Pls I am in a huge delimna and I seriously nid your advise, NO INSULTS pls..... I met my husband in 2008 during my NYSC and we got married dat same year (by den I was already pregnant for my first child). I av spent 3yrs in d marriage and I av 3 children 2 account for it! Last year (2010) I began to notice strange tyns about my husband... He started visiting one baba and dis baba duped him of al d money he had and his business crumbled... Such dat he sold al his lands and shops. my mother inlaw lives wit us and most times my husband does not consult me as his wife on major decisions in d house rada he prefers to ask his mother because according to him I am young! Wen my husband bcame broke he join a cult and he was asked to bring me bt he cud not (I did not knw dis @ dat time bt he went a bit mad and had 2 go 2 ma parents house 2 stay a while and I was told dat he confessed to this 2 der hearing of everyone wen a pastor came to pray for him)... My parents after hearing dis asked me to return home to giv birth (den I was pregnant for my last child (2012)) unknown to me dey ad decided dat I wud not return 2 my husband after I gev birth..I cudnt return to my husband (although by dis time he was maltritin me and asking me to go, dat i am a witch)... I left my 2yrs old daughter wit my mother-in-law and took her broda (1yr old) because I cud not tk d 2 of dem wit me for 2 reasons: 1 I was heavily pregnant and 2 I did not knw dat I wnt b returning 2 my husband. Its 2yrs now since I left him bt from d time of my pregnancy til I gave birth my husband has not called to ask for the whereabout of his children talk more of sending money for their upkeep! I had 2 struggle to kip ma children in skul and cater for their needs... Recently his family members called and said that I shud continue training their children dat dey wud com in 15yrs time to collect them by den dey wud b big... I am in a delimna nw should I return my boys to their father? Or should I kip dem? Bt I dnt want to kip dem for the following reasons; 1 dey are boys and I knw dat der fada wil com 2 collect dem sooner or later. 2 I want to move on wit my life bcoz my husband dat I knw wil NEVER com 4 me and as I am stil young I wud like to re-marry. 3 my mother who helps me 2 take care of my boys, while I go 2 work, has health issues coupled wit the fact dat my parents are managin and don't nid extra mouths 2 fid. 4 I am not financially stable to kip dem But I stil have the instincts of a mother and I don't want to giv up my sons jux like dat bcause I might neva see them agen jux like I have not seen their sister now for 2yrs+........ Pls wat do I do? I nid urgent answers!

Give them the best possible training. Prepare their mind for their going back to ur husband people. Give them sufficient love to show them that you case. Have a phone number or a facebook account through which you will be communicating with them as they leave. Lastly draw closer to God for more direction. I wish you the best.

Your husband who has not bothered about his kids all this while is the same man you want to take YOUR kids to. I know you don't want to labor in vain but the kids are still yours and from the look of things they will fare better with you.

You have to be focused and build yourself career wise whatever you choose to do. You need the money to take care of yourself and your kids i sense your desperation and fears concerning the situation but if you give up those kids to their father it may become a life long regret so calm down, focus and begin to plan how to be financially stable.

You are still young while building yourself a man who will accept you with your kids will show up but do not take those kids to their father 15 years is a long time anything can happen and even if your husband's people are planning to come back in 15 years time do you think your children will just abandon you and go with people they don't know? Remember you rushed into your first marriage don't rush again do not let your fear of being single for the rest of your life drive you to making wrong decisions. Your children need you be strong for them focus and rebuild your life.

The decision of ur children goin to their father's place resides in dia mind... As long as u av trained dis boys well and showed dem undying love, I can bet u such children wld neva want those family member around @ all..... My dear, pls jst move close to God and forget u have a husband cos d more u remember him the more it causes burden to ur heart

Eeyah pathetic! Thats why its often wise to be financially stable and independent before you get married. You can always have all kids you want,it would be a good thing for them to have the best love and care they deserve.

Its so obvious this husband of yours isn't worth it. Since you are still young,for now drop the idea of remarrying,focus on yourself and your kids. They should be your priority. Such a sad one,goodluck.

Andromina I have a job bt d pay is not enough 2 cater 4 me talk of my 2 kids... I stil liv wit ma parents... So u get d picture! D current job I have is not wat I can build a career frm and u knw d Nigerian situation, I have ad 2 tk up jobs I dnt want 2 in d past just coz of d kids... I dnt want 2 cont bin in a state of desperation jux bcoz of dem... Besides dropin dem off wit der fada myt b beta of 4 dem coz his brothers and sisters are financially bouyant 2 cater 4 d nids of d kids...

@ Yemlizzy I was financially stable b4 d marriage coz I served in a well knwn bank and was retained bt I ad 2 quit ma job 4 d sake of d marriage... 4 d sake of peace... Sure I want 2 concentr8 on my kids bt am looking @ d future... In say 10yrs time dey wud b grown. And less dependant on me... Dey wud also want 2 see der fada no mata wat I tel dem abt him... Tink abt dat. Wat hapens 2 me wen dey r grown and out of d house...?

apunku: Andromina I have a job bt d pay is not enough 2 cater 4 me talk of my 2 kids... I stil liv wit ma parents... So u get d picture! D current job I have is not wat I can build a career frm and u knw d Nigerian situation, I have ad 2 tk up jobs I dnt want 2 in d past just coz of d kids... I dnt want 2 cont bin in a state of desperation jux bcoz of dem... Besides dropin dem off wit der fada myt b beta of 4 dem coz his brothers and sisters are financially bouyant 2 cater 4 d nids of d kids...

Kids have needs beyond the financial they need to know they matter.

If you drop them with their father how often will you be able to see them? If you can see them often and reassure them that they are loved and they matter then its ok but if not it is a terrible idea. Money is important but its not enough they are in their formative years they need to know they matter.

If you drop them off now will you be able to see them, help them as your situation improves because you will not always be in this situation.

Taking up jobs you do not want because of the kids is one of the sacrifices a mother has to make when in a tight spot. I truly get your state of desperation, is there a man who wants to marry you?

I really feel for you but don't panic and do what you will regret.

If i must suggest here, please take your husband to WELFARE BOARD nearer in your area, if you don't know ask question for direction, nothing to worry about, except you are not too sure who own those children......... they will invite your husband to come immediately, if he refuses this invitation, they will arrest him and make him to face the music, during this time, he will be forced to take up his responsibility, no two way about that, or better still take him to court, govenment will force him to take up his responsibility and still let the children remain with you till they attend the 18+years of age, Let not ignorant kill you, don't beg anyone, know your right and the choice is yours, write me if you needed further clearifications................................

Hmmm marriage! U pipo kip scarin d hell outta me mehn! I tink I will just relax for now. Dnt want any silly person to come n mess up my good life for me. Damn!

From my observation, finance is a major issue in marriage. Possibly bigger than love