There are so many reasons not to compare your child to others. Whether it's to a sibling or the child of a friend, subjecting your child to comparisons damages their self-esteem and makes them feel inadequate. Yet many parents feel it somehow reflects on their child or themselves if their child isn't as 'good' as others. Here are some important reasons not to compare your child to others …

1. AFFECTS THEIR SELF-ESTEEM

One of the really important reasons not to compare your child to others is that it hits their self-esteem hard. How would you like to be constantly compared to others? Low self-esteem issues usually have their root in childhood, so don't make your child feel that they're inferior to others. You don't want them getting conceited, but nor do you want them feeling worthless.

2. EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT

Each child is an individual, and has their own talents and interests. Why does it matter if one child is musical and another isn't? The non-musical child may be good at sports or love reading. One thing is not better than another, and neither is one child better than another. Let them develop their own interests and abilities. They should not feel that they have to be more like a sibling or your friend's child.

3. RESENTMENT

Direct comparisons can make a child feel very resentful. When it's made clear to them that they're not as good as a sibling at something, they not only feel bitter towards you, but also towards the sibling. Do you really want to foster antagonism between your children? No you do not. So avoid comparisons; even if you think they won't find out, someone may tell them.


4. STAYS WITH THEM

You may be surprised at how long the memories of comparisons can stay with a child. Long after you've forgotten saying 'why can't you be more like your brother?' your child will remember being made to feel that they weren't good enough for you. The message soon sinks in, even if you didn't mean for them to feel that way. And it hangs around for a long time.

5. SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY

It also risks creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Over time your child will absorb the message that they're not good enough, and start to believe it. Why bother trying if they're not going to succeed? And so that's precisely what happens. The child is effectively set up to fail.

6. AT THEIR OWN PACE

Childhood isn't a race to the top; children develop at their own pace. Yet parents often worry because their child isn't walking at the same age that their friend's child did, or has a much smaller vocabulary. There isn't a set timetable for a child's development though, so don't worry about when your child reaches their milestones. They'll do things in their own good time.


7. BIG-HEADED

Conversely, it's also wise not to compare your child too positively to others. Do you want your child to grow up thinking that they are superior? Praise is good, but you have to be wary of constantly tell them that they are so much better than others. You're not doing them any favors if you raise them to be big-headed.

Comparing your child to others is likely to give them a negative image of themselves.
Parenthood isn't a competition, and you don't have to show other parents how much better your child is, or worry that other children are doing better than your own. Gently encourage them to believe in themselves, and help them discover their own abilities.

Have you ever been compared to a sibling, and how did it make you feel?

Source: ByAlison Byant@Allwomenstalk.com

Well said.

Nothing hurts than being compared to other children/peers.

Teespice: Well said.

Nothing hurts than being compared to other children/peers.

YES YOU ARE CORRECT.
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And The Article is Well Organized.
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But i Dont Understand The Username of The OP.

I wish my mom can read this. The most annoying thing is that all the children she's comparing me with are not better than me, for example one of them saw my O'level result, marvelled at it wishing he could have something like that, this guy sat for 3 exams and still find it very difficult to bring out five credits in all the 3, yet mom wants me to emulate him and some other guys that are not even better than me. It really sucks and most time I really wish I can tell her that:- ' hey woman come here, your own mate too is Michelle Obama' but I can't cos I know she'll be depressed, but she doesn't give a damn whether am depressed or not, I mean she's a parent and she's suppose to know better.

This is vewi true!

Ok

good

I wont do that..

Its true o...till tomao..my parents won't stop comparing me to my "perfecr" elder brother..i'm kinda used to it now sef
..what cn a man do?

technophile: I wish my mom can read this

Lol, when I look back at how some of us were raised.

Parents please take note...

Lol everyone is guilty

Can this really stop?

Nahh I don't think so

Most African parents are guilty of this.... They enjoy comparing children...

May God help us to be good parents to our children.

There's nothing funnier than your parents comparing you to your friend who is worse than you. You'll just laugh and say "you have no idea". On the other hand, it hurts if they're right.

Good points.
Mothers especially should stop this attitude.Remembered my mom tryna make me behave like my childhood friend.I go just laff for my mind... .Anyway,she now advice me to avoid her like a plague.

Some kids can really be deceptive especially around strangers.

Teespice: Well said.

Nothing hurts than being compared to other children/peers.

Several years ago, my elder sister ll compare me with my cousin anytime there is a disagreement btw us.
I ll laugh it off to prove to her that it didn't pained me. Deep inside me, I ll reflect on her statement & examine myself & adjust for good.
Long story cut short, that my cousin has broken most negative records in my family. That good boy back then is now seen as the black sheep.
Only God knows what got into his head.

It can b a challeng to great turnaround for improvement

Wow!! Dats true

.....

It is truely said. But sometime it's not call compare. It's contrast. You won't be direct but you indirectly tell the child that 'Junior, You ain't living up to expectation. I know you can do better than Mike or Jenny. You have better head and brain than them. Do your best.

It hurts to be compared, yes. But what our parents expect of us is to turn the pain from it into constructive energy, and we cannot blame them for wanting the best from us. If they do so, inspite of the negative feelings it may brew in us at first, they do so for our own good.
Even as you get older, you begin to compare yourself to others to motivate yourself, so, what really is their wrong?
Perhaps they overdo it, perhaps we overeact to it, all in all, lets not lose sight of the message they give.
After all, they do not expose all our wrongdoings to our faces, do they? They notice some, but keep mum on it.
Imagine a life without challenges and targets. The comparisons are essential, I tell you.

Tell em dere don't know

It reduces some kids morale but to some it a challenge....While some kids needs to be compared to others to face reality

Nice one,most people don't know that there's a drop of greatness in every man..just identify their strength,cos IS IN YOU.

Thanks OP for sharing.I hope to never compare my children,the damages are really bad.

Sometimes it helps the child to be more constructive.