Sorry to bother good nairalander again with another thread back-to-back. Please help me solve this puzzle. Why is that each time someone helps most (not all) Nigeria woman it ends up either in a drama, scandal, enmity or chaos?

Here are some examples:

1. I opened this thread because a friend helped a Nigerian lady get a job in a big firm in Nigeria. The lady resumed without even calling to update him. When the man asked her why, she said she was grateful but added that God only used my friend to help her, it wasn't by his own doing. It could have still happened through another person. My friend was shocked at this type of 'Thank You'
2. A man in USA who used his financial records to file affidavit of support for her niece in Nig to relocate to USA made news when he ended up in court and nearly ended up in jail, when the girl turned around to sue him for not supporting her financially in USA.
3. Some Nigerian men (not all) who trained their wives in school are regretting it today, after the said wife graduated and either dumped them or became very unruly when they start working.
4. Some people who opened businesses for their sisters in Nigeria are regretting it today, as they ended up enemies and insulted.
5. Some who gave gifts to female friends in Nigeria always have one story of ungratefulness or the other. They complained that generally most Nigerian ladies have a mindset that they get what they get because they are attractive women, and generally men are 'mugus' who spend on women to get something in return.

My Questions:

1. What is the cause of this general feeling of ungratefulness, and how can we change the mindset of our sisters to start being grateful?
2. What is the best way to give a Nigerian lady a helping hand without attracting these types of ungratefulness, since some of us either still have females we are helping or intend to help?
3. How should one react when one's help is either misinterpreted or treated with ungratefulness, without ending it in drama or enmity?


Update 1, Nov 4, 2013: I wish we don't turn this into bashing of Nigerian women. I asked 3 specific questions to see how we can train the mind of some sisters to see the benefits of being grateful, to teach brothers how to give the right way, and how to handle disappointments when they come. I pray we focus on that to make this thread more constructive.

Because familiarity aka 'see finish' ALWAYS breeds contempt!
Ask dati una Jesus Christ wetin Judasky do am!
I nor dey near NAIJA WOMEN O!!!!
Sam-Sam!!!!
Tufiakwa!!!!

Kpor!
Kpor!
Kpor!

Ooooo dey 'Ouse?
Work done close o!
30-minute daily work-out in progress!

bigheart2013:

1. I opened this thread because a friend helped a Nigerian lady get a job in a big firm in Nigeria. The lady resumed without even calling to update him. When the man asked her why, she said she was grateful but added that God only used my friend to help her, it wasn't by his own doing. It could have still happened through another person. My friend was shocked at this type of 'Thank You'

This one had me ROTFLMAO

Can these jobless douchebags on nairaland stop making the Nigerian female look bad!!!! This nonsense points you've just listed ain't exclusive to Nigerians ladies only, people from all over the world do it.

NATURALLY, A WOMAN CAN NEVER BE SATISFIED... ITS JUST THEIR NATURE.

Guess they are so full of themselves. The lady that your friend helped to secure a job in a MNC, I find her curt remarks very ludicrous.
Such an ingrate!
If I were in your friend's shoes, the next one that seeks my assistance must be slaughtered in my bed.
Yeah! This is one of the reasons why Venus label us heartless, they hardly understand the fact that the so called heartless ones had their hearts crushed/stolen by their type and just couldn't manage the consequences hence their transformation and heartless attitude.

most nigerian women mindset is narrow.

ingratitude is a vice. People generally including men are not immune to this. Thats why if I feel like helping people I do it and forget it. It's sheer foolhardiness to do things for people especially women and expect something in return. I can train a woman in Uni, but never with the intention of marrying her afterwards. I will just be training her as a woman being that needs help. But if ultimately we both feel like we can live together forever, then it may be welcome. It's a very bad thing to be ungrateful anyway

Because usually women are regarded as ingrates.

@Op, it's human. Not just Nigerian or women.

its how u present ursef dat matters.........if yu present ur sef as a mugu,so be it




dnt tink is evry naija gal sha

bros am coming ehen... lemme ask IFA...

(1) THE CAUSE:
The cause is very easy to identify. It's because they have forgotten how needy they were before.
Alot of people fall under this category.
You help them and they forget you and think they are better not because of you. Most people just remember today and forget tomorrow. @ op a very nice and pressing topic.
It's the same with those who are your friends who have a little upliftment in their status or life and they start boning (slang for ignoring especially when you greet them.)

(2) HOW TO AVOID THIS:
There is no sure way of avoiding this behaviour. Although it comes mostly from women, its also done by some men.
The only solution is to avoid helping people with such behaviours (for people who have portrayed such behaviour before. ). Or better still help and expect nothing in return, not even a Thank you. That's just the only way to go about it.


(3) HOW TO REACT
Just ignore and forget.
Assume you did it for God and he (God) will surely reward you.
People are just not always trustworthy enough to help them so they can help you later, rather, help because it's good and nice for you to do so.
Even helping so that you can be helped (not compulsorily by the one who helped you.) can also sometimes be disappointing. [/quote]

CONCLUSION:
Helping is like a gamble. You must never stake too much no matter how favourable the odds might be because even at that, it's not certain its only likely.
In otherwords, you must not help beyond your capacity.
What causes most of this complaints about people being ungrateful is being hurt.
Most people get hurt because they help more than they can or should.
When you help people discreetly, if they lack appreciation, you know them for who they are and you Thank your God that you did not help beyond your capacity.
I hope I did not waste too much of your time with my long boring epistle?

Thanks!

I think this is natural

I helped my gf secured accomodation while in school and I took some of my furnitures in my room and fix it in there for her. After some time, one fat Igbo guy start sleeping in the room with her and when I confront her, she said the guy is teaching her Anotomy 211 (lol). Later she dumped me and move on with the Igbo guy and the guy also, later dumped her very well. I locked up and loosed her.

Now I am serving, I helped one female corper secure space in a corper's lodge, pay her dues and then lock up totally. She never appreciated it and I pretended as if nothing is has happend btw us.

Women can be so so so ungrateful, because they feel they deserve all good things!

bigheart2013:
My Questions:

1. What is the cause of this general feeling of ungratefulness, and how can we change the mindset of our sisters to start being grateful?
2. What is the best way to give a Nigerian lady a helping hand without attracting these types of ungratefulness, since some of us either still have females we are helping or intend to help?
3. How should one react when one's help is either misinterpreted or treated with ungratefulness, without ending it in drama or enmity?

Answer to 1: That's the way most of them are wired. Ask God.

Answer to 2: Help and dont look back ...dont expect anything in return, including appreciation. Do it for God.

Answer to 3: Refer to the answer above (for question 2).


You're welcome

Yes, a woman adds drama to a man's life..

As a man you dont play around ontop a mattress. You stay quiet. But not when a woman climbs thesame mattress....

This same traits is also found in men, and even greater.
It's the ladies that cry the most because of the ungrateful nature of men.

1. I opened this thread because a friend helped a Nigerian lady get a job in a big firm in Nigeria. The lady resumed without even calling to update him. When the man asked her why, she said she was grateful but added that God only used my friend to help her, it wasn't by his own doing. It could have still happened through another person. My friend was shocked at this type of 'Thank You'

Can you imagine that
That's why I stopped helping women long time ago. If I must help, you, you must pay me in kind(not just once). Nonsense.

Nigerian women most especially the young ones have been trained and engineered to think of themselves more Highly than they ought to...therefore they are unruly and proud with a hardened and seared conscience and that is why many of them don't make great wives

Khalessi: Can these jobless douchebags on nairaland stop making the Nigerian female look bad!!!! This nonsense points you've just listed ain't exclusive to Nigerians ladies only, people from all over the world do it.

An indirect manner of begging for cheap 'LIKES'. Forget, we understand.

R

nenergy: My policy: Anything I do for a woman, I do for God. No strings attached, NO heartache.

Lyk seriouslyy?

I wonder what the average age range of people on this site is.

Saecula: ingratitude is a vice. People generally including men are not immune to this. Thats why if I feel like helping people I do it and forget it. It's sheer foolhardiness to do things for people especially women and expect something in return. I can train a woman in Uni, but never with the intention of marrying her afterwards. I will just be training her as a woman being that needs help. But if ultimately we both feel like we can live together forever, then it may be welcome. It's a very bad thing to be ungrateful anyway

can you do that for a guy just because he needs help

My policy: Anything I do for a woman, must be risk free and done because of christ-sake..amen! No strings attached, NO heartache.

How can i stay out of women??

datz humans 4 u but I just want u 2 knw dat it's not only d female...




weneva,u do sum1 gud n dey reciprocate in a bad/evil manner ......plz,dnt stop doing gud,it pays....forget abt d past,just focus on d next person dat nids ur help.

The best way to help most (not all Nigerian) girls is to get your share of whatever you think you want from them (like money, sex, etc) first before giving them the help. Because most of these girls are highly ungrateful, no matter you have done for them, they will never appreciate you when they have finally arrived.

Nice topic