Csami:
You know what i told ma friend while watching the avengers? I told him that Captain america isn't a character people relate with. He ain't that strong, intelligent, has no special ability, the guy is just useless to me. If someone like me should head S.H.I.E.L.D, i'ii poison him and just to make sure he's dead, i'll slit his throat then drown him.

As in guy you just read my mind captain america is just a boring character jo and of course no character development makes things worse cause we don't know anything about him all na just speculation
lol was NFS dat bad? As in some people no just dey learn how can you convert a video game into a movie? Isn't it supposed to be the other way around i can't even play hitman or tekken anymore thanks to their "movie adaptations" i go so avoid NFS cos man i love that game

Audience
Ugh! Where did he get that shield from?
chris evans
tada i had the shield on me the whole time what? you didnt see it well not my problem
Narrator
then fugitive chris evans heads into the hood to anthony mackie's apartment just like gi joe: retaliation

chris evans
Hello anthony, dig this i am being hunted by the finest set of assassins in the world and instead of crashing @ Iron Man’s place or even with hawkeye i'll just rather crash here if you dont mind
Anthony mackie
Why?
Chris evans
Um perhaps becos you are the black guy in this movie and like many hollywood action and horror movies the black guys usually kick the bucket while the white guys "seek revenge" for their death and make out with the white female supporting lead in the end aint that right scarlett?(they high five) anyway mackie i assume now may be the best time
Anthony mackie
*rolling eyes* Well not this black guy check this out by huge f*cking coincidence i just happen to be a superhero, too with like super-powered mechanical wings or something. That are powered with faith trust and pixie dust
Chris evans
wow times have changed

Narrator
CHRIS, SCARLETT, and ANTHONY are driving around town when SEBASTIAN STAN and his one million hench men (probably also fugitives) just pop up. To say hi and remind everyone that they are still in the movie

anthony mackie
with DOD,CIA,DIA,NSA,FBI and SHIELD a renowned criminal of this level can just stroll into america. So casually? anyway time for fan boy entertainment
time for the Falcon to spread his wings!
( FLIES!)

anthony mackie
Okay, that’s all I’ve got pretty cool right?
Audience
*sigh*
scarlett johansson
Wow that's pretty worthless...............
Scarlett johanssen/chris evans
oh that's why we have a "black guy"
Anthony mackie
What's that supposed to mean? .
Narrator
CHRIS and SEBASTIAN STAN bore the audience with some anti-climatic fighting then chris takes off sebastian stan's mask

chris evans
What da? Dont people die for real anymore? how the hell did you survive freezing to death?
Sebastian stan
How did you survive freezing to death?
Chris evans
How did you survive that fall?
Sebastian stan
How did you survive a plane crash
Chris evans
I am a mutated super soldier
Sebastian stan
and i am in a marvel movie
Chris evans
Hmmm good point
Narrator
then a million shield agents who were like taking a dump in a nearby bush hop out and capture chris,scarlett and anthony(even though he had nothing to do with it but hey "black guy" equals trouble)
Chris,scarlett and anthony are chained up in the back of a truck, being transported to their freedom execution by two agents who have a fetish for ninja movies.

[b]Masked shield agent #1
So, did you catch arsenal and wigan match last saturday
Masked shield agent #2
Yeah! Arsenal f*cking suck nothing can save that team
Masked shield agent #1
But they won an FA cup recently and ended their trophy drought they may just win next seasons premiership
Masked shield agent #2
Yea right. Good luck with that, with their stingy management , their p*dophile coach and injury prone players
Masked shield agent #1
How dare you?
Narrator
masked agent#1 pulls off her mask to reveal the [b]useless shield chick from the avengers , who immediately kicks
Masked shield agent #2s head off[/b]

Useless Shield chick from avengers
Arsene wenger is a legend you know nothing about football(pants)
Hi guys heard corrupt shield agents want you dead
Chris evans
Yep just like g.i joe retaliation
Useless Shield chick from avengers
What? No this is totally different
Chris evans
Yea right i am the rock, you are the useless korean chick , scarllet johansson is the red head chick whose father didnt salute her before dying , anthony mackie is that weak soldier that caused channing tatum getting fracked. And sebastian stan is that white ninja assassin that took out pakistan's president plus evil cobra look alike cult who control the government killed samuel l jackson and blamed me for it this is totally g.i joe retaliation
Audience
Samuel l jackson dead lol! Makes me laugh every time
Useless Shield chick from avengers
em no i dont see any relation at all, anyway i notice you need to fight shield so we are going to seek the help of a senior shield agent he is the reason we call our selves...............
audience
joes?
useless shield chick from avengers
holy sh*t this is totally g.i joe: retaliation wow that is embarrassing anyway lets go
Narrator
Useless Shield chick from avengers takes them to some super secret location where samuel l jackson is alive and no one is surprised about it
chris evans
Hey samuel how is it going? Alright can we go kill Hydra now?
samuel l jackson
Wait, don’t you want to know how I survived?
Audience
untalented writers? I mean that's how you survived a gun shot at point blank range in the avengers or how you survived hopping out of a crashing helicopter also in the avengers or how you died in triple x 2 but it turned out to be a set up
Samuel l jackson
no no no i can explain. See i’ve got a serum that mimics death by slowing your heart down to one beat per minute!
chris evans
Wow! Even though you faked your death, you were mortally wounded how did you survive with your heart beating and pumping blood so slowly? how did you recover so quickly , how did you leave the morgue without anyone knowing? how did they organize a lying in state with your body missing? Did you even have to fake your death couldn't you just like resign and investigate shield from the outside? And what's with the serum? Hello? This is 2014 why not work with nano technology and sh*t you didn't have to steal from romeo and juliet
samuel l jackson
hey! Dr strange gave me that serum for my 120th birthday as you know according to the comics i am also a world war 2 hero you see i have a serum that stops me from aging, i have a serum to helps me cope with wearing a trench coat when its over a hundred degrees outside i even have a serum that gives me a huge bon.......
Chris evans/anthony mackie/scarlett johansson/ useless chick from shield
ew! gross i dont wanna hear it
Chris evans
Fine, let’s just move on. We’ve got to stop the helicarriers from launching, but we need a plan. Our team consists of two black guys, two white women, and one white guy.
Samuel l jackson
This kind of sounds like
Chris evans
g.i joe retaliation? Yea we've been through that already

To be continued.......

severee:


Narrator
CHRIS and SEBASTIAN STAN bore the audience with some anti-climatic fighting then chris takes off sebastian stan's mask

chris evans
What da? Dont people die for real anymore? how the hell did you survive freezing to death?
Sebastian stan
How did you survive freezing to death?
Chris evans
How did you survive that fall?
Sebastian stan
How did you survive a plane crash
Chris evans
I am a mutated super soldier
Sebastian stan
and i am in a marvel movie
Chris evans
Hmmm good point

I just can't stop laughing

Csami:

I just can't stop laughing

ah ah severee na weyre na. That one na stale gist
BTW thank you o OP una don help me hate the film finish

Narrator
at shields super secret super secured super sophisticated headquarters Chris evans just strolls in and heads to the communication center cause apparently the writers hit a block and got too lazy for details

chris evans
(on building-wide PA system)
(Have to think of intelligent way to reveal hydra sleeper agents amongst us)hey everyone the result of the world cup finals is out germany 1 argentina 0 germans are now world champions
Good shield agents
Oh f*ck! argentina was the last hope we had of america winning the world cup
Bad shield agents
hiel gotze hiel germany hiel hydra hiel...............(Notice good shield agents staring @ them) uh oh
Narrator
Commotion bursts all over as good shield agents and bad shield agents get into gun fights all over the building. After 20 minutes of characters we’ve never met killing other characters we’ve never met in "you only live twice" climax format the EVIL AGENTS succeed in launching the helicarriers.

Useless Shield chick from avengers
Okay, our only hope is to replace the network card on each helicarrier so it gets our Wi-Fi signal instead of the bad guy’s.
Chris evans
gee so much computer talk if only felicity was here to.......
Useless Shield chick from avengers
why are you so obssessed with that chick? And don't gimme some bullsh*t about being trapped in...............
Chris evans
ice for 70 years i'm still doubtful of women emancipation
Useless Shield chick from avengers
Really? But what about haley atwell she was pretty bad arsse in first avenger
chris evans
she was pretty lame she could only beat up first grade cadets,was a lousy shot and tommy lee jones was pretty old but he still didn't allow her drive him around
Useless Shield chick from avengers
What about scarlett johansson?
chris evans
Scarlett johansson?even when we kissed i felt like i was kissing a dude Never seen her eat,sleep,take a shower or change clothes i mean for 6 years straight since iron man 2 she has been wearing the same black leather suit and nothing else plus she has estrogens levels synonymous to the testosterone levels of a registered sex offender that's pretty much a dude

marvel
and remember ladies dressing and acting like dudes is a sure way to look appealing to men and the surest way of promoting "gender equality"
Signed:
marvel management


Useless Shield chick from avengers
you guys kissed? What happened to not giving your work colleague arsse passes i believe its a pretty strict american labour undertone regulation
marvel
Remember kids forget speed dating, blind dating,parties,church or even bars cause your work is the only place you can find love and even if it is synonymous to sh*tting where you eat
you shall embrace its detrimental results with love
Signed:
marvel management
chris evans
And of course we all know you suck i mean how many scenes of the avengers did you appear in what is your specialization? do you even have a name?
Useless Shield chick from avengers
*rolling eyes* whatever
We keep the helicarrier’s computer hardware on the hellicarrier which makes no sense But makes a very for very good climax setpiece
Chris evans
How do i find it?
Useless Shield chick from avengers
Oh, the catwalk is located in an empty glass atrium like you’d find on any massive flying military airship.
Narrator
Meanwhile Robert redford has taken world security council hostage just like g.i joe retaliation Because they hire boyscouts to protect security council delegates

robert redford
Roll call you hear your name answer present now where the hell is that mormon f*ck mitt romney who was talking smack about PBS and dont even think of acting surprised because you were the only one everyone recognized from the avengers and pacific rim
jenny aguter
Aw! Have you forgotten my friends? The freight train and his brother the express train? Maybe you need a re-introduction
Narrator
JENNY suddenly transforms into Scarlett. Who serves Robert redford a knuckle casserole with everything untop

scarlett johansson
O yea how you like that? hope you saved room for some desert cause you are having black choco fudge with extra chocolate
Samuel l jackson
em i have a name smh

robert redford
Wow! Samuel's cross dressing now ? Couldnt you like impersonate a male security council member or something?
Samuel l jackson
Nah i like the way lady bras feel against my skin anyway
Chris told me that this movie's plot was totally stolen from bourne supremacy and Gi joe retaliation and my agent says i still have over 5 of these sh*tty marvel movies to make so i am pretty pissed off , that's why i will be shutting down SHIELD and releasing all of our top secret information to the public on the internet. Including scarlett's n*ked pics in 3D
robert redford
Everything? Wont that like give our enemies vital information about us or increase unemployment i mean who would hire a black cron-magnum dude with an eye patch to work in a bank or as a sales man or even at a mall? Plus dont you think you will jeopardize the lives Our field agents? i mean you've seen skyfall and you remember the missing NATO file and how it caused a raucaus in england right?
Samuel l jackson
Dude robert downey jr blew up all his suits after fighting an enemy neither the secret service, pentagon or even his house party protocol could stop and i'm supposed to be the bad guy here? Trust me we will be fine now if you excuse me, i have to kill you and hope you don't drink any "resurrection" serum so as not to turn this gritty movie into a tom and jerry flick
(Shoots redford)
Robert redford
Agh! You just shot and mortally wounded an american politician/senior citizen for no just reason why?
samuel l jackson
To make me look cool and edgy i mean that's how hollywood action movies work these days am i right?
robert redford
wow you guys are such great role models(dies)
marvel
moral of the story: to politicians and senior citizens everywhere
Signed:
Marvel management
Narrator
in the helicarrier
Chris evans and anthony mackie sabotage the hellicarrier but before they could get to the last one sebastian shows up
Sebastian stan
Oh i forgot to tell you i like totally
chris evans
Lost your memory?
Audience
Lol! Just like when vin diesel's chick came back to life and turned into a villain? Now they have added fast and furious 6 to the plot? here comes a snooze at 12 o clock wake me when this bullsh*t is over

Sebastian stan
You know me?(Punches chris in the face)
Chris evans
Yea we were best friends in part 1(kicks sebastian's teeth in)
Sebastian stan
I dont remember (knees chris in the nuts)
Chris evans
What if i take off my mask?( head-butts sebastian)
Sebastian stan
Nope not working(judo flips chris)
Chris evans
What of this picture of me without the super hero steroids( which wierd enough has not lost its potency all these years or poisoned my blood) looking like fela on his worst day?(Interlocks his legs around sebastian's neck)
Sebastian stan
Nope(bites chris nipples)
chris evans
Uh, I think I’m just going to have to beat you into a mini coma now perhaps a little shut eye can help with your memory( gives him an uppercut)
sebastian stan
Any reason why you didn't work on doing this initially? (Faints)
Narrator
Then he does the whole plane crash thing again by replacing the final network card, bringing down the final helicarrier. Just like part 1 because hey"writer block" is a b*tch
Chris turns to sebastian
chris evans
So.........Sebastian i've managed to kick the sh*t out of you for the whole scene but now i shall conveniently choose to respect our friendship and not fight you anymore
sebastian stan
winter soldier smash
chris evans
you are kidding me right? I mean this helicarrier is about 700 ft away from our demise not to mention kill a f*ckton of ground people as well as burn the trillions of dollars of america's budget spent on these machines and you wanna clobber me on our way down?
sebastian stan
Yep perhaps i can kill just you and get the U.S government off my back but i think i shall just save you for no reason. So how do we do this one my good man?
chris evans
How about we insult the laws of physics?
sebastian stan
Sounds great but i will also love to insult the laws of gravity
chris evans
What i will give to insult logic and facts one last time
sebastian stan
i know why don't we insult them all and the viewers intelligence while we are at it
chris evans
Really you can do that?
sebastian stan
Hello? we are in a marvel movie?
chris evans
Go for it

Narrator
SEBASTIAN saves CHRIS by the only two laws hollywood understands ............laziness and implausibility
Audience
oh common! I barely survived winter soldier they think i can survive part 3?
Writers
Okay, SHIELD is f*cked all the world’s top secret information is public knowledge which means hopefully we will never see marvel agents of shield again, Sebastian Stan is still on the loose thanks to chris evans sleeping disorders while samuel l jackson shall go hunting for the other hydra agents when he could have simply interrogated robert redford for answers, now we’ve only got 90 seconds left so let's mish-mash a couple of scenes together just like they did in the avengers what have we got?

chris evans
i finally get a date?
Writer #1
Nope anyone else
Writer #2
-Well we could put up a mini meaningless story on evil Senator Gary Shandling that isnt related to this movie
- and we could show the Useless Shield chick from avengers. At a job interview for security item sales girl at cotsco
Chris evans
And scarlett johansson takes another n*de selfie?
Writer #1
no!
Chris evans
Not fair we never do anything i like
Writer #2
Then in those bullsh*t mid credit scenes we could show quick silver and scarlet witch doing some CGI stunts to get fan boys creaming their shorts for avengers 2
Writer #1
Hmmmmn not bad at all
Narrator
We see a bullsh*t scene, with Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch from Avengers 2.
Despite being locked in cages, both happen to be showing off their superpowers for the audience’s benefit at this very moment.
And it is even more boring than expected
[b]Von strucker
Well in my defence this is a kiddie movie that's why i shall be dropping the oldest childish line in the book"the age of miracles has begun"
Audience
ugh! Sick
von strucker
It's your fault afterall marvel comic movies are targeted at kids if you are over twenty and still fan-boying marvel comic movies then there are two things involved either you are a creep or a p*dophile
P*dophile audience
Sh*t they are unto us act normal
joss whedon
What shall be the fate of the world? the villains are increasing will iron man return to duty? will shield ever come back? How will they get the team back? Find out in avengers 2
Audience
Well that's not difficult to figure out, iron man will probably have some suit which will be some prototype or some lame bull sh*t the wirters shall pull out of their arsses and force into the script his return shall upset gwyneth paltrow because she is pregnant or about to get married anyway at a cliched convenient time she shall give some lame yans about how the world needs iron man and robert downey jr should go save it, shield will come back online and start the avengers program when the world is in danger in the most anti-climatic way possible and there will be newer and lamer recruits, the boring plot shall somehow force loki to get involved so thor can have a part to play in this,then chris evans shall be the thor in this story cause it revolves around him
am i right?
Joss whedon
who gave out the screenplay before relase oops i mean of course not that's not what will happen excuse me while i go have a talk with the writers
narrator
At hollywood greedy executives board meeting
joss whedon
Boyz they are unto to us they figured out the plot for avengers 2 we will have to change the plot
writers
Change the plot again? Oh common we've done that like 3 times already how do they keep guessing our hand before we play it?
joss whedon
Maybe because for the last 14 years everything that has been coming from hollywood is either an adaptation, a sequel or a plot straight out of our hollywood cliched book we have to do something fresh i can't believe i am saying this but now we have to actually write a movie
writers
abomination
20th century fox,universal,columbia,warner bros,paramount,MGM,marvel
gasp!
joss whedon
ha ha just kidding common gimme that hollywood cliche book i call we drag xmen 1,spiderman 3,RED and mission impossible throw them in the pot , cook'em all together and serve it to fans they aren't gonna know what hit them
END

*ROTFL* y did it take u so long 2 finish it?

severee:
amuel l jackson
Dude robert downey jr blew up all his suits after fighting an enemy neither the secret service, pentagon or even his house party protocol could stop and i'm supposed to be the bad guy here? Trust me we will be fine now if you excuse me, i have to kill you and hope you don't drink any "resurrection" serum so as not to turn this gritty movie into a tom and jerry flick
(Shoots redford)

bastard bastard bastard bastard bastard bastard bastard bastard

Do you actually do this professionally or is it just for fun?

lanreajirobaju: Do you actually do this professionally or is it just for fun?

FUN! FUN!! FUN!!!
why you dey ask? You wan gimme money?

severee:

FUN! FUN!! FUN!!!
why you dey ask? You wan gimme money?

Guy you suppose to dey write jokes for our comedians for ere o no dey waste ur talent

lanreajirobaju:
Guy you suppose to dey write jokes for our comedians for ere o no dey waste ur talent

Even if
The film
Is nice
He always
Has a way
Of making it
Look stu_pid
What makes it even
More funny is that
It's so rare to see nigerians
Leaving nollywood and insulting
Hollywood flicks

severee:

FUN! FUN!! FUN!!!
why you dey ask? You wan gimme money?

was about to say u r not Nigerian till I saw the Fela refrence (still have my doubts though), amazing stuff, please try to not let any american know u wrote this cause men they'll eat u up especially if they are ceiling fanning Marvel.

severee:

FUN! FUN!! FUN!!!
why you dey ask? You wan gimme money?

Hey! I love what you did with captain fantastic. Please do THOR2 for me, I so fuccccking hate that movie.

decepticos: was about to say u r not Nigerian till I saw the Fela refrence (still have my doubts though), amazing stuff, please try to not let any american know u wrote this cause men they'll eat u up especially is the are ceiling fanning Marvel.

@ bolded exactly the same thing i was thinkin, the jokes had too much american pop culture references like when he was joking about their kiss at the mall i had to consult a dictionary before i could laugh unlike spiderman where he had many many nigerian-ish jokes

Csami:

Hey! I love what you did with captain fantastic. Please do THOR2 for me, I so fuccccking hate that movie.

Ehn! Thor wetin? Baba I no wan hear that one o the movie was a smasher

kobosmart:

Ehn! Thor wetin? Baba I no wan hear that one o the movie was a smasher

Abeg thor1 or 2?

Csami:

Abeg thor1 or 2?

Guy the both of them na 10/10

kobosmart:

Guy the both of them na 10/10

Honestly your grading skill dey poor. No offence

Csami:

Honestly your grading skill dey poor. No offence

So you are trying to say they are not good movies
if you don't understand the movie does not mean it is a bad movie okay?

kobosmart:

So you are trying to say they are not good movies
if you don't understand the movie does not mean it is a bad movie okay?

lol! Thor 1 was so bad i avoided the the part 2 like a plague its just piggy back riding on the influence of marvel and the success of the avengers

kobosmart:

So you are trying to say they are not good movies
if you don't understand the movie does not mean it is a bad movie okay?

Really? Is like u want me to thrash both of them for u to know how bad they are.

Csami:
Really? Is like u want me to thrash both of them for u to know how bad they are.

trash them for me please
I didn't even bother watching the sequel for one simple thing is thor a god or an alien? Is the movie sci-fi or mythology fantasy it's all so confusing and too vague and what's the deal with loki always cheating death without explanation

Plss do ironman 3..how that movie made 1billion still shocks me. Has to b d most overrated movie ever..

yoji: Plss do ironman 3..how that movie made 1billion still shocks me. Has to b d most overrated movie ever..

IM3 not a bad idea altho can't remember much the movie

Csami:


Op. where our continuation post go?

Bros, that movie has something similar to the legend of Hercules. Those movies can send someone to sleep faster than sleeping pills. I and my roommate slept off while starting the two of them.

You know what i told ma friend while watching the avengers? I told him that Captain america isn't a character people relate with. He ain't that strong, intelligent, has no special ability, the guy is just useless to me. If someone like me should head S.H.I.E.L.D, i'ii poison him and just to make sure he's dead, i'll slit his throat then drown him.

He has no superpowers and that makes it hard for people to relate to him? Really?

MasterKtops:


He has no superpowers and that makes it hard for people to relate to him? Really?

Name your first 3 avengers character