I am in a dilemma that I need mature advice on. I have been dating this guy for over a yr and been engaged for a month. He is the complete opposite of me, very quiet and shy. But I feel like we balance each other out. I am very happy with the all aspect of relationship except bedroom active. We do not have sex.ual chemistry at all. I have complaint to him many times. I am not satisfy at all. I don't like the way he fore.play, I don't like some of the positions. He just gives up easily. I am very adventurous and he is very timid, he said he will do but never do. But one thing I will give him is he has a lot of stamina and can go 60-90 minutes at a time.

We are compatible in all ways but sex.ually, I am not satisy at all. Is sexual chemistry important in marriage? I wish he was adventurous so I can be satisfy. Should I over look that and just pay attention to his other qualities? this is the only area we have issues with. I have argued and complained and explained what I want to him. Should I forget sex.ual chemisty and just focus on his other good wonderful qualities?

Only sexually?!..... drop him and watch another lady grab him before your very eyes,...

For the hate of Satan what are intimacy gadgets for!!!!!!!!!

You want him to be adventurous? Buy him an indenceny film. Let him watch and practice

Does he have ego problems? Is he teachable? Does he listen to you when you make such complaints? Does he try to incorporate what you want into the action?

Truth is, no one was born a porn star. Most people that do well in the bedroom today learnt over time. Why is he the one always choosing positions and styles? What stops you from taking the lead and teaching him how you want it?

Then again, how do you correct him? Do you just rub it all in that he is not satisfying you? Do you make it feel like he has a huge problem? You should try and make it "our" problem. Take your time to teach him by taking the lead in the bedroom. Show him the positions you like and how you like it.

Honestly, it's going to take some time, but most teachable and loving men (without ego) pick up eventually and then you start wondering what spirit possessed them.

my dear u cant get a 100% complete guy, jst ask ursef if u can cope wit dz for d rest f ur life bf u decide to overlook. u c, one f dz tinz i discovered is dat most tinz we are bitter abt in marriage r tinz we saw bt overlook in courtship. be sincere to ursef in ur answer bt remember dere r many lady's outside dat wnt dz kind f man cos d ones dey av though adventerous bt cant last 3mins. i dont knw if av answer ur questn. wsh u d best

I don't know if it is an ego thing. I even watched porn with him and told him this is what I like and he said he would do that but doesn't try. He is very obsessed with missionary positions. I am tired and bored of missionary. I bought a handcuff that we can tied each other up with. He was very excited about it. when it came time to use, he gave excuses. He once told me that he can never have sex the way I want with a girl he loves, he can only do with an other outside random girl. I am extremely bored with our sexx life. I like taking lead in the bed, most of the time, he will resort back to what he likes, we never do what I like.

I am very frustrated, I do complain a lot, which I am really trying not do. I like sexting, and when I send him sexual charge text, he just reply somehow about it. He was in the kitchen cooking one day and I was so turn on that I went to satisfy him with my mouth to show my appreciation and he acted uncomfortable that his brother might come in (the chances was so slim) but his paranoia was a complete turn off.

Or if we go for outing and I am in the mood, I will ask him, let go to the bathroom to go enjoy ourselves, he will get excited but start saying no, people might come in. I know it is very stupid to some people on my complaints, but he knew I like this kind of stuff and he said that was one of many thing about me that attracted me to him in the first place. but he never want to do anything. I am just confused

I am not interested in another man, and I want to explore with him. he is a good man, one of a kind except in that area

seunfavor: my dear u cant get a 100% complete guy, jst ask ursef if u can cope wit dz for d rest f ur life bf u decide to overlook. u c, one f dz tinz i discovered is dat most tinz we are bitter abt in marriage r tinz we saw bt overlook in courtship. be sincere to ursef in ur answer bt remember dere r many lady's outside dat wnt dz kind f man cos d ones dey av though adventerous bt cant last 3mins. i dont knw if av answer ur questn. wsh u d best

Thank you seun, I am beginning to think I may not get what I want, cos he is a very very very wonderful guy. it would have been nice if he was adventurous and not timid

I'm forced to log in because of this thread.....




Kitchen
Bathroom
Mouth action
Handcuff
Indecency films......etc....within one month of proposing to you.......it's certain that guy can't withstand your several se*ual adventures......and if i were him, i will take to my heels, because if this complains can be too much at this stage, i wonder how it will be when married...........i pity the guy sha............but mehn, young lady, you need to take it easy o........ther is more to marriage and life than all these.......may God help you to make the right decision o......
I'm out!

springtime2: I don't know if it is an ego thing. I even watched porn with him and told him this is what I like and he said he would do that but doesn't try. He is very obsessed with missionary positions. I am tired and bored of missionary. I bought a handcuff that we can tied each other up with. He was very excited about it. when it came time to use, he gave excuses. He once told me that he can never have sex the way I want with a girl he loves, he can only do with an other outside random girl. I am extremely bored with our sexx life. I like taking lead in the bed, most of the time, he will resort back to what he likes, we never do what I like.


I am very frustrated, I do complain a lot, which I am really trying not do. I like sexting, and when I send him sexual charge text, he just reply somehow about it. He was in the kitchen cooking one day and I was so turn on that I went to satisfy him with my mouth to show my appreciation and he acted uncomfortable that his brother might come in (the chances was so slim) but his paranoia was a complete turn off.

Or if we go for outing and I am in the mood, I will ask him, let go to the bathroom to go enjoy ourselves, he will get excited but start saying no, people might come in. I know it is very stupid to some people on my complaints, but he knew I like this kind of stuff and he said that was one of many thing about me that attracted me to him in the first place. but he never want to do anything. I am just confused

I am not interested in another man, and I want to explore with him. he is a good man, one of a kind except in that area

you even went as far as buying an handcuff Honey, you have really tried. The basis of marriage is love and great wild sex. Sexually this man will never and can never change, it will only get worse. Just try and threaten him with a separation and if he does not change, my dear move on. Your happiness is very important in marriage

Op, op, op, how many times did I call u? U better set yr priorities straight. The fact that people want to have an adventurous sex life does not mean they should throw caution to the wind.

bennyrazz: you even went as far as buying an handcuff Honey, you have really tried. The basis of marriage is love and great wild sex. Sexually this man will never and can never change, it will only get worse. Just try and threaten him with a separation and if he does not change, my dear move on. Your happiness is very important in marriage

walahi......the best bet is for them to separate, it's certain that the two of them are not se*ually compatible....the guy should run away and the lady should move on....let the guy find a coollle person like him and the lady also look for a wierd guy that can satisfy her.

This life sha....onikaluku pelu isoro ti e.......enikan nsukun owo, enikan nsukun omo....elomiran nsukun nkan mii.......this life!
I no fit laugh!



Abeg, wetin them dey use handcuff do in the bedroom o......please, i need to be enlightened. Tenks.

greatgod2012:



walahi......the best bet is for them to separate, it's certain that the two of them are not se*ually compatible....the guy should run away and the lady should move on....let the guy find a coollle person like him and the lady also look for a wierd guy that can satisfy her.

This life sha....onikaluku pelu isoro ti e.......enikan nsukun owo, enikan nsukun omo....elomiran nsukun nkan mii.......this life!
I no fit laugh!



[b]Abeg, wetin them dey use handcuff do in the bedroom o......please, i need to be enlightened. [/b]Tenks.

if you see a woman that is happily married, her husband is satisfying her on bed. No man is 100% complete neither is there any marriage that is 100% perfect, there are always shortfalls but the shortfall must be an acceptable shortfall. Imagine her to be spouse can do other ladies anyhow on bed but he can't be adventurous with her because he loves her (what a lame excuse) is that a shortfall. Handcuffs can be used to do several things you don't want to know about

bennyrazz: Sexually this man will never and can never change, it will only get worse. Just try and threaten him with a separation and if he does not change, my dear move on.

Don't have any practical advice to give the op but what you type here is actually very very wrong.

Also op. Please try and understand that the art of teaching someone something new requires a lot of patience and understanding.

Seems like you are very impatient. He will never learn a single thing the way you are going about it. You will just ruin him in the other aspects. Find a way around this and learn to take things gently. See it as you teaching a kid something new. Slow, steady with lots of care and encouragement. Good luck.

bennyrazz: if you see a woman that is happily married, her husband is satisfying her on bed. No man is 100% complete neither is there any marriage that is 100% perfect, there are always shortfalls but the shortfall must be an acceptable shortfall. Imagine her to be spouse can do other ladies anyhow on bed but he can't be adventurous with her because he loves her (what a lame excuse) is that a shortfall. Handcuffs can be used to do several things you don't want to know about

please let me know the uses, i want to learn, i want to surprise Mr that emi naa ti jasi.........ko ma fi oju ana wo mi.

I am a little alarmed that he wouldnt want to have great se-x with you his wife but would have it with random girls outside.
Its a mindset, some men believes wives are wives while whores are for crazy se-x. Thats his mentality it wont change when you marry if it doesnt change now.

You are more open and honest he is more conservative probably raised to believe se-x with the wife is just for child bearing while se-x with strangers is the one for fun.

Someone once asked why he would be having se-x with his wife at 50 when she was done bearing kids that what would he be looking for with her again? Believe it or not men who think like that still exist.

If he doesnt open up now it wont change when you marry, you either walk or you accept a life of missionary and dont expect heads, se-x while pregnant or spontenous quickies, to him you are a wife, if he wants to do any of the above he will get some babe he regards as just a sex-ual object.

Nothing wrong with being open se-xually and knowing what you want, dont let anyone make you feel like you commited a crime. Your openess is refreshing.

onegig: Don't have any practical advice to give the op but what you type here is actually very very wrong.

my first post was "You want him to be adventurous? Buy him an indenceny film. Let him watch and practice" read again and she said she has tried it out and even done all sort of unthinkable just to make this man change sexually but he would not. She said she is not happy with that aspect and it is affecting her. So where am i wrong? lets call a spade a spade

greatgod2012:



please let me know the uses, i want to learn, i want to surprise Mr that emi naa ti jasi.........ko ma fi oju ana wo mi.

bwuhahahahahhaahahahahahahahaha

bennyrazz: if you see a woman that is happily married, her husband is satisfying her on bed. No man is 100% complete neither is there any marriage that is 100% perfect, there are always shortfalls but the shortfall must be an acceptable shortfall. Imagine her to be spouse can do other ladies anyhow on bed but he can't be adventurous with her because he loves her (what a lame excuse) is that a shortfall. Handcuffs can be used to do several things you don't want to know about

Benny, that is why I am so frustrated. He told me about this past sex.ual escapade. when it comes to me, he'll do all gentle gentle in the bedroom and i do not like it all. I really hurt my feelings when he made that statement that he can only see adventurous wild sexx with a girl he doesn't love, but me he respects and loves me a lot and can't do that at all. He knew me to be very sexuallyy free, I don't know. I asked him what he likes, he told me he likes roleplay, I went and bought some role play outfits. I would wear mine but when I give him his own to wear, he makes excuses. We were watching porn one time and this guy blow his c.um on the girl's face and I was like I want you to do that to me, he told me, I can only do that to a run's girl. imagine!

I can't even talk to family about this cos they will think I am being silly. we are engaged to be married and I don't want a boring sexx life and want to explore with him. He has explores with all his past gfs but can't do with me. very frustrating. He said it is because he respect me a lot.

greatgod2012:



please let me know the uses, i want to learn, i want to surprise Mr that emi naa ti jasi.........ko ma fi oju ana wo mi.

handcuffs are used during dominance/surrender sex. You can handcuff your partner to the bed and look for a spot in their body that tickles alot, work on that spot with your hand, your tongue e.t.c then dive into BJ while your partner is still handcuffed to the bed make i stop for here abegg

I am willing to take advice here so he can still do all this stuff with me and I will not see it as a sign of disrespect. I don't mind gentle gentle sexx once in a while but I want to be fucck like an asewoo sometimes( excuse my bluntness). How can I get him to stop thinking it is disrespectul of him to have sexx with his wife like he would a random girl? I love this guy, he is the best guy ever except with this issue. How can i let him know it is ok to have sexx with me that way and it is not disrespect to me at all.

aisha2: I am a little alarmed that he wouldnt want to have great se-x with you his wife but would have it with random girls outside.
Its a mindset, some men believes wives are wives while whores are for crazy se-x. Thats his mentality it wont change when you marry if it doesnt change now.

You are more open and honest he is more conservative probably raised to believe se-x with the wife is just for child bearing while se-x with strangers is the one for fun.

Someone once asked why he would be having se-x with his wife at 50 when she was done bearing kids that what would he be looking for with her again? Believe it or not men who think like that still exist.

If he doesnt open up now it wont change when you marry, you either walk or you accept a life of missionary and dont expect heads, se-x while pregnant or spontenous quickies, to him you are a wife, if he wants to do any of the above he will get some babe he regards as just a sex-ual object.

Nothing wrong with being open se-xually and knowing what you want, dont let anyone make you feel like you commited a crime. Your openess is refreshing.

thank you so much for your wonderful advice

springtime2:
thank you so much for your wonderful advice

springtime2: I am willing to take advice here so he can still do all this stuff with me and I will not see it as a sign of disrespect. I don't mind gentle gentle sexx once in a while but I want to be fucck like an asewoo sometimes( excuse my bluntness). How can I get him to stop thinking it is disrespectul of him to have sexx with his wife like he would a random girl? I love this guy, he is the best guy ever except with this issue. How can i let him know it is ok to have sexx with me that way and it is not disrespect to me at all.

No advice here can change him, its not about you, its his mindset.

Write him an email since talking normally turns to complaining, tell him how that statement hurt you and what you want exactly. SORT THIS OUT NOW before you marry. If he sticks to his mindset abeg no marry come dey cry later.

bennyrazz: my first post was "You want him to be adventurous? Buy him an indenceny film. Let him watch and practice" read again and she said she has tried it out and even done all sort of unthinkable just to make this man change sexually but he would not. She said she is not happy with that aspect and it is affecting her. So where am i wrong? lets call a spade a spade

Some people find porn very repulsive. Research says. So he might be one of those. I guess the guy just needs to snap out of this mentality and he would be fine.

You don't expect to change over years of such thoughts and actions overnight. It takes patience. But first the guy needs to acknowledge he is willing to work on it. Which clearly she says he does. So what else? Give him time to acclamatise.

But wait. What do i know? This is not my forth so i would allowed the married folks to advise. Peace.

springtime2:

Benny, that is why I am so frustrated. He told me about this past sex.ual escapade. when it comes to me, he'll do all gentle gentle in the bedroom and i do not like it all. I really hurt my feelings when he made that statement that he can only see adventurous wild sexx with a girl he doesn't love, but me he respects and loves me a lot and can't do that at all. He knew me to be very sexuallyy free, I don't know. I asked him what he likes, he told me he likes roleplay, I went and bought some role play outfits. I would wear mine but when I give him his own to wear, he makes excuses. We were watching porn one time and this guy blow his c.um on the girl's face and I was like I want you to do that to me, he told me, I can only do that to a run's girl. imagine!

I can't even talk to family about this cos they will think I am being silly. we are engaged to be married and I don't want a boring sexx life and want to explore with him. He has explores with all his past gfs but can't do with me. very frustrating. He said it is because he respect me a lot.

it is very embarrassing to talk about this with your family and it is even more embarrassing to talk about it with your friends because you don't know who has gat your back. The place you can't talk about this kind of thing is Nairaland. Respect doesn't stop you from banging your wife the way she likes. You wana go full throttle but he doesn't want to and he claims he loves you?? it is not even as if he's a one minute man. I'll suggest you deny him sex for a while until he accepts to do you the way you like. starve him

aisha2:

No advice here can change him, its not about you, its his mindset.

Write him an email since talking normally turns to complaining, tell him how that statement hurt you and what you want exactly. SORT THIS OUT NOW before you marry. If he sticks to his mindset abeg no marry come dey cry later.

Thank you, I will write him email cos talking always learn to argument. it also make me feel bad like I am bashing him. I express myself better through writing anyway.

That is why I am asking for advice cos I am very worried about sexx after marriage. Marriage is lifelong and he is going to be only man for the rest of my life. I am very worried about mediocre sex. I am so tired of missionary, all i do is stare at ceiling and count away

bennyrazz: it is very embarrassing to talk about this with your family and it is even more embarrassing to talk about it with your friends because you don't know who has gat your back. The place you can't talk about this kind of thing is Nairaland. Respect doesn't stop you from banging your wife the way she likes. You wana go full throttle but he doesn't want to and he claims he loves you?? it is not even as if he's a one minute man. I'll suggest you deny him sex for a while until he accepts to do you the way you like. starve him

Thank you. I have not had sex with him for 1.5wks now(which is very rare) and he has been complaining. I even went to the extend of using my toys right there in bed while his was laying down just to piss him off. He slept on the couch cos he was mad. Maybe if i can go on strike, the anger alone will bring aggressive sex.

springtime2:
Thank you, I will write him email cos talking always learn to argument. it also make me feel bad like I am bashing him. I express myself better through writing anyway.
That is why I am asking for advice cos I am very worried about sexx after marriage. Marriage is lifelong and he is going to be only man for the rest of my life. I am very worried about mediocre sex. I am so tired of missionary, all i do is stare at ceiling and count away

Please be specific and to the point no whinning or lamentation, if possible put ypur points in bullets so It is clear, precise and easy to read andcomprehend

aisha2:

Please be specific and to the point no whinning or lamentation, if possible put ypur points in bullets so It is clear, precise and easy to read andcomprehend

I will do that, I will be that tonight. I will send it to him as email and wait to hear what he has to say

onegig: Some people find porn very repulsive. Research says. So he might be one of those. I guess the guy just needs to snap out of this mentality and he would be fine.

You don't expect to change over years of such thoughts and actions overnight. It takes patience. But first the guy needs to acknowledge he is willing to work on it. Which clearly she says he does. So what else? Give him time to acclamatise.

But wait. What do i know? This is not my forth so i would allowed the married folks to advise. Peace.

the OP said he can do other girls anyhow but he can't do her anyhow. It is not as if he is not exposed to all these things but he as a certain kind of archaic mentality "My wife is my wife she must be treated specially while runs girls are runs girls they must be treated anyhow" now how do you brainwash such a mentality?? he loves her right? let her threaten him with separation and sexually starve him until he is ready to do her bidding. If he truly loves her, he will change

springtime2:

Thank you. I have not had sex with him for 1.5wks now(which is very rare) and he has been complaining. I even went to the extend of using my toys right there in bed while his was laying down just to piss him off. He slept on the couch cos he was mad. Maybe if i can go on strike, the anger alone will bring aggressive sex.

now you are talking. keep doing it

bennyrazz: handcuffs are used during dominance/surrender sex. You can handcuff your partner to the bed and look for a spot in their body that tickles alot, work on that spot with your hand, your tongue e.t.c then dive into BJ while your partner is still handcuffed to the bed make i stop for here abegg

chai! Eleyi gidigan o.
Na so i go handcuff Mr come dey use am do wetin i want, come put am for.......abeg......who wan help me get one, him don vex me before, na now i go deal with am....ghen-ghen.




@op, on a more serious note, i doubt if that guy have this kind of power, with what you described, i'm not sure if he can even do it for anybody, he might just say he could do it for outsider to boost his ego, i dont think he's the type that can have power for your kind, believe me, men love rough riders when it comes to se*uality, but the one who cannot reciprocate the roughness is not wired that way and there is nothing anyone can do about it, it's nature, we are not all wired the same, so i think that is how he is wired, it's either you accept him that way or you move on, but personally, i will advise you to move on in order to avoid cheating on him after marriage.....my little observation.

greatgod2012:




chai! Eleyi gidigan o.
Na so i go handcuff Mr come dey use am do wetin i want, come put am for.......abeg......who wan help me get one, him don vex me before, na now i go deal with am....ghen-ghen.

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