool and strong as you! : P (I am being sarcastic). Clearly you do not have very deep emotions. I pity you.

Perhaps you are upset because I called you a MUGU.

TrickofTech:

I wish I was as cool and strong as you! : P (I am being sarcastic). Clearly you do not have very deep emotions. I pity you.

Perhaps you are upset because I called you a MUGU.

STOP BEING A DROOPIE,QUIT PLAYING GAMES,STOP PARABOLATING.U CONTINUE WIT WASTING A GIRLS' TIME.

Dnt cry if another direct guy gets her and giv her a gud ?+ ur deep emotins might finaly become toast

U must be a teenager!
Thats why?

baralatie: U must be a teenager!
Thats why?

Haha! Two posts two hours apart. Clearly the mugu is annoyed.

If you had even read my posts, you would know that the situation is not so simple.

How about her wasting my time. She has pursued me just as much, it is a two way thing. If I have to work for her affections and for her to disclose her feelings, she will have to do the same.

I am not one of these guys that chase around girls blindly. Desperately professing my feelings to them all without considering the implications. I actually care about their feelings, about getting their hopes up, about getting involved.

Perhaps you have no respect for women, or other human beings and their feelings. Once again, I think I pity you.

If I do lose her to someone that is more direct, there are other fish in the sea.

P.S. Did call her and begin, but she was in a sleepy state (I woke her). I said I would let her sleep...but she was eager for me to call tomorrow.

I think I should probably stop posting this stuff now. I can take it from here thanks.

Cheers to everyone for their comments.

TrickofTech: P.S. Did call her and begin, but she was in a sleepy state (I woke her). I said I would let her sleep...but she was eager for me to call tomorrow.

I think I should probably stop posting this stuff now. I can take it from here thanks.

Cheers to everyone for their comments.

finally,finally,finally
u made up ur mimd to DO SOMTIN CONCRETE.
Nw dnt reverse to chicken mode 2mrw o!
Tell her wel,wel "i luv u die","i want u nw,nw",in short girl mofe fe e gege bi iyawo mi.
It is 4rm her response u make a decision.
Gudluck tiger!

baralatie:

Nw dnt reverse to chicken mode 2mrw o!
"i want u nw,nw"
It is 4rm her response u make a decision.

Not chicken mode. Just caring for the person and knowing that by expressing my feelings, her mind may run away with fantasies for the future. Only to be let down on hurt. To you it is so simple. What if she reciprocates? Jump on a plane to Nigeria?!!!! Fly her over to be with me?!!! Smh...it is that simple to you isn't it.

You make it sound like you run around chasing women desperately. You give to much power away. She is special. But so am I. I have other things going for me, besides women. Therefore, she has to work for a relationship too.
"I WANT YOU NOW"...lol. Smh. Is it all about selfish lust with you?

I am more interested in telling her that I care about her and that I want her to be happy. It is up to her if she takes that deal.

Op u re bothered abt her gettin to know abt ur real financial state?she comin over and seein that the grass isn't greener on the other side lolzzzz....her seeing ur poverty .eyah PLS LET HER KNW D REAL PICTURE OF TINS over der and watch her reaction