Dear mods of this section, I ll appreciate it if this thread is moved to the frontpage to gain more viewers & contributors who may benefit from it. It's a thread that tries to analyze how fathers neglect their wife & kids & possible solution to it.
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Now to the content...
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I v observed a particular trend in some places in Nigeria. It's a situation where fathers neglect their kids only to their mother's care.
These kids may not get proper feeding, moral, education & any other thing that ll make such child excel in life due to the negligience of their fathers. Some are drop outs from school.
I researched into the families of these affected kids & found that some fathers v been cooperative before but suddenly changed. Mostly due to the fact that they are having extra marital affairs.
They ll refuse to give their wives feeding allowance, refuse to pay for their children's school fee & up bringing.
Whatever they earn ll now be spent on their new mistress or mistresses. There's one that's so appaling. A situation where a man ll be feeding & paying the school fee of his concubine's kids which were from another man & he ll abandon his own biological children even when they didn't offend him.
This kids are now left with their mothers to survive. Some wives of these men don't even v a reliable source of income because they v always been full time house wives.
In the future, some kids that went through hardship with their mothers survive.
Their fathers may end up looking up to them for assisstance.
Do they deserve it?
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I v seen real life scenarios where a father that didn't labour on his son wanted to eat from his success. After pleading for forgiveness, he was allowed into the family. 3 months after enjoying from his son's wealth, he died from an unknown illness.
I v also heard about similar cases when parents want to eat from where
they didn't labour & end up dying few months or years later. In Yoruba mythology, there's a thing called 'Owún'.
It's a punishment for parents that are eating from the wealth of their children which they didn't labour for.
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Aside Yoruba myth, common sense is talking to us here that those fathers died earlier cos they are reaping where they didn't labour.
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It's now a casual thing for father's to give birth to 5, 8, 10, 12, 15 or more children & atimes with different women. Yet they wont take good care of them.
These kind of fathers can be held responsible as agents of over populating the country with kids that they wont take good care of. Most of their children may also end up living an unaccomplished life because they had a poor up bringing.
A child that is not raised well has little chance to succeed. It is the duty of the father to give optimum support for the family.
Seriously, I think the government should start picking some irresponsible dads as scape goats.
Girls from this kind of fathers are likely to fend for themselves. Getting money from menial jobs, house help, prostitution, from boy friends etc. Some end up getting unwanted pregnancies, some get married at a tender age. Worst of it is when the owner of the pregnancy is also a young boy who was raised poorly like them. They are likely to continue the circle of poor family, poor orientation & so on.
What about the boys, they may end up as touts, area boys, the no future ambition youths & start creating problems in their community. Why?
Cos they were raised poorly.
Last Bullet
It pains me each time I see poor children. I empathize with them.
It ll be easier for families when both father & mother raise their children well, providing moral, spiritual & financial support, provision of education, food, clothing & shelter. These are the necessary things needed by a child to excel in life.
A situation whereby fathers are neglecting their duties & shifting their responsibilities to the wives alone when they are able bodied & alive is bad.
Fathers must be responsible & stop breeding bastards!
It is a very irresponsible act when a man abandon his wife & children & family & start spending on another woman & her children. But neglecting his own biological children. I also advise mothers to always try their best to be entrepreneurship. They should stop the idea of full-time housewives & take advantage of opportunities that comes their way to set-up business. This ll be like a plan B when their husbands becomes irresponsible or incapable.
I want every Nairalander (especially males) that reads this thread to take the path of becoming a responsible father.
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Written by OkikiOluwa.
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Mods, do the needful.

MizMyColi: Reading this post has caused me to pause and reflect for a bit.


I'm Proud of My Dad......indeed, I am my Father's Daughter.

You can say that again.

Interesting thread.

I support the move to take it to front page.

I know the son of a permanent secretary of this state who can't even boast of a good life.
His father Reports directly to the gov of this state but leaves his children to live pauper's lives.

I don't know if to blame polygamy for his problem because they say he focuses all his attention on his second wife and her kids.

Or if to blame his lack of parental love for his first kids.

Too bad

Strange.. I have never come across these kind of fathers

I heard of them but that was when i was growing up years ago... vestiges of pre- and post- colonial days

All I can say to young men is: Be a better man than your father.

Modified...

OP has said it all, basically... I'm a good example of the above and its quite painful that some people have to go through a half-baked childhood and some don't.

I think the most painful part of having an irresponsible father is the absence of a father-figure...someone to scold you when you're wrong and to draw u back to himself. Someone to fear, cos whether we believe it or not, fathers would always carry that aura that would compel an erring child to fear them.
My mum has done an awesome job but no day passes without my wishing everything was just fine.
I have a male friend that has an extremely irresponsible father and he fears marriage like anything. He doesn't even trust himself enough to not over pamper his children because he never got love from his own father. He's a die-hard female fan and finds it hard to connect to his maaculine side. I sometimes pity him, notwithstanding that we're in the same shoes, because a lady could take advantage of his weakness for women. These are some sad effects of irresponsibility in fathers.

As I said, the op has said it all but lets still beg men to stick to the wives of their youth.
Big shout out to all the runz girls and huaband snatchers out there. Remember that God is watching u o! Also, remember that what goes around comes around. The law of karma awaits you!

A huge shout out to all the mothers out there acting as both fathers and mothers. May you live long enough to reap the fruits of your labour.

So on point. The trend is worrisome dear. But everyone has a hand in the mess not just irresponsible fathers.

- irresponsible girls who dated married men and caused grief to wives but they eventually marry and expect to have happy marriages forgetting there is karma. - Chai, there's God o!

- irresponsible woman who marry men because of money and not love, then the marriage becomes a theater of war because of lack of love - Chai there's God o!

- Irresponsible girls who abandon men who labored and trained them for years and married a man from oversea just to travel out - chai, there's God o!

- Irresponsible in-laws who help scatter their children's marriage because of greed - chai, there's God o!


- Some irresponsible wives who divorce their struggling husbands abroad in order get child support and wire money to Nigeria to build houses - chai, there's God o!

- and that irresponsible he-goat, man who dates his secretary, students, neighbor's daughters and keep mistresses everywhere- chai, there's God oo!

- that irresponsible pastor who sees fake visions for single girls telling them they have 'spiritual husbands' but yet sleeps with girls in his church - chai, there's is God o. No, in fact there's ifa, orunmila, sango, shopona, ela, amadioha,

Spreads mat to read the post...brb to comment meaningfully

Edited:

Now, you are gonna make me cry.

Polygamy is no good, it is responsible for the high rate of irresponsible FATHERS

well you don't need to mention that cause the society is better off without irresponsible fathers.

Let's not dwell on the damage they have done to the society....The world would better off without irresponsible fathers.

hmm

pickabeau1: Strange.. I have never come across these kind of fathers

I heard of them but that was when i was growing up years ago... vestiges of pre- and post- colonial days

my dear, it's real in Nigeria.
These kinds of fathers makes up to 60% of dads in my area.
So many broken family, single mothers, futureless children.

#TeamDadIsResponsible

Cheers to All Responsible Fathers.

Kudos to ma papa.

I av a father in my Mother.

Padipadi:
my dear, it's real in Nigeria.
These kinds of fathers makes up to 60% of dads in my area.
So many broken family, single mothers, futureless children.

damn..this is bad...

fellis: I support the move to take it to front page.

my dad is the best, even if my mum earns more than him, he still finds a way to make sure we're fine.

I've got stories too.

It is the duty of young men now to try be better fathers than their fathers were.

Well...I don't know what to say. Most fathers can be seen as irresponsible. Now looking at it from the Op perspective...your article is talking about poor Dads who spend the little they earn on concubines and their bastards...you see them as irresponsible because their wives are 'housewives' thereby leaving the legitimate kids at the mercy of fate.


Hmmm lets see...what will you call the rich Dads that take care of their family...and on the other hand has a second "family"? Responsible?...if yes..because they have money? {thereby giving them the right to reap where they sowed in the future?} being responsible is not about having MONEY to cater for the family {all hands are not equal} which the Op seems to be hitting on.
There are other ways a father can be a responsible personality to his family.....

pickabeau1: Strange.. I have never come across these kind of fathers

I heard of them but that was when i was growing up years ago... vestiges of pre- and post- colonial days

My Ex Boss father is a very good Example. Father of the owner of Canadah Foods Restaurant Ebute meta. Not only that, The father of my Ex girlfriend did the same thing because his wife gave birth to 4 female children. It common among my tribe (Yoruba) and Hausa.

MizMyColi: Reading this post has caused me to pause and reflect for a bit.


I'm Proud of My Dad......indeed, I am my Father's Daughter.

I no hear wetin you talk abeg

Being a father is more than just fathering a child