Those who are not in Lagos State tend to believe that the place is a jungle, sort of, though, depending on where you are coming from, you may conclude so. But for us, confirmed Lagosians, there are certain rules to go by if you want to survive in this ‘jungle’, sorry, city of excellence. Even if you are just stopping by, passing through or you are here to stay, it will be wise to try and live by these rules if you want to survive, even for a day.




Here we go!
1.      Welcome To Lagos: As you are driving into Lagos from the Lagos-Ibadan Expressway end of the boundary between the state and Ogun State, you are welcome by three statues conspicuously telling you that you are now in Lagos and that you must drop every unacceptable habit you picked up on your way because, well, This Is Lagos. That is to tell you that in Lagos, you must abide the rules of the city or you are on your own. Here, no one tells you to behave yourself because you must have noticed right from the first bus stop that you are in no man’s land and you must, like we say here, ‘shine your eyes’ or else, you will be on your way back to your village.

2.      The Law Officers Are Not Your Friend: Any other place, you are told that law enforcement agents, that is, the Police, Army, Navy and Air Force personnel, are your friends but in Lagos, the likes of KAI, LASTMA, Man O’War, Private Security, National Union of Road Transport Workers, even the Mallam guarding your gate, are not your friends at all. If you are new in Lagos and you miss your way, just walk to a Policeman and ask for directions. If you are going from Ikeja to Surulere, you may end up in Apapa due to their misleading directions. If you are driving and miss your way and see LASTMA officials coming your way, my friend, take off as fast you can because they are not coming to help out of your problems but to compound your problems by imposing different kinds of crazy charges on you, even when they know you do not build cars.


3.      Run Before You Ask Questions: If you are walking along the streets of Lagos and you see people suddenly running in different directions, be wise enough to join them. Do not ask questions! Just run for safety before finding out what is happening. It is better to be safe than be a victim. If you are one of those doubting Thomases, you could well end up in the police cell or even in prison for ‘not running’ when others did. I have seen it happen, so I am warning you!

4.      Get Off The Road: If you want to get home alive, be wise enough to get off the road when you hear the siren of speeding convoys; (these could be the police, military, government official, traditional rulers or even private security outfits or the General Overseer of a church), blaring to high heavens, telling mere mortals like us that they are above the law. They own the roads and if you do not get out of their way fast enough, you stand the risk of having your car’s windscreen or side mirror broken and if you as much as try to complain, you will be given the beating of your life. After all, you a bloody civilian, so there is nothing you can do about it.

5.      The Landlord Is King: Guys, this is a very important lesson you have to learn in the art of survival in Lagos. Your landlord is king, no matter the kind of apartment you live in. It does not matter if the house is a dilapidated, decrepit and ramshackle shanty, he is still the owner of the house. Even if he inherited it from his forefathers who built it in 1902, know that the cost of building materials have increased since then and you just have to pay for the increase. It does not matter if he has not carried out any repair works in the house in the past 17 years, if you cannot pay, pack out, simple.

Is this advice or warning?

@OP
All the warnings you listed further confirm my believe that Lagos is a jungle. In a normal society those things you listed shouldn't happen.

v

Wetin consign (concern) me wit Lagos wen i dey enjoy fresh air 4 Otuoke

kilon kan aye !!!! i dey survive for lagos without any shhit

nothing special, same thing in Port Harcourt

dwittyc0der: .......................

Prowizy2: Wetin consign (concern) me wit Lagos wen i dey enjoy fresh air 4 Otuoke

village boi

oga oo,lagos now have special rules

The worst thing to experience in lagos is the traffic.oh God,the traffic can make you sick over night.if you are the lazy type lagos is definitely not for you.

Mehn I keep saying I can't survive here...pple be like village girl...mehn I gree o.

Then why would i choose to live in a place like this when i can live in other places..

Lagos,no man's land

Forza p:

village boi

6: obey agbero(tout)

Lasgidi State of Mind

Ok.
.
Dont forget to check my signature

Crixina: Mehn I keep saying I can't survive here...pple be like village girl...mehn I gree o.

bigx: nothing special, same thing in Port Harcourt

hmmm. Never compare lagos with portharcourt they are far different.. Owk?

ONLY IN lasgidi

Why do lasgidi people like saying things twice? E.g. Mago mago, follow follow, yamma yamma, puff puff, chin chin, kuli kuli, waka waka, moi moi, jedi jedi, sharp sharp, yori yori, gb'omo gb'omo, borrow borrow, thief thief, lie lie, fear fear, touch touch, talk talk, holy holy, jaga jaga, scatter scatter, kabu kabu, chuku chuku,wuru wuru,look look, chop chop.
See you, laff laff. I know u'll like dis message lol......op u now make lagos d former capital territory sound so bad...if ur coming to lag pls just be ready for adventure especially d traffic cos u go dey for road eh until d monkey in u screamx out.

#BIGWIG

i could remember those years in Lagos, wake up by 4am get to VI from Ajah in 20-30mins, or wake up by 6am you reach VI from Ajah by 9am, one funny thing in Lagos is Dont ask anyone for directions, anyway it was fun though co everyone was on their own. Welcome to Lagos

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZwJ2DXtLPg

From ur 1st statement u were referin to me. I went to Lagos yesterday n i told my mum when i got home: "omoluabi o gbodo gbe lagos". My white turned brown, the dust, d stress, hold up .oops! i cant stand them. I dont envy Lagosians.

nneh1: The worst thing to experience in lagos is the traffic.oh God,the traffic can make you sick over night.if you are the lazy type lagos is definitely not for you.

That's the part I love most

"the landlord is king". truer words have never been said.
I still hate Lagos. personally, I believe lagosians have the worst standard of living in the country. yeah, I've been to most parts of the country and I think I have earned the right to say that.

na wah oh, wen I fit sleep on top road 4 Egba...

Ok

6;never waits to give direction to someone, they might scam you.
7; when someone hit you on the road check ur belongings including ur balls for the men.
8; shine you eyes very well before u board a bus to avoid one chance.
9: always shout the name of you bustop when u are inside the bus. To avod being drive past it.
10 make sure u ask for ur balance or change from the conductor.
11: be ready to walk like a mad man when u are on the road.
12 ; u must wake up early to beat hold up and return late to beat hold up.
13 : always add traffic time to any appointment u are having.
14: always negotiate with the conductor before u board a bus. Eg if he say tfare is 200# tell me u will pay 120# will ask you to pay 150 tell me i have 120# then he will say do you have change, which implies he as agreed.
16: if you have big denomination try to collect the smaller ones around you in the bus then pay the conductor
17; never give dose boys and girls hawking on the road ur money make sure u collect ur good and ur balance before u give dem ur money.
18; there is nothing u sell in lagos dt will not sell.

That is my Lagos....
Only the fittest survives

Codedrock:
hmmm. Never compare lagos with portharcourt they are far different.. Owk?

I've lived extensively in both, the rules he mentioned above are the same in Both.
Police, Running, Sirens, Landlords,

If it was traffic and being generally hectic that where mentioned, in that aspect they are different