TheBigUrban2: I can understand the need for this thread.

Some muslim sisters see a non-muslim guy who is righteous in every sense. The non-muslim guy works hard, is nice to everyone, does charity to the community and children like him.....BUT HE IS NOT A MUSLIM.

This same non-muslim guy doesnt judge the muslima like how her male muslim acquaintances do. He doesnt expect her to wear hijab or dress in a certain way. He cooks for her sometimes.


Now, she has fallen in love with this non-muslim guy. She tries to convert him, he laughs in her face. He tells her that she can follow whatever religion she likes but he is not into religion.



The dilemma comes when her parents introduce her to an older muslim man (Alhaji) who is a bit wealthy but not as handsome or polite as the non-muslim. This Alhaji wants to marry her.






Is there compulsion in religion? Can she be a muslim and marry her non-muslim sweetheart?

Or is an older Alhaji with 3 wives already a better choice?

Should she wait for a younger muslim that might never come or understand her like her non-muslim sweetheart?





#the muslima dilemma

Interesting analysis. This happens, a lot.

Many of the Muslim men that I have come across are not my type, for example. And I have known quite a number of non-Muslim men that I like. #justsaying.

Fulaman198:

Generalisations everywhere

I don't think he was generalising. He only presented a scenario.

Fulaman198:

I don't mind if a Yoruba woman teaches my possible future children Yoruba language, I just would like her to at least have an interest in Fulfulde language and Pulaagu (albeit even if the interest is very slight).

We say that Islam is a culture/way of life, it can be, but
not as universal as you may think it is. It is not practised the same way everywhere in the world.

In addition, many Arabs for example only marry Arabs. I think they are even more strict than I am.

How do you measure that interest in fulfude. I don't think many grown ups can learn new languages.

deols:

Interesting analysis. This happens, a lot.

Many of the Muslim men that I have come across are not my type, for example. And I have known quite a number of non-Muslim men that I like. #justsaying.

Good.


I wish Tbaba and co can come here and give practical advice......rather than throw out philosophies.

Example-
Muslima; Help!!! My husband wants to take a second wife. It is not that I cant share my husband.....the problem is that the woman and I disliked each other in school. I see problems coming our way.

Male muslim Nairalander; The Quran permits a man to marry up to four wives. Islam is perfect. Islam gives the way to handle such problems.


How does the male muslim nairalander solve the problem in any way?

deols:

How do you measure that interest in fulfude. I don't think many grown ups can learn new languages.

If someone is genuinely interested in you, how could they not be interested in your culture and language

I think it's a bit silly to imply that Fula shouldn't expect as much.

deols:

I don't think he was generalising. He only presented a scenario.

Thank you

deols:

How do you measure that interest in fulfude. I don't think many grown ups can learn new languages.

If she is constantly asking me how does one say something in Fulfulde, that reveals to me that she has interest in the language and culture. Or if from time to time she would ask me stuff about Fulani culture. Another measure of this is if I find a woman who is into history and culture and she is not always talking about Europe or Asia or other Westernised countries/cultures.

EnlightenedSoul:

If someone is genuinely interested in you, how could they not be interested in your culture and language

I think it's a bit silly to imply that Fula shouldn't expect as much.

EnlightenedSoul:

If someone is genuinely interested in you, how could they not be interested in your culture and language

I think it's a bit silly to imply that Fula shouldn't expect as much.

U didnt av to call anyone silly. I only wanted to understand to what extent his expectations are. I, myself prefer to marry someone from my tribe. No time for ambiguosities.

TheBigUrban2:


Good.


I wish Tbaba and co can come here and give practical advice......rather than throw out philosophies.

Example-
Muslima; Help!!! My husband wants to take a second wife. It is not that I cant share my husband.....the problem is that the woman and I disliked each other in school. I see problems coming our way.

Male muslim Nairalander; The Quran permits a man to marry up to four wives. Islam is perfect. Islam gives the way to handle such problems.


How does the male muslim nairalander solve the problem in any way?

I reason with you. We will all get better at these things in sha Allah. Many of us are quite young. Hope u aint thinkn tbaba is one old man

Fulaman198:

If she is constantly asking me how does one say something in Fulfulde, that reveals to me that she has interest in the language and culture. Or if from time to time she would ask me stuff about Fulani culture. Another measure of this is if I find a woman who is into history and culture and she is not always talking about Europe or Asia or other Westernised countries/cultures.

This is fair enough.

deols:

U didnt av to call anyone silly. I only wanted to understand to what extent his expectations are. I, myself prefer to marry someone from my tribe. No time for ambiguosities.

Sorry, that isn't what I meant.

That's perfectly natural. I had that preference too, but life doesn't always go as planned. All that aside, when you're interested in someone from another tribe/culture, that interest would naturally extend to their culture and language. It's part of who they are as person, and crucial to becoming comfortably acquainted with their side of the family. It's highly important for the kids to be familiar with their father's culture as well, and not just the mothers'.

EnlightenedSoul:

Sorry, that isn't what I meant.

That's perfectly natural. I had that preference too, but life doesn't always go as planned. All that aside, when you're interested in someone from another tribe/culture, that interest would naturally extend to their culture and language. It's part of who they are as person, and crucial to becoming comfortably acquainted with their side of the family. It's highly important for the kids to be familiar with their father's culture as well, and not just the mothers'.

I agree

deols:

I agree

Okie doke

deols:

Interesting analysis. This happens, a lot.

Many of the Muslim men that I have come across are not my type, for example. And I have known quite a number of non-Muslim men that I like. #justsaying.

Loll this happens a lot in non-Muslim countries especially, with both sexes. What a dilemma.

deols:

I didnt see tbaba1234's response before. I am so embarrassed.

Don't be.

Maybe he was trying to say he is in a relationship or married.

andromida:

Don't be.

Maybe he was trying to say he is in a relationship or married.

don't mind me. he couldn't have handled me anyway