breadplanets:
Trust me aisha2 this man knows what he is up against. I told him everything and also asked for his help on when i start acting up based on my past experiences and he has been a rock. I know that i have issues as in Issues! But thanks be to God my fiance comes from a strong family background where the love between his parents was rock solid as in a blind man would know that these couple adores each other therefore he *my guy* believes that marraige works. I guess im just looking for reassurance that opening my heart and loving this guy with my whole being is the right thing to do. This warm and yeye feeling i get when i think about him is it normal? Aisha your last line *pls dont use and hurt this guy* i wish guys would also follow that advice and not hurt women. Why should they be doing the hurting everytime? Im not planning on hurting anybody o! Thanks for your advice im working on myself seriously.

breadplanets:
Thanks aisha2 can you help me with the contacts of a therapist? Is that possible? Or how do i go about locating one?

aisha2:


Where are you located in Nigeria? I can ask a therapist friend for one in your location

breadplanets:
I'll be in Aba for the next 3mths. Thank you

aisha2:


Give me till tomorrow let me find out for you. I know there is one in Enugu not so sure of aba

cococandy:
Breadplanets you're lucky to find a man you can love. Pls don't let him gobfor anything

Goodluck

eagleeye2:
Hello house,
I don't know if I am just lucky or something. I come here and read about marriage wahala. Offline people tell me stories that touch the heart about their relationships and marriages.
Yes, I had my fair share of heartbreaks as a bachelor. But in almost all my relationships, I never witnessed violence or a shouting match.
.
I have come to realize that when you put yourself in your partner's shoe you tend to understand your partner. You are then able to reason from her point of view.
.
Also when a partner tries to take me for a fool, I will allow her. But after it all, I will let her know that I know I have been taking for a fool.
.
Most times when things are about to heat up, I take a walk outside. If my partner wouldn't allow me to walk out on her (as one once did) I just switch off. No matter how loud her voice may be, I will no longer be able to hear her.
.
Why can't men understand that there wives and kids are their first responsibility?
Why can't they understand that they need to first make their homes conducive before thinking of pleasing outsiders (be it parents or inlaws)?
Why will they allow someone else to push them around or disrespect their wives?
.
I was made to understand that everybody in a man's family will not accept his wife, but the onus lies on the man to make these types to at least respect their wives. I can't think or a reason why anyone in my family will disrespect my wife so openly that she will have to come to me to vent her anger and frustration on me.
If that were to happen, such family member will be put on further notice. No communication. No visits. Nothing.
.
I really don't like reading these sob stories all over the internet.

breadplanets:
coco nwannem i aint letting go for natin! Im willing to go book a room in a psychiatric home just to keep this one o! Abeg.

bukatyne:



How difficult is it do the right thing or treat your partner How you want him or her to treat you?

salsera:
@aisha2
Can I mail you?
the thread 'how much violence should a spouse endure?' is too close to home so i wanted to ask you something offline.
Sorry for derailing the thread

breadplanets:
God bless you.

breadplanets:
Awww aisha2 you are a blessing to this generation. Im grateful. Our wedding would be by april this yr by the special grace of God and i will be joining him in lagos by then. I'll do all you have said. I know that they would be a thousand and one therapists in lagos. Thank you once more.

aisha2:


Hurting is not a girl or guy thing everyone has been hurt even the guy acting tough. So men are not the enemies. Women can also be evil. Imagine spending a weekend with your boyfriend telling him about a business you have been planning and making hin collect a loan from his office cooperative to fiance the business only for you to use that money to go and get married the next week, isnt that devilish?

What I am saying is that all men are not bad, all men don't do evil same way all women are not saints or bad too. There is this Jerome guy relationship coach don't know if he is still in it, contact him or a therapist in the hospital and deal with these issues some people think going to a psychiatric hospital is only for crazy people no its also for people with issues like this. You need to help yourself before you marry this guy.

I myself have been hurt beyond measure but because I came from a background where I saw real love i was lucky not to develop an unhealthy attitude towards love, you have childhood issues you need to deal with before you become any mans wife. Marriage is challenging on its own talkless of when you are going into it for the wrong reasons and going into it expecting the other to fail or live up to impossible standards

breadplanets:
Oh mehn! Aisha2 has deactivated? But why?.....

Chrisbenogor:

I can feel your passion about this, I would not say the issue of tribe is trivial. It does take two willing families like I said.
Let me give you an instance, there are places where you get married from where the woman's body has to be returned to her village after she dies. So in essence she is being loaned to where she is getting married to, I have seen traditional marriages stall way into the night because of this very issue. There are also certain places in Nigeria that have peculiar culture, for instance if your brother is to get married to a girl outside the east she has to understand what going back home to the village every christmas means - if the girl however grew up in a tribe that believes witches and wizards abound in the village you kinda get a picture of where your parents are coming from etc etc. Some tribes in Nigeria are prone to polygamous homes, in some you find where women have children for different men.Sometimes it is just general, his immediate family or your immediate family might not really practice some of these things. You must however realize that your parents perception of things is their reality.

I am of the strong opinion that while most of these things hold true, they do not hold as potent a force as they used to during our parents time. Primarily because most of us were brought up outside the village and as such these ties are not as strong. How do you go about fixing this, well you have to somehow show that you have had enough experience with this guy to understand what you think it would takes to be married to a Benin person (your partner in particular). In influencing people you have to choose an effective method, for instance your mother would probably be more inclined to hearing things like this is my happiness, this is the only person I can be happy with.......As a man I may not be moved by stuff like that, he might like to first know the immediate bio of the guy,
Is he a graduate?
What does he do now?
What type of person he is towards making future plans?
What type of home is he from, Wealthy? Royal? Polygamous ? Broken home? How do you think this has affected him? What do you both see as what marriage entails?
Does he have any burden? First son, has to pay school fees?

The summary of what I am saying is that you have as much as you can thought of, inquired and understood what it takes from your own small knowledge and you see that this can work. Then add that ultimately your love for each other would make sure that in the areas that would be difficult you would be able to get through it.


Finally, there are many people out there who go against consent and get married any how. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not. It depends on your background, his background, your risk aversion etc etc. I wish you the best.


Cheers.

wey my own chicken?
Apolonius is probably busy with wife

RoyalRoy:


Av been around eating chicken all over Lagos Island and Ibadan but i haven't seen Apolonius oooo
A bit worried about his gradual/sudden dissapearance since he entered this "jungle". Hoping he is fine though!!!

apolonius:
Don't worry,I am fine o.How you dey na?

breadplanets:
Im grateful. Our wedding would be by april this yr by the special grace of God and i will be joining him in lagos by then. I'll do all you have said. I know that they would be a thousand and one therapists in lagos. Thank you once more.