(It is a hot Saturday morning, and Kate is relaxing in the bedroom of her flat. Suddenly the doorbell goes.)

Kate: Hold on, who is there?

Godwin: It's me o!

Kate: Ah, Goddy, hold on, let me open the door. (She jumps up eagerly, runs to the door and unlocks the door. Godwin enters and she gives him a big smile and a hug.)

Godwin: So how is my darling doing this weekend?

Kate: (shrugging) I'm fine o, but I'm bored.

Godwin: Bored? When we spoke yesterday, you were complaining bitterly about your workload at the bank, and how you were looking forward to the weekend so that you could relax.

Kate: I know, but you know me, that's what I said yesterday. Today is different. I'm bored of relaxing.

Godwin: If you're so bored, why don't you ring your supervisor and let him know that you want to come in and do more work today? That should cure you of boredom. (Kate playfully punches him, and he shouts in mock pain.) OK, I'm only joking! What do you really want to do, then?

Kate: I spoke to my friend Sola, and she was telling me of this party that is being organised by Ngozi. She said that she's going with Esse and Yinka.

Godwin (in amazement): Sola? Ngozi? Esse? Yinka? Who are these people? Where did you magic them from?

Kate (pulling a face): Why are you teasing me like this, now? You know Ngozi, she's the friend of Ola's cousin's friend, (sees the look of utter bewilderment on Godwin's face and stops.) OK, it doesn't matter - the important thing is that there's this party that we can go to this evening. (sees the look of bewilderment change into a one of glumness.) Ah - what's the matter?

Godwin (wearily): We've had this discussion before. You know how I feel about these your parties. It's all loud music and dancing, no-one can hold a decent conversation. Why can't we just stay at home? Come over to my flat if you like - I've rented some very interesting videos.

Kate (sulking): It's not fair. Recently, we've been spending weekends at your flat watching videos, and I've never complained. And now when I ask us to go to a party, you now start looking for excuses.

Godwin: OK, you're right darling. But this evening of all evenings, I truly don't feel up to it. Let's do something else then - not watching videos, since we've done that too many times already.

Kate: Hmm, let me think, (brightening up) I know! There's this shopping centre that just opened recently. Let's go there and check out the prices of stuff.

Godwin (hastily): Ah, hold on o! Is it too late to consider going to the party?

Kate: But I thought you hated the loud music and dancing.

Godwin: Nooo, I didn't say I hated the music and dancing, I just think that it's a bit loud sometimes. But even then, I should learn to accept the things that you like.

Kate: You don't really want to go shopping, do you?

Godwin: Well, it's not that, it's just that, em, er, actually, why don't you go shopping by yourself? You know that I'm no good when it comes to giving advice on fashion items.

(Kate gives Godwin a long silent stare.)

Kate: OK. As you wish. I'll go by myself. Of course it won't be as enjoyable as if you were there, but you since you don't seem to care about whether I enjoy myself or not, I'll just have to manage.

Godwin (going up to Kate and putting his arm round her): OK Kate, If it means that much to you, I will put aside my, er, reservations about shopping, and follow you on this shopping trip.

Kate (brightening up): Oh, Goddy! That's why I love you so much!

Godwin (thinking to himself): I'm going to pay for this, big time.

Kate & Godwin Part 1, written by Atala Wala Wala

Do you want the rest of this love story - part 2?

no,

its boring so far, maybe if the ending of part 1 could be fixed, like they get into a fight

Hmmm, so more conflict should be introduced to make it exciting. Good point. Thanks. What else?

i've found it quite interesting, i want to see the second part to it. Thought i think it could do with more suspense probably if they go to the party Kate could find Godwin kissing another girl and then we would have to wonder what happens next or Kate should make him pay dearly when they go shopping.

its aight, kind of boring,

plus it needs editing, unless they plan on writing it in naija english

bluenubian:

its aight, kind of boring,

plus it needs editing, unless they plan on writing it in naija english

itz kind@ boring, buh i wann@ kno wutz up wit Godwin and why he keeps changing his mind

It's good. I love the naija english. Makes the flow smooVe.


Then again, i don't have this eager feeling of seeing the next part. Maybe if the first part left me in a "OMg, what happened next" mood, then it'll be better.

Now i just think Godwin is this push over kinda dude. Or maybe if the last part where he thought to himself was, him saying"You'll pay for this big time kate". Then i'll wanna see how he's gonna make kate pay.

Ya dig?

-- continued --

(Godwin and Kate are outside a store in the shopping centre. Kate is
looking in through the window.)

Kate: Wow! They have really good tops here. This place is a real
discovery!

Godwin (glumly) Yes, as you've been saying for the last three hours
now.

Kate: Ah, what's the problem now? We'll just look in this store and
then we'll go home.

Godwin: That's what you said at the last seven stores we've been in so
far.

Kate: But this time I mean it. It's not my fault if there are so many
good fashions to choose from, is it?

Godwin: But you haven't bought anything so far - you've just been
looking and touching.

Kate: Well, you're always preaching at me not to be impulsive and take
my time in choosing what I want, aren't you?

Godwin (resignedly): OK, take your time.

Kate: So which blouse do you think would fit me better? The one with
red and orange designs, that cream one or that light brown one with
patterns down the side?

Godwin: Er, I think the cream one would be better.

Kate: But don't you think that it won't go well with my figure? I think
it's too big near the bottom.

Godwin: OK, the light brown one is better.

Kate: I was thinking so, but I don't think it will match many of my
skirts and trousers.

Godwin (in slight exasperation): All right, then choose the red and
orange one.

Kate: Hm, I'm not so sure about that design. I mean, it looks good,
but there's just something about it,

Godwin (really exasperated): Kate! What 'something'? Honestly, it looks
good to me! In fact, all of them look good to me!

Kate: Eh, you would say that, but you're not looking at this through a
woman's eyes.

Godwin (calming down) Kate, you know that with your wonderful figure,
all dresses would look good on you. There's really no need to do all
this picking and choosing. Just pick the first one you see and that
should be all right.

Kate (smiling sweetly): Thank you for your kind words Goddy, but you
know that's not true. Would you recommend that I pick something that
looks like a discarded rice sack?

Godwin: Come on, you know that no respectable fashion store will sell
something like that! (thinking to himself) Although you never know with
all the crazy fashions that are coming out these days.

Kate: OK, but as my boyfriend, I still value your opinion. Just close
your eyes, imagine me in the dress and ask yourself if you like what
you see, ah, that light blue one is very nice o! What do you think
- do you think I should pick it?

(Godwin shuts his eyes, sighs and says nothing.)

Kate (after a long period of time): So - what do you think?

Godwin: Hush - I'm trying to imagine you in the dress. But every time
I close my eyes, I forget what the dress looks like, so I have to open
them again to take another look. Don't worry, I'll get there in the
end.

Kate: Godwin!

Godwin: I'm sorry Kate - I'm just not good at this. How about I just
wander around the shopping centre for a while and I'll meet you back
here?

Kate (sighing): I think that may be the best thing for now. You have
your mobile with you, right? I'll call you in about twenty minutes.

Godwin (thinking to himself): Huh - I'm sure it'll be more like two
hours!

Errrr okay.

hot-angel:

Errrr okay.

ditto

Still boring, or do you want more?

More will be good.


I want some, , some sort of vibration. A really captivating part.

im not sure maybe itz still a lil blahh right now, regardless im still sitting here thinking "what the heck is gunn@ happen next?" maybe add something that's gunn@ make ppl say "omg!"

i aint a reader but it got me laughing cuzz i cud imagine the guy and girl doing their stuf. it is good and i like it. although it doesnt leave me asking for more but i still like it. the engish reminds me of niaja. its a good job.

(Forty five minutes later, and Godwin is wandering about the shopping
centre with a miserable look on his face.)

Godwin (grumbling to himself): I knew this girl would take this long.
And I haven't been able to see anything interesting in this useless
shopping centre. Just fashion and gift stores - and the few
electronics stores only have a pitiful selection of goods. (Suddenly,
he stops and his expression changes to one of interest.) Hm,
"Computastic Ltd - stockists in all kinds of computer hardware and
software", that looks promising - I think I'll pop in and take a
look. (He walks in the store and notices that the shop assistant has
his head on the counter and is fast asleep, snoring.)

Godwin: Hello? Hello? (raising his voice) HELLOOOO!?!?

(The shop assistant continues to snore. Godwin reaches out and gently
taps him. The shop assistant reacts violently, jumping up from his seat
and waving his arms about.)

Shop assistant (shouting): What? Where? When did you go there? Who told
you that?

Godwin: Hey, cool down! Sorry for interrupting your dream, but I'm
interested in looking around your shop, and I wanted you to be awake
while I was doing so.

Shop assistant (rudely): Eh, you didn't have to hit me on the back to
attract my attention.

Godwin (astonished, thinking to himself): Attract his attention? What
attention was there to attract? (To the assistant) I'm sorry I
disturbed your, er, deep thoughts, but I would like to ask you some
questions while looking around, if that's OK with you.

Shop assistant: (grumpily): Fine. (He settles his head down on the
counter again, and a few seconds later Godwin hears gentle snoring
which gets progressively louder and noisier.)

Godwin (thinking to himself): Perhaps this shop is so poorly patronised
that this guy has realised that he might as well do a paying job by
night and come over here and catch up on some sleep during the day. (He
wanders around the shop.) And no wonder it's poorly patronised too!
Look at that, the most recent version of Windows they have is Windows
95, and it's obviously a pirated copy! And I don't know who is going
to buy a 14 inch monochrome monitor which seems to be held together
with sellotape! Oh well, I don't think there's any point in staying
around any longer.

(Godwin approaches the shop assistant who is snoring merrily away. He
stands well back, reaches out cautiously and gives the lightest of taps
on the assistant's shoulder. The reaction from the assistant is even
more violent than before - this time he leaps up, seizes a pole
underneath his table and brandishes it about while looking wild-eyed
around the shop.)

Shop assistant: What? How did he do it? Where is he now? When is he
coming?

Godwin: Ol' boy, I'm worried about these your, er, meditations o!
Anyway, I just want you to know I'm going. I don't want you to think
I've taken anything from your shop, that's why I'm letting you know
now.

Shop assistant: What are you talking about? What about that CD that you
were asking about when you ,

im begining to like it a lil bit, but it jus seems to much like everyday life, i cant wait till something distinct comes out of it

still didnt get that "omg!" reaction buh im curious. . .

Godwin: Ol' boy, I'm worried about these your, er, meditations o!
Anyway, I just want you to know I'm going. I don't want you to think
I've taken anything from your shop, that's why I'm letting you know
now.

Shop assistant: What are you talking about? What about that CD that you
were asking about when you came in the shop?

Godwin (taken aback): CD? Which CD? Are you sure you're not confusing
me for someone else?

Shop assistant: What are you talking about? It was definitely you!

Godwin (irritated): No it wasn't! If you had managed to stay awake
while I was here instead of snoring your head off like a faulty
generator, you would have been able to see so.

Shop assistant (curtly): My friend, I cannot allow you to leave the
shop unless you pay for that CD.

Godwin (angrily): Look, there's no CD on my person! (Spreads his arms
out.) Do you see any place I could have hidden it?

Shop assistant: I don't know - maybe that friend of yours that you
were here with has carried it out of the shop already.

Godwin (really angry now and shouting): Are you smoking something or
what? Which friend? Man, you are absolutely the most USELESS,
INCOMPETENT shop assistant I have EVER come across in my entire life!
You really need your head examined, I tell you!!

(While Godwin is ranting and raving, his phone rings. He picks it up
- it is Kate on the line.)

Kate: Goddy, sorry for the delay, I saw this dress and I,
----

Do you want still want more, more, more?

lol yes more plz

now this is what am talking about, cant wait for the next one

OHh sh1t NOW I WANT MORE!!!!

It's getting better. Seun more abeg.

Kate: Goddy, sorry for the delay, I saw this dress and I,

Godwin: Sorry Kate, I'm in the middle of sorting something out
in a computer shop so I can't talk right now. I'll speak to you later.
(He cuts the line, and turns back to the shop assistant, who he
notices has used the opportunity to surreptitiously dial his own
phone and whisper something into it.)

Godwin: So who is that you are calling? Your manager? Yes, call him -
I will tell him what a lazy, hopeless assistant he's saddled himself
with. You will lucky to still be with a job when I finish with you!

(Godwin rages some more, then suddenly, two very big men barge into the
shop and stand in the doorway. The shop assistant jumps up excitedly.)

Shop assistant: Yes, that's the man I was telling you about who was
trying to take a CD without paying.

Godwin (in shock): Hold on, what's going on here?

First Man: Mister Man, you think you are smart! We have people like you
always coming in here and stealing things.

Godwin: No-o, that's a lie! I did not pick up anything,

Second Man: Look, we don't have time for your stories. Just pay for
what you took now-now.

Godwin: I cannot pay, because as I keep on telling you I didn't take
anything!

First Man: OK, enough talking. Now we will show you that we mean
business. (They advance on Godwin, who begins to back away.)
----
Alas, this is the end of the story, for today. When should I post the next installment?

U know u can't leave us hanging like this. U need to post the next part NOW.

Then u can continue later.

nahh seun plz keep goin
post tha next part right now!

hmm now now now, at least b4 i go to sleep

Seun is offline. i guess he left us in the "OMG" mood alright!

Thats a pathetic love story. That guy is terrible. In all honesty, the guy should be taken outside and shot for being so corny (I can imagine his filthy smile *cringe*) . The girl should be taken outside and shot for being a LovePeddler. Yes, she is a LovePeddler. Cheap little LovePeddler!

@afeni mr critic, there u go again, this is more like a novel, so its gonna start off slowly

_{missed u tho, for real i did, even tho i hate ur guts, i did miss u}

this story is simply hillarious!!! I wonder why she keeps asking for his opinion when she knows she will turn it down.
hmmm, its really getting tough now. cant wait for the next part.

If you're going to have an arguement between characters; it has to be something we've never heard before. It's so clichéd and flat. Give us some subtle humour; sarcasm, wit, dramatic irony, irony. Give us some clever comebacks. Both characters don't have much purpose. It's too safe, non-confrontational and conventional.

My main issue is lack of character depth on both counts. Godwin is a selfish, immature lil bitch who needs to grow up and Kate is just treating him like a lil boy with her useless and empty complaining.

@ seun
its funny and kinda talks about the stuff brothas go thru when they chose to thread the path to real boredom(a.k.a shopping).cant wait to read the rest.
@ the whiners
the definition of a critic is someone who doesnt know how something ought to be done but THINKS they know how it ought not to be done.