She was my best friend, my succor, she was my life! This beautiful relationship of about 7 months had flourished so beautifully, we faced and conquered all odds, we waxed so strong together that I wondered why I just got to know her about a year ago (started dating 7 months ago). Everyday when I get to work we would talk for about one hour before I step into the office and we'd talk for about two hours before retiring to bed everyday. Please don't ask me what we get to talk about everyday for that long because even I often wonder how we got so glued to each other that we hardly wanted to end our calls each time. The age gap between us was just perfect and every other detail blended so perfectly that I was so sure she was the one I've been waiting for all my life. Gradually, I discarded all competition and decided to give this one my all. The reason is very obvious - the connection was simply incredible! She is God fearing, very homely, meek and has an interesting personality. She had her flaws too but who on earth doesn't?

Just two months ago I decided to take things a little further, secretly planned an engagement activity a day to her birthday with a renowned florist and a few of my friends. It was so lovely she almost fainted as I inserted my gold ring into her finger and popped the question.. The answer was a resounding Yes Yes Yes!!! The rest was merriment as we popped champagne and made toasts to a wonderful future ahead of us. Right there and then we began making plans concerning our introduction, traditional marriage ceremony and ultimately, white wedding. She was aghast with joy as she spread the news around to all her friends and instantly updated her Face Book status to "Engaged". Congratulatory messages were pouring from all corners while she took her time to respond to everyone of them.. She was so happy and so was I. My circle of friends were so proud of me for taking the bold step as they called me one after the other telling me how they cherished my boldness and wanted to be like me.

The joy and ecstasy throughout this period knew no bounds as I made important efforts to begin marriage proceedings. We finally agreed to Easter next year for white wedding. I went to meet with her father last month to get the traditional "list" of items to be procured for the introduction and traditional marriage ceremony. I was instantly 'approved' by her good looking and very gentle father who encouraged me and promised to support us in any way he could. Afterwards, I proceeded to meet with her pastor who after a brief interview approved of our relationship and only requested that we conduct a medical test (HIV, Hepatitis and Genotype) at the church hospital and present the results to him so he can forward same to their branch in Lagos where we intend to wed. We proceeded almost after the interview to the said hospital where we carried out the tests...and this was where our problems started!!!

How could I have been as 'AS' all these while and I didn't know?! My birth file has 'AA' on it, all the genotype tests I ever conducted during childhood and school days all turned out to be 'AA'. How come it has suddenly changed? Do people's genotype change? Did the hospitals back in the days make mistakes even the school hospital as well? What was going on? I queried rhetorically. My fiancee's genotype was 'AS' and she had told me this from the beginning while I on the other hand was so sure of my 'AA' genotype status that I didn't even bother to talk about it again. After this shocker I proceeded immediately to Lagos as I had reasons to doubt the result. I conducted 3 labs tests in total (in Lagos too) and the result came out the same. I was devastated!! So devastated I wept like a baby even in the presence of my friend who accompanied me and a few people around me noticed I was wailing uncontrollably. It was a memory I hope will erase with time as the mere thought of it makes me want to cry again. My fiancee already started weeping from the time the first test was conducted. She wept through it all so badly that I couldn't really recognize her the last time I saw her - She had lost so much weight that I was even scared of telling her!

From that moment, pressure increased on her part and frustration grew from mine. I grew so bitter I didn't know how to get help. We kept in touch, believing in God and Miracles (she inspires me too) while I also asked a few Medical practitioners to tell me what medicine has for people like us in 2013. All the answers were either against our faith or very expensive. In the midst of all these she stuck to me and I told her everything will be fine. Both my parents and hers felt so much for us that they promised to stand by whatever decision we decide to take. Although I got a few advices asking me to let her go, letting her out of my sight was simply not in my agenda - I strongly believed these tribulations was a matter of time and we would pull through somehow.

Then on Friday (6th Dec) she came visiting so we can discuss more on the way forward. What she didn't realize was that the frustration in me was growing so bad that it was affecting my sanity. I needed help but I didn't know how to get it - I always kept a cool face but knew I was boiling with depression inside. We hung out on the same day she came, watched a movie on return and retired to bed. The next day we had a huge misunderstanding. The quarrel was so bad I slapped her thrice and held her neck for a while. Within those few seconds of madness I uttered very insulting words and even demanded for my ring! At that point I looked at myself and knew I had lost it! In the last 15 years of active dating I never laid my hand on any woman - how could I have done this to the only woman I was supposed to love and care for? The only one who got to wear my ring?! It didn't make sense to me. I tried to maintain a straight face even while I begged her intensely but that wouldn't change her stance. Reported myself to my mum (whom she knows well), and told a married friend what I had done. He rushed over to the apartment and tried to talk with her. The events of that day and the next did not help matters, she got so cold towards me and wouldn't stop crying. Her mum is already late and I felt so bad for doing this to a poor girl who gave me her heart when I should have been acting out my undying love towards her. I am not really good with handling an already bad situation and many times I simply seek help on how to go about it. She grew even colder towards me and while still pleading for mercy, I would use words that she still found to be unpleasant. Finally at 2:30pm (Sunday) she packed her things and left my house to an unknown destination . I didn't seem to get anything right throughout this time of pleading - it appeared I made things even worse.

Please learn from my story... an edifice that took a year to build can be destroyed totally in just 5 minutes! In Warren Buffet's words - "It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently." Never in my entire adult life have I ever thought of or come close to hitting a lady. If you tell me I had that tendency I would argue with you because I detest men who do same. But this experience has just taught me that we can't afford to be languid.. Doing the right thing means making conscious efforts to do them and having back out plans whenever we are tempted to do otherwise. Another option is to stay away from loved ones when we are not okay mentally or psychologically. You could seek help during such periods from counselors and professionals who can walk you through it all. Sometimes you just can't be careful enough.. Do the needful while there's still time.

At the moment I can only cry and pray to God for assistance and intervention. I know my chances with her are pretty slim but I have no idea what tomorrow would bring.

Thanks for reading my story and hopefully you learnt something from it.


Cheers.

Dnt really knw wat to type buh fanks 4 d advice. I fink U shouldn't give up on her yet, cos I strongly believe dat U guyz r gr8 2geda (if all wat U typed is true). Though everyfin btw U two is so complicated buh I believe dea will always be a way out. Maybe U should go see her parent and tell dem wat made U behave d way U did, they may be able to convince her nd bring her back to ur side.

This is huge Bro! I saw lots of pointers on what happened in a once magical sizzling romance I had. In the words of one of my most trusted pal“It was legendary”

You know when you get to that stage where you connect with your soulmate both physical n metaphysically? We could agree to meet in our dreams when we were miles apart and so it shall be and the next morning we make jokes of all we said in the dream and help each other finish sentences we altered in the dream state. Yea it happened! We were the definition of magic. We take a walk people congratulate Us that we fit while some just say we both look alike.

I remembered when we step into the market together old women will be hailing Us then. We used to joke then that what we both shared was even the envy of gods. Once we both agree on a thing it happens. I always used to have respect and carry my self well cos I have a feeling am like no other then the universe brought someone like me and our two spirits were knighted on the alter of love. It was a beauty to behold. Every one knew we were destined for each other. Everything was perfect between we were both AA.

What we built and sustained over a period of 7years took less than a month to fizzle out.

Never Never hit a lady no matter the rage. I did this mistake like three years into what we had then but I must tell you that crack was a worm whole through which a lot others entered.

I look back and take full responsibility of blowing something extra ordinary I once had. Have grown stronger and a better man now. Let her been for now and you should do your self so good and take a vac. Common it could be a sign it wasn't meant to be. Wishing you courage and strength to pull through this and the wisdom from above to make the right decisions of life. May the YOUniverse bring back your love to you if it was meant to be.

Ur turn to laf wil come.take it easy.1 day at a time.

Hey Chubhie, feels good to know there's someone who has gone through what I'm going through right now. Taking a vac is certainly a viable option. Thanks.

@ sarbest001, thanks a lot for that advice.

Mayb I don't get this story right but you guys are both AS nd if u are,I dnt see a way medically

So sad, good things always come to an end.

So Sad but there is hope yet. Don't give up and well you seem to have learnt well.

Awww, sad story.. Take heart bro..its gonna be alright

Emmerlee: Hey Chubhie, feels good to know there's someone who has gone through what I'm going through right now. Taking a vac is certainly a viable option. Thanks.

@ sarbest001, thanks a lot for that advice.

U r welcome bro.

I can understand how you feel.Have experience something to yours .

lesson learnt! Thanks for sharing.

Noted

Seriously this got me a bit scared that I might just dash to the nearest hospital to go recheck my Blood genotype. I have not found the one yet but I have never seen the blood group as an impediment since I'm AA.

Truth is there is no solution to your situation other than a brake up. I have a friend's brother that madly fell in love with one babe. On finding out that they are both AS, they agreed to doctor the report so that the priest can wed them. They did and eventually settled down, had the first issue which turned out to be SS. There wahala started. My brother they never knew peace since then up until they separated. Yes u heard me. That undying love turned sour and they became their worst enemies. Baby brought nothing else than misery to their lives. Both families got to know about what they did. Accusations were flying from all cylinder from both families and the marriage packed up.


Soo bro I suggest u make peace with her 4 laying ur hand on her, then take a walk. A vac or anything to make u 4get her. God wont 4give u for bringing forth a child in the world to make him/her suffer.

Emmerlee: Hey Chubhie, feels good to know there's someone who has gone through what I'm going through right now. Taking a vac is certainly a viable option. Thanks.

@ sarbest001, thanks a lot for that advice.

I totally understand you feel right now bro. Adversity have a way of introducing a man to himself. The sun will always shine regardless of what we do go through in life cos this too shall pass give it to time. Sending you lights and love.

Wat a sad story! Pls take heart bro, everytin will be fine sooner than you expect, nd put everytin in prayer!

As per the AS part, u guys have a few options:
Adopt a child
As soon as you get pregnant, get tests done, if it's in d negative, you terminate it! Hopefully, you might get two dt would be fine!

If I were to meet a guy who I love sooooooooooo much, I might not mibd the first option! However, whatever you do, don't bring a child to suffer in this present world!


As per the violence part, don't blame it on your frustrations, violence is violence! It's in you, deal with it! Well, except you can tell me that if you get too frustrated, you'll lat tour hands on your mother and come back to apologize! If the answer to that is 'NO', jut take your blames and deal with your anger issues! Don't blame it on any frustration, she didn't make you 'AS', if you needed to beat someone, you should have slapped yourself!

I sincerely and really hope she doesn't come back, if she were to be my sister, she's never coming back! If you killed her while holding her neck, would you also blame it on frustration?

alutacontinua: As per the AS part, u guys have a few options:
Adopt a child
As soon as you get pregnant, get tests done, if it's in d negative, you terminate it! Hopefully, you might get two dt would be fine!

If I were to meet a guy who I love sooooooooooo much, I might not mibd the first option! However, whatever you do, don't bring a child to suffer in this present world!


As per the violence part, don't blame it on your frustrations, violence is violence! It's in you, deal with it! Well, except you can tell me that if you get too frustrated, you'll lat tour hands on your mother and come back to apologize! If the answer to that is 'NO', jut take your blames and deal with your anger issues! Don't blame it on any frustration, she didn't make you 'AS', if you needed to beat someone, you should have slapped yourself!

I sincerely and really hope she doesn't come back, if she were to be my sister, she's never coming back! If you killed her while holding her neck, would you also blame it on frustration?

Yeah I get you.. I definitely need a break as I can now see a problem I didn't know I had somehow. I am much more interested in making up with her than anything else. We can't be best friends for 7 months and suddenly become enemies overnight! She was wonderful and she deserves a whole lot more, so I'd go to any length to make her happy again at the very least. Any decision she takes afterwards will be very fair whether or not she decides to come back..

Chubhie: I totally understand you feel right now bro. Adversity have a way of introducing a man to himself. The sun will always shine regardless of what we do go through in life cos this too shall pass give it to time. Sending you lights and love.

Thanks again bro.. I appreciate your understanding and contribution.

oshyno: Soo bro I suggest u make peace with her 4 laying ur hand on her, then take a walk. A vac or anything to make u 4get her. God wont 4give u for bring a child in the world to make him/her suffer.

Right on point! Making peace with her is my ultimate goal atm..

Slap 1 -- Kpa



Slap 2 -- kpa



Slap 3 -- kpa



Bro, I need you to defrenciate between Lust,infatuation and love , if I to know very well what L-O-V-E is I will never agree you were in love with her as you said or you did not allow the Love to grow to puberty,

Love bring tears from strong men when they face frustration from their partner not sound slap 1 , relax and give slap 2, sharpen your hand for slap 3, and you still insist you are in love ?

Anyway the knife has done its worst, just busy working on yourself first because no good lady is advice to stay with a slapper not even the ugly one. She may give you another chance if you play your game right

@OP I m so sorry about the break up. Try to ammend things with her.

I can imagine how u felt. When a man is ready to settle down and has done everything right n everything starts crumbling all of a sudden.it can b so frustrating n depressing.

What I'll say is:1) if medically it ain't gonna work due to d AS thing,den call it quits. 2)if u both go ahead n wed,heard a cure for sickle cell has been found n I believe in less than 5 to 10 years,it should b in Nigeria. 3 )May God help you in either decision u make above

so sad my birthday had to be the day ur rlship came crashing

Haa.so sad...op it is well....I rememba I had a friend back dem whose parents were both AS ...and deir first two children,she and her broda weren't SS at all.......dey are so healthy....d parents just stopped at dat point o,no more babies cos d first two were like miracles 2 dem already

oshyno: Seriously this got me a bit scared that I might just dash to the nearest hospital to go recheck my Blood genotype. I have not found the one yet but I have never seen the blood group as an impediment since I'm AA.

Truth is there is no solution to your situation other than a brake up. I have a friend's brother that madly fell in love with one babe. On finding out that they are both AS, they agreed to doctor the report so that the priest can wed them. They did and eventually settled down, had the first issue which turned out to be SS. There wahala started. My brother they never knew peace since then up until they separated. Yes u heard me. That undying love turned sour and they became their worst enemies. Baby brought nothing else than misery to their lives. Both families got to know about what they did. Accusations were flying from all cylinder from both families and the marriage packed up.


Soo bro I suggest u make peace with her 4 laying ur hand on her, then take a walk. A vac or anything to make u 4get her. God wont 4give u for bring a child in the world to make him/her suffer.

yea i agree wit him,he just said my mind.dnt try marrying her nd believn God wil change things cos dats hw God made d genotypes 2 be.

Kemzie victor: I can imagine how u felt. When a man is ready to settle down and has done everything right n everything starts crumbling all of a sudden.it can b so frustrating n depressing.

What I'll say is:1) if medically it ain't gonna work due to d AS thing,den call it quits. 2)if u both go ahead n wed,heard a cure for sickle cell has been found n I believe in less than 5 to 10 years,it should b in Nigeria. 3 )May God help you in either decision u make above

Thanks Victor, that was a soothing response and I appreciate your comment. Heard there's a cure for it and I'm still gathering information on that development.

Still weighing all my options..

Booty butt chic: Haa.so sad...op it is well....I rememba I had a friend back dem whose parents were both AS ...and deir first two children,she and her broda weren't SS at all.......dey are so healthy....d parents just stopped at dat point o,no more babies cos d first two were like miracles 2 dem already

Hmm... You know that is not a risk many are willing to take these days. Funny enough the risk of having an SS is just 25% but many would rather not try at all. There are also a couple of medical related remedies here and there for people in my shoes, but for the kind of society we live in...

First of all

i would say, this has to be the most matured thread i have read on romance section this year

thanks Op for the advice

i have lost lots of good female friends just for bad temper and in extreme cases hitting her.

But working on it though, with God by my side, i believe i would scale through the evil vice

once more @Op

advice taken

Emmerlee:

Hmm... You know that is not a risk many are willing to take these days. Funny enough the risk of having an SS is just 25% but many would rather not try at all. There are also a couple of medical related remedies here and there for people in my shoes, but for the kind of society we live in...

so true....people don't want to take risk....cos it wil just become a matter of startin wat u can't finish!

Sad