Phew! Twisted ban over!

nikkyshyne: Asides being an annoying mummy's boy, are there any other qualities you like about him? Do you really and truly love him?

With all due respect, it doesn't matter what other qualities she likes about him. She needs to get out of that relationship asap. This issue is going to overwhelm any other good aspect even more so in marriage than it is now.

Jaybeyblucarter , save yourself from misery and end it now. It's not worth it.

jaybeyblu: When we have misunderstandings and we are trying to resolve it and I tell him; I don't like how you went about this for instance, his response would always be my father said that this or my mother said that , I would ask him please am I dating your parents ? The other day I was showing a close friend of mine our text messages and he was shocked because no text message my man sent to me doesn't start with my mother or my father.. Even if he eventually moves out would he change? And be a little detached because he is a mama's boy to the extreme in this case it is with both parents, or he behaves that way because he simply has stayed there for too long he is so used to them? Because I have lost interest and even if he moves out he can always call them on the phone to discuss our marriage issues with them..that time he promised he would move out, he said even when we do we must spend every weekend in his village and I was like weekends are when you clean up, and spend time with each other and we could go visiting on Sundays after church stay there till evenings and go back home. And All hell was let loose! "That I hate his family that he has agreed to move out but he must spend weekend in his village". Please should I call of the wedding? Because I am exhausted and depressed

I dnt want to believe dis cookd up,wound up story. U dnt need ppl to advice u,as u knw wat u want for urself. Seems u r enjoying it for d past 3yrs. Live wit it or deal wit it once n for all. U dnt need ppl to convince u if u can't convince urself. Live wit it or deal wit it once n for all.

mrsincredible: my dear dis 1 is not love matter if she marries this guy she will suffer big time. Dis 1 is a serious mummy's boy and the house is in a village imagine the relatives that will be coming in and out of dat house.

I asked because if he is ok in other aspect, she shouldn't call off the wedding just like that and run. What she need do is to postpone the wedding and give an ultimatum. Our happiness or your parent's. From his response, she should know what to do. Simplez!

Sarah a: I don't think so.

@jaybeyblu...
I'm sure you've gotten enough response from Nairalanders...


The only word I have for you is NEVER you think the next man you'll meet would have ALL the qualities you desire... Do not go out there thinking you'll meet a PERFECT man.

Infact, the process of courting might seem perfect and rossy...
But on getting to HIS house, events would begin to unfold.

Count yourself lucky and show appreciation to God for revealing his nature to you on time.

jaybeyblu: Ok thank you guys please how do I call it off (the wedding is supposed to be next month) how do I tell my parents, they are really excited about the wedding and all that. We have almost concluded all preparations . Thanks

Babe, there is no instruction manual on how to call off a wedding! Just do it! However, I don't think you plan to call it off, I think you don't have the nerve to do it. Why would you wait till your wedding is a month before you start complaining and seeking people's opinions? BOL.

@OP, If loneliness is the problem, guy can rent out part of the da's place to a decent family, who will be nice to mama and keep her company. Tell your guy to get his own place.

@ nikkyshine I love him and he is very caring but like someone said the family house problems beclouds everything and 90 percent of our misunderstanding is because of his staying in his family house.Whenever I give him an ultimatum he would start calling everybody, my sisters, brothers and friends to talk to me that he would move out, and actually that period he would contact agents and start searching for a house, but in the process of that he would be giving some funny conditions like: 'I don't like upstairs because my mom is not so strong she may not be able to climb it' but even as at that he went as far as buying properties for the new apartment and I was convinced that he would move out we kept tabs on a particular house, but later on we got disappointed as the lady that was supposed to pack out told us her sister was interested in the house. So my man stopped searching for another house and I try to talk about it he would start quarreling all over again. It is not like I have been there folding my arms for 3 yrs I would insist he should move out he would make a move that period when I relax believing he is serious to move out he would give one excuse that he is eating the rent money he would replace it next month and that's how he would relax and not move out again.

In Lagos particularly. . . it is a good idea.
Helps to keep an eye on mama too!
Why go rent another home and WASTE MONEY. . .when there is an almost empty house to live in?
At least. . .till THEY ARE SETTLED. . . and for safety!
I don't see any problem with it o.

@ candy dear I have complained about this long time ago on nairaland but nobody responded to it, I have complained to my close friends and as at last month his boss begged me to be patient that after January and my man doesn't move out I am free to make any decision I want to .. Whenever we have this issues my man would run to my sisters and promise them heaven and earth and they would feel sorry for him and be begging me to be patient. I know my guy he is good in winning people over he would tell the story like he is the victim here.. But I wear the shoes and I know where it pinches me.. End of January was the last ultimatum but as at 2 days ago he started picking fights with me out of the blues and I know that is his pattern as the time to move out is drawing near so he tries to use quarrels to avoid it!

Acidosis:





@jaybeyblu...
I'm sure you've gotten enough response from Nairalanders...


The only word I have for you is NEVER you think the next man you'll meet would have ALL the qualities you desire... Do not go out there thinking you'll meet a PERFECT man.

Infact, the process of courting might seem perfect and rossy...
But on getting to HIS house, events would begin to unfold.

Count yourself lucky and show appreciation to God for revealing his nature to you on time.

Thanks dear, I would keep that in mind..

Jaybeyblu.. Well, the ball is in your court. You either get married to him and wallow in misery. But never say never, it might be temporary.

And like somebody wrote, I know it will be really difficult for you to call off the wedding since it's barely few weeks away. You need all the wisdom you could get right now.

nikkyshyne: I asked because if he is ok in other aspect, she shouldn't call off the wedding just like that and run. What she need do is to postpone the wedding and give an ultimatum. Our happiness or your parent's. From his response, she should know what to do. Simplez!

Would have agreed to what you put up here had it been that the boy man hadn't started showing this tendency until recently. He has been on it for some couple of months now and this is never gonna change at all, not even any time soon. The only solution right now is calling it off/dissolution of the courtship. Mind you, courtship is a mini-marriage.

jaybeyblu: @ nikkyshine I love him and he is very caring but like someone said the family house problems beclouds everything and 90 percent of our misunderstanding is because of his staying in his family house.Whenever I give him an ultimatum he would start calling everybody, my sisters, brothers and friends to talk to me that he would move out, and actually that period he would contact agents and start searching for a house, but in the process of that he would be giving some funny conditions like: 'I don't like upstairs because my mom is not so strong she may not be able to climb it' but even as at that he went as far as buying properties for the new apartment and I was convinced that he would move out we kept tabs on a particular house, but later on we got disappointed as the lady that was supposed to pack out told us her sister was interested in the house. So my man stopped searching for another house and I try to talk about it he would start quarreling all over again. It is not like I have been there folding my arms for 3 yrs I would insist he should move out he would make a move that period when I relax believing he is serious to move out he would give one excuse that he is eating the rent money he would replace it next month and that's how he would relax and not move out again.

You have tried your best in changing the situation, to be truthful, but all has proven abortive. The only thing you can do now is to end or break the courtship and cancel the wedding. My dear, it won't change at all when you get married. Not sounding "doomnastic" though, you will surely have issues and chances that you will be trapped and end up getting abused (especially emotional-wise) is high. In fact, there is a wild raging fire on the mountain in going along with the man.
In marriage, there is the leaving part and the cleaving part. Your man is not ready to do the second part at all and that was why I used 'boy' for him up there. Even if he leaves that place, which is highly improbable, the mother will still come along and it will cause strain in your home.
Be wise my sister!!!

ayobase:

Thanks!

The guy can go rent an accomodation and put his father house on rent!

see you brain, when he is the landlord and he will become tenant in somebodys house, an igbo man cannot try dis,

nikkyshyne: I asked because if he is ok in other aspect, she shouldn't call off the wedding just like that and run. What she need do is to postpone the wedding and give an ultimatum. Our happiness or your parent's. From his response, she should know what to do. Simplez!

from the story u will know he won't pick her cos the guy is a serious mummy's boy

I just told my father ( not the full details though!) but I told him that I am no longer interested about the marriage and he encouraged me. And told me to be prayerful that let God's will be done. That if we were meant to be we would be , but if he is not the right one for me, my own MR RIGHT would come soon. I am hopeful, and I thank you all for your advices God bless you...

jaybeyblu: @ candy dear I have complained about this long time ago on nairaland but nobody responded to it, I have complained to my close friends and as at last month his boss begged me to be patient that after January and my man doesn't move out I am free to make any decision I want to .. Whenever we have this issues my man would run to my sisters and promise them heaven and earth and they would feel sorry for him and be begging me to be patient. I know my guy he is good in winning people over he would tell the story like he is the victim here.. But I wear the shoes and I know where it pinches me.. End of January was the last ultimatum but as at 2 days ago he started picking fights with me out of the blues and I know that is his pattern as the time to move out is drawing near so he tries to use quarrels to avoid it!

Too bad people did not respond to your post earlier. I believe you want to be with this guy and it may be difficult for you to pull out. What you can do is threaten to leave him, and remember to say it like you mean it! Don't call, don't visit, be very serious with this. Even if you miss him, don't back down. If he gets people involved, tell them your stand and let them know you are serious.

The most important thing here is for him to move out and get a place. If you are able to achieve that, all other things can be taken care of. You can control the traffic in your/his house to a reasonable extent. Before you do this though, better you start by officially postponing the wedding.

If all fails, my sister think twice before you reconsider. We live in the same city with parents-in-law but we don't see more than once or twice a month and we do most of the visiting. You need privacy in marriage; there lies respect!

jaybeyblu: I just told my father ( not the full details though!) but I told him that I am no longer interested about the marriage and he encouraged me.

Good for you!

Be strong and don't look back.

jaybeyblu: I just told my father ( not the full details though!) but I told him that I am no longer interested about the marriage and he encouraged me. And told me to be prayerful that let God's will be done. That if we were meant to be we would be , but if he is not the right one for me, my own MR RIGHT would come soon. I am hopeful, and I thank you all for your advices God bless you...

Why would you hide the main details from your dad? If I were your dad, I would have given the same answer he gave because you hid the main details. I am sure if you have told him everything, his response and action would be different.

You shouldn't hide from the person that will bath you. Your dad above everyone has the right to know the details. Not telling him the details is a defeated course.

@Jaybeyblu,threaten to cancell the wedding if he will not rent a house immediately and mean it! A house is not that difficult to find if he is serious. And let the house be far from his parents own, With that his obsession with his pareñts will reduce. He is not the only one with mummy and daddy.

Don't allow his blackmail or that of anybody to make you change your mind. Your happiness and peace of mind is suppose to be his priority

@op,why not ask your friend to ask his wife if she will be comfortable to leave in his family house until.
since he said the house is very big with only his mum occupying it.If her mother in law is not the busybody type she will enjoy her.Not all mother in laws are bad if you can take them as your mother. If she is not comfortable with time,they can always relocate . And If she is working, she will not have a problem living with her mother in law because she will be busy and when kids come,she will have someone to put an eye on them.

jaybeyblu: I just told my father ( not the full details though!) but I told him that I am no longer interested about the marriage and he encouraged me. And told me to be prayerful that let God's will be done. That if we were meant to be we would be , but if he is not the right one for me, my own MR RIGHT would come soon. I am hopeful, and I thank you all for your advices God bless you...

My dear...take a long break
Your fiance needs to grow up...when he can finally stand up to his parents then they will realise their son is no longer a baby and cut the apron strings.
He needs to grow up without you so abeg stop all the phonecalls and people pleading on his behalf
This has nothing to do with if you can not find a perfect man

Your fiance neva grow up...he needs a rude awakening he's still breastfeeding

@jaybeyblu I'll advice u to postpone the wedding n tell ur fiance to get a house first before another wedding date will be fixed. My dear a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage n he needs to look for a house that is far from where his parents live. Tell ur dad all the details don't hide anything from him,this is ur life n u should know what u really want. A word is enough for the wise.

It's no longer about moving out. Ur husband Is a disaster waiting to happen. Even if u live in Afghanistan, mama and papa will still know when u are on ur period.

Gaggi: It's no longer about moving out. Ur husband Is a disaster waiting to happen. Even if u live in Afghanistan, mama and papa will still know when u are on ur period.

THANK YOU!!!

Serious matter.

[quote author=oluswaggz]
Busted!!!!
Wu be dis?
Martins,Badmus. Aren't u d one?

[quote author=tenry][/quote]
No b me ooo, check my profile

RUN babe.
they r hidding something about your husband and they dont want you to know until u get married to him. it might be a spiritual or health condition. i'm telling u dis from xperience.
which sane father will want his grown up son to occupy space in the house?

Na wah!

veave: RUN babe.
they r hidding something about your husband and they dont want you to know until u get married to him. it might be a spiritual or health condition. i'm telling u dis from xperience.
which sane father will want his grown up son to occupy space in the house?

He is the one that has decided to stay there, because he has brothers and they all have moved out and even as at that his father still bugs them to come back to the village and "why would they pay rent" 'and what is bad in living in the house with them' and each time they applaud my man telling him that he has done the right thing, and you see him beaming with smiles telling me ' you see what my father said'? He would tell me, "how many years remaining for them to stay on this earth highest 30 yrs." you can manage with them, his parents keep telling him almost on a daily basis how it is a scary world out there, why the village is the best, that he may move out and armed robbers would be disturbing him, and sunk so much fear in him that till this day my man hardly sleeps be it his friend's house, my house nor anywhere except a well secured hotel and his " almighty" village house..

When we started dating and I went to his house for the first time, I was shocked because of the state of his room so old, no better furniture just an old and out dated tv, if you see him outside, he is cute, looks good,dresses very well,has good cars and I was very disappointed when I came to his house. I told him for starters paint this room which he did, and I told him changed this old box tv to a plasma tv or LCD one. I told him to buy a 32 inch tv he said he would buy a 40" one I said fine, on reaching the store, he was like won't my father complain that this tv is too big? My father would say, this or that. I kept telling him but that is what you want go for it, he later changed his mind that he would go for a 29" TV because he is not so sure about his father's reaction. Then I didn't take this issue serious but now I am recalling all, if he can't make a stand for common tv that he wants to buy with his own hard earned money to put in his room, how much more to move out. ( at last he bought the 40" I seriously convinced him no be small thing oo) and his father (of course he has to show him the tv if he approves of it) approved and liked the tv so my guy was happy to finally hang it on his wall

^This is really sad.

I don't want to sound like a pessimist, but I must tell you the truth. Right inside you, you already have your reservations about marrying that mid 30 year old fool man, and quite rightly so.

That man must be under some diabolic/spiritual bondage. I have never heard a thing like this, this is highly embarrassing and I am surprised that your parents and sibling know about this, yet they still advise you to hang on.
As an Igbo man, we have saying that "a dighi amu aka ekpe na nka" meaning you don't learn how to use your right hand at old age literarily.

BOTTOMLINE
DONT EXPECT HIM TO CHANGE, IF YOU CHOOSE TO GO AHEAD WITH THE MARRIAGE, PREPARE FOR THE WORSE. WHAT YOU ARE SEEING NOW IS JUST A PREAMBLE, WHEN YOU MARRY HIM, BE READY FOR THE INTRODUCTION, FULL BODY, THE SUMMARY AND POSSIBLY CONCLUSION
I hope you read in between the line. I am sorry if I was rude somewhere, but its just that as a man, I feel ashamed on behalf of my fellow real men that a fully grown man will behave this way in this 21st century jet age, the more reason why I am tempted to think that your man is under a spell of some sort and maybe you have been marked for the mission and unfortunately your family members are unable to visualize and read the handwriting on the wall.

Accept my sincere sympathy for the trauma and dilemma you are going through.

Thanks@shizzle11 i have called off the wedding! I was astonished as you are now when I met him, and as an Ibo lady also this was new and strange to me, I have racked my brain trying to figure out why would he be like that ( I even nicknamed him ancient of days ) because though he is a well learned man in his field of occupation, his reasoning is something else.so backward when it comes to marriage issues and relationships,I tried to convince my self that when he moves out everything would be ok maybe because he is not so exposed and lived all his life there, the last time we had a heated argument I told him that he was under a spell,he told my sisters that I abusedhim and told him that he was under a spell. he was so pained by that statement.. My brother trauma no be small, I even went for counseling in my church (that was early last year)and the pastor advised me to carry on with the wedding that it is their culture and I should just bear it that I can't change it. That the place my guy is from it is their tradition. I noticed so because those around him full grown men are still living with parents having kids there, but recently, most of them are getting their own places small boys around him including his younger ones have all moved out except him.