I am about to marry an Igbo man, I need to be impacted with wisdom from you wise Igbo women. I am a Yoruba girl and I know next to nothing about the Igbo culture. I keep hearing that Igbos don't have any culture. I am sure they do, so wise Igbo married women, please biko nu, come help me here.

Little info: He is from Abia State.

Thanks.

I hope say no be PLC aka bashali, sha.

if na him, dont mind me oh! I just dey joke!

I was going to say that marrying an Igbo doesn't mean you have to change who you are because if he's marrying you then he loves you for you. A Yoruba girl and not an Igbo girl. However, I see you are trying to start an ethnic debate with you "heard Igbos have not culture". Even if you heard it no need to bring it here if you truely need advice furthermore there is no tribe or group of people void of culutre. I wonder how old you are if you are getting married. I don;t think you need help on Igbo culutre you just nned to group up or learn a little on diplomacy.

Wow, savanha, put the dagger down. Did you read where I started that, I think they do? And how is "I heard they don't have any culture", sound disrespectful? Ok, no vex, wise Igbo woman.

What does my age have to do with anything? Ok, because you are my elder, I will answer. I am 28 yrs old. So now, will you kindly tell me some of the cultures?

Thanks.

Never said I was older, I said you need to mature diplomatically. . .I'm 20 yrs old

theopops:

I am about to marry an Igbo man, I need to be impacted with wisdom from you wise Igbo women. I am a Yoruba girl and I know next to nothing about the Igbo culture. I keep hearing that Igbos don't have any culture. I am sure they do, so wise Igbo married women, please biko nu, come help me here.

Little info: He is from Abia State.

Thanks.

Is that what Yorubas teach their kids?
I ask this because I've heard this on this forum only from Yorubas.
What do you call iri ji festivals?
what do you call nkpokiti,atilogwu,nkwa umuagbogho and the rest?
What do you call nze na ozo?
Nmanwu nko?
what do you call iwa akwa in Imo state areas?
How about Ekpe in some areas of abia state?
what do you call iru mgbede and igbu ichi?
dibia ukwu na nke nta
and these are just to mention a few
Have you read things fall apart to see Igbo culture,granted a lot have been overtaken by Christianity
Thank God!
_{If not I would have been wearing jigida on my waist as clothing}

what is even this so called culture that Igbos seem to lack?
tribal marks?
seriously I'll like to know what culture we lack
Our protocol for marriage is unparalled with umuada to make sure things are done correctly.

Is it food?
Ofe nsala,ofe onugbu,oha,egwusi,achi,achara and ofe owerri are all Igbo.
mmiri oku uda na ji for nursing mothers nko?
Isiewu, ngwongwo, ugba, nkwobi,abacha and okporoko,aki n'ukwa are igbo delicacies

How about okpa,ukwa,akidi.
next time anyone tells you Igbos don't have culture,tell them Queenisha calls them bloody liars

theopops:

I am about to marry an Igbo man, I need to be impacted with wisdom from you wise Igbo women. I am a Yoruba girl and I know next to nothing about the Igbo culture. I keep hearing that Igbos don't have any culture. I am sure they do, so wise Igbo married women, please biko nu, come help me here.

Little info: He is from Abia State.

Thanks.

Now to answer your question ,I'll start with a question.
What exactly do you want to know about his culture?
How to greet his parents,relate to his family,prepare meals?
be specific,I may be able to help
there's another girl on the forum that is destined to marry an Igbo man her name starts with a K
I may help her too

An Igbo man is just like any other man
nothing unique that demands special attention.
Love him, treat him right, stroke his ego, let him be the man
_{this may be my sister in law}

Wise woman, Queenisha, thanks for your inputs.

I will just let sleeping dogs lie and don't bother with adding more wood to the fire. Next time someone tell me say Igbos no get culture, I go remember to tell them, that you said otherwise.

Yes, I am interested in the basics. Like, if i kneel for his parents, will they get mad? Every man has an ego, so I will be sure to stroke it. I think I am just interested in the basics for now. More like, I want to put my best foot forward. I am sure the rest, I can learn from his sisters.

Thanks once again. I appreciate.

when a good friend of mine who is Igbo graduated, I knelt for her parents and they looked at me like I was a crazy alien.

Thats why I am here, to learn from wise Igbo women. I am sure they'll show me the way.

theopops:

Wise woman, Queenisha, thanks for your inputs.

I will just let sleeping dogs lie and don't bother with adding more wood to the fire. Next time someone tell me say Igbos no get culture, I go remember to tell them, that you said otherwise.

Yes, I am interested in the basics. Like, if i kneel for his parents, will they get mad? Every man has an ego, so I will be sure to stroke it. I think I am just interested in the basics for now. More like, I want to put my best foot forward. I am sure the rest, I can learn from his sisters.

Thanks once again. I appreciate.

Of course not,I don't think they'll get mad but it's not Igbo culture to kneel for elders or prostrate.
I only see that in Igbo nollywood movies where women kneel maybe it was done during my great grandmothers time.
But it may be just okay if you just bend your knees briefly while greeting and if they bring out their hand for a handshake,you use both hands to shake them .
You'll score major points

My mother told me that one has to be diplomatic in marriage especially when dealing with in laws.
You have just one chance to make a first impression, so use it wisely.
There's nothing a man loves more than a wife that cares about his family[b] especially his mother.[/b]
Even if she's a total witch, to him, she's the best woman in the world
Remember she gave birth to him
treat her well
befriend her
buy her gifts
spoil her with love and kindness.
call her on the phone just to ask of her welfare
Once you get her on your side, the rest is smooth sailing.

any more questions dear?

KarmaMod:

when a good friend of mine who is Igbo graduated, I knelt for her parents and they looked at me like I was a crazy alien.

ROFL
If you were male,I would think you're trying to peep under my wrapper

I love that custom though.
davidylan and all y'all should be kneeling to reply my posts

Miss Theopops!! Its funny "people" told you that ibos dont have any culture cos most ibos think its the other way round. Let me let you in on a secret. The second main reason some ibo parents dont want their children especially daughters marrying into yorubaland (the first one being resentment from the biafran war era) is because they claim the yoruba culture has a weak structure and as a result, most  marriages there are not solid.  I dont believe it but I just want to let u know the mutuallity of that statement. The feeling is so mutual. Both tribes have their bias.  Since its a yoruba perception, I understand its really not about culture. I have yoruba friends and we argue about that a lot. Their claim is that the ibos dont have respect cos they dont kneel or postrate when greeting elders, they go on and on about how yorubas are so respectful no matter where they are , even if they are on the streets of London or Newyork, and I applaud that, but I wonder how that translates into ibos not having respect. Why should the ibos greet any other way if not their way?.  Anyway my dear, I dont blame u oooo. I have my own bias too, but since you are in this situation and not me, let me elighten you on certain facts u are obviously ignorant about because some people have been decieving you. The ibo's have one of the strictest, most disciplined, harshest, archaic and sometimes UNFORGIVING cultures in Nigeria. Most people know that. Even I as an ibo girl think its sometimes too harsh. Please dont go into this marriage/new family with this unprepared mindset I beg you or else you won't know what hit you. It will just do u like "the more u look, the less u see."  YOU are the one marrying the ibo man. Take it upon yourself to find out fact from ibos who know the culture (especially your husband's cos it differs, although there are a lot of similarities) Dont rely on hear-say from friends , relatives and those "people" who have been feeding u crap. They dont now jack!!! Get first-hand knowledge. Using this forum is a good way to start but use other avenues. Shey na culture u want? By the time you go thru the "culture", from the protocols to the laws of the land to the umuada's to the umunna's, yorubaland will seem like liberal America to you.  I'm not trying to scare u. No fear, you can handle it. Welcome to iboland.

To reply your post, I really concur with Queenisha's statement.

1) The love of his mother is the beginning of wisdom. 
2) Being a good cook is a big plus. PLEASE learn how to cook some ibo dishes. Unless you are serving your husband only, do not serve your inlaws or his relatives your own local dish, they will not eat!! They will not even try!! Trust me on this one.  Its better you just serve rice and stew or jollof rice.
3) Being a domestic hard worker. Do you do house chores well?  Can you sweep well? (There's a difference btw sweeping ang sweeping well. In ibo land if u sweep without bending your back a certain way, they'll conclude that u dont know how to sweep and they'll make a big deal out of it), I'll be back to give you more, I dey come.

Wow, thanks Queenisha and Kech.

Am I scared after all you wrote, Kech? No, way. I am more than confident. I believe, I got a lot to learn and I am willing to learn. At least, he is willing to learn some of mine too, like the prostrating and stuff. He said I am worth even more. So, if he is willing to do things that are not comfortable or according to his culture, believe me, I am willing and ready to learn.

Thanks for some of the things you have typed. I am patiently waiting to learn more. Who knows, I just might start trying to make some Igbo soups. At least, I should start getting used to them.

Thanks again. I appreciate.

theopops:

Wow, thanks Queenisha and Kech.

Am I scared after all you wrote, Kech? No, way. I am more than confident. I believe, I got a lot to learn and I am willing to learn. At least, he is willing to learn some of mine too, like the prostrating and stuff. He said I am worth even more. So, if he is willing to do things that are not comfortable or according to his culture, believe me, I am willing and ready to learn.

Thanks for some of the things you have typed. I am patiently waiting to learn more. Who knows, I just might start trying to make some Igbo soups. At least, I should start getting used to them.

Thanks again. I appreciate.

Above all be yourself dear.

while you're learning his culture, he should be learning yours
He should for instance,prostrate to greet your parents as a sign of respect.
If I were Yoruba,I'll expect my man to prostrate to my parents,and older relatives.
Your man is lucky sha
I hear Yorubas don't "charge" exhorbitant dowries and provide the suitors with a list of things to buy as most Igbos do.
and I also hear the brides family sponsors the wedding in Yorubaland
The man had it easy
kai!
He is a blessed man

the Ibos do have a culture as much as everyone else.

Compared to most cultures, in aspects like fidelity in marriage and respect to elders, theirs' is quite lax.

khai_khai:

the Ibos do have a culture as much as everyone else.

Compared to most cultures, in aspects like fidelity in marriage and respect to elders, theirs' is quite lax.

says who?
is it Igbo culture to cheat or is it with the particular individual ?

when it comes to marital morality, among the major ethnic groups in naija, the igbo arguably have the best record.

na me talk am

Thanks for your input, Queenisha.

Yes, he is going to learn some of mine too. I do not expect my husband to be standing when greeting my parents. Just doesn't look right. Though nowadays sef, I hardly kneel for them too.

As per the wedding ceremonies, I did not know that the groom na him dey do everything for Igbo land o. We almost had a quarrel about that sef. I am sure we'll reach a compromise before the day. And yes, he is a very blessed man. Couldn't ask for a better man.

Thanks once again. If you remember any more, please do share with me.

kech:

The ibo's have one of the strictest, most disciplined, harshest, archaic and sometimes UNFORGIVING cultures in Nigeria. Most people know that. Shey na culture u want? By the time you go through the "culture", from the protocols to the laws of the land to the umuada's to the umunna's, yorubaland will seem like liberal America to you. I'm not trying to scare u. No fear, you can handle it. Welcome to iboland.

Lmao na this you wnat me to enter, osisi? Now I know you dont like me

I hear Yorubas don't "charge" exhorbitant dowries and provide the suitors with a list of things to buy as most Igbos do.
and I also hear the brides family sponsors the wedding in Yorubaland

True. Bride's family usually has a seperate account for their daughter's wedding.

theopops, most I can say to you is dont allow your husband to feel like he needs to spend SO much on dowry and all that stuff. It's becomes of the obnoxious money some places pay where the groom goes from kind to cos they spent an am and a leg on your head.

kech:

To reply your post, I really concur with Queenisha's statement.

1) The love of his mother is the beginning of wisdom. 
2) Being a good cook is a big plus. PLEASE learn how to cook some ibo dishes. Unless you are serving your husband only, do not serve your inlaws or his relatives your own local dish, they will not eat!! They will not even try!! Trust me on this one.  Its better you just serve rice and stew or jollof rice.
3) Being a domestic hard worker. Do you do house chores well?  Can you sweep well? (There's a difference between sweeping ang sweeping well. In ibo land if u sweep without bending your back a certain way, they'll conclude that u don't know how to sweep and they'll make a big deal out of it), I'll be back to give you more, I dey come.

Sounds like something out of Things for Apart. Come on now, it is not like she's about to marry a bushman from Umuanumanu village.

khai_khai:

the Ibos do have a culture as much as everyone else.

Compared to most cultures, in aspects like fidelity in marriage and respect to elders, theirs' is quite lax.

My friend, don't come here and spout nonsense.

Queenisha:

says who?
is it Igbo culture to cheat or is it with the particular individual ?

My statement says, the culture is not strictly against it.

grafikdon:

My friend, don't come here and spout nonsense.

Are you sure it's nonsense, or you aren't aware?
Because a few weeks ago, I witnessed 2 ibo dudes argue in support of that statement, To the shock of some others present.

KM, I don't know how much they pay. Last time I checked, think it was N12. Lol. I think my father should ask them to bring like $12,000. Just kidding o.

Please o, make we no turn am into something else. A cheating man is a cheating man, whether Yoruba o, or Igbo or Hausa o.

khai_khai:

Are you sure it's nonsense, or you aren't aware?
Because a few weeks ago, I witnessed 2 ibo dudes argue in support of that statement, To the shock of some others present.

My brother, It is nonsense. I know of a married Igbo dude (old enough to be my father) fooling around with other women until his wife nearly made a sandwich out of his testicles. . . does that mean the Igbo culture encourages infidelity? NO. Should I expect such a man to stand up and repel the distorted concept that Igbo culture is a culture of infidelity? NOPE. My parents have been happily married for 30 years and the way I see it, there's no end until deaths says so., same thing applies to my uncles/aunts who have been happily married for years with no end in sight.


For every case of infidelity like the case of the man I mentioned above, there are thousands of cases like that of my parents/aunts/uncles. I expect the imbecilic efulefu/anu mpam/Akalogoli/ekwensu Igbo men to argue against my post because whatever gratification they gain from doing push up between the thighs of Shekima, Bonquesha and Kessiah has drastically blurred their sense of reasoning.


On the issue of respect for elders, again that is nonsense. That Igbo people do not prostrate does not connote lack of respect, they have their own ways of greeting the elders. It is true that a lot of these positive ideals get washed away as soon as the Igbo man steps into oyinbo land but when push comes to shove, everyone remembers not to eat pepper soup with their anus.

When I was growing up, it was an abomination to roll your eyes in the presence of your elders. . . such display of insolence will only get you a serious dose of ass whupping from the elder and your parents, you dare not mention it when you get home and you better pray that the elder will not come to your house to report your insolence. I know there are imbeciles who will stand for the foolish acts of their children but the majority did not play that. It was a simple case of "don't go out looking for trouble because you will get your ass kicked, home and away"

Now if you tell me that Igbo people are doing a dismal job of promoting their language, I'D be the indisputable king of imbeciles to argue with that, considering I know some Igbo families who flog their children for speaking 'vernacular' in one bush village (name withheld ) in Anambra state. If there's an award for that ridiculous practice. . . I am not sure they have a rival.

gradifikon, I always thought you were Ijaw

Hope you're not offended

KarmaMod:

gradifikon, I always thought you were Ijaw

Hope you're not offended

Nah, no need to be offended . I grew up in Awka with lots of Ijaw dudes and went to school with them. After the Hausa I mingled with the The Ijaw, followed by the Yoruba then the Igala and the Efik in that order, while growing up.