collynzo2: It doesn't happen. How can you be asking someone who has been shot if he is okay?

my dear it does.the person that asked the question doesn't necessarily demand an answer, you will then hear something like 'hey stay with me, don't die on me, you are gonna be alright,it's just a minor injury the ambulance will soon be here and stuffs like that.

Orikinla: Please, give the titles of the Nollywood movies you have seen so far and tell us what makes them delusional.

That's a very ardous task...it would be easier to mention the few ones that are not delusional...I doubt if you can count 20 in NULLI(fication)WOOD's history

<<< ATTENTION PLEASE >>>
BIAFRA LIBERATION COUNCIL
OPERATION EXODUS
WE THE BIAFRAN LIBERATION COUNCIL HAVE EXPRESS OUR SADNESS OVER THE CURRENT KILLING OF EASTERNERS IN THE NORTHERN PART OF NIGERIA BY THE MUSLIM FUNDAMENTALIST DESPITE THE ASSURANCE BY THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT TO PROTECT THE NON MUSLIMS AND THE EASTERNERS IN THE NORTHERN REGION, FOLLOWING THE RECENT INVASION OF THE NIGERIAN AIR FORCE BASE AND CARTING AWAY WITH SOME HEAVY MILITARY EQUIPMENT BY THESE NORTHERN GROOMED ISLAMIST FUNDAMENTALIST,IT IS NO LONGER A SECRETE THAT NIGERIA HAS FAILED AND IS NO LONGER CAPABLE OF PROTECTING ITS CITIZENS NOT TO TALK OF FOREIGNERS WITHIN THE GEOGRAPHIC EXPRESSION/ENTITY KNOWN AS NIGERIA, AND SEQUEL TO THIS, THE BIAFRA LIBERATION COUNCIL HAVE DECLARED THE OPERATION EXODUS
1. WE HERE BY CALL ON ALL EASTERNERS/BIAFRANS IN THE NORTH AND INDEED IN OTHER PARTS OF NIGERIA TO SEND THEIR WIVES AND CHILDREN HOME IMMEDIATELY BEFORE 30TH OF JANUARY 2014 OR BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY CALAMITY THAT BEFALL THEM AFTER THE GIVEN DATE,
2. WE ALSO URGE ALL EASTERNERS/BIAFRAN TO BE READY/PREPARED TO DEFEND THEMSELVES WHERE EVER THEY ARE IN CASE OF ANY FORM OF ATTACK ON THEM BY ANY SECT OR GROUP BE IT RELIGIOUS,TRIBAL OR POLITICAL SINCE NIGERIA HAS FAILED IN THEIR DUTY TO PROTECT THEM BUT RATHER CHOSE TO HAVE A CLEAN DAY ROMANCE WITH THE BOKOHARAM SECT HENCE PLAYING GAMES WITH THE LIVES AND PROPERTIES OF INNOCENT EASTERNERS/BIAFRIANS
WE CANNOT FOLD OUR ARMS ANY MORE AND WATCH THIS HORROR GROW DAY BY DAY, WE CANNOT FOLD OUR ARMS AND WATCH INNOCENT BIAFRANS MASSACRED MERCILESSLY IN THE HANDS OF THESE NORTHERN GROOMED BLOOD SUCKING DEMONS CALLED BOKOHARAM,
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, TO BE FORE WARNED IS TO BE FORE ARMED.
UDO NU.
from Biafra Ogbajirigwe

..

OlamideGirl: biko help me to rate dis brain?

excuse me?

enigmang:

Kaii.. God bless you plenty plenty plenty... i could almost kiss you #NOHOMO.. you've save me a lot of typing....
We are very quick to criticise naija without making any good contribution..

Does the OP want "typical village people" to speak english that no one watching the movie will understand the movie is targeted at a wide audience...they are actually speaking "village english" but sought of translated to good english for the viewers benefit...

I'm sure you know there is something called "translation"?How can a farmer,who claims to have never seen the forewalls of a school,speak english as good as that of any university graduate?The truth remains Nollywood has to improve on a lot of things and this is certainly one of them.To me,this people think their audience comprises fools.If their movies are targeted at cultures beyond the shores of this country,all they have to do is subtitle the movies in english.I was watching "Game of thrones" a while back and when it got to the part a valyrian had to speak,all they did was to subtitle what he said in english for better understanding of the audience.Why didn't they portray a man,who had little or no access to learning the language,as a fluent speaker of the language?

/
Nollywood movies are motivational, predictable as well as fulfilling some people's fantasies.

Their goal is to make money first and entertain/educate later.

If you intend to know about real Nigeria through Nollywood then you may have to wait forever especially knowing

that some movies are produced within one week.

//

Nothing irks me more hearing this while watching d movies... "... hello.. okay u know wat?? come and collect dat 15m at my office tomorrow morning ".. I'll b like COME ON!!!!!!!!

ipad:

You're so right...Nulli-wood only reduces one's IQ...I won't even watch it on dstv, not to talk of renting their yeye dvds or going to the cinemas..tufiakwa.

Nulliwood..by retards for retards.

words cumin out of a retard......smh.....hw can a movie reduce ur IQ....just tell us d IQ is reduced already instead of lookin 4 wat to blame it on

AmINotHuman?:


This is a very smart post and I agree whole-heartedly. I'm not a fan of Nollywood but Hollywood is way worse in terms of its 'delusion'. Permit me if this is slightly off-topic but at least we can say Nollywood 'lies' are harmless or even funny. But Hollywood loves to promote many false- even dangerous- ideas:

Africans are uneducated, starving savages;
The British are pompous, tea-loving and cruel;
Arabs are terrorists;
African-americans are criminals;
Russians are bitter against the US etc.

But almighty white Americans are perfect, awesome people who, in the time of danger, are the ones to save the world even though the average american is just some fat guy.

Besides, how often do you see a poor (white) American in a Hollywood movie?

See, you and your oga at the top (speedyboi) couldn't be more wrong: Do americans lie in their movie? Of course. Do they have stereotipical opinions about people of other nationalities? Very yes.... But do they sell the idea effectively with "make believe" in their movies? Another resounding YES.

The issue is with the delivery, not with the message...

Titamic the movie, is 3hrs long, and you would sit down and watch it over and over again (I have seen it more than 10 times) and although what they're telling us is a lie, it is still an enjoyable lie.

They have mastered the world of "make believe" that they can sell any lie to anyone enjoyably....

Hold it, before you rubbish my post, mention one hollywood film you've seen and enjoyed, and a nollywood film that you feel equally passionate about. Do a side by side comparison, and you'll realise that our 9ja people still have a lot of work in the make believe world....

In fact don't go too far, watch an average 9ja music video, and you'll see the magic of make believe in action.

You can see that I'm not being unpatriotic, I just refuse to celebrate mediocrity. That's all.

CastingCrowns: Ave noticed most nollywood movies dont portray the happenings in Nigeria,everyone lives in palatial mansions complete with exotic super-cars parked all around the huge garage,the meals are eaten on dining tables complete with cutleries and the latest china in town,the phonetics are non-Nigerian,the clothes worn are designer duds complete with luxury bags even a character playing a poor person drives a ferrari....Nollywood i watch their movies for the laughs....if they wanna represent us properly on the world stage its high time they make realistic movies not delusional films depicting a utopic place

I guess you have not come across different nollywood films.

I do agree with OP....Nollywood can do much better on the same budget. On the whole they are not trying to be professional. It's more like they have a list of what people love and stick as many in the movie as possible whether or not it is relevant to the story line, scene or whatever. E.g...they are shooting a village scene and a Ferrari is available for a few minutes...the village boy is shot as the owner...it doesn't matter...as long as the Ferrari is in the movie. Again...these filthy rich people...living in a mansion...five suites of fine furniture in the gigantic living room...60" flatscreen tv which must be highlighted....two scenes later oga and his wife are in their tiny bedroom on a twin bed... and a 13" 1985 rabbit ears tv set perching on a little table. What nonsense is that?...that's the best they could have done?...and I'm not talking about in a few movies...it is common and this is where I think the OP is coming from.

And they have sex with their clothes on...that's annoying.

Most Nollywood movies are terrible!

Perfecter4real: the fact still remains that HOLLYWOOD ET BOLLWOOD movies are more DELUSIONAL to a large extend compared to NOLLYWOOD movies..Deal with it.

Guy, abi you no go school?

I'm sure that what you mean is more like "their scripts/stories/films are out of this world vis-a-vis the level of imagination"

That is not the same as the delusional referred to in this post.

Hollywood tells us lies, and show us unbelievable things (Man flying-superman, spider bites man, so he becomes superhuman - spiderman, 1 blow, 20 die: jet lie...etc) but they make it believeable, such that you watch and enjoy being lied to - that is exceptional

Nollywood on the other hand tells you a real story, and the mismanage the tools of story telling so much that you hiss halfway into the movie and walk out. - that is delusional!!!

Chika ike is always rolling her eyes and smacking her lips..

turkish: I suggest that maybe some of the talent that works on our music videos can maybe see how they will bring their expertise to nollywood.

Disaster! You think directing a music video is the same as directing a movie? LoL. In a music video, mistakes can be converted to style.....not in a movie!

I was watching the music video for Banky W's Good loving, directed by Clarence Peters. The drama at the beginning is as crappy as Bleep....sh/itty acting and the sound - the voice of one person is very loud while I can't even hear what the other person is saying! Even Clarence won't want to fvck himself up by directing a movie. They should all stick to their music videos abeg

speedyboi: Hypocrisy!
Shallow thinking!
and more full this thread!

Of all things to criticize in the industry, this is what you think is important?

If you want to start criticizing delusional movies (leaving behind the fact that movies are not documentaries and not necessarily meant to be 'the real situation'), Hollywood movies and all other woods will come before Nollywood!

what will you say about;
A. -A single criminal defeating a battalion of well trained soldiers like say na ice-cream dem dey drink for army their whole life. Is that the situation in real life?
-In a movie like Olympus has fallen for instance; first part of the attack in white house, the Police or whoever were practically coming out of the building to be killed. I'm sure 'the grrreaat' american police force wouldn't be so dumb in real life, would they? ,
-Or in all action movies where lots of people could've taken the criminal at once, but they always prefer to go one by one... to be killed ofcourse - How realistic is that?

B. -And that sh/itty british movie titled slum dog millionaire where people in the slums can speak proper english. Is that the real situation in India?
-OR another unrealistic part: the real slum little boys they used in the beginning spoke Hindi; then the India little actors (who were obviously from middle/high class family in real life) they used when the boys grew up (like 11years kinda) suddenly started to speak proper English without attending school! How real is that anywhere in the world?
-OR the who wants to be a millionaire questions that were turning out as 'fate' BS. - please save me! And the cheap questions that were being asked sef: Infact, who wants to be a millionaire in Nigeria have asked the name of 3 musketeers as a first question before, but lo and behold, that was the ultimate question in the who wants to be a millionaire in our 'slumdog'. mtcheeeew...what A load of crap!

C. Or about anywhere apart from US, UK, Australia and likes being depicted as the worst place on earth in hollywood movies. No? Lemme tell you what a typical shallow minded person thinks about these countries due to 'HOLLYWOOD'
- Russia / Russians - Terrorist Nation
- Korea - Terrorist nation
- Africa - Jungle with people and animals whining and dining together (even though me wey they live here have never seen a wild animal in my life sef). Other times, Africa is a desert with no houses.
- And probably the first movie they will shoot in India, India is already being given the first impression of a slum! And another stereotype begins!
And incase you haven't noticed, almost every bad guy in American movies always have foreign accents!

C. And 'about accents of people who arrive from abroad' that people always complain about...the fact is their accents are as shitty as the ones foreign actors speak in movies about other countries (despite the 'language coach' they get). There's no movie where actors are expected to speak like another country that the people of the country didn't complain about the accents. Even british people complain about Charlize Theron's accent in the movie 'Snow White and Huntsman). That's just how it is; unless you've lived somewhere for a while, you can never have their accent! If na to say few words, then the language coaching might be effective.

Conclusion: Delusional stuffs is not limited to Nollywood! Infact, it is mean't to happen! Why? Because it is a movie! There are are better things to discuss improvement on. It's good to point out things like this, but you need to know, it's not a reason to bash any industry!

Don't mind those that derive joy bashing their own while worshipping other pps faults

iamdhebuck: And they have sex with their clothes on...that's annoying.

Some pp do it nah,sometimes.
They do it like that in hollywood quickies

@Speedyboy...I generally agree with your first comment...but on accents as OP touched...if depicting as a villager, why try to speak in a foreign accent?...is that the way villagers speak? Would you have them speak that way in your movie? I fully understand someone acting as returning from abroad trying to imitate that foreign accent...good/bad imitation doesn't affect me...nor would I think the actor to be delusional....but whoa!...a villager?!...Truth be told ....that is one of the biggest reasons why Nollywood popularity has declined so much abroad...and still declining.

Afam4eva:
It can happen in real life too.

softsparky: it happens a lot in real life.

But don't you guys bash Nollywood for the same offence, wrong?

mimicue: Nollywood has so many problems what annoys me most is the fact that they keep using old actors d ones that have been there they don't try to use new people young people....honestly I detest nollywood I won't use my money to watch nollywood at d cinema
.......they need to to have so many actors use fresh people.... New ones too....and the fact that nkem owoh will be acting high school movies damn no child they can use...if they train them they will act it better...i watch Hollywood movies where children are stars and act very well...over here nothing like that just old cargoes

You should be bashing Mr Bean for the same offence. No?

Valeree: Chika ike is always rolling her eyes and smacking her lips..

Lol...and Merci Johnson can't focus her eyes too....always looking to the extreme left/right or up in the ceiling when talking!...I dunno...some connection between the eye and the tongue?

speedyboi:

You should be bashing Mr Bean for the same offence. No?

Is Mr Bean a major movie star?

OlamideGirl: words cumin out of a retard......smh.....hw can a movie reduce ur IQ....just tell us d IQ is reduced already instead of lookin 4 wat to blame it on

Exactly! How can movies have effect on your IQ? Just goes to show how dumb some people can be! Hian!

ngozievergreen:
Some pp do it nah,sometimes.
They do it like that in hollywood quickies

I also once saw a rape scene that lasted for like 4 to 9 seconds...wtf? na premature ejaculation abi wetin apen

ipad:

See, you and your oga at the top (speedyboi) couldn't be more wrong: Do americans lie in their movie? Of course. Do they have stereotipical opinions about people of other nationalities? Very yes.... But do they sell the idea effectively with "make believe" in their movies? Another resounding YES.

The issue is with the delivery, not with the message...

Titamic the movie, is 3hrs long, and you would sit down and watch it over and over again (I have seen it more than 10 times) and although what they're telling us is a lie, it is still an enjoyable lie.

They have mastered the world of "make believe" that they can sell any lie to anyone enjoyably....

Hold it, before you rubbish my post, mention one hollywood film you've seen and enjoyed, and a nollywood film that you feel equally passionate about. Do a side by side comparison, and you'll realise that our 9ja people still have a lot of work in the make believe world....

In fact don't go too far, watch an average 9ja music video, and you'll see the magic of make believe in action.

You can see that I'm not being unpatriotic, I just refuse to celebrate mediocrity. That's all.

@Bolded, read the OP again, and you will realize that's not what he is talking about. 'Why are Nollywood movies delusional' is the topic....not 'Why are Nollywood's Delusions not made believable'.


And I wonder if those who believe what they see in movies have any brain at all.

Originalsly: Is Mr Bean a major movie star?

Doesn't matter

Check out this thread and give your meaningful comment

www.nairaland.com/1547551/mandela-heaven-hell#20081245

In the first place, how did they come about the name Nollywood An attempt to copy Hollywood and the trend didnt stop at that,they keep trying to copy,no fact is disputed Naija film maker dey try buh they still suck..i think they need to keep their shit real

sportfeva:
Maybe they need to learn from Uncle TK. His movie are filled with less critic. The quality outlook of a movie is largely control by the movie director. They control and even twist things beyond the movie original script.

Tchidi Chekere also did wayyy better on shoe string budget. I totally agree with you. There are next generation TC out here...young, talented and professional and can deliver wayyy better movies on a smaller budget . The problem is finding a producer and getting a foot in the door. In fact...I was greatly impressed by a short film hmmm...Un Clope?...by Villageboi...the same one commenting on this thread. I wish he can put up the link and let you guys see what's in the closet.

We are attract to films made in beautiful places than gutters.